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Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 6:33:12 AM

Jennie13093

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Joined: 1/18/2007
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i am in a dilema. How does one really trust the Dom they are with. As it sounds like the Dom is always correct and the sub/slave has to accept whatever befalls them?

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 6:36:22 AM

hisannabelle

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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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greetings jennie,

you hopefully learn to trust them BEFORE you wear their collar, and the trust grows from there. the dom is not always correct (i thought that was the first rule...dominant fallibility *lol* it is in our relationship), and if you are with a new dom who thinks he IS always correct, my advice would either be to try to point out that, well, that's a pathway to danger, or else just run the other way.

you also have a right to limits and boundaries (if you choose to have those), and to have your needs met in the relationship as well. if the relationship is not fulfilling, you have to communicate that to your dom.

respectfully,
annabelle.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 6:46:19 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
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Trust is done through time and action. Annabelle is right that you shouldn't give up your power, or wear a collar until you are really sure that you can trust the dominant to be who you need.

There is nothing that says they are always right and that you have to suck it up and deal with it. Dominants are human and believe it or not they really do make mistakes and bad decisions.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 6:49:03 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093

i am in a dilema. How does one really trust the Dom they are with. As it sounds like the Dom is always correct and the sub/slave has to accept whatever befalls them?

Jennie...I took a quick peek at your profile...it says you are 44....how have you built trust in your other relationship over the years?.....its no different in this dynamic.....and GEEZ.....whoever said ANYONE is ALWAYS correct?....I personally would RUN from anyone who said they are ALWAYS correct. Use your smarts....you are 44...trust what you've learned in those 44 years of being alive.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 6:51:53 AM

crouchingtigress

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From: Maui
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i can see why you would think that, it does look like that from the outside, but honestly there are NO rules except those that the parties involved create together ie consensually.

as far as who to trust, well that is the same as in real life, you have an intuition, that's the best, unless you have a history of making poor partner choices. if you do then there is a disconnect between what you say you want and what you are attracting something that needs to be investigated.

sounds like you are already in a relationship though, is this right? if so then allow the trust process to happen at its own pace, and have some heart to heart conversations with your partner as to how you are feeling and what your needs are.

but i will say this Doms are not always correct anymore then any human is always correct and if i met one that though he was then i would run...fast.

however there is an idea that as you share more and more trust and intimacy you start to trust his guidance and stewardship, and he enjoys your trust and slowly you abdicate your decision making over to him, and then yes you have agreed that you will always obey...weather or not he is correct...but his correctness is not what matters, what matters is that you have made a choice to trust him....and he has made a choice to be worthy of your trust.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 7:13:11 AM

laurell3

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For me a "Dom" that believes he is ALWAYS correct, isn't much of a Dom. We're all human, and imo the relationship is what brings quality. Assuming one is always correct and never admitting error or taking blame essentially makes one weak and effects the relationship. No one ever "has" to accept what befalls them, we chose to, and most don't chose to accept anything that befalls them. That's what the relationship and foundation is about.
l

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/10/2007 7:23:24 AM >

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 7:21:05 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093

i am in a dilema. How does one really trust the Dom they are with. As it sounds like the Dom is always correct and the sub/slave has to accept whatever befalls them?

How do you trust anyone? What is important to you that they be trustworthy with?

The dominant is not always correct, they are just human - not Gods. They will screw up, some more often than others. As for accepting whatever befalls you... that depends on you and your relationship. I reserve the right to leave, for many reasons, and so I don't have to accept everything. In my particular relationship, I am required to challenge him if I think he is wrong. Doesn't mean I'm going to change his mind, but it means the other points of view get expressed.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 8:01:28 AM

LordVelvet

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If they, the Dom, gives you reason not to trust them them don't. I try to trust people until they give Me a reason not to but that style doesn't work for everyone. Just my thoughts.
LordVelvet

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 8:05:47 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
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From: North Carolina
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A dom is human and makes mistakes. No one is always correct. Trust is something that builds over a period of time. It is like any other relationship, you have to get to know each other and build that trust and bond.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 8:06:36 AM

littleone35

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Trust grows with time. I trust my Master with my heart and life. As to always being right like others said they are only human. My Master is almost always right, but not always.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 9:33:34 AM

toservez

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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As others have said and I am just repeating to help the appearance of the weight of the answers:

Trust is just like trust in any relationship you have ever had. Generally time and actions are needed to establish trust for most people.

Dominants and submissives are human beings with all the faults of them including making mistakes. The issue is more on the submissive end to understand the difference between a mistakes and differences in preferences. There is a difference between assigning right or wrong on how a dominant orders you to clean the kitchen that is just not your way. That is just a preference and you do need to learn to let go of things of that nature. At the same time a dominant ordering you to stop communicating with someone like a friend or family member because they got pissed off at the person may or may not be a mistake that does take questioning and communication.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 9:42:34 AM

mnottertail

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Trust No One.

Agent Fox Mulder

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 9:43:29 AM

pseudopsychotic

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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The way you trust, well..that's up to you, no one can tell you.."Hey trust this person." Because, well wouldnt you have to trust the person that tells you to trust the other person?
Trust in yoursef and you'll get there. and don't rush, well you can if you want..But my advice it to not.

Well that was a lot of gibberish. XD

And yeah..always right? Hardly. But you do as a sub/slave have to listen. (so long as yor life isnt in danger ectect)
There were a few times my Sir was wrong and I respectfully pointed it out, and..Haha funny thing? I hated being in the right with him, I felt so out of place.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 12:07:46 PM

iammachine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093

i am in a dilema. How does one really trust the Dom they are with. As it sounds like the Dom is always correct and the sub/slave has to accept whatever befalls them?

How do you trust anyone, really? Trust is something a person earns with time, how that confidence is built will vary from person to person.

Doms, just like the rest of us, are human. Humans make mistakes. Never forget that, and never forget to listen to your instincts about what is right for you.

Similarly, being submissive does not necessarily mean that you are passive. Ultimately, responsibility for your life and your well being falls on you, and no one else. You may choose to trust someone, you may choose to release control to another, you may choose to consent, and you may also choose to revoke that consent.

< Message edited by iammachine -- 10/10/2007 12:08:33 PM >

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 12:30:42 PM

Tigrita

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There are many degrees of trust. Don't give more of yourself to someone than you trust them for. That trust needs to be earned by understanding of eachother and experience with their actions and reactions and reliability and consistency in what you percieve and understand of them. You might trust one person enough to meet and talk with as a casual friend/acquaintance. You might trust someone else enough to play and experience enjoyable things within strict limits if you enjoy that level of interaction. You might come to trust someone some day to give yourself deeply to them and not fear a relationship with no defined limits or safewords and trust that you will communicate and understand eachother deeply enough that those would not be necessary. Many different levels.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 5:55:48 PM

Hergirl0824

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it takes a long time for someone to earn my trust. i question everything in the beginning...but once someone does earn it then i am ready to stand behind them 100%. i know Ma'am would never do anything to break my trust so i give myself over to Her will, knowing She only has my best interest at heart.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 8:13:30 PM

slaverosebeauty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093
How does one really trust the Dom they are with. As it sounds like the Dom is always correct and the sub/slave has to accept whatever befalls them?

Trust is earned, it happens over time.

The top is NOT always right, anyone who belives that, is an atomiton or is not living inthe real world; sorry to be blunt, but, it's true Tops are human, therefor, they ARE aliable and they can be WRONG. I don't have to accept anything; acceptance is a choice.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 9:14:50 PM

RRafe

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Trust is when the actions always match the words.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 9:20:15 PM

leftofcenter

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Doms are not always correct...and you dont have to accept just anything...only what you've negotiated to accept.

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RE: Who to Trust? - 10/10/2007 9:24:42 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093

i am in a dilema. How does one really trust the Dom they are with. As it sounds like the Dom is always correct and the sub/slave has to accept whatever befalls them?

By choosing wisely...Tempting

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