RE: BBWs and BDSM (Full Version)

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BlkTallFullfig -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/29/2005 11:19:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSasha
I dont have an self confidence issues as my relationships and friendships are based on mutual consideration, respect, trust and love not on looks. I am as beautiful as someone wants me to be and I am able to be in the true sense of the word.

If someone specifies on their profile that they do not like BBWs or prefer slim women I pass by and wish them well. If they have no desire for that rippling flesh there are plenty who do lol
Sasha

I love women who speak like this... No apologies for being unique.[sm=kiss.gif] M



anopheles -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/29/2005 1:36:59 PM)

Yikes. Sorry I brought it up. Didn't realize that it had been hashed to death like some folks have noted. I only asked for my own curiousity on the subject, and how people felt. I apologize, didn't know people would get so upset about it.



junkyard -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/29/2005 2:49:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lechat
i also don't like the term BBW. it's presumptous to assume that just because you're big , you're also beautiful.


Yup.

I actually do not mind a big woman at all. But I do have to draw the line at a woman being at least cute or beautiful. And just because a woman is big it does not follow that she is cute or beautiful. A sad truth.

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway, so one person's vision of ugliness is another person's vision of beauty. There's someone out there for everyone.

I guess we can all be grateful for that.



subcheryl -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/29/2005 5:29:34 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: junkyard

quote:

ORIGINAL: lechat
i also don't like the term BBW. it's presumptous to assume that just because you're big , you're also beautiful.


Yup.

I actually do not mind a big woman at all. But I do have to draw the line at a woman being at least cute or beautiful. And just because a woman is big it does not follow that she is cute or beautiful. A sad truth.

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway, so one person's vision of ugliness is another person's vision of beauty. There's someone out there for everyone.

I guess we can all be grateful for that.




well am glad to hear this, and yes one persons beauty is anothers ugh! ! But I myself have seen many beautiful heavy set woman and wished I could look like them, have been told that I am pretty but I don't think I am compared to other heavy set women to me they should be models.



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/29/2005 6:26:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles

Yikes. Sorry I brought it up. Didn't realize that it had been hashed to death like some folks have noted. I only asked for my own curiousity on the subject, and how people felt. I apologize, didn't know people would get so upset about it.



I am puzzled as to why you feel people are upset about it. If someone disagrees with your ideas or states what they believe, that qualifies as being "upset"?

Be well,
Julie



anopheles -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/29/2005 11:05:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyJulieAnn

I am puzzled as to why you feel people are upset about it. If someone disagrees with your ideas or states what they believe, that qualifies as being "upset"?

Be well,
Julie


Well, let's see. I posed a question based on my own observations. Instead of 'Yes I think so because..." or "No, I disagree because", I got responses referring to my OP as inane and pointless. Or complaining that I brought it up in the first place. They weren't disagreements with my ideas, they were questioning my motives.

It's a subject close to my heart because my beautiful wife, whom I've been with for the last 12 years, has struggled with body image issues, and still does sometimes. Her experiences in BDSM have seemed to help open her eyes to the beauty that I see when I look at her. Maybe I could have worded the OP differently. My real question was (and still is) how being part of this lifestyle has affected women who have had or still have body image issues. Hell, men too, if any want to chime in. I'm new to this community, both online and RT, so the overwhelmingly negative responses, not just on this thread, to what I thought was an honest (though maybe poorly worded) topic gave me pause.

And before anyone tells me to grow thicker skin, I'm already there. I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't.

p.s. my wife has thoroughly chastised me over the use of the word 'subbie'. I apologize[:o]



themischievous1 -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/30/2005 2:01:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles

My real question was (and still is) how being part of this lifestyle has affected women who have had or still have body image issues.


Hi anopheles,

I think it's a good topic and a good question. From my own experience with searching, most are honestly more concerned with whether or not I'm submissive in mindset and behavior than they are about my weight. Weight just doesn't seem to be that much of an issue in the kind of power exchange relationship I'm seeking. I think most would be grateful to find a woman who will submit without games, who understands a power exchange dynamic, who is intelligent with a good personality, versus a reed slim woman who is clueless, dull or not too bright, or really has no intention of submitting.

I believe that weight only becomes an issue with men who truly understand a power exchange dynamic when it could put the slave or submissive in danger. Personally, I feel that those who judge a book strictly by its cover, who are primarily concerned with appearance and what will happen sexually are the casual players looking to get laid kinky style. They just don't interest me at all.

At one time, I weighed 120 the majority of my adult life before having my kidlet. I'm older now and time doesn't always allow me the luxury of working out consistently. The pounds add up and I have to work hard to take them off. I just can't eat the same portions I could once burn off with ease. Regardless, I am who I am and am very comfortable with that. My future Owner will be as well, though I hope He will encourage me to be in the best shape I can be within reason. At times I'm bugged over no longer being "petite" but I work at it when I can and just don't worry about it too much. The kind of dominant I am attracted to will be far more concerned about what's within my noggin and my heart versus what my outer shell looks like. When a woman honestly accepts who she is and likes herself as she is, she really has no problem finding a taker in this lifestyle or the vanilla realm :)

mischie



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/30/2005 4:27:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles
I posed a question based on my own observations. Instead of 'Yes I think so because..." or "No, I disagree because", I got responses referring to my OP as inane and pointless. Or complaining that I brought it up in the first place. They weren't disagreements with my ideas, they were questioning my motives.

Your original post didn't indicate love for or respect for BBW... In fact it made them sound like pathetic losers who can't get a relationship outside of BDSM, and how fair is that?
If you were hoping to convey genuine interest in the stats, maybe a search or question about self esteem, abuse histories, etc instead of "an overwhelming number of sub women are fat? What's up with that?
Anyway, I thought your post was harsh, and perhaps responded honestly, but not the nicest way I coul, apologize if your intent was not quite clearly stated/interpreted. M



anopheles -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/30/2005 5:14:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Your original post didn't indicate love for or respect for BBW... In fact it made them sound like pathetic losers who can't get a relationship outside of BDSM, and how fair is that?
If you were hoping to convey genuine interest in the stats, maybe a search or question about self esteem, abuse histories, etc instead of "an overwhelming number of sub women are fat? What's up with that?
Anyway, I thought your post was harsh, and perhaps responded honestly, but not the nicest way I coul, apologize if your intent was not quite clearly stated/interpreted. M


Thank you for taking the time to further respond, and I'd like to point out a couple of things.

First, nowhere in my OP did I comment negatively about any woman of any size. I never said they couldn't get a relationship outside of BDSM, I asked:

"Does anyone think that some women who fall into this category drift or shift towards the BDSM lifestyle in a search for the attention and acceptance that they may find difficult to find in the 'vanilla' world?"

Also, nowhere in my post did I say "an overwhelming number of sub women are fat" I said:

"Being new to the BDSM online scene, I have noticed that the majority of female submissives are what (even though I hate this term) Big Beautiful Women"

And while I didn't specifically state in my OP that I like and prefer thick women, some people managed to respond without being offended or assuming I had something against thick women.

In retrospect, I see where I could have worded it differently, and some posts that were in response to the question pointed out that the reason I see more thick women on these sites is most likely because diverse body types/sizes are more accepted on those sites. Which leads back to my original, intended question.

It was not my intention to offend anyone. Had I chosen a different approach to the question, the outcome may have been different. I've said before, I'm new to this community. Had you asked me to clarify my intent or personal feelings on thick women instead of letting me have it with both barrels, the outcome may have been different as well.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/30/2005 7:48:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anopheles
Ok, I know this one might get people stirred up, but here goes.....

I have noticed that the majority of female submissives are what (even though I hate this term) Big Beautiful Women. Even though this is non-scientific, I would wager a guess that a statistically significant portion of female subbies are what the media and society would disparagingly deem "fat" or "overweight" or "heavy".

Does anyone think that some women who fall into this category drift or shift towards the BDSM lifestyle in a search for the attention and acceptance that they may find difficult to find in the 'vanilla' world? I say this because I have seen very few peronal ads and profiles on various websites that have any of those phrases that are very common on vanilla dating sites, but in my experience are very rare on BDSM oriented sites, such as "height-weight proportionate" or "no fatties" or "must be good-looking" (whatever that means).

I'm really trying to see your question in a positive light, and see how I was harsh in my response...
I really find it difficult to believe you were trying for a scientific guess, or maybe this should have been under "Polls...."
I do believe you wanted to know how we felt, like you or not...
Based on that, and because I didn't feel like you that it's fair to wager a guess that more women in BDSM are bigger, less socially accepted, and therefore here, I said the post/idea was useless (and in my opinion not kind to non-size 6 female subs).
I did respond with my opinion the way I understood the question.
If I misunderstood it, I apologize.. M



anthrosub -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/30/2005 8:26:52 PM)

When I attended my first meeting at the Black Rose here in DC, I had no idea who would be there and had absolutely no expectations. The last thing on my mind was anyone's size. Instead, I wondered if they would all be decked out in leather, wearing something that was part of lifestyle dress, had tattoos, piercings...you name it. I was filled with nervous excitement and wonder.

The Black Rose is well known for its annual get together each October around Halloween. Sadly, they will not be having the event this year due to trouble securing a location. But I'm getting off track.

Anyway, I'm not doing anything here but reporting my experience. At the first and all subsequent meetings, 95% of the attendees were male and roughly 85% of all attendees were overweight to some extent (by that I mean they were visibly not slender, skinny, or how ever you wish to phrase it). After a couple months, I attended a Black Rose social. There were probably 200 people there throughout the evening. The male/female ratio seemed to be about even but the percentage who were overweight was still in the high majority.

When playtime started, it was interesting to see people who were on average about 50 to 75 pounds (many much more) overweight walking around nude. Everyone had a grand time and nobody seemed to be focusing on anyone's appearance. This gave me the impression (impression mind you) that people in the lifestyle are generally overweight. I've never tried to justify it myself, it's simply what I've seen in the times I've been "out there."

I've read a few threads on other boards where this topic is hashed over. Many people seem to think it's a reflection of the current state of the general American population. I don't think this is true personally because I know there are many people out there who would not be considered overweight who are in the lifestyle. Exactly why they aren't as socially visible is anyone's guess.

anthrosub



imtempting -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/30/2005 8:52:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: junkyard

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway, so one person's vision of ugliness is another person's vision of beauty. There's someone out there for everyone.

I guess we can all be grateful for that.



I think people may of skipped reading this as it would end all of these threads about bb whatever it is and all the other threads about people being over-weight,under-weight,black,white,rich or poor.

We all get hurtful comments in our life. I have a speech impediment and when I was younger I would be called a re-tard etc I did lose confidence etc but I went to speech pythologists and got mostly over it. With saying that if you get called comments which hurt you from being over-weight then youur pretty much not happy with the way you look as if you are happy it will offend you but not hurt you.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/30/2005 8:54:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub
Anyway, I'm not doing anything here but reporting my experience. At the first and all subsequent meetings, 95% of the attendees were male and roughly 85% of all attendees were overweight to some male extent(by that I mean they were visibly not slender, skinny, or how ever you wish to phrase it). After a couple months, I attended a Black Rose social. There were probably 200 people there throughout the evening. The male/female ratio seemed to be about even but the percentage who were overweight was still in the high majority.

When playtime started, it was interesting to see people who were on average about 50 to 75 pounds (many much more) overweight walking around nude.
anthrosub[/color]

Thanks Antrosub for the information...
What I've always found odd is that no one has ever done the "Why are majority males (sub or dom) fat?"
There's no problem with saying that majority of attendants were bigger than average, as it would seem Majority of people in the US (2/3) is overweight (according to established norms) UShttp://www.americansportsdata.com/weightlossresearch.asp

The thread focusing on women, and depicting them in negative light is mostly what didn't sit well with me (my posts are after all only my opinion/best guess). M



proudsub -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/30/2005 9:35:15 PM)

quote:

We had a similar thread about a year ago saying most dommes were bbw. I'll look for it tomorrow, going to bed now.


Grrrr i can't find it, but i do remember it was very similar to this one but focased on so many dommes being BBW. I wonder if it was pulled for flaming.[:o]



SweetDommes -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/30/2005 9:42:36 PM)

I think it was ... there was quite a bit of unpleasantness on both sides of the discussion.



Hissweetshiv -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (7/31/2005 8:57:29 AM)

Please forgive the site link - it's relevant to the topic at hand.
www.campaignforrealbeauty.com

I am NOT saying that is was the OP's position on the issue, but it would be really nice if we could get off the idea that you have to be a size 4 to be beautiful.



justatoy2 -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (8/1/2005 1:05:45 PM)

i didn't know ones value was based on whether they were fat or skinny. A skinny sub is more valuable than a fat one? The whole idea of this just seems crazy. And might i add i have known plenty of overweight male doms who really could lose a few pounds. So does that mean they are any less valuable then their skinny counterparts?



IrishBBWGoddess -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (8/1/2005 9:32:42 PM)

why do people assume that bbws are submissive or even with low self esteem? or should this be another thread...lol i am a bbw, dominant and dont have low self esteem and most of the bbws i know are the same ... we are all people ... we come in different heights, weights self esteem issues but whether if its in vanilla world or in the bdsm world its still the same .. just more noticeable in the bdsm world as anything is more acceptable here



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (8/1/2005 10:33:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishBBWGoddess
as anything is more acceptable here

I totally disagree with that.



LadyRedWhip -> RE: BBWs and BDSM (8/2/2005 12:40:15 AM)

This kills me....

would you people look at what you are saying? I mean really....TWO people in this whole thread nailed it..

People come in all shapes and sizes. Its all according to taste. Im sure
Everyone has feelings. And by being shallow and self centered when you post regarding BBW, beautiful or not, you are affecting someone who does have issues with their body. NOT because they havent tried to do anything, but perhaps because they HAVE tried and couldnt.

your mother at some point has told you, "if you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say anything at all"?

There was a reason for her saying it...

Its great that you have your preferance..its what makes us all unique in this world. But at the same time, there are feelings that go along with those you dont like and make comments about.

Lets look at this as well..
it is a known fact that a very high % of the US population is overweight.
now, I might be wrong in the exact % but I believe it is up in the 70-80% margin.

There are many reasons people of all shapes and sizes get into BDSM.

bitter ending to a relationship. (women hating men, men hating women)
size (big or small there are insecurities)
pain (the love of it)
sensuality (the love of it)
disiplin (the need for it)
etc etc (fill in your favorite)

there are small women who get into bdsm for the fact that they feel secure and protected from the world. (I know several)
mousy women who feel that they are soo vunerable that they NEED a man to protect them.

and NO, before any small woman jumps me for saying that, I was not referring to ALL women who are small...

YES, I am a BBW, and I LOVE it... my mate loves it, and we are set for life...I dont look at him for anything I feel I cant get, because I have never as a bbw, had a problem getting anything.

ALL women big or small are beautiful....beauty is not skin deep...as a matter of fact, true beauty is beyond the skin....it just takes a real person to see that deep.

If you are someone who is stuck on looks regardless of the size, then quite honestly, and this is my opinion, you are not worth knowing.

and I just rambled...:))
its almost 4am...Im going to bed...

MRW
)O(



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