RE: Dear Kinky Abbey

RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (Full Version)

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came4U -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/18/2007 3:47:20 AM)
quote: How do I keep my partner feeling like her opinions are important to me, keep her from being frustrated, and not loose any respect or trust? Do what some other men do...pretend you are actually listening then distract her with shoe shopping. Just as you are paying the bill ask her "Am I right, or am I right??" The answer again is usually..."yeah, you right!!" [;)] problem solved and your rate of 99.999999 never faulters officially. lol

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/18/2007 9:51:48 AM)
" I am a Dom with will power. To much will power. I am also almost always right. When I say almost always, I mean 99.999999% of the time. It isn't that I am not willing to hear someone else's side of things, it is that I make informed decisions based on facts, and can back up anything I decide on. I rarely say anything without thinking it through. This has the positive reaction that I usually inspire trust in my decisions. It also has a way of making my partners feel stupid. We handle our discussions in an open manor, and I do listen to the other side of things, but it is typically my partner who changes her view, not me. This tends to cause a two fold effect. First it makes my partner not want to discuss their opinions with me, because they feel like they will never be right, because I am never wrong. Second it makes them feel frustrated with me. My last relationship ended after three years in part to this. I am still friends with that ex, but she warns the people I date about me never being able to be wrong. I want to keep my partners happy, but I can not admit to being wrong if I am not actually wrong. Faking an argument to be wrong would hurt the trust put in me in several ways. How do I keep my partner feeling like her opinions are important to me, keep her from being frustrated, and not loose any respect or trust?" I guess the first thing I need to do is ask if you are always right or just keep going until they surrender and concede? Are you always right or do you always NEED to be right? How is you being right presented to them? Do you do it in a way that makes them feel stupid or in a factual way? Also, is it merely to placate them or do you really seek their opinion? How often do opinions differ? Since you value your own opinion, do you give theirs any value? No one is wrong all the time. No one likes to be proven wrong all the time. It makes them feel worthless. Have you ever looked at their opinion before deciding you are right? Anyone who is always right is a true rarity. A Dominant who is a bit of a control freak not so rare. Look at things objectively and see what is going on. Now on the other hand if you are always right................................ I'll be contacting you for answers lol.

KiandPhoenix -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/18/2007 1:52:22 PM)
Phoenix wanted to do a bit of correction. She says I am only right 98% of the time, and the 1.9999999% of the time difference is where we agree to disagree. "I guess the first thing I need to do is ask if you are always right or just keep going until they surrender and concede?" Not usually. On occasion we both give good points, and that is where we just agree to disagree. Those arguments are rare, and take a lot of time, but I have no problem being wrong. If someone is going to argue with me about something I feel it should be a well thought out argument, not just someone saying "nut-uh" like my last girlfriend. Phoenix does real well at presenting a disagreement with reasons behind it. "Are you always right or do you always NEED to be right? Again, I have no problem being wrong. I certainly don’t need to be right. I have one friend who disagrees with me on almost everything I have chosen as a life choice. He is against BDSM and poly, and even though he has his valid points, I have mine, and we respect each others differences of opinion. In fact he helped us write our first contract and make a couple toys. I don’t feel the need to convince him I am right. When I am wrong, I have no problems admitting it. "How is you being right presented to them?" Typically it starts out with "Ah, but X,Y,Z", and then I wait for a response. I also have a problem where I don’t know how to be anything other than blunt. I never learned the concept of tact, and have been unable to grasp the concept and ability still in life. "Do you do it in a way that makes them feel stupid or in a factual way?" I am a very factual person, and I think it is more of always being on the loosing side of things that makes them feel stupid, not the individual argument. At the end of the argument they usually are fine, but when it is time for another, they have the memory or always being wrong pop up, and start off with the bad feelings. "Also, is it merely to placate them or do you really seek their opinion?" I actually seek their opinion. I value the opinions of others. Getting someone else’s view on a subject is not only valuable in letting me know a person more intimately, but can help me see all side of a subject. Before I make any decision that effects my home, I want to know my partners opinion. I want to know that what I am choosing is going to be the best choice for everyone. If I don’t know her thoughts and feeling all the time, how can I judge a decision for the long term? I have to not only know what her opinion is right now, but I have to know her well enough to know that next week she is not going to change her mind, or react badly to something she did not think about that comes up later on. "How often do opinions differ?" Depends a lot. It is not like we disagree on everything every day. Maybe once a week to once a month on something more then something small. I am grasping for an example of small, but I can’t think of one, but nothing more than the equivalent of what color the kids bath water should be. Huge disagreements come alone once in a blue moon, and the biggest of them are settled with the agree to disagree solution 75% of the time. "Since you value your own opinion, do you give theirs any value?" I think this is really addressed in the question two back about placating them. My partners opinion is very valued to me. "Have you ever looked at their opinion before deciding you are right?" Absolutely. I seek their opinion first before making a lot if not all of decisions. When it comes to little things like "Who was that actor in that movie where they did those things?" I don’t go looking for her opinion if I know the answer. If I say the actor, and she thinks I am wrong I think about who she thinks it is, and we discuss why we each think it is a different actor. . .then we look it up, and I am always right. Unfortunately I am not a control freak. Almost all my past partners had those as their last boyfriend, and I make sure I am not. I am real laid back, and generally don’t sweat the small stuff. If plans change I roll with the punches. I am only a control freak about how my bed is made before I get into it, and the toilet paper roll, but even then I am pretty lax. I was more than willing to entertain the idea, and gave it some thought before I said I wasn’t though. My lady has had this discussion before with me, she does not think I am either. ~Ki

seeksfemslave -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/18/2007 2:49:00 PM)
Dear Kinky Abby, You asked for a report on my interaction with that somewhat aggressive female police officer. Well the truth is Abby she locked me in a cell and gave me right seeing to. She even tried to make me kiss her female bits. When I reported her and showed the bite and scratch marks on my back she said because I was wearing heels I had tripped over a stray dog that was in the police station and that is how I got bitten and scratched. This is of course a complete fabrication but needless to say nobody will believe me. My problem is this and I must admit I am blushing as I type this I quite enjoyed the treatment I got and I am just wondering should I propose marriage to the lady officer. Trusting in your advice as always I await your reply. Totally confused seeks.

LadyLegs -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/18/2007 5:14:29 PM)
Dear Kinky Abby, Domming gives me a gas and when I queen I often rise up a couple inches. What should I do? signed, Jet action

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/18/2007 8:58:11 PM)
In answer to Kiandphoenix since I am not going to copy it all. The fact that you can agree to disagree is a wonderful thing as long as you don't continue being disagreeable about it. Since you accept her correction of 98% vs 99.99999% there is proof you are not a control freak. There is hope lol. It actually sounds as if the problem may have lain with your past partners as opposed to you. You need an intelligent logical sub, I know many think a logical female is an oxymoron. Well even idiots have opinions. Sounds as if you and your sub have a wonderful ability to maintain honest open communication. Maybe you just need to take your time and find more quality submissives using the one you have as a model.

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/18/2007 9:09:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seeksfemslave Dear Kinky Abby, You asked for a report on my interaction with that somewhat aggressive female police officer. Well the truth is Abby she locked me in a cell and gave me right seeing to. She even tried to make me kiss her female bits. When I reported her and showed the bite and scratch marks on my back she said because I was wearing heels I had tripped over a stray dog that was in the police station and that is how I got bitten and scratched. This is of course a complete fabrication but needless to say nobody will believe me. My problem is this and I must admit I am blushing as I type this I quite enjoyed the treatment I got and I am just wondering should I propose marriage to the lady officer. Trusting in your advice as always I await your reply. Totally confused seeks. I'm curious. How, exactly did you get the bitemarks and scratches??? You said you wanted a dominant female. There you have one. Just remember the saying, "Be careful what you ask for. You might just get it." Propose? hmmm Might want to ask her out again first. Did you get her phone number? Her badge number? or will you have to get arrested to see her again? Is she near your size? If so you could double your wardrobe. Now if she wants you, you may not get the chance to propose. She may just take you . Sounds like being arrested was not an altogether bad experience for you.

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/18/2007 9:17:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLegs Dear Kinky Abby, Domming gives me a gas and when I queen I often rise up a couple inches. What should I do? signed, Jet action Keep doing it???

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/18/2007 9:33:55 PM)
Dear Kinky Abby It seems my Mother might know a bit more than she should about my lifestyle. There was a comment made while on the phone about how I should be "happier down here in TN now that I am surrounded by submissive men." Should I be concerned that my mother knows too much? Should I be more concerned that it doesnt bother her? Signed Wierded out in Nashville

Silvar -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 6:04:28 AM)
Dear Kinky Abby, While hanging out at a bar, I had the fortunate luck to meet a sub female that finally decided to let me dom her one night. However, she came over to my place and started complaining about how much of a mess my living room was, and demanded that I throw out all of my DVDs and Video games before she will let me dom her. The next day, she walked into my room and said that the place was disgusting, and demanded that I replace everything with pink frills and purple paint on the walls before any action starts. After I got that done, she came back and gave me my first dom suit: A french maid's outfit, complete with some vitamins that started with an Estro... something, but then said after I took the vitamin and got in uniform that she'll be back tomorrow with my dom tools. The next day she came back in a tight leather uniform, and told me that I would make the perfect Dom if I locked my wrists and ankles in handcuffs while she shoves an anal plug up me.* Right now she's wondering if her dom (me) can take this strap-on that she just bought, and is considering on having a tattoo on my ass saying "Property of ***". I'm quite confused on whether or not this counts as the Dom lifestyle portrayed in the BDSM Culture. Any suggestions? -Silvar : This is just fictional, but it makes a funny question. [sm=lol.gif]

seeksfemslave -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 8:00:45 AM)
quote: Silvar:*: This is just fictional, but it makes a funny question. [sm=lol.gif] I just know that Kinky Abby will easily see thru' the disclaimer at the end of your post.She is so wise . Look what she did for me. Got me sexually abused in the local police station. How did she know I was going to like it lol

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 12:03:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire Dear Kinky Abby It seems my Mother might know a bit more than she should about my lifestyle. There was a comment made while on the phone about how I should be "happier down here in TN now that I am surrounded by submissive men." Should I be concerned that my mother knows too much? Should I be more concerned that it doesnt bother her? Signed Wierded out in Nashville Wow that would be weird. If she recognizes the lifestyle then she is aware of it, more than that probably knows about it. Who knows maybe she has a secret life and can give you some pointers? Is your father submissive? Embrace her understanding and unless she brings it up, I wouldn't. Maybe she just notices a trend in the type of man you like and isn't reading the lifestyle into it at all. If she starts talking about it and knows about it, then you can learn from her, teach her or work together who knows. To be safe from being totally weirded out, I would just avoid the subject with her. Personally I'd be dying of curiousity until I knew if she knew about the lifestyle or just knew I liked submissive men.

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 12:11:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Silvar Dear Kinky Abby, While hanging out at a bar, I had the fortunate luck to meet a sub female that finally decided to let me dom her one night. However, she came over to my place and started complaining about how much of a mess my living room was, and demanded that I throw out all of my DVDs and Video games before she will let me dom her. The next day, she walked into my room and said that the place was disgusting, and demanded that I replace everything with pink frills and purple paint on the walls before any action starts. After I got that done, she came back and gave me my first dom suit: A french maid's outfit, complete with some vitamins that started with an Estro... something, but then said after I took the vitamin and got in uniform that she'll be back tomorrow with my dom tools. The next day she came back in a tight leather uniform, and told me that I would make the perfect Dom if I locked my wrists and ankles in handcuffs while she shoves an anal plug up me.* Right now she's wondering if her dom (me) can take this strap-on that she just bought, and is considering on having a tattoo on my ass saying "Property of ***". I'm quite confused on whether or not this counts as the Dom lifestyle portrayed in the BDSM Culture. Any suggestions? -Silvar : This is just fictional, but it makes a funny question. [sm=lol.gif] LOL I guess I need to be careful what I ask for huh? She portrays herself as sub then comes over takes over your apartment and then begins to feminize you by redecorating, hormone therapy and dress. Honey, she ain't just topping from the bottom, she's Domme'ing you into a bottom. To end your confusion, she is not a sub and what she is wanting to do to you does not fall into the Dom realm. Now, the real question is...... Would a Dom have let it go this far? Makes you wonder if the guy isn't harboring desires of being either a switch or a sub himself. She definitely misrepresents both sides. Did ya take the plug and are you into anal? If you aren't... I suggest moving or at least never seeing her again. If not you are about to develop breasts, a higher voice and be dressing like your favorite slut. You will be owned property and your backside will be WELL used. If this does not interest you.... RUN, very quickly, very directly to the nearest exit. By the way love the disclaimer that this is fictional lol.

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 12:16:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seeksfemslave quote: Silvar:*: This is just fictional, but it makes a funny question. [sm=lol.gif] I just know that Kinky Abby will easily see thru' the disclaimer at the end of your post.She is so wise . Look what she did for me. Got me sexually abused in the local police station. How did she know I was going to like it lol You keep up with the compliments and I may consider switching just to try you out lol. and didn't I tell you I'm not only terribly discerning but psychic and a mind reader? Actually there is a panel of 20 experts who look over every question and supply the answers. Unfortunately all 20 live in my head............scared yet????

cautiousiasub -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 12:23:50 PM)
Nah....only 19 live in your head, remember? Or did you forget about me??? seeks....if she is considering switching, she could make your visit to the local police station look tame...it would definitely be a learning experience. [;)] Oh, btw Kinky Abbey....just remember u asked for my input. [:D]

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 12:32:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cautiousiasub Nah....only 19 live in your head, remember? Or did you forget about me??? seeks....if she is considering switching, she could make your visit to the local police station look tame...it would definitely be a learning experience. [;)] Oh, btw Kinky Abbey....just remember u asked for my input. [:D] Now, honey how could I ever forget about you. Even if I wanted to (which I don't), you wouldn't let me. See, again, be careful what you ask for. Also, be very careful in following friend's suggestions for endeavors because they honestly mean for you to do them yourselves. When you ask for input you get posts like these lol. Also, be careful in including real life friends in your online practices. Then you get it from them both places lol.

cautiousiasub -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 12:51:37 PM)
But...but, I only do it out of love...I only encourage you in endeavors I know you can handle...I have such faith in you. And yes, you get it from both places, but you like it and you know it. [:D] I anxiously await your response. Oh, and in the spirit of the thread: Dear Kinky Abbey, I met this guy at a bar and told him I was submissive, but after going to his home I began redecorating with lace and frills. I've arranged for a tattoo artist to come stamp property of" on his ass this weekend and bought a new cage for him that will be delivered tomorrow. I feel I may have misled him with these Dominant behaviors...what now? All in good fun Silvar...I like your sense of humor and liked your question.

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 1:02:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cautiousiasub seeks....if she is considering switching, she could make your visit to the local police station look tame...it would definitely be a learning experience. [;)] No telling secrets now lol. You'll make people think I could be sadistic. OR is it maybe just maybe you think I would just be very good at anything I decide to do?

cautiousiasub -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 1:06:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NLitendLady No telling secrets now lol. You'll make people think I could be sadistic. OR is it maybe just maybe you think I would just be very good at anything I decide to do? Ummm, both? You have to remember, I've known you for a while now. I very much think you would be very good at anything you decide to do. You are just that stubborn (I mean that in a good way). That being said, I also strongly believe that you could be sadistic...now, why on Earth would I think that??????? Must be that little voice in my head that I borrow from you from time to time. Do you want it back yet, or can I keep it until tomorrow to help me with my homework?

NLitendLady -> RE: Dear Kinky Abbey (10/19/2007 1:13:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cautiousiasub But...but, I only do it out of love...I only encourage you in endeavors I know you can handle...I have such faith in you. And yes, you get it from both places, but you like it and you know it. [:D] I anxiously await your response. Oh, and in the spirit of the thread: Love huh?hmmmm and yes often I do like it from both ends lol under the right circumstances. You have such faith huh what are you leading up to. You're up to something....lol Dear Kinky Abbey, I met this guy at a bar and told him I was submissive, but after going to his home I began redecorating with lace and frills. I've arranged for a tattoo artist to come stamp property of" on his ass this weekend and bought a new cage for him that will be delivered tomorrow. I feel I may have misled him with these Dominant behaviors...what now? Poor Silvar he posts and gets picked on. My apologies good Sir. I hope you havea good spirit of fun. All in good fun Silvar...I like your sense of humor and liked your question. You definitely misled the poor man and feminizing him? hmmmm If you were a sub I'd be finding your Master and suggesting some punishment for misrepresentation. Maybe take away your favorite activities lol. You need to tell the poor guy you lied and give him a chance to pursue an actual sub submissive instead of a Domme/switch/sub. Let him decide which way he wants to go. Before that tho are you wanting to be sub, switch or Domme? It seems to me he's uncertain which way he wants to go. Did he enjoy what you were doing or protest? Maybe he wants this more submissive feminized roll. Tell him the truth and let him decide for himself what he wants. Then RESPECT his wishes.

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