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RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/12/2007 9:44:45 PM

Violetta01

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for your kind advice. There is much to consider. The choice of taking the high road and showing grace under pressure is the most attractive option. I have discussed at length with Master how I feel. He acknowledges that dismissing the other slave would make me happy, but he isnt willing, at least at this point, to do it. He knows I suffer. And yes, I feel like a door mate, not a submissive, not a slave, just a dumb door mat. That's not healthy. And my ability to serve suffers because of it.

What I mean by her not respecting me is that when we are all out together, she demands his attention even when he is playing with me. When he plays with her, I stay clear. This is a lack of respect. You dont butt in on other people's play.

I am very close to leaving him over this. I dont mind challenges, I didnt expect this to be easy, but it has really become too painfull. But if I leave, she wins. And I just cant accept that scenario. Also I love my Master and I dont have the emotional fortitude to leave.

From the start I knew he would play with others-no big deal-but that is quite a different thing from taking on a full fledged slave. I am not polyamorous. besides, isnt poly when all parties agree to be together?

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 21

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/12/2007 9:46:27 PM

Violetta01

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

why does it say "vanilla" under my name?
That is hardly my flavor. I dont get it....

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 22

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/12/2007 9:56:48 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

click on the gold at the bottom of my post here.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 23

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/12/2007 9:57:13 PM

Violetta01

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

thank you, I think this is very wise.

(in reply to chickpea)

Post #: 24

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/12/2007 10:42:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Violetta01
What I mean by her not respecting me is that when we are all out together, she demands his attention even when he is playing with me. When he plays with her, I stay clear. This is a lack of respect. You dont butt in on other people's play.

Except you all ARE a "threesome" of sorts. Perhaps this is her way of trying to connect with you all as a group in the way she feels comfortable.

At the very least, has your master clearly communicated how YOU define "respect" and how she's breaking your boundaries? Have you done that? Deciding to get upset with someone without letting them know they are doing something wrong to begin with isn't a good way to go.

She could very well just be trying to get all the attention- she might even have convinced herself it's all for good reasons. That's not the point here. What expectations have been clearly given and clearly reinforced?

quote:

But if I leave, she wins. And I just cant accept that scenario. Also I love my Master and I dont have the emotional fortitude to leave.

Yawn- two women fighting over a man who can't keep his own relationships secure. She's not winning anything, and you aren't losing anything except your sense of self respect by turning this into a competition.

If you're staying just to keep her from "winning" then you've already lost.

quote:

From the start I knew he would play with others-no big deal-but that is quite a different thing from taking on a full fledged slave. I am not polyamorous. besides, isnt poly when all parties agree to be together?

YOu can be a monogamous person involved with a polyamorous person. As long as everyone has agreed to the terms of the relationship as it is, then it's fine. Are you saying you never agreed that it was ok for him to have other slaves and felt pressured to consent?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 25

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/12/2007 11:24:17 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Yawn- two women fighting over a man who can't keep his own relationships secure. She's not winning anything, and you aren't losing anything except your sense of self respect by turning this into a competition.

If you're staying just to keep her from "winning" then you've already lost.

i agree with LA on this one - you are making it a competion at the cost of your own self esteem. If you are unhappy what is the point of continuing on just to spite this girl. Don't waste time like that, move on and find someone you are compatible with.

quote:

Violette01
I feel like a door mate, not a submissive, not a slave, just a dumb door mat. That's not healthy. And my ability to serve suffers because of it.

From the start I knew he would play with others-no big deal-but that is quite a different thing from taking on a full fledged slave. I am not polyamorous. besides, isnt poly when all parties agree to be together?

No it's not healthy at all. If it is affecting you to the point your service suffers it's time to make some radical changes or you're going to loose everything eventually anyway.

i could be wrong but it sounds to me like before the collar went on he hooked you by saying he wanted to play with others, after the collar went on it changed to him owning another slave. If he had told you from the beginning he wanted a poly relationship you would have probably walked and he probably knew that - dirty pool in my opnion - that alone would have me packing my bags for it is fundamentally dishonest and using someones emotions against them. Good luck i feel for you and can only imagine your emotional turmoil.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 26

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 12:03:08 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

YOu can be a monogamous person involved with a polyamorous person. As long as everyone has agreed to the terms of the relationship as it is, then it's fine. Are you saying you never agreed that it was ok for him to have other slaves and felt pressured to consent?

I wanted to chime in here because this is a situation I know well. I'm quite often a monogamous person involved with a polyamorous woman, and that's rarely ever bothered me. The only thing that has ever caused a problem of such a nature is when the "other" person creates a problem by turning it into some sort of competition. My advice is to be blunt with your master, explain that you are about to leave if this continues as is. If he laughs it off, leave. Make sure you have a support mechanism so that you can leave, and then just be ready to go. Don't make the threat without the ability to back it up, however.

What I see happening is the lazy dom syndrome where someone sees that you're never going to do anything to change the situation, so he can feel secure in knowing that his wonderful status quo is never going to change. He's not going to care that you're suffering. He's probably thinking that that's what makes you a slave, while your definition is a lot different.

I know in my experience, I've run into a situation like that very rarely, and quite often the dominant is so engrossed in her own ways that when I say I can't live within this environment, she'll say something like "well, there's the door if you need to leave" and then a week later she keeps calling my phone over and over again enraged that I won't come back. I only went back once after someone showed me the door, and it was a mistake, mainly because I was so new to being a live-in slave that I felt I couldn't do anything else.

Being a slave doesn't mean you have to live a life of unhappiness. It can be tough, rough and inconvenient, and quite often miserable. But, and this probably sounds bizarre, it doesn't have to be a life of unhappiness. I've been very miserable in certain circumstances while owned, but at the same time I wasn't unhappy; and it often takes a decent dominant to figure out how to reach that level of dichotomy.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 27

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 6:54:07 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Personally, I'd explore the doormat feelings. Feeling like a doormat in situations like this can often be a reaction to the impotency you feel. Impotency: the inability to change what's happening to you. But here's the deal...

As you begin exploring WHY you feel impotency - and when you do this, the "why" should never include this other girl's name.
NOT: I feel impotent because she interrupts. MAYBE: I feel impotent because I feel like I don't matter as much as she does.

I'd vote for the idea that your dominant is waiting for you to find your center. He's waiting for you to overcome your jealousies and remember that the person you're in this relationship with is him. Instead of looking for all the reasons to be upset, begin finding reasons to feel good when you're in his presence. She calls at 4 in the morning, but YOU'RE the one in bed with him.
It's not a tit-for-tat thing. It's not a neener neener neener moment. It's recalling that she exists, but when he's with you, even if she calls, HE'S WITH YOU.

I know you don't want to hear niceties about her, but it very well could be that instead of being the conniving bitch you're painting her to be, she just MIGHT be feeling left out and needy. She just MIGHT be trying, in some small way - even if it is misguided - to be a part of the life of this person you both care about so much. And she just MIGHT be insecure herself.

So, if this is the case, how is she behaving any differently from you? Ok, she takes steps to make herself feel better. She calls, etc. And so, just perhaps she's not as far along in this process as you are. If being kind to her because your Master wants her too isn't working for you, you might just want to have a little compassion for the woman and instead of building more insecurity for her and more resentment for you, start taking her phone calls as a signal that maybe she wants to be included as well. Five or ten minutes of inclusion goes a long way - y'know?

In the end, take a look at the fact that your Master is with you. He's trying to help you feel good about your position with him and he's waiting for you to grow. You might try finding the good things she is capable of instead of looking for all the things she does wrong.

And yes, I used to be the second girl in a relationship. When the person who was first began doing that, things improved substantially between us. She and I, seven years after that relationship ended, are still very close friends - even though she and her Master eventually went their own ways.

Now, I'm in a relationship where I'm the collared slave. When the next person and I first met, she wanted to hate me. I approached our new relationship the way I've said here and slowly we're becoming friends - even though, initially, she didn't really want to. It's taken both of us being willing to recall who we're in a relationship with and recognizing that this is what he wants. And then it took us both looking for the good things in each other to beat down the walls of distrust.

It is possible.

juliet

Edited to add that I replied to the OP but did so at the bottom of the page - AGAIN.
I am not contesting your comments littlesarbonn - except for one thing. Lazy Dom Syndrome or not, the OP just might be further ahead if she doesn't lay blame for what's happening and simply begins to find a solution for herself. Even if the relationship doesn't last, at least she's learned more about herself. And if the relationship does last, then she's learned more about herself AND she's got a pretty darn good relationship to boot.

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 10/13/2007 7:00:23 AM >

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 28

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 7:53:24 AM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

I don't buy this "He's treating me like dirt but, hey, at least he's treating me" argument. Both parties in a relationship need to have their needs met, even if it's a D/s relationship. If you're not getting what you need and your Dom isn't willing or able to give you that, you need a new Dom.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 29

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 12:09:48 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

I don't buy this "He's treating me like dirt but, hey, at least he's treating me" argument. Both parties in a relationship need to have their needs met, even if it's a D/s relationship. If you're not getting what you need and your Dom isn't willing or able to give you that, you need a new Dom.

Just HOW is he "treating her like dirt"? Do you mean by making the decision to do things his way rather than hers? Do you mean by answering a phone when she doesn't want him to do that? Just exactly where in the post she wrote does she mention ANYTHING about him treating her poorly?

Everyone is always so darned QUICK to say that someone else is treating them poorly that they rarely explore WHY they feel the way they do.

You have two women, each with their own issues. You have one man who wants them both. All THREE of them have entered into a relationship wherein each of them have said that they recognize the dominance of the man and the submission of the women and now... when submission is becoming something that takes a little bit of an effort, when it isn't all fun and games anymore but someone has to ACTUALLY do some work, you're real real quick to jump to the conclusion that the poor person who isn't getting her way is being treated like dirt.

Well, damn it all to hell.. unless this really IS a game y'all play, then sometimes, somewhere, things are going to get difficult. And sometimes somewhere someone is going to have to decide if submission is where it's at rather than just mouthing the words and waiting for the other person to step out of line.

And if THAT'S the case, then just WHO is in charge here?

Dirt never once entered into the OP's scenario. Nor did it mine. And how you GET "dirt" is beyond me.

These are three people who are negotiating a new relationship. Everyone else says "ooh, tell him to kick her out" or something to that effect. If they're not saying that, then they're saying "oooh, kick HIM to the curb." I simply gave another possibility. The possibility I presented didn't kick anyone to the curb. It simply asked the person complaining to look at things from a different light and see that the idea that the second girl is somehow some sort of conniving bitch might just not be true. And then again, it might be. But submission is a hell of a lot more involved and interesting than walking away just because a submissive doesn't get her way.

Just what is it that she needs anyway that he isn't giving her? He spends time with her, he is there all night - at least some nights as far as I can infer from her post. He is helping her recognize that she is valued by him. He is helping her to feel good about her place with him. The ONLY thing he isn't doing - by the OP's admission - is dropping the second girl. And by the way... that's HIS decision.

juliet

(in reply to beeble)

Post #: 30

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 2:40:14 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

Maybe i am wrong in my assumption that any dom who takes on 2 submissives has the responsibility to see to it that they make attempts to get along and respect each other. i don't think a responsible dom bring in a 2nd and says ok you both deal with it just don't bring me any of the grief you two might encounter. If mine did that to me i would loose respect for him.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 31

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 3:05:09 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Being a slave doesn't mean you have to live a life of unhappiness. It can be tough, rough and inconvenient, and quite often miserable. But, and this probably sounds bizarre, it doesn't have to be a life of unhappiness. I've been very miserable in certain circumstances while owned, but at the same time I wasn't unhappy; and it often takes a decent dominant to figure out how to reach that level of dichotomy.

Greetings littlesarbonn,
i am going to go out on a limb here to say that this is where i think "slavery" gets romanticized... it seems that so many submissives want the elite status of slave that they claim it without claiming the full ramifications of it. You have probably hit the point closer than most of the posts i have read. If she is unhappy and cannot accept the new slave or atleast take the highroad and focus on her service to her Master, she needs to leave, period. No ultimatums. That is the basis of Master/slave is it not? In the real sense? Otherwise, it seems to me it is just Dominants and submissives wanting the status of Master/slave.

Before i get flamed...i am not saying a bottom/submissive/slave should not be cared for and needs considered. However each progression of the dynamics i have listed differs primarily by the amount of power exchanged.

If a person is a slave, they have the option to accept or leave...not manipulate. Atleast in my humble opinion. Otherwise you are a submissive~

i know i am going back to semantics here but jeez..i am about over all the self-glorification with uber titles. If more people listened to what beth (of Mercandbeth) writes, as well as a few others in these forums, it might become more evident as to who is slave and who is not~

ok, i am thru ranting~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 32

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 5:07:04 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Maybe i am wrong in my assumption that any dom who takes on 2 submissives has the responsibility to see to it that they make attempts to get along and respect each other. i don't think a responsible dom bring in a 2nd and says ok you both deal with it just don't bring me any of the grief you two might encounter. If mine did that to me i would loose respect for him.

Again, I reread the OP, and no where did he say that they couldn't talk to him. In fact, the OP said that he IS aware of her difficulties but that he isn't interested at this point in giving up the second. Frankly, just because someone is uncomfortable does not mean he's required to do so. It's not an abroggation of his responsibilities to cede to the submissive's uncomfortableness. Yes, he should be aware of how his decisions are affecting both the other parties, but his ultimate deciding factor is in what he's trying to accomplish.

I know that in our case, there were a couple of things going on. First of all, things didn't work out well the first time we tried this with someone. I had issues that were difficult. He understood his part in those difficulties. He didn't give up that person, but he did understand my difficulties. We spent our time exploring those difficulties rather than him simply doing what I said. The next time we tried this, he was watching me to see how I reacted. I was watching him to see how he handled things. There were some mistakes and glitches along the way. However, the difference was that I made up my mind that I was going to approach this relationship with an open mind and an open heart. I was going to make myself vulnerable and worth through my difficulties rather than blame the other person.

Our situation is relatively new, even though he's been seeing her for the better part of two years (I knew about it from the first). What we have is three people giving this our best efforts. We have three people recognizing our difficulties and exploring the whys of it all rather than blaming each other. And what we're getting is three people coming to know and respect each other - even though the difficulties are still there.

What we don't have is two women in one way or another blaming the dominant for their insecurities. We don't have one woman treating the other as a bitch. We don't have the other woman grasping for time and attention. And we don't have two relationships falling apart. What we have is two relationships becoming one in which all are respectful and learning to appreciate what each brings to the mix.

I have no idea why the OP feels that the other girl must like what she likes to the depth that she likes it, but it seems to me that beginning to appreciate each other instead of backstab is a good start.

And yes, I know that everyone is not like everyone else, but I don't know why the idea of approaching things from a more positive point of view is such an anethma to people out there.

juliet

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 33

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 5:17:34 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Maybe i am wrong in my assumption that any dom who takes on 2 submissives has the responsibility to see to it that they make attempts to get along and respect each other. i don't think a responsible dom bring in a 2nd and says ok you both deal with it just don't bring me any of the grief you two might encounter. If mine did that to me i would loose respect for him.

Again, I reread the OP, and no where did he say that they couldn't talk to him. In fact, the OP said that he IS aware of her difficulties but that he isn't interested at this point in giving up the second. Frankly, just because someone is uncomfortable does not mean he's required to do so. It's not an abroggation of his responsibilities to cede to the submissive's uncomfortableness. Yes, he should be aware of how his decisions are affecting both the other parties, but his ultimate deciding factor is in what he's trying to accomplish.

I know that in our case, there were a couple of things going on. First of all, things didn't work out well the first time we tried this with someone. I had issues that were difficult. He understood his part in those difficulties. He didn't give up that person, but he did understand my difficulties. We spent our time exploring those difficulties rather than him simply doing what I said. The next time we tried this, he was watching me to see how I reacted. I was watching him to see how he handled things. There were some mistakes and glitches along the way. However, the difference was that I made up my mind that I was going to approach this relationship with an open mind and an open heart. I was going to make myself vulnerable and worth through my difficulties rather than blame the other person.

Our situation is relatively new, even though he's been seeing her for the better part of two years (I knew about it from the first). What we have is three people giving this our best efforts. We have three people recognizing our difficulties and exploring the whys of it all rather than blaming each other. And what we're getting is three people coming to know and respect each other - even though the difficulties are still there.

What we don't have is two women in one way or another blaming the dominant for their insecurities. We don't have one woman treating the other as a bitch. We don't have the other woman grasping for time and attention. And we don't have two relationships falling apart. What we have is two relationships becoming one in which all are respectful and learning to appreciate what each brings to the mix.

I have no idea why the OP feels that the other girl must like what she likes to the depth that she likes it, but it seems to me that beginning to appreciate each other instead of backstab is a good start.

And yes, I know that everyone is not like everyone else, but I don't know why the idea of approaching things from a more positive point of view is such an anethma to people out there.

juliet

i never suggested he needs to give up the second just because they are uncomfortable, what i did say was he needs to handle things rather than say - you both deal with it, without my intervention. If he is the master he needs to take contol of the situation and assist in making things work.

If he sat back and just had the lazy outlook of let them work it out, then when this second did something to offend me i would do what i had to do to protect myself from her and if he didn't like it - DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 34

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 6:23:12 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

i never suggested he needs to give up the second just because they are uncomfortable, what i did say was he needs to handle things rather than say - you both deal with it, without my intervention. If he is the master he needs to take contol of the situation and assist in making things work.

If he sat back and just had the lazy outlook of let them work it out, then when this second did something to offend me i would do what i had to do to protect myself from her and if he didn't like it - DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Reading the OP, it didn't sound as if he was having issues with how things are being done. Perhaps I'm mistaken. It sounded to me as if the person having the issue was the submissive. And just perhaps, "doing something about it" meant having that collared submissive dig within herself more to find out why she's feeling the way she is. The OP said he knew she was suffering. It said he was aware of how difficult things were. It didn't say that he was having issues with their problems.

Lots of people can't deal with that kind of harshness. On the other hand, sometimes that's just how the dominants work. If the match isn't right, then of course, the match isn't right. But if she hasn't even tried... how does she know?

All I said was to begin to delve into why she feels the way she does. Give herself a chance to figure herself out some more. Give her relationship a chance to survive rather than throwing in the towel just because things get difficult.

juliet

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 35

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/13/2007 11:37:52 PM

Violetta01

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline

What is the usual protocol when another slave is taken? Does the Master just inform the other(s) that now she will be there too? Is it ever discussed ? Do we ever get a voice? I was never told she was coming on board. One day she was just there. Little by little she occupied more time. So maybe I feel aggrivated because I worry what will be sprung on me next without discussion or warning. Will tomorrow I be told she will be in the bed next to me? I am trying to ride it out with grace, not always easy.

As I said before, casual players I dont mind but I never imagined another slave would be brought into the relationship. Seems like a bit of a deal breaker to me. For the record, my Master never treated me like dirt, quite the opposite actually. If he treated me like dirt it would be easy to leave. Master does not enjoy the disharmony at all. I ask him to help me be strog and support his desires. So far I still feel lost and without much guidance. Guess all I can do is my best to have better communication. Maybe the answer is as simple as that. Still, I often wonder why a person who claims to love me, does something that he knows brings me pain. I wonder how healthy it is to be in such a situation and if any real growth can come from it or is that the lie we tell ourselves to convince us that what is so wrong is really ok.

It helps a lot for me hear about how others have dealt with the same situation and to see that is often challenging.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 36

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/14/2007 12:06:27 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Violetta01
What is the usual protocol when another slave is taken?

There is none, although really you want everyone to be aware, informed, and freely consenting.

quote:

Does the Master just inform the other(s) that now she will be there too? Is it ever discussed ? Do we ever get a voice?

Ideally that's done BEFORE you make a commitment to eachother. So either he lied to you, or it's honestly something neither of you thought would come up and now need to go over it together.

It sounds more like he is taking advantage of having a willing slave and rather than doing the ethical thing of making sure it will work for everyone and maintain good boundaries, is just trying to have what he wants without taking responsibility for the problems its causing.

quote:

I was never told she was coming on board. One day she was just there. Little by little she occupied more time. So maybe I feel aggrivated because I worry what will be sprung on me next without discussion or warning. Will tomorrow I be told she will be in the bed next to me? I am trying to ride it out with grace, not always easy.

You keep putting the blame on her because that's the easy way out- she's the unknown one.

But she's not the one putting this into place- HE is.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 37

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/14/2007 6:45:23 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
i never suggested he needs to give up the second just because they are uncomfortable, what i did say was he needs to handle things rather than say - you both deal with it, without my intervention. If he is the master he needs to take contol of the situation and assist in making things work.

God forbid these two grown, adult women actually act like grown adults and talk things over to settle this between them. Yes, he should take them each by the hand and say "Now Suzy, you play nice with Sally. And Sally, you play nice with Suzy. And if you both play nicely, I'll take you for icecream later." Bullshit. The OP is a grown fucking adult that needs to learn to handle conflict resolution as a grown adult.That means talking to the other person, letting her feelings be known and then listening to the other persons thoughts and feelings so that a compromise can be made.

Now this is the exact opposite of acting like an adult:

quote:

when this second did something to offend me i would do what i had to do to protect myself from her and if he didn't like it - DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 38

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/14/2007 7:23:47 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i don't think he acted like an adult he acted like a selfish ass by not talking to his first and just showing up with the second. This woman is in emotional pain - she had no preparation that she would be in a relationship with another woman. There is discord and it is the masters responsibility, especially the way he sprung it on her, to help them work it out. Personally i would have lost trust in him and walked, telling them to have a good life because i don't like discord or drama. If i didn't and tried to work it out and the second tried to make my life miserable and was confrontational you bet she'd meet her match with me and wouldn't come out shining. i don't appreciate bullies and the second sounds like she's bullying her way in. As LA said it's really not the second's fault it's the masters and also his responsibility.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 39

RE: too many slaves in the hen house - 10/14/2007 10:16:31 AM

txgirlneedsister

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline

"What is the usual protocol when another slave is taken?"

For me the protocol was "Slave I want a second in this home" and "Yes Master"

"Does the Master just inform the other(s) that now she will be there too? "

If it is a true Master slave relationship he doesn’t have to tell you before hand. Is it nice if he does? Yea, but he doesn’t have to inform you.

"Is it ever discussed? Do we ever get a voice? "

I like that with my owner we do discuss how the finding a second process is going, but he makes the ultimate decision, even when I think it’s the wrong one. HE is the OWNER; HE is the only one that gets the voice. As a slave our owners speak for us. This just came off as very submissive like for me.

"I was never told she was coming on board. One day she was just there. Little by little she occupied more time. So maybe I feel aggravated because I worry what will be sprung on me next without discussion or warning. Will tomorrow I be told she will be in the bed next to me? I am trying to ride it out with grace, not always easy"

If he wants her in the bed next to you then scoot over. You are being territorial and is it your place to be so territorial of? Or is it the Masters belongings?

“Still, I often wonder why a person who claims to love me, does something that he knows brings me pain. I wonder how healthy it is to be in such a situation and if any real growth can come from it or is that the lie we tell ourselves to convince us that what is so wrong is really ok."

Usually when a slave takes a collar she does so in trust that the owner will have her best interest at heart 100% of the time. Now, what I feel are my best interest and what he feels vary allot sometimes, but I continue to do it and voila, he was right. :) But the growth you speak of, that all depends on you. If you are going to sit around and bitch about the other girl all day long then no, no growth will ever come.

"It helps a lot for me hear about how others have dealt with the same situation and to see that is often challenging"

It is often very challenging, I struggle with it often, but in the end I remind myself why he wants a second, and how much it pleases him and it makes me only want to search so much harder for her. Chuckles, be lucky that your owner has found the second he likes; it’s a long process....

Tx girl

< Message edited by txgirlneedsister -- 10/14/2007 10:24:22 AM >

(in reply to Violetta01)

Post #: 40

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