JackM1
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Joined: 2/3/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nyrisa
quote:
ORIGINAL: JackM1
you may not want them to watch certain things, speak a certain way or have a bad attitute, but, especially in the later years, when your kids are thrust into the world of peer pressure i defy you to say "no" when they are sobbing about being teased for not wearing the same clothes as everyone else, or because you wont let their friends over because of the way they talk.
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again though, parents ARE responsible...but you cant say that parents are the ONLY thing thats effecting how kids turn out these days..it would be horrably irrisponsible to put all the blaim on them or the child, and not try to fix the real route of the problem; general society's pranoia and stupidity, the media, and the lack of structured community.
Jack, I never said that parents are responsible for kids turning out badly. I was replying when Bearlee asked "don't people spend time with their children anymore?"
My point was, that it is MANY factors which enter into the final result of a child going wrong. It is not whether the parents are home 24/7, or whether they work and use daycare. My point is that there are not simple answers. More time with parents may be good or bad, depending on the type of family interaction. Also, the influence of TV can be good or bad, depending on the situation. My son and I are addicted to the nature channels, and National Geographic, and Discovery and TLC channels, and we spend several hours each day watching them together. We have both learned a lot from this, and I would call that a GOOD influence of TV. I am just making the point that no one can point to a single factor as a solution or an explanation, in a complex question.
As to the other statement, I actually have no problem with saying NO to a child's pleading for the latest, the fanciest, or the trendiest items on the market, and had no qualms at all about restricting them from having friends who were a bad influence, and requiring my kids to watch their language and attitude. I have two adult daughters now, both married, one with two children, who turned out wonderfully, and both thanked me for being loving but firm with them when I was raising them. The sweetest words a parent can hear are, "Gee, Mom, you were right!" *L* I also have a 16 year old son, who is coming along well, despite having developmental disabilities that could have caused a lot of extra challenges for both of us.
o.o that actually was a general statement, but ok, i'll go with it lol.
it also depends on the kids. i know lots of people who have parents who are strict and they thrive in it, but i also know lots of kids with parents who use the same strategie and they have breakdowns because of all of the rules and structure. when i said that you would eventually give into the crying for stuff that their peers have, i ment more along the lines of letting your daughters wear make up, heals, do something to their hair to look nice instead of looking like a child who doesnt care about their appearance. i know quite a few parents who didnt let their girls SHAVE until they were 13 years old, and honestly...when everyone else is wearing skirts showing off their legs, and hers are pale with dark brown hair on them, its embarassing.
maybe you just have great kids and your parenting complimented how they already were? i know quite a few, both my age and the ones i work with, who are just honest to god good kids, and their parents figured out early on how to work with that inherent good in them to everyones advantage. rules to help them get organized were followed, ways to work out situations without conflict were listened to. then again, those kids of people arent who we're talking about, are they? because they arent the ones bringing guns to schoo.
people with those kids of kids, i think, take for granted that they have few or no problems with their children acting out or not listening to their direction(or if they did, their kids grew out of it after the rocky adolecent years....like me >.<) it really opened my eyes when i started working with all 150 of my kids(ages 2 months to 9 years after school) to the fact that, even if some of them have great parents, they were just bad seeds. an example; one little boy is so horrable....he throws fits and tantrums over the smallest things, but before you make judgement..know that his dad is the strictest man i have ever seen, and his mom isnt much softer..he simply is a hard little person to deal with and from SOMEWHERE, not from us, hes learning this horrable behavior...thats the kind of kid im talking about, good because hes a kid, but HATES not getting his way to the point of throwing himself onto the ground for over an hour screaming and throwing chairs at the teachers. yeah.
you know, as a thought; parenting isnt really what causes people in highschool to start shooting people. if it was the parents, they would be shooting at them, not other students. i personally know what it feels like to just want to hurt the people around me because of the missery they were putting me through, but i kept myself in check and didnt actually strike out. some people have break downs and move away, some people are so tortured that they bring a gun to school to shut everyone up. since thats what we're technically talking about, i thought i would mention it. you could have a very disturbed individual who is born a loose cannon and who goes to jail because hes a loose cannon, but most of what they do are "accidents"...things that happen because they dont nessisarily think about the reprecutions, the people who shoot up schools are not those people.
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RE: What do you sow? - 
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