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When We Hate - 10/12/2007 1:01:29 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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I hate hating. It seems such a terrible waste of energy. There is so much to do that takes time, effort and energy, it seems like a horrible waste of a valuable commodity. It makes me feel crappy inside to feel so angry and to think such terrible thoughts about someone else. I don't like who I am when I hate.

But I work with this girl who I simply CAN'T STAND! She's extremely rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, lazy, shifty and disrespectful. And I can't do a thing about it.

I know sometimes life gives me lemons, but I don't want lemonade. I want to THROW THEM AT HER!

Suggestions?

Post #: 1

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 1:11:42 PM

OrionTheWolf

Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

Put rocks in the lemons.

Orion

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 2

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 1:17:04 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

^hands you a bunch of fresh squishy lemons^ gets out pitch fork. ducks while mod 11 moves this to random

ready

aim

fire

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 3

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 1:24:58 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Living happily and having fun is the best revenge.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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Post #: 4

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 1:42:29 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I hate hating. It seems such a terrible waste of energy. There is so much to do that takes time, effort and energy, it seems like a horrible waste of a valuable commodity. It makes me feel crappy inside to feel so angry and to think such terrible thoughts about someone else. I don't like who I am when I hate.

But I work with this girl who I simply CAN'T STAND! She's extremely rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, lazy, shifty and disrespectful. And I can't do a thing about it.

I know sometimes life gives me lemons, but I don't want lemonade. I want to THROW THEM AT HER!

Suggestions?

You don't offer much detail here as far as what she is doing specifically. Example: You say she is lazy, well maybe if she is not pulling her weight, you can talk to your supervisor about it. As far as the rudeness, call her on it. Tell her she's being rude and obnoxious and you're not going to have any tolerance for it. Or say something like: "I speak to you with respect, and I expect the same in return". She just might respond to it.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 5

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 1:53:14 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Like Joe Kennedy said; "Don't get mad get even."
Teddy probably thought he said, "even drunker."

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 6

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 2:24:36 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Rise above the situation. I've never hated another human being in life. Sure, I dislike people for things they do but hate is such a nasty word.
I can't think of disliking someone to that capacity.

Anyway, if you are putting all this time and energy into it. What are you giving up in your life while this is taking up all this wasted time? By hating her you are giving her power over you. Why allow her to have power?

Be the better person here. If she annoys you let her know. Or let whoever know who needs to know then get on with your own life.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 7

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 2:55:41 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

In my line of work there are lots of those....I think of them naked in really bad frayed underwear...and laugh.

l

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Post #: 8

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 3:25:03 PM

sundownhawk

Posts: 151
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline

You said there is nothing you can do about her so, add her to the "Pay no mind list", whistle a happy tune and go on with your day. I would refuse to let a person like that make me have a bad day. I almost never have a bad day at work no matter how many idiots I have to deal with. I prefer to keep smiling, it pisses 'em off more.

_____________________________

The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom. ~Joseph W. Bean~

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 9

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 3:59:12 PM

seeksfemslave

Posts: 4011
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline

I understand exactly what you mean.
The truth of the matter is that she probably makes you feel inferior in some some way. Am I right ?
If so that is what you need to work on.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 10

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 4:14:34 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
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What's wrong with lemonaide? If nothing else, you can pour it into her eyes! (Or spill it on her pants just before she walks out of the women's bathroom.)

Meh. Probably is more practical to consider exactly what it is she does and how to deal with that. If it's simply undoable, finding a way to avoid her may do it.

Sadly, there's no block feature in real life.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 11

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 4:20:26 PM

Honsoku

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Joined: 6/26/2007
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Without more information, all the advice I can give is this;

People are generally rational in their own minds and act in ways that they think will accomplish the ends they desire. Figure out what it is that she wants and how her actions provide that for her. Then find a way to break that connection so that she no longer gains what she wants through her actions. Finally, for best results, find an alternative method for her to get what she wants that is acceptable to you. If you can accomplish the first two without her knowing about it, making sure she knows that you are responsible for the third step will probably indebt her to you in her own mind.

Honsoku

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 12

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 4:42:10 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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I did not include details of her trangressions because they are pretty much irrelevent to the advice I was seeking. The problem is mine to deal with. I can't change her. I can only change how I deal with her, so I was hoping for some tips. So far my favorites are rocks in the lemons and lemonade to the eyes. I'm certain if I lemonaded her eyes she would be out for a few days and in the meantime the boss would figure out what a crappy job she's really doing.

Does she make me feel inferior? Well it's a little more complicated than that. There is a weird dynamic between she and my boss. She's young, 22 and the boss is an older woman that never had children and I think there's a mothing/nurturing thing going on. She kind of protects her and really lets her get by with things that she would never let the rest of us do. So really the problem is my boss. But damn, other than this one thing I really like my boss.

Honsoku- this is complicated since I avoid her whenever possible. What she seems to want most is to not work and spend all day on the computer and her cell phone and chatting with other employees. But I think I see your point. Basically you are saying to manipulate the situation to become an ally and then use that to my advantage.

(in reply to Honsoku)

Post #: 13

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 5:03:15 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

if her goofing off affects your ability to finish your tasks, then id complain to a supervisor...

if youre just ill that she can goof off all day, and her goofing off has no other effect on you than pissing you off, id say forget about it....do your job well and dont worry bout her a bit....

affect/effect sometimes confuse me-so i split it down the middle and hope for the best-lol

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 14

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 5:09:03 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

The OP, IMO - needs to feel mad- then cool off and come up with a plan to remedy the matter.

A few hours isnt long enough. She stated she has the weekend off. She has full permission to throw lemons and "feel angry"....knowing that come Monday she will act in a professional manner, and arrive at correcting the nightmare.
When in doubt- the job description is the de facto contract. Read it carefully- and you have what you need to deal with this.

Keep us posted!!! ^hands her more lemons^

Readyy

Aim

Fire!!

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 15

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 5:25:34 PM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
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Alright, that is the first part. You know what she wants (to goof off, be obnoxious, etc) and you know what it is that gives her access (the manager's protection). So either her protection needs to be disrupted or you need to become the gatekeeper to something else that she wants. I would avoid directly allying yourself in this situation because when it ends, it is likely to end poorly. I was suggesting that if played correctly that you could fix the problem and get an ally out of it.

Is your manager the top person, or is there someone else higher up in the food chain?

Are the two of you her only employees?

Do you control access to anything she wants or needs?

A possible solution;

Organize responsibilities. I suspect that she is getting away with this to some degree because multiple people are sharing the same set of tasks. So when she slacks off, the others pick up the slack. If it is possible to strictly delineate who's job is what, do so and get your boss to sign off on it so your problem case can't blame her tasks not being done on someone else. A better tack would be to mention to your boss that there are disagreements (if she isn't doing her work, she obviously disagrees that it is her responsibility) about who should handle what task in order to goad her into doing the assigning herself. This will make her poor performance harder to ignore, especially if you can make sure she gets some critical tasks.

As a side approach, while the above is happening, see if you can get her to respond to positive reinforcement. Ignore her crap and try complimenting her or thanking her when she does her job (or find something else that can motivate her). This will work best if you are on good terms with her, so finding a way in should be a priority. This won't work overnight, but given time it will almost certainly moderate her behavior, and possibly correct it.

Honsoku

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 10/12/2007 5:29:16 PM >

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 16

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 5:45:41 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Yes, i can see that.

Your wasting energy, by your own admission, snap out it, we live there.

We have the honor and privilege to work beside and along with others
whom are afforded the same privilege. Ironic isn't it? The workplace.

OMG TN, that's it! Turn this (no i won't go there) drain on your emotions
into an uplifting sharing with others, yours, and their experiences with their
beloved associates in that great pentathalon wherein we engage the competition.

Just a thought.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 17

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 5:48:20 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

TNstepsout;

i could totally relate to Your post... Today was my last day at a job that i've been at for 8 years....(AGH!!!)
And trust me i had lots of those people that You describe plus the whole 'messed up dynamics' crap!!! Generally what i do is constantly remind myself that they are a good example of a bad example..... Okay, well that and spend most of my day plotting their death, or their demise, or their destruction....
But hey, my motto is whatever gets ya through the day...
Good luck,
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 18

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 6:00:45 PM

chiaThePet

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Joined: 2/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

TNstepsout;

spend most of my day plotting their death, or their demise, or their destruction....
But hey, my motto is whatever gets ya through the day...
Good luck,
Kali

Elaborate, that would be fun, get me through the day.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 19

RE: When We Hate - 10/12/2007 6:04:33 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I think that when we hate it is like inviting someone we don't like into our life. It's giving them power over you, because you spend time thinking about them and their actions. You are better served by placing your energies elsewhere.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 20

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