RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (Full Version)

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MzMia -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/12/2007 9:02:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: amiciaN

One argument I keep hearing over and over is that one can't see or hear the person one is communicating with online.  Are NChaka and I the only two people here who use webcams and headsets for something BESIDES cybering???  Yahoo and Windows Live are free and a perfectly servicable webcam and headset costs about $40 at Walmart here.  Is that too much to invest in a relationship??

Is video chat the same as being face-to-face in person? Of course not!  But I do see His facial expressions, the look in His eyes, and His body language as He talks to me.  I hear the pride or disappointment in His voice; His tone, the inflection and stress on one word over another in a sentence.  Even in IM's, IRC or other 'real time' text messages there is a LOT of self-censoring that can go on that simply isn't present in a video chat.  We cannot engage taste, smell or touch via webcam, but it's not all that much different from sitting on opposite sides of a kitchen table and just talking either, especially if one has a cold and can't smell or taste anything anyway.  We do miss those other things terribly, but sex and kinky playtime is not what makes our relationship work (those are the fringe benefits  [:D]).

Our long distance relationship is now two years old, with a little over one more year until we can be together 24/7/365.  Until then we are Master/sub 24/7/365 and together 24/7/21 and I wouldn't trade being His for anything.


Wonderful post and I agree 100% with you  amiciaN.
Long distance is not easy, and certainly not for everyone.
But if the two people involved are committed to THEIR relationship,
it can certainly work.
I rather be in a committed and loving long distance relationship with the right person,
then settling for someone local because they are geographically convenient.



gentlestarZR -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/12/2007 9:05:30 PM)

amiciaN - that was beautiful and very well put...actually made me tear up because you are so right ..

LDR's will work if both people are equally devoted ... its hard .. but well worth the effort





NorthernGent -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/12/2007 9:10:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arach

Under the term “Long Distance Relationship” I am thinking primarily about relationships which are maintained primarily or exclusively through telephone or computer communication. 



It's a matter for personal taste; I haven't had such a relationship, but based on what I know of myself, I'm 90% sure that it wouldn't work for me.

Maybe a few months of getting to know each other..... fine, but there's no substitute for flesh.



camille65 -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/13/2007 2:44:23 AM)

It is almost 8 years for me. I never expected to find any relationship online to be honest, much less finding a dom that I would love madly and who loved me in return.Every night he watches me on cam until I've fallen asleep, every morning I am waiting for him on cam so we can have his before work time. 5 or 6 phone calls a day [thank you viop] and visits every 3 to 4 months.Yes it can be hard sometimes. There have been nights when I cried into a pillow while wearing his tshirt simply because I miss the feel of his skin and his scent.But most of the time, his love and care for me cross the miles pretty easily. I realise that I'm in a type of minority because of my health, a 24/7 in person relationship does not work. I'm just sick too much. This way he gets me when I've been resting for a week so I can play for a week then recover for three weeks lol. It works for me, and I love him utterly.



MissMagnolia -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/13/2007 2:55:03 AM)

Some cultures still use the "arranged marriage" thing, and it often works. Back in the day, couples often didn't meet until the actual wedding ceremony, it often worked. Before mobile phones and the net and the billion things advanced technology has brought us, people did all kinds of things to stay in touch with the beloved (including carrier pigeon[:D]).

What doesn't tickle your pickle, may tickle someone elses. If anyone can find happiness in ANY way, bloody good luck to them. It's not my thing, but if it works for some, great.



canupleaseme -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/13/2007 4:26:08 AM)

I found our long distance time awful.  But thankfully we had computers and phone and webcams to keep in touch with each other reguarlly.  I think we only had two point dirung the first 8/12 months where it got so hard we nearly gave in but we knew we would be worth it so we stuck at it.  I never expected us towork out at irst becasue it is such hard work but I am so glad we stuck at it.  Fortunatly he is with me now and its amazing we have been a cuouple for a year but known each other a lot longer.  If we hadnt only had the computer to talk to each other on then I doubt we would know about as much of each other now.  We have been able to talk for hours and talk about so many things that sometimes are difficult to talk about face to face and I think going through the whole process has made us  really stong.  I wouldnt want to do it again becasue I found the lack of being able to get a hug or spank his ass atthe drop of a hat really difficult, that said I miss our letters, little packages to each other and the excitement of knowing he will be coming home soon.

My opinion is try it but keep it real, its fucking hard work and can be soo worth it but there are times when you just want to be with them and you cant and thats hard hard hard[:)]



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/13/2007 6:46:15 AM)

*sighs* another bias, one-sided opinion about long distance relationships

currently i have 2 such relationships however one (with SO/Dom) becoming 365/24/7 next year when i move to Oregon.  Daddy and i have been together for over a year despite the naysayers' prediction that it wouldn't last 3months. 

yes, long distance may not work for many who need the constant touch and sexual feel of their others however in my relationship with Daddy, it's not a requirement. btw - we don't cyber contrary to belief about long distance relatioships. we have constant communication (phone, chat and cam) every single day ever since the 1st day we met.  and according to Daddy, every relationship (real or long distance) begins on communication without that it's doomed to fail.





subsfaith -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/13/2007 7:22:46 AM)

My Sir were two hours apart for two years, then I moved to his home town, after six months of seeing each other several times a week, we moved in together.

But the point of my post is my grandparents.  They met just once before war broke out, they lived in different parts of the country, and then Grandad was sent to war.  For four years they corresponded by letter, and they met only three times before they were married.  Two children, five grandchildren, eight great-grandchildren, and two great-great-grandchild later, they have just had their 65th wedding anniversary.

It doesn't always work for everyone, but then neither does face to face relationships.  However, if you don't believe it will work, it never will.

Faith
:: smiles ::



OnlyHis -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/13/2007 7:26:31 AM)

Excuse me but just about everyone on CM (and everywhere else too) harps about communication being the foundation of relationships. Isn't the internet and the phone forms of communication. And when this is what a big part of your relationship is then isn't it reasonable to believe that long distance can often work.  Just can take more work than a face to face relationship. But it can be done to the satisfaction of both ( or more) parties.
I have belonged to Master for over 6 years now , there have been ups and downs , but it has made what I have with him that much stronger.  I have been with Master many times . Hard to go back to long distance but when you find that special One (or one :)  ) . It doesn't matter if they live with you , the next town or in another country. It is what the people in the relationship make it. imo 
OnlyHis



cbtok -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/13/2007 10:17:49 AM)

An expression from Mexico:

"El amor de lejos es el amor de vendejos."

"Long-distance love is the love of fools."

I have known a great many Mexicans in the US "legal" and "not" who have family back in Mexico. Most posters here can freely visit their significant other without any issues at all at any border. Many of my friends from Mexico have been away for over five years with the occasional telephone call and the frequent connection through Western Union for money.

Yet there is something in the character of a people who understand Cervantes "Don Quixote" that makes allowances for this kind of relationship.

It's hard on everyone. Not everyone is successful at it. But, in our modern society where close means in the same hemisphere, we find ways to keep our hearts closer than that.

150 years ago, these relationships would not be possible, save with a blue-water sailor or someone in an army stationed overseas. But everyone we had relationships with would certainly have come from our home town. My, how the world spins.



DominaSmartass -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/13/2007 4:43:30 PM)

All I can say in response to those who are adamantly against long distance and say they'd never do it is to just keep an open mind. I didn't go seeking anyone long distance, I was introduced to someone while visiting out of town friends. And when you meet someone who you find completes your soul that way, you don't just say "sorry, I don't live close enough, guess I'll talk to you next year." No you damn well find a way to make it work!



submittous -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/13/2007 7:31:27 PM)

John Money called finding compatibility in bdsm "a triumph of the human spirit" because it was so rare and difficult to accomplish. Limiting your search to a geographic area seems silly and arbitrary to us. Not using today's technology and communications would be akin to only considering bdsm partners that you met through your church or were introduced to by a relative. Why?

We met 20 years ago through a personals ad in an adult paper, we met other folks over the years through national magazines like Latent Image and B&D Pleasures but now we all have benefit of a world wide community of bdsm people on the internet, why limit your fishing to some little pond when you have access to a whole ocean?

There were just as many phonies and wanabees percentage wise back when it took weeks to exchange snail mail, now we just have quicker access..... take advantage of it

Bill and Iris



NChaka -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/15/2007 1:42:28 AM)

          I just wish to add the same comment . When I first met amicia it was in  a chat room, and I was just looking for someone to chat with, hoping to find an interesting person to talk about nearly everything. But after only a few days it became obvious that something happened between us, and , one thing leading to another, we found ourselves in that long distance relationship. It is very hard at times , yes, but it will end some day, and in the meantime we  see each other as much as possible with cam and mic ..
 
NChaka



littlebitxxx -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/15/2007 4:15:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: probablyknowme

I have to agree with Rafe. While these very happily-ever-after stories are great, the chance of it happening are astronomical. TTWD is such an intense thing, and to complicate it with distance, it makes it that much harder. I am not capable of re-locating and after all WHO would want to re-locate to oklahoma??? To wait years to feel a person's touch, fell them breathe next to you, to sit with them in the quiet, nope, I could never do it.


kat


I couldn't either, kat.  Meeting online is great, thank God for technology.  But to continue that way for years?  Only meeting in person once in a blue moon if at all?  It takes a very very special sort to be able to do that, and my hat is off to those who do.  I met my Jarl here end of June, we had first face-to-face in August.  I am in the process of relocating to him at the end of November.  Even with monthly visits back and forth, we are finding it sooooooo hard to remain apart.  We've been able to feel the touch, listen to the breathing and sit in the quiet....then we gotta go away.  It's hard and it hurts.  I couldn't imagine doing that for an extended period of time. 



rmanrr -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/15/2007 6:30:32 AM)

Greetings
Freaking damn right it hurts! the one and only thing that makes it even passable bearable is knowing that you My woman are going to be here permanently in little more than 6 weeks. Am I counting the days? Damn straight I am. thank the powers that be that I have been so busy with other things in life that the time goes by quickly for part of the day. It is those hours after which are so difficult...I am beginning to understand why you signed on for the extra shifts....if I could I would be doing the same.



KnightofMists -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/15/2007 6:38:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rmanrr

thank the powers that be that I have been so busy with other things in life that the time goes by quickly for part of the day.


This is really an important tactic in dealing with the LDR and alot of things in truth.  Focus and concentration on what you can do something about is alot more fulfilling and rewarding that dwelling and getting lost on what you can't change in the moment. 


editted to added

PS.. Jarl... you might not get extra shifts at work... but I do have some heavy do yard work that needs to be done... it will keep you busy



missturbation -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/15/2007 7:30:05 AM)

From a personal point of view i think ldr's can work, seen plenty of evidence of that here in cm. My own attempts at ldr however have been not so successful in the long run. In all honesty whilst i loved the Dom involved very much, the long months of not being able to with Him tore me apart and ending in my looking elsewhere for what i needed. Now some may say well you cant have loved Him very much then but i say thats not the case. I truly believe that the physical, face to face contact is very important and i just couldn't live without it in the end.
 
From a practical point of view ldr will no longer work for me. I am about to take over my own business and will not be able to travel long distances very often. So yes i now rule out ldr being able to work for me.
 
Kind of off topic a little but i think it also has to be thought about what ldr actually is. At the end of the day you could live in the next town to each other and for many reasons not be able to see each other more than once a month. I peronally live two and a half hours on a train away from Sir, not far really when you think about it. However we only see each other once a month if that, as work commitments and other personal commitments often clash.
 
In my opinion i don't think ldr really is the issue, its all about the quality time you need to find for each other. Sometimes that can be far more easy to achieve  when you are thousands of miles apart than when you are 20 miles away.



Prinsexx -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/15/2007 10:37:33 AM)

I think the OP is considered and raises a few very important issues.
I too havve had my heart ache, my heart broken into smithers by an LDR. Although there was some real physical connection the LD nature of it outweighed the time spent togather.
But that was not the real issue.
Even when we live nearby, even in the same house, the same issues that destroy a LDR via the internet can destroy an intimate one.
The main tools of destruction are:
1. projection....layering another's reality with one's own. That is a mechanism for self defense and easy to do in real time but terrible easy to do via cyber space. I get an email...it has mmmmmm or hmmmmmmmmm or :) etc etc and I am left with my projection onto what is essentially a flat screen.
2. reading beteen the lines....accruing cyber pace with something that it doesn't contain.....agaian doesn't this happen in real time?
3. introjection....taking on board what the other has to say and swallowing it completely as the truth about oneself.

O di think that it is easier to lie....I think it is easier to buils up a persona and I think that there is the chance that we believe our own presses and the editted facades of others. That Second Life thrives and for those who trade, build houses and lead avatar existences thir Second Lives are usually more addictive, consume more time and are more pleasant than their first life.

But above all these are missing: touch. smell  mmmmmmmm and body language....we've had a thread here which got heated as to which ws the better virtual reality or real time and the truth is for me that they are just different and I have had equally satisfying power exchanges and orgasm through each medium.

The medium is the massage though.




subtee -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/15/2007 10:41:31 AM)

quote:

Its better to look locally, or not at all.



What??!! *Sobs*

(Edited to add the quote)



MsPleasure -> RE: My Opinion on Long Distance Relationships (10/15/2007 11:09:00 AM)

Considering a long distance sub relationship broadens your options.  But a local sub will hold my attention. 



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