RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for?

RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (Full Version)

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subsfaith -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 7:26:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe Intimacy is given, not asked for. Maybe in your world, but not in mine... :: smiles :: There are times when I ask and I get what I ask for, there are times when I am told to wait, there are also times I am completely denied. It all depends on his mood. But for us, there are no hard fast rules. But I do subscribe to a basic principle in life anyway - if you don't ask, you don't get. To ask costs nothing. Faith ::smiles ::

RRafe -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 7:48:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subsfaith quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe Intimacy is given, not asked for. Maybe in your world, but not in mine... :: smiles :: There are times when I ask and I get what I ask for, there are times when I am told to wait, there are also times I am completely denied. It all depends on his mood. But for us, there are no hard fast rules. But I do subscribe to a basic principle in life anyway - if you don't ask, you don't get. To ask costs nothing. Faith ::smiles :: Ask all you like-but things of this nature cannot be demanded. And push has one direction-away.

imtempting -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 8:19:10 AM)
I look upon the Ds world as the same as vanilla dating. If your not getting what you want out of it then it is not going to work. I can't see myself going into a Ds relationship without imtimacy.

pseudopsychotic -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 8:19:30 AM)
::Fast reply to the OP:: I'm on the other side. I don't do Intimacy, and Sir has a problem with that. He's always asking for me to be closer. sometimes with words but most of the time with body language. And I do my best to open up for him. So I think it's fine to ask, in certain ways, and if you're not getting what you want or need out of a relationship...Then ask yourself if its worth it and if not, cut sail and leave.

Celeste43 -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 8:45:18 AM)
And in general, you are not going to ever find someone who is good at mind reading. If you need something then you need to mention it. Asking for things doesn't make them less when you get them, it just means you've grown up and can communicate clearly.

Jennie13093 -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 10:18:12 AM)
In regards to dollylima's post, maybe i never started my posts with in my relationship is because i am not in one as of yet. However i am searching for the right one. Besides i never seen a rule book for writing posts. Take care.

Celeste43 -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 2:40:51 PM)
Rrafe. You've never had a bad day and asked someone you loved for a hug? No one's ever come to you and asked for one? I can't even contemplate not being able to turn to my partner for support when in need, or asking and not getting it. Just as I hope he never turns to me and has me turn away. In a healthy, supportive relationship you give each other what they need. Even if what they need is just an embrace.

NControlofU -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 3:30:35 PM)
Intimacy is something that develops or not over time. Its not something you ask for, recieve or give. Well, you can ask for it but that's like asking for love. Just asking for it doesn't mean it's going to happen. Let it happen on its own. Dont try to force it. Public displays of affection isnt an exclusively vanilla thing. Being into bdsm doesnt rule out intmacy or affection. If its going to happen, it will.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 3:42:19 PM)
have you tried communicating your need for intimacy to your Dom because it seems you haven't.

pleasureforck -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 4:05:59 PM)
I can ask anytime I feel I need a hug. My Sir loves to cuddle possibly more than I do. [:)]

RRafe -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 6:52:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 Rrafe. You've never had a bad day and asked someone you loved for a hug? No one's ever come to you and asked for one? I can't even contemplate not being able to turn to my partner for support when in need, or asking and not getting it. Just as I hope he never turns to me and has me turn away. In a healthy, supportive relationship you give each other what they need. Even if what they need is just an embrace. You are putting words in that I never said-please quit doing that. I said intimacy needs to be given freely. Not that I had none to give.

marieToo -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 8:03:50 PM)
FR I think intimacy and affection are two completely different things. And I see the two words being used interchangeably on this thread I think people, by nature, are either affectionate or they aren't. Intimacy is another ball of wax. It's more like something that either developes between two people or not, and although intimacy may be expressed via physical affection for some people, it can also be present without being affectionate.

obis -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/13/2007 11:56:01 PM)
If there's something you want, that you're not getting, you need to ask for it. That's true of everything in life, there are very few mind readers who are going around lavishing gifts on strangers. In the case of a d/s relationship, obviously once you've asked, it's up to him to decide how, when, and if, to provide what you've asked for.

Celeste43 -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/14/2007 5:12:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 Rrafe. You've never had a bad day and asked someone you loved for a hug? No one's ever come to you and asked for one? I can't even contemplate not being able to turn to my partner for support when in need, or asking and not getting it. Just as I hope he never turns to me and has me turn away. In a healthy, supportive relationship you give each other what they need. Even if what they need is just an embrace. You are putting words in that I never said-please quit doing that. I said intimacy needs to be given freely. Not that I had none to give. I'm not putting words in your mouth, I don't understand what you mean. I'm reading it needs to be given freely to mean that your partner can't ask for it but instead has to wait until you feel like giving some, and hope that your desire to give meets their need for some affection and support. Which would bring us back to mind reading to get the timing right. If this isn't what you mean, then please clarify.

subsfaith -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/14/2007 6:41:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe quote: ORIGINAL: subsfaith Maybe in your world, but not in mine... :: smiles :: There are times when I ask and I get what I ask for, there are times when I am told to wait, there are also times I am completely denied. It all depends on his mood. But for us, there are no hard fast rules. But I do subscribe to a basic principle in life anyway - if you don't ask, you don't get. To ask costs nothing. Faith ::smiles :: Ask all you like-but things of this nature cannot be demanded. And push has one direction-away. Who said anything about demanding or pushing? To quote you: quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe You are putting words in that I never said-please quit doing that. Faith :: smiles::

RRafe -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/14/2007 7:35:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 Rrafe. You've never had a bad day and asked someone you loved for a hug? No one's ever come to you and asked for one? I can't even contemplate not being able to turn to my partner for support when in need, or asking and not getting it. Just as I hope he never turns to me and has me turn away. In a healthy, supportive relationship you give each other what they need. Even if what they need is just an embrace. You are putting words in that I never said-please quit doing that. I said intimacy needs to be given freely. Not that I had none to give. I'm not putting words in your mouth, I don't understand what you mean. I'm reading it needs to be given freely to mean that your partner can't ask for it but instead has to wait until you feel like giving some, and hope that your desire to give meets their need for some affection and support. Which would bring us back to mind reading to get the timing right. If this isn't what you mean, then please clarify. Showing affection should come naturally. But I would never be with someone so insecure and needy as to disrespect me, by DEMANDING it.

Mercnbeth -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/14/2007 7:50:41 AM)
there are no one-size-fits-most answers to questions like the ones you pose. some submissives aren't allowed to ask for anything...others are allowed protocol for asking, some Dom/Masters encourage asking for things, some don't. it isn't a relationship of generalities...it is a unique relationship that you have with this particular individual. craft it the way it fulfills the two of you...why attempt to imitate some stereotype or generality of what "should" or "should not" be done by "a" submissive or "a" Dom/Master?

Celeste43 -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/14/2007 10:33:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe Showing affection should come naturally. But I would never be with someone so insecure and needy as to disrespect me, by DEMANDING it. Ah, got it. Thanks. I think the disconnect here is that what you see as disrespectful and demanding is what I see as a compatibility issue. I knew I needed affection and affirmations, not a heavy punishment dynamic nor one heavy on humiliation or degradation. So these were just things I was looking for along with bondage and sex. And I didn't feel that stating what I was looking for was wrong since if I didn't tell anyone then I sure wouldn't get it. There were men who didn't go for what I go for, in things both on and off the checklists, and when we didn't match up sufficiently I said thanks but no thanks. But I wasn't going into a relationship hoping he might one day be intimate, since I've been in relationships with people incapable of it, and I needed to know he was both capable of it and as interested in it as I was. Just compatibility to me, no different then not being compatible with a vegan.

RRafe -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/14/2007 1:06:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe Showing affection should come naturally. But I would never be with someone so insecure and needy as to disrespect me, by DEMANDING it. Ah, got it. Thanks. I think the disconnect here is that what you see as disrespectful and demanding is what I see as a compatibility issue. I knew I needed affection and affirmations, not a heavy punishment dynamic nor one heavy on humiliation or degradation. So these were just things I was looking for along with bondage and sex. And I didn't feel that stating what I was looking for was wrong since if I didn't tell anyone then I sure wouldn't get it. There were men who didn't go for what I go for, in things both on and off the checklists, and when we didn't match up sufficiently I said thanks but no thanks. But I wasn't going into a relationship hoping he might one day be intimate, since I've been in relationships with people incapable of it, and I needed to know he was both capable of it and as interested in it as I was. Just compatibility to me, no different then not being compatible with a vegan. I'm actually a very happy, affectionate individual. But I know what you mean about good matches-I need about the same level I like to give. It tends to feel smothering and well......vampirish otherwise-if they need more. [&:]

littleone35 -> RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? (10/14/2007 1:32:51 PM)
I have not read the rest of the replies, buyt i would not accept a relationship without intimacy. I think a relationship wothout intimacy is kinda empty. I know some have this kind of relationship and are fulfilled by it. You are a person not just a sub/slave. if you need this you should ask your Dom for it. If he is not willing to give you this, and it is something you need i would talk a hard look at the relationship and see if i could live with out it. Then make you choice to stay or go. Matt's littleone

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