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asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 6:45:15 PM   
Jennie13093


Posts: 21
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		Just a quick question. Is asking for intimacy something a sub doesn't do or is not required by her Dom/Master to give? Like i love to be kissed or i love to hold hands out in public? Or is that way of thinking too much of a "vanilla" relationship?
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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 6:47:24 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Intimacy is given, not asked for.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to Jennie13093)
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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 6:52:25 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093

Just a quick question. Is asking for intimacy something a sub doesn't do or is not required by her Dom/Master to give? Like i love to be kissed or i love to hold hands out in public? Or is that way of thinking too much of a "vanilla" relationship?

I disagree that intimacy is not something one can ask for or expect.  If intimacy is something you desire then, by all means, you have the right to decide not to be in a relationship where it is not offered or given.  Jennie, some dom's fear or dislike intimacy.  If you want it in your relationship, those are not the ones for you.  There are many dom's/master's who have very deep intimacy with their subs/slaves and mine happens to be one of them.  There is nothing "vanilla" about intimacy.  I have never been in a MORE intimate relationship than the one with my Master.  Holding hands, kissing, and every other expression of intimacy - if those are your expectations, don't settle for less.  Don't ever let anyone convince you a slave can't have intimacy with her dom/master.  That's poppycock.  Good luck............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Jennie13093)
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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 7:19:57 PM   
MstrDennynSlave


Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093

Just a quick question. Is asking for intimacy something a sub doesn't do or is not required by her Dom/Master to give? Like i love to be kissed or i love to hold hands out in public? Or is that way of thinking too much of a "vanilla" relationship?

I disagree that intimacy is not something one can ask for or expect.  If intimacy is something you desire then, by all means, you have the right to decide not to be in a relationship where it is not offered or given.  Jennie, some dom's fear or dislike intimacy.  If you want it in your relationship, those are not the ones for you.  There are many dom's/master's who have very deep intimacy with their subs/slaves and mine happens to be one of them.  There is nothing "vanilla" about intimacy.  I have never been in a MORE intimate relationship than the one with my Master.  Holding hands, kissing, and every other expression of intimacy - if those are your expectations, don't settle for less.  Don't ever let anyone convince you a slave can't have intimacy with her dom/master.  That's poppycock.  Good luck............luci


I totally agree with you slaveluci. Intimacy for me is holding hands, kissing, touching. My Master is very intimate with me, even in public. We dont view it as vanilla. More often than not, Master is the one that initiates the intimacy, especially in public. As Masters slave, I feel that in public, he should be the one to initiate, in private, most often both of us reach for the other at the same time.

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 7:21:31 PM   
Willowmoon


Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		Sir knows that I like to be intimate, that I like to be kissed, hold hands and snuggle so he meets those needs without me having to ask him (though I think he meets those needs because he needs it as well)

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 7:21:41 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If this is what you need in a relationship, then this is what you need. No right or wrong to it. But what is necessary is for you to bring this need up in a straight forward manner, early on. Just tell anyone you are talking to that you need affection and affirmation as much as you need a straight d/s relationship. Hopefully the strict types who don't want any intimacy will realize you don't fit and not bother you any more.

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 8:48:04 PM   
Jennie13093


Posts: 21
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		Intimacy is given, not asked for.
Well thanks but with many Doms you have to ask for it and to me it should be given without me having to ask for it. Thanks for the insite.

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 8:51:35 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		One would hope a person wouldn't be in a situation where the other was in control without having a good idea on this issue.  I am very tactile, even outside of sex and/or play I like to touch the person often.  However, I'm not at all a fan of PDA, so holding hands in public would be rare for me.
People that use dominance as a way to distance themselves from others and don't feel the desire to share in common human emotions regardless of role, are not ones I would be with personally.
l

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 9:02:23 PM   
sweetcreeangel


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		no it is your right to ask for intimacy of any kind but you also have to look at what you call intimacy and what He calls intimacy for everyones view on it is different...............but there are times you have be vanilla regradless of how you feel about it,i say talk to Him and ask Him your questions for there are no such things as a stupid question
be well

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 9:03:20 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrDennynSlave
I totally agree with you slaveluci. Intimacy for me is holding hands, kissing, touching. My Master is very intimate with me, even in public. We dont view it as vanilla. More often than not, Master is the one that initiates the intimacy, especially in public

Yep.  Same here.  To think that only "vanilla" relationships can have intimacy is lunacy.  Nothing could be more intimate than the bond that Master and I share.  He is very physically affectionate in public and private insofar as holding hands, having His arm around me, etc.  And the emotional intimacy is just mind-blowing!................luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 9:44:18 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		He might be giving you intimacy already, but in a language you are not yet understanding.  I used to think my Master wasn't intimate at all.  But he just wasn't intimate in my language.  When I learned him better, I could accept what he was giving me all along, only I had been rejecting it because I wasn't seeing it.

And now, every once in awhile, he will speak my language for me and I just get giddy :)

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 9:46:00 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093

Intimacy is given, not asked for.
Well thanks but with many Doms you have to ask for it and to me it should be given without me having to ask for it. Thanks for the insite.


i'd gently disagree....if the dominants you're discussing things with arent lining up with your needs, they simply arent the right dominants for you.  some submissives/slaves dont want those intimacies, some do.    its something you know about yourself, that you need those kind of loving intimate acts (handholding, hugs, affection) and gives you another thing to screen for in your search for a good fit.

Daddy opens doors for me, holds my hand, offers me his arm when we walk together...but that doesnt make him any less my dominant, nor any less able to flog me if that's what he's a mind to do. 

kitten, whose sigline somewhere else reads "blown glass princess, be careful, i'm fragile"  and Daddy knows this

(in reply to Jennie13093)
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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 10:02:00 PM   
Jennie13093


Posts: 21
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for all your helpful advice. i certainly will take back what ever one has told me thus far. One can only go so long before a decison has to be made in relation to this topic. i put it in my profile. So it states it there really clearly. Thanks once again for all you wise words of wisdom.

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 10:44:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Stop asking for people to give you a rulebook- this is whatever you want it to be.  Bring up whatever you want- some will hate it and some will love it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/12/2007 11:27:23 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093

Intimacy is given, not asked for.
Well thanks but with many Doms you have to ask for it and to me it should be given without me having to ask for it. Thanks for the insite.


How can something two people share being given to only one?


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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/13/2007 4:41:22 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jennie13093

Just a quick question. Is asking for intimacy something a sub doesn't do or is not required by her Dom/Master to give? Like i love to be kissed or i love to hold hands out in public? Or is that way of thinking too much of a "vanilla" relationship?


It's a relationship;  you can make it whatever the two of you like. You can ask for the moon on a stick if you want.

It's no different to any other relationship, vanilla or otherwise; You get to know someone, over time and during that time you discover how compatible you are etc.

There are no rules, there is no special submissive way of doing anything, there is no special dominant way of doing anything and there's nothing *vanilla* in a D/s relationship.

agirl




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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/13/2007 5:15:32 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Hell, I ask to be cuddled on a regular basis and I love kissing and holding hands and so does he.  On the other hand I am not a very good slave if you consider all the things that a slave is "supposed" to do or be like and I am just fine with that.  He thinks I am a perfect match and that is all that matters.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/13/2007 6:17:00 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Some people like rough sadistic/masochistic relationships with little romance involved.  Some like intimate daddy dom type relationships.  It's all based on the individuals involved and what works for one won't work for another.  You need to decide what YOU want in a relationship and then seek out another who wants the same type.  If you want intimacy then find a dom who also wants intimacy.  Simple as that once you are able to figure out what you require in a fulfilling relationship.

(in reply to Jennie13093)
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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/13/2007 6:31:25 AM   
dollylima


Posts: 48
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Intimacy is given, not asked for.


How about starting off posts like this with something like "In my relationship..."


< Message edited by dollylima -- 10/13/2007 6:32:27 AM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: asking for intamacy too much to ask for? - 10/13/2007 6:48:36 AM   
Daddyskittin


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		To me a D/s relationship is the most intimate of intimate relationships... I really have a hard time wrapping my brain around how anyone in one could ever feel that it's not completely intimate, but I'm sure there are many out there where the levels of intimacy varies...and I'm sure there are many M/s relationships out there where again intimacy varies... and that many measure intimacy in physical displays... and that some people are extremely capable of expressing that, and others struggle or just are not very good at it or have no desire for it at all... again to me I could not consider it a D/s, M/s relationship if it lacked intimacy... but I can completely understand that in the beginning intimacy may be asked for if it is not clear that someone is comfortable...capable or desires it... My Daddy asked for intimacy with me the first night we met... He asked if he could kiss me.

So if you desire intimacy look for it ... and if you aren't quite sure... just ask.




_____________________________

Daddyskittin... formally YourShyPet

myspace.com/daddys_kittin

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