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So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/12/2007 9:14:42 PM   
sweetcreeangel


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		is it normal to want to rebel,yell kick and scream or just throw a plain old tantrum if so does any Master out there have any suggestions on how to remain being that good girl who are known to be or better yet how to bring out the naughty side you want to bring out soooooooooo much?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/12/2007 9:17:53 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		How does your partner feel about it?  Some like the "stuggling sub" or SAM, others really do not.  Like all things, it's a matter of what two people desire from each other.
l

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/12/2007 9:19:23 PM   
sweetcreeangel


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		i no longer have a partner laurell this is why i wish to rebel W/we broke up and i feel lost and think that if i had maybe been more good or naughty for Him W/we would have stayed together *sighs*

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/12/2007 9:20:47 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Let it go.  You can't change the past.  Beating yourself up about it won't help.  Hang out and learn and then when you're ready, try again. I'm sorry about the breakup though.

l

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/12/2007 9:24:02 PM   
sweetcreeangel


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		thank-you as am i,*nods* yes i know i have to let it go and am slowly doing that one day at a time thank-you for advice though much appericated
be well

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/12/2007 9:27:19 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Chocolate helps, although the one thing I've found really helps me process grief faster is strenuous exercise, which in turn helps with the chocolate.

l

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/12/2007 9:29:40 PM   
sweetcreeangel


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		*grins* i love chocolate and is thinking of going and getting some thanks again

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/12/2007 10:11:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think you're still on the frenzy roller coaster.  Slow it down.  Get some perspective.

Most subs need about a year before they calm down enough to really "get into submission."  Not that they don't get it before then, or enjoy it, but when you spend most of your growing life NOT being in secure relationships, NOT being with people who are actively dominant, NOT just letting go- well it's not like falling off a log. 

Learning HOW to relax, learning HOW to just be calm, secure, happy, some might say "boring" is an essential skill, specially as a submissive.  Learning how to surrender is a big piece of the puzzle.  It doesn't get discussed often because everyone's too busy making it into some fantastical ideal, crying over how they aren't reaching it...and just generally making it a big dramatic mess as a distraction from the fact that they aren't actually SURRENDERING at all- not to their doms, not to their sense of self, and certainly not to admitting they honestly need to take a chill pill.

Some people are worse than others- but if you take the time to really examine what you want, really focus and deal with yourself on your terms, really use good judgement and find a secure path in life, you can teach yourself how to surrender- completely.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/13/2007 7:55:16 AM   
sweetcreeangel


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		thank-you all for the advice

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/13/2007 8:39:12 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Instead of wishing you had changed, that you had not played the role of a good girl, or conversely had not rebelled enough to keep his interest try finding someone who likes you just the way you are. Someone who doesn't want to change you, someone who just thinks your brand of submissiveness is fabulous and you're just what he's been looking for. Don't be like Cinderella's stepsisters cutting off their toes to fit into the slipper, just be with the person you fit as is.

It's sad that your ex wasn't the right one. Take time grieving the death of the dream and figure out what makes a man the right one for you. I find that the more you know of what you do and don't need, the easier it is to discover early on if you're talking to someone you might have a future with instead of those with whom a relationship is doomed to fail.

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/13/2007 2:20:43 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		I'm tempted to view this as an personals ad.  The woman you say you are is so close to my personal ideal--submissive and fiery at the same time--that it's hard to see this as a question that needs answering.

Too bad you're Canadian.  ^_^

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/13/2007 2:49:13 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think you're still on the frenzy roller coaster.  Slow it down.  Get some perspective.

Most subs need about a year before they calm down enough to really "get into submission."  Not that they don't get it before then, or enjoy it, but when you spend most of your growing life NOT being in secure relationships, NOT being with people who are actively dominant, NOT just letting go- well it's not like falling off a log. 

Learning HOW to relax, learning HOW to just be calm, secure, happy, some might say "boring" is an essential skill, specially as a submissive.  Learning how to surrender is a big piece of the puzzle.  It doesn't get discussed often because everyone's too busy making it into some fantastical ideal, crying over how they aren't reaching it...and just generally making it a big dramatic mess as a distraction from the fact that they aren't actually SURRENDERING at all- not to their doms, not to their sense of self, and certainly not to admitting they honestly need to take a chill pill.

Some people are worse than others- but if you take the time to really examine what you want, really focus and deal with yourself on your terms, really use good judgement and find a secure path in life, you can teach yourself how to surrender- completely.


Thank you so much for saying this..As a brand new sub this is the best piece of advice that i have read anywhere.


_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/15/2007 4:12:04 AM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline



  i play fight with my Mate. i bite, slap, kick, scratch, and my Mate is ammused at my attempts to challenge Him. of corse, should He tire of it, it stops, normally with a hard bite to my neck.  docile as a kitten i go in no time flat. 
but i don't think you have to turn in your sub-papers feeling a need to fight back is just a part of the human-animal. submitting makes your heart race and all your sences go fritzy, i bet rebellion isn't the oddest feeling to ever come out of sub-space.
hope this helps- phoenix



(in reply to Hergirl0824)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/15/2007 11:30:48 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		D/s is a dynamic of *two* complementing opposites (Dom & sub) so, no, you can't do it all by being a "good girl" when you clearly have the urge to rebel.  When subs get bratty, it's usually a case of testing boundaries; that maybe Master hasn't been on top of things as he should.  It happens occasionally, so I'd qualify it as "normal". 
 
If my girl is misbehaving a bit too much, I don't just default to the easy option of blaming her for it, even though I generally hold her to be accountable for her actions.  There's a msg in her being too bratty; esp because the average sub isn't inherently "bad"....  D/s is a *dynamic* of Dom controlling sub, so I also reflect on my actions (or inactions) that may have contributed to this abnormal behaviour!  A sub's tantrum can be a cry for help, for eg?
 
Focus.

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/16/2007 4:42:05 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

is it normal to want to rebel,yell kick and scream or just throw a plain old tantrum if so does any Master out there have any suggestions on how to remain being that good girl who are known to be or better yet how to bring out the naughty side you want to bring out soooooooooo much?


Hugs to ya, angel.  I'm sorry about your breakup but all the woulda shoulda coulda 's in the world won't help, except to give you a headache.  Maybe just step back a little, go inside for awhile and figure out who you are.  If you are a "good girl", be a good girl.  If you are a SAM, be a SAM.  Be whoever you are comfortable being.  There is someone out there looking for exactly who you really are.  And you'll just know when he finds you.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/16/2007 5:12:46 AM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		I think if you feel the genuine need to throw a fit from time to time then yes it's normal - you're trying to express something that perhaps you can't wrap words around.

Some people have a hard time discussing or expressing valid feelings & frustrations. Sometimes just writing it down is helpful when you can't get anything to come out of your mouth. Journaling & maybe beating the hell out of something or taking up some vigorous exercise can help release some energy. Don't beat YOURSELF up tho, and assume the reason it didn't work was 100% your fault. Perfectly great people aren't always compatible, y'know? let it go.

Also take some time to do something that makes you happy, a lil self care goes a long way.


_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/16/2007 5:26:53 AM   
Sheetal


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/16/2007
Status: offline 		New Slave in Collar me

(in reply to Sabella)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/16/2007 5:29:00 AM   
Sheetal


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/16/2007
Status: offline 		want to be collared and USED

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/16/2007 5:32:07 AM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		Great! Go fetch me some coffee & clean the catbox. Then you can get started on the yard.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to Sheetal)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: So dont want to be a good girl no more - 10/16/2007 7:03:25 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheetal

New Slave in Collar me


Post a profile, not a message.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Sheetal)
Profile   Post #: 20
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