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ORIGINAL: cloudboy

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I also dispute your assertion that the focus of dominance is what the dominant gives. The flip side of that is that submission is about receiving things: `Whip me! Tie me up! Sit on my face! Take me with your strap-on!' That's called `topping from the bottom.'

I was not trying to focus on dominance or submission when speaking of the courtship process, but rather on the courtship process itself. If anyone focuses their attention on "what I want" from another, then essentially they relegate themselves to a reactive position of waiting, finding out, and evaluation if others comport with their own list of wants. The person who instead focuses on what she does for another person, by contrast, is leading with elements that are fully under her own control. This person is in the proactive position.

The reactive approach to relationships is consumer oriented (what am I getting) whereas the proactive approach to relationships is production oriented (what can I build.)

I think there's a bit of false romanticism of sitting on the throne and having folks fawn over you while bestowing gifts, tributes, and adolation. Its as if all that pomp is meant to make up for what you as a person are incapable of producing yourself. (Overcompensating for insecurity.)

What appears powerful is actually disempowered and reliant on one's pliant subjects. It somewhat harken's to Tolsoy's theory of great men, aka, that great men are actually small men. (Napolean, for example.)

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy

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I also dispute your assertion that the focus of dominance is what the dominant gives. The flip side of that is that submission is about receiving things: `Whip me! Tie me up! Sit on my face! Take me with your strap-on!' That's called `topping from the bottom.'

I was not trying to focus on dominance or submission when speaking of the courtship process, but rather on the courtship process itself. If anyone focuses their attention on "what I want" from another, then essentially they relegate themselves to a reactive position of waiting, finding out, and evaluation if others comport with their own list of wants. The person who instead focuses on what she does for another person, by contrast, is leading with elements that are fully under her own control. This person is in the proactive position.

The reactive approach to relationships is consumer oriented (what am I getting) whereas the proactive approach to relationships is production oriented (what can I build.)

I think there's a bit of false romanticism of sitting on the throne and having folks fawn over you while bestowing gifts, tributes, and adolation. Its as if all that pomp is meant to make up for what you as a person are incapable of producing yourself. (Overcompensating for insecurity.)

What appears powerful is actually disempowered and reliant on one's pliant subjects. It somewhat harken's to Tolsoy's theory of great men, aka, that great men are actually small men. (Napolean, for example.)

It's a personal advertisement- why are you so obsessed, why does it bother you so much that she words it in the way she wants?  It's been up over a year - what, are you counting? Do you check it daily to see if it has changed?  Are you fantasizing about her? Are you stalking her? How do you know she is not happily married now and just never took it down?  Don't you think that's a little creepy how much thought you have put into a random person's personal?

By the way, look at ANY personal, most of them state all about what they want and very little about what they have to offer.  You looked at any male submissive personals lately?  How do those seem realisitc and grounded?

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy


I don't really see how starting a thread based on an observation comports with "obsession." In order to effectively level the "obsession" charge here, you'd have to do it from my posting record. (In other words, supply some tangible evidence as opposed to suggestive inuendo.)

Next, the observation (of a Goddess Complex) although springing from an individual example, is more rooted in an achitype.

As for why I have an interest in this subject, the question's been asked and answered. Look at the record.

Typically, a general audience laughs in unison at a person who regards herself as either a gift to the world, the opposite sex, or to a group of would be suitors. Here, though, folks seem (you too) to be siding against that general perception.

As was pointed out in a book I just finished reading, its up to the moderates to reign in the fringes on the left and right (politically.) Currently in the Republican party its moderate and middle of the road components have yeilded slavishly to the direction of its fringe component (which is in control of the White House.) Such loyalty is actually bad for the country and the Republican party. The results have been a lack of Congressional oversight to Presidential authority in a system based on checks and balances. Delusions eminating from the White House, instead of being checked at the door, have been instituted into policy.

Similarly, there are fringe sub and Dom views in the BDSM continuim --- and I don't think its all that disrespectful or harmful to criticize / analyze them. Reality checks are a good thing.

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ORIGINAL: Alecto

[quote from GuidingLite]

Yah, sissie boy cloudie boy got a love/hate relatshionship with the girlyies femdoms. He luves them coz they dress him up like a girl and wifey wont but he hates them coz he wants to be like them and neva will be.

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I'm fairly new to this site, but, having read this thread, I fail to see why anyone would bring a person's spouse into a discussion, especially in such a crude and petty fashion. If you can't argue with another person without stooping to this behavior, I think you should stay off message boards.
What could you possibly know about this person's wife? The original post was not a mean-spirited, personal attack, it was an opinion, no more or less valid than anyone else's opinion.
Regardless of whether or not I agree with cloudboy's post, I see no need to act like a bitch and resort to a personal attack (do you have nothing else in your quiver but poisoned arrows?).

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I seek My One true submissive knight. He is alpha by day, successful and handsome, passionate, and generous to a fault. He understands the dynamic and the power exchange; he yearns to give, to hand over, to lay down his guard.He understands that what I seek is My birthright, to be adored, cherrished and spoiled. He is single, and he is prepared to begin his journey.

I read the above in someone's profile. I honestly do wonder how one comes to hold such beliefs. What's odd is how this viewpoint puts her in the submissive or weak position of courtship, because she's concentrating on what she's getting (which is out of her control) as opposed to what she's giving (which is in her control.)

When **I** think of dominance, I see the role more as a responsibility than as a privilegded position. Like a manager or owner of a business, operations don't run well on their own and employees do not excel in an atmosphere of "you're lucky to be here." No, a manager or owner gets results by putting themselves into the operations and empowering, leading, motivating, and who knows, --- maybe inspiring their their charges.

I suppose the person above holds the monachial view of domination with the whole birthright, "revolve around me thing." But I have to agree with Thomas Paine, such venerated thinking is delusional.

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy


You are right, I don't know all the facts of the individual case, but that does not mean I can't question the premises or the scenario. Also, a philosophical inquiry is not meaningless. The fact is, you are just trying to be dismissive --- and mostly so by going after me personally.

I take it then, that you think the perspective in my OP is balanced and reasonable. On that point, we have a very different opinion indeed.

You don't have to concede, believe, or suspect that a "Goddess Complex" exists in any form at all. I, on the other hand, do think its out there. As opposed to being "bitter" or "upset" about it, I actually just find it amusing. To me, its akin to waiting for the Great Pumkin to rise up from the Pumkin Patch.

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There are submissive men that climb over each other to have a shot at a relationship like the one she describes. There are some men that want to offer that kind of devotion to a woman simply because she was born with a vagina.

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ORIGINAL: GuidingLite

Yah, sissie boy cloudie boy got a love/hate relatshionship with the girlyies femdoms. He luves them coz they dress him up like a girl and wifey wont but he hates them coz he wants to be like them and neva will be.

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ORIGINAL: NoreenSwan
why do you care so much about what others think and what works for others?

why is it your business if it doesnt affect you? ...or does it?

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I don't honestly believe any male sub can have a purely objective opinion on what femdoms go through.  Because deep down, I think most submissive men wish they could have that amount of attention and potential partners - they don't realize that 99% of these men don't want us, they want a fantasy, and a great percentage of these men are also quite obnoxious about it. You also can't know the inner workings of women, what it feels like to also be feminine, vulnerable, conflicted, emotional, and dealing with the balance of being empowered while at the same time being real and human.   Any sub man who can tell me I should believe him when he says "I know how you feel" is crazy.

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What's odd is how this viewpoint puts her in the submissive or weak position of courtship, because she's concentrating on what she's getting (which is out of her control) as opposed to what she's giving (which is in her control.)

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy


Just a quick couple of thoughts. Even in the animal kingdom mates are usually selected by the process of "male competition, female choice". Thus it is in humans, and even in a BDSM context. I don't think that sitting back and watching who best fulfills my personal criteria is being passive or submissive. I tend to like it when a man goes out of his way to court me and catch my attention. That puts him a step above the competition!

That said, I tend to find myself happier in relationships where I take control rather than waiting for the guy to read my mind and anticipate my wants, needs and desires. But it gets exhausting sometimes taking control. I would *like* for him to know exactly what I want and do things and act certain ways, but that's not realistic. And unless I communicate my wants and needs, and take control, then my expectations are usually disappointed. At least that's how I operate!

(in reply to cloudboy)

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy


I still think that to strike a man's heart, a woman (or Femdom) must communicate to him what she will do for him and what she will bring to the table.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I seek My One true submissive knight. He is alpha by day, successful and handsome, passionate, and generous to a fault. He understands the dynamic and the power exchange; he yearns to give, to hand over, to lay down his guard.He understands that what I seek is My birthright, to be adored, cherrished and spoiled. He is single, and he is prepared to begin his journey.

I read the above in someone's profile. I honestly do wonder how one comes to hold such beliefs. What's odd is how this viewpoint puts her in the submissive or weak position of courtship, because she's concentrating on what she's getting (which is out of her control) as opposed to what she's giving (which is in her control.)

When **I** think of dominance, I see the role more as a responsibility than as a privilegded position. Like a manager or owner of a business, operations don't run well on their own and employees do not excel in an atmosphere of "you're lucky to be here." No, a manager or owner gets results by putting themselves into the operations and empowering, leading, motivating, and who knows, --- maybe inspiring their their charges.

I suppose the person above holds the monachial view of domination with the whole birthright, "revolve around me thing." But I have to agree with Thomas Paine, such venerated thinking is delusional.

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MsLilac: But you know what, it really doesn’t matter what other people do, does it?