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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/14/2007 10:38:48 PM

LATEXBABY64

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yes you can. but there has to be like any addiction commitment and help from another person. So lets say you meet the love of a life time rocks your world. everything you could want just not the kink I bet most could. if it was the right conditions

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 12:11:48 AM

harmony3709

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I quit smoking about 20 years ago, not because I no longer wanted to smoke, I quit because I was pregnant with my oldest son. I remained a non-smoker, for many reasons, most having to do with my son and other children that came after him. Every once in a while, I really REALLY want a cigarette. On a few rare occasions, I have even indulged myself.

I think most people can give something up that gives them pleasure under the right circumstances. But then of course will likely come those days that you really REALLY want..............

I think the answer to your questions, would vanilla ever be the same or as good, would all depend in the circumstances and individuals involved. The reason behind your change is what would ultimately play the biggest factor in whether or not you can go back or be happy going back.

Unfortunately, I have first-hand experience in this subject and can only say that if you come up with a cure or a good answer..........please share.

Blessed be,
harmony

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 12:20:12 AM

MissMagnolia

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I have a dominant nature, I always have and I cannot change that. I don't see my D/s relationships as kink. They are what they are.

< Message edited by MissMagnolia -- 10/15/2007 12:21:10 AM >

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 4:22:06 AM

littlebitxxx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ashkitty

Is there any way to go back? Once you know too much about the kinky BDSM lifestyle... once you've lived it, been taken to subspace and rocketed to utter submission with a stern look or phrase...

Can you unlearn it?   Unlikely
Force yourself to forget it?   Hardly
Stop the cravings? Impossible
BDSM rehab, maybe?   Is there such a thing?

Will vanilla ever be the same?   Not in my life.
As good?   Not
As contenting?   Never!

If you could brainwash yourself to forget what you've learned, back to clean slate with no rope, handcuffs... the tantalizing scent of leather...
No protection, no control, no... no... fufillment.
Would you do it?   NO
Can you stop...

needing it?   Couldn't even fathom it.

I need to find my happy place.   Hugs to ya on that one.

Fleetwood Mac: "Never goin' back again"

While the vanilla side of my relationship is peaceful, joyous, wonderful in all ways, the bdsm, D/s, is icing on a delicious cake. The cake is great standing alone but lacks a little something to sweeten it. Once I had the icing, I couldn't go back to naked cake.

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 4:39:17 AM

AFlyInYourWeb

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ashkitty

Is there any way to go back? Once you know too much about the kinky BDSM lifestyle... once you've lived it, been taken to subspace and rocketed to utter submission with a stern look or phrase...

Can you unlearn it?
Force yourself to forget it?
Stop the cravings?
Can you stop...

needing it?

No. I'll never stop needing it. I can't even imagine why I'd want to stop needing it.

Sure, I'd have more dates if I went vanilla, but what would I really have? I'd be spending time with women who will not really know all of me, or love me for who I really am. What would they have? A lover who yearns for a level of intimacy they cannot even conceive, much less share with me.

Lose-lose as far as I can see.

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 5:10:25 AM

TNstepsout

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Considering that I am just getting started I wouldn't want to go back. When I first discovered the lifestyle it was like I had opened a door on this amazing magical landscape that, all this time, had lain within my reach, but I had never known about. How could I possibly ignore such a vast, fascinating land of mystery and magic and opportunity? I might be able to close the door but I would always dream and wonder what else was out there. I would be like the sailor forced to stay on land.

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 5:24:32 AM

brattysarahjane

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i don't think that i could or would every stop. i have lived with a non interested partner for a long time, and if He finally didn't agree to at least try it, i don't know what i would do.

bratty sarah jane

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 5:31:26 AM

Dari

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I stopped physically practicing anything from the BDSM lifestyle for a little over a decade. And I wasn't particularly unhappy, and I had meaningful, full, satisfying relationships.

When I finally decided to take another sub, it was like coming home. Acknowledging something that had been there all along, some part of me that had cried out, unanswered, for over ten years. Then I took a look at my relationships, my "vanilla" relationships, and realized that almost without exception (and those exceptions were all blood relatives), every single one I had that I considered important was one in which there still was power exchange, our relationship had (and has) a D/s dynamic, and I'd been following the same lifetsyle without a single scene.

It's who I am. I can't change it, not and be happy. I can stop physically expressing my underlying need to hurt the ones I love, I can stop conversing with others who share my preferences - but I can't stop being a dominant person, and I won't just let control slip through my fingers.

Yes, you can stop practicing the BDSM lifestyle and be happy - depending on your disposition and mental strength. You can't turn from yourself and be anything but miserable, though.

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 6:37:05 AM

CelticPrince

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Ashkitty,

Why would you want to?

CP

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 7:34:46 AM

slavegirljoy

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Ashkitty,

Therapists and other trained professionals, who are kink-friendly, are available to help you. You can find a listing at:
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=75

Also, a hypnotherapist may be able to assist you in using the power of positive suggestion, and other techniques, in order to overcome negative feelings or to change unwanted behavior.
http://www.natboard.com/index_files/Page835.htm
http://www.hypnosis-directory.com/hypnotherapist-directory/index.htm

But, here's what i think about trying to "undo" what's been done already. Every experience you have had, has shaped you into who you are. To take away any part of those experiences will also take away from who you are now. As people, we are a conglomeration of all of our experiences, sensations, learning, etc., the good, the bad and, the indifferent. You can't just take out one part, that you don't like, without it affecting the whole. We aren't like hamburgers from Mc'Ds, that you can say, "Hold the mustard" or, "No onions, please." We are a total package and we either accept ourself, as a total package and learn to find balance in our life with who we are or, we torture ourself with, "why can't i be something i'm not?" and, "how can i change who i am?" That's not to say that we have to live with the unpleasantness of negative experiences but, if we don't learn to put them into perspective and take some value from the experience, in the form of growth and understanding, then they can haunt us and become bigger and badder over time. There is something that can be learned from everything. To simply try to forget it or ignore it is to invalidate what could have been a positive learning and growth experience.

Are you happy with who you are? If so, why try to take any part of you away, including your memories of past experiences? Why not accept who you are and what you have been through, look for the positive attributes you have gained through your experiences and build on those? If you're not happy with who you are, then you need to learn how to reconcile those feeling so that you can have self-acceptance and a positive self-image.

You're young. You still have a lot of experiences ahead of you, hopefully, more positive than negative ones. You are a sum total of all of your parts. Don't let one part of who you are take over all your other parts and your decision-making. Don't let your impulses and desires influence you to the point that you make poor choices. Learn to look at yourself and your life as a whole, and consider the whole when you make choices about what to do.

If your feelings, thoughts or, impulses are causing you conflict within you or causing difficulties in your relationships, you can get help in dealing with that. If you need help in learning how to improve your self-image, in learning how to accept yourself, in learning how to make choices that will be positive and beneficial to you, in learning how to deal with sexual issues that are causing you to have negative feelings about yourself or causing problems in your relationship, there are therapists who are kink-friendly and who are trained in these areas. You can find a listing at:
http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=75

You don't have to deny a part of who you are, in order to be happy and fulfilled. Finding balance in all the parts that make up who you are and finding a partner who will accept you for who you are can lead to a very happy, healthy and fulfilling life.

This is just my personal view, based on my experience with struggling with negative feelings about my sexuality and learning how to find balance and self-acceptance in my life. Only you can know what is right for you. Good luck and don't beat yourself up for being who you are.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 10/15/2007 8:03:40 AM >

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 10:26:46 AM

jewells13

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I've lived all but the last 7 of my 52 years in a vanilla world. Was I happy? Absolutely! Was I fulfilled? No, because even though I didn't know what "it" was, I felt that there was something missing. I am, and always have been, submissive. (although I had no idea as to what that was or meant, so never knew why I felt unfulfilled) The problem in a vanilla relationship that makes it unfulfilling for me is because there is no exchange. To me, the physical kink is just a part of the dynamics. Even if I had a vanilla partner that was willing to tie me up, and flog me on occassion, but was not a Dominant personality, it would still be unfulfilling to me. I don't think I would be able to deny that part of me that I'm still learning to understand. (and more importantly, don't want to) At some point, at this stage in my life, no matter how good my intentions were, I think I would end up resenting the person I felt I had to hide a critical part of my make-up from. I can remember telling a vanilla partner that "I know how to make and keep you happy, I just need to sacrifice myself in order to do it"
Been there most of my adult life, don't want to go back.

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 10:30:20 AM

YesMistressIrish

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Get someone to stop breathing?

Oh wait, that's a kink....

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 11:52:12 AM

kittyinpink

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I'm here cuz I realized I can't stop it, so I'll try the opposite route and embrace it

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 11:58:51 AM

DarkDaddyZ

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Some of us have tried to live without kink. I know for 3 years I did.
I was never more miserable. Never again. Ever! While it may not be the biggest focus in my life it'll always be part of me.

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 12:07:35 PM

AquaticSub

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This is not a drug.

It's like me living without books. Yes I can do it. I could probably be somewhat happy - but I wouldn't be as fulfilled and I wouldn't want to do it.

But this is not a drug. Not everyone enjoys it. I know people in the real world who have tried BDSM and just didn't care for it. It simply didn't strike a chord in them and they have very deep, fulfilling relationships with some great sex. If BDSM enchances your life it is because you simply are that way. You can't change that any more than I can change the fact that I love cheesecake. I can go without it, but I still enjoy it and would prefer to be eating it.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 12:12:05 PM

rick19

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I view kink as a sexual orientation. Trying to quit kink would be no different than trying to convince a gay man he is straight - and usually the ways they do it don't work. I was born this way, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 12:13:41 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

This is not a drug.

It's not? Because sometimes it makes me soooooooooooo HIGH!
You are right, some love BDSM, some don't but to me it is (what I perceive as) drug like and controlled addiction.

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 12:20:43 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

This is not a drug.

It's not? Because sometimes it makes me soooooooooooo HIGH!
You are right, some love BDSM, some don't but to me it is (what I perceive as) drug like and controlled addiction.

I may get high, but I have yet to hear of submissives stealing TVs to make cash and pay off their doms to get another scene.

It's a euphoria but I simply can not consider it a drug and actual addiction. Many people would be unfulfilled by the removal of things, be it gardening, cooking, woodworking, living in a city, living in the country, reading, camping, having a loving partner, having a pet, and they would not want to consider life without those things but we don't consider that an addiction.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 12:25:55 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

This is not a drug.

It's not? Because sometimes it makes me soooooooooooo HIGH!
You are right, some love BDSM, some don't but to me it is (what I perceive as) drug like and controlled addiction.

I may get high, but I have yet to hear of submissives stealing TVs to make cash and pay off their doms to get another scene.

It's a euphoria but I simply can not consider it a drug and actual addiction. Many people would be unfulfilled by the removal of things, be it gardening, cooking, woodworking, living in a city, living in the country, reading, camping, having a loving partner, having a pet, and they would not want to consider life without those things but we don't consider that an addiction.

That makes sense. I could live without power exchange or BDSM, but I don't want to and I love the way it makes me feel

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RE: How to Stop Kink? - 10/15/2007 1:30:11 PM

Ryeguy91

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I've had experinces in vanilla relathionships after realizing my Dom nature and they were complete failures. There were too many power struggles that just would not happen with a submissive partner, and if they would, she would easily be reminded of her place and it would come to a quick end. On the other side of the coin I can see if being easier for a submissive to make the transition than a dominant. You can serve your new partner in the same ways you would serve you Dom partners in the past, but don't expect it to reciprocate, which may be unhealthy.

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