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extremely attached - 10/14/2007 7:24:44 PM   
BlueAngelEyes411


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		I have only had one D/s relationship and being a total novice, I had no idea what to expect. He had been in the lifestyle for at least 10 years and he was so sweet and patient and went very slow. However, he didn't count on falling in love and that changed so many things. We had a very intense mental relationship but because we were out of the country so often at different times, it never became totally sexual. We agreed to walk away because I knew I could never leave my family no matter what. My question is does every sub become so completly attached to their first Dom? If he came back into my life tomorrow, I'm not sure I would be strong enough not to go with him.

_____________________________

Be Safe,
BlueAngel
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: extremely attached - 10/14/2007 7:55:37 PM   
ShadowsLap


Posts: 36
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline 		Oh dear BlueAngel -

In my personal experience, I did not get extremely attached to my first Dom - who was abusive to me.  However, I still suffer a very deep attachment to my 2nd Dom - the One who was patient, slow, caring, and not insulted by my intelligence.  Even though we don't speak much anymore and our physical relationship left much to be desired, my heart still loves him - very much! 

So, do what you must to be happy.  I wish you peace.

SL

< Message edited by ShadowsLap -- 10/14/2007 7:56:42 PM >

(in reply to BlueAngelEyes411)
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RE: extremely attached - 10/14/2007 8:36:42 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		I am so attached to my Dom, who is basically my first, that I cannot really imagine having to find another one.

(in reply to ShadowsLap)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: extremely attached - 10/14/2007 9:41:31 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Usually they get attached to their notions of a fantasy ideal dom which they project onto a particular person.

Hopefully those notions die fairly easily and painlessly without much wreckage in its wake.

That being said, I'm completely co-dependent on my partner in most ways for emotional life fulfillment.  I guess the difference for me is that I understand and accept that co-dependency rather than allowing it to control me.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 10/14/2007 9:42:47 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to kitttty)
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RE: extremely attached - 10/14/2007 10:07:10 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		In my experience, I've always been in love with being in love. It doesn't necessarily mean "love", but any new and exciting experience. Being aware of my propensity for that makes me more comfortable with detaching myself from those situations when they are over. If this relationship didn't work for you the first time, I would certainly start to look at the why's of that...life is so full of trial and error. Enjoy the good things that you discovered and take the time you need to grieve for the loss of the relationship.
 
Good luck in finding what it takes to make you happy and fulfilled. 

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to BlueAngelEyes411)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: extremely attached - 10/14/2007 10:44:21 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		It is Said there is someone for everyone. I do know weird things have happen in the past. I have had love at first sight only once in my life. I have had lust love many times tons. I have had in love only twice. then you hear i love them but do not like them or i like them but do not love them you almost need a road map to fallow things anymore.  I do know this if a person is not balanced in their life.  things will suck the wheel to being with a person comes around more then once. i do know this cause. i have experienced it

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 4:34:33 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		I was very attached to my first and only for basically the same reasons as the OP, except for the falling in love part.  Yes, it was hard to leave but we remained friends.  I found that over the course of the next year of searching for a new Master, I was taking to comparing all the newcomers to my first.  Not a good thing in the long run.  But it did help me to figure out what parts of whom I liked or disliked, kind of gave me a grounding point for my search.  All I knew was that it was going to have to be a very very special someone to fill my head and fill my heart the way I wanted.  I have found him.  Not a replacement, not a filler, actually in no way comparable at all.  Jarl is completely different as a person, but the core values are the same which were most important to me. 

Like a first love as a teenager, first Masters will always hold a special place.  But they don't have the monopoly in the long term.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 4:41:56 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I can't answer this question. I'm a Dom and never fell in love with myself. Have I fell in love with any of my subs. Nope.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 4:46:57 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I can't say I've ever fallen in love with a sub or had an attachment that strong. I might one day, but not so far.

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if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 5:57:32 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		Daddy loves me very much....and i love him equally.  it works for us, it might not work for anyone else.

kitten

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 6:29:17 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Blue,

It happens as there is that initial feeling of safety and understanding that is somehow unmatched by others that come after. That is a principal reason why when I mentor someone it is always on a hands off basis to insure total objectivity.
Even mentor relationships are subject to getting too close.

Good Fortune

CP

(in reply to BlueAngelEyes411)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 6:40:57 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		When I mentor a slave, it is always hands on to ensure 100% objectification.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 7:26:52 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I too am a dominant and have never fallen in love with myself...

However, I can see where it would be easy for submissives to love me or fall in love with me...~blows on nails and then buffs them on shirt...........................................then grins and laughs~

(in reply to BlueAngelEyes411)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 7:33:01 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Sounds to me from what you describe that you were in the infatuation stage of a relationship. Where everything was new, exciting and carefree because of how it was. The world of possibilities where little negatives had yet to be exposed because it was infrequent and then decided not wise to pursue, utopia was imagined.

These are relationships like all others. Your first power exchange relationship is powerful no doubt and I am not dismissing that thought at all. Whether he comes back into your life and you would pursue it or you find another, it should be about finding the one and being realistic. Personally my .02 advice is not to build up your first like the one you had into a mythic situation. Follow your path maybe the next dominant will be even better or maybe your first will be back.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to BlueAngelEyes411)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 8:36:34 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

We agreed to walk away because I knew I could never leave my family no matter what.


Just curious--do you mean you are married?

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to BlueAngelEyes411)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 9:49:54 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueAngelEyes411

I have only had one D/s relationship and being a total novice, I had no idea what to expect. He had been in the lifestyle for at least 10 years and he was so sweet and patient and went very slow. However, he didn't count on falling in love and that changed so many things. We had a very intense mental relationship but because we were out of the country so often at different times, it never became totally sexual. We agreed to walk away because I knew I could never leave my family no matter what. My question is does every sub become so completly attached to their first Dom? If he came back into my life tomorrow, I'm not sure I would be strong enough not to go with him.


I think we all fall into the "I can't live without this" the first time we
experience anything pleasurable.
Whether it's the first time we masterbate to orgasm or fall deeeply in love with another human being.
 
I also think it depends on age and life experience of whether you can make good judgements about with-standing for your own good, futher advances from someone you feel so fondly of.
 
We all learn our ways of surviving the pitfalls, the loves, the heartaches, and learn to embrace more quickly moving on to our new adventures.
 
Missy.

< Message edited by brightspot -- 10/15/2007 9:51:08 PM >

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to BlueAngelEyes411)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 9:57:08 PM   
BlueAngelEyes411


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Hello,
I'm sorry I'm just now answering your question. I've been married for almost 27 years. That is the first and only time I've gone outside my marriage. I know it's silly, but we walked away from our relationship about 19 months ago and I am still waiting for my feelings to become less intense for him.
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

We agreed to walk away because I knew I could never leave my family no matter what.


Just curious--do you mean you are married?


_____________________________

Be Safe,
BlueAngel

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 10:00:11 PM   
BlueAngelEyes411


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		I just keep waitng for him not to be the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. My heart still hurts almost as much as when walked out the door 19 months ago.

quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueAngelEyes411

I have only had one D/s relationship and being a total novice, I had no idea what to expect. He had been in the lifestyle for at least 10 years and he was so sweet and patient and went very slow. However, he didn't count on falling in love and that changed so many things. We had a very intense mental relationship but because we were out of the country so often at different times, it never became totally sexual. We agreed to walk away because I knew I could never leave my family no matter what. My question is does every sub become so completly attached to their first Dom? If he came back into my life tomorrow, I'm not sure I would be strong enough not to go with him.


I think we all fall into the "I can't live without this" the first time we
experience anything pleasurable.
Whether it's the first time we masterbate to orgasm or fall deeeply in love with another human being.
 
I also think it depends on age and life experience of whether you can make good judgements about with-standing for your own good, futher advances from someone you feel so fondly of.
 
We all learn our ways of surviving the pitfalls, the loves, the heartaches, and learn to embrace more quickly moving on to our new adventures.
 
Missy.


_____________________________

Be Safe,
BlueAngel

(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 10:20:16 PM   
BlueAngelEyes411


Posts: 16
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you so much for your reply and most of all for your understanding.
Be safe and happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowsLap

Oh dear BlueAngel -

In my personal experience, I did not get extremely attached to my first Dom - who was abusive to me.  However, I still suffer a very deep attachment to my 2nd Dom - the One who was patient, slow, caring, and not insulted by my intelligence.  Even though we don't speak much anymore and our physical relationship left much to be desired, my heart still loves him - very much! 

So, do what you must to be happy.  I wish you peace.

SL


_____________________________

Be Safe,
BlueAngel

(in reply to ShadowsLap)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: extremely attached - 10/15/2007 10:33:10 PM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline 		I hate this thread. It's disturbing. How come the subs say they thought they were in love with their first Dom (or extremely attached), at least at the time and the Doms say that they have never been so strongly attached to any sub? How do you get a Dom to fall in love?

(in reply to BlueAngelEyes411)
Profile   Post #: 20
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