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ManOfAdventures -> RE: Falling In Love (10/15/2007 9:59:31 AM)
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Just about every Dom sub / slave relationship is going to be different on this subject. So I can only give you what My personal thoughts are, which will of course not apply to everyone.
sub vs. slave
For Me, Love is a step on the way to ownership. she’ll enter the relationship as My sub and if she and I are very lucky, and complete submission is achieved; she’ll evolve into My slave, through the path of Love. she cannot possibly fully submit to me until after she Loves me.
In the context I’m presenting here it is quite possible for a sub not to Love her Dom, because the sub is not fully owned, so Love is not required. This is particularly true in the context of play when neither the Dom nor the sub are actually in a relationship together per se.
Similarly, one cannot enter a relationship as a slave, because they cannot enter the relationship in Love with their Dom. Slavery comes after Love, and quite likely it comes LONG after; it is only with full submission of the slave does the Dom become her Master.
Let me explain…
Defining Love
Love is difficult to define. It could be for:
· Someone (platonic or otherwise): spouse, girlfriend, parent, child, pet..
· Something: car, sports team, Milano Blahnik shoes…
· Some action: dancing, spanking…
· Divinity: God, religion…
So the concept of Love varies with its context. There are more categories but assume this is romantic Love. (Incidentally I am going to sidestep a discussion of whether a sub / slave is someone or something – that is a whole other post)
For convenience I’m going to use the first line of Wikipedia’s Love definition that they purportedly lifted from the Oxford Dictionary (If it is on the Internet it must be true after all):
“Love is an intense feeling of affection related to a sense of strong loyalty or profound oneness.”
ALL of this needs to be there in My slave, and indeed in Me if I am to be her Master.
Intensity
her feelings for me must be intense. she must get butterflies when I touch her, the hairs on her arm should stand up on end when I whisper into her ear. I should feel that she’s the only woman on earth. My mind should be filled with thoughts of her.
Affection
Again this requires a definition. Incidentally, using the work of others is an occupational hazard; I’m in the late stages of completing My PhD. So with that in mind I’ll use Kory Floyd’s of Arizona State University:
“(Affection is) any behavior that is meant to convey appreciation, fondness, or Love, and is generally interpreted that way”
In a lot of ways this is what a sub / slave does when she serves Me. Whether she is doing something to please me physically, performing a ritual that excites me psychologically, or performing manual service to make My life easier.
I’m not a sadist, so I don’t get off on hurting My sub / slave physically. In My former vanilla life this meant that at one time I could never possibly imagine inflicting actual pain on My partner. But I started down a slippery slope when I spanked a woman I was with. she Loved it. It became part of our more intimate life.
I realized that it wasn’t about inflicting pain, it was about giving her what she needed for pleasure. I’ve since graduated well beyond spanking and can deliver pain to My sub / slave if it is bringing her a rush or getting her off, or fulfilling her in some way (same goes for a power exchange). It is done out of affection, not out of a need to hurt her, with the added benefit of the rush I get seeing her get off.
Similarly, when I’m training My sub / slave everything I'm doing is in our collective best interests (admittedly sacrificing hers for mine if they're in conflict). My sub / slave needs to know what I want if she’s to please Me, so the direction I give her is to affectionately further our relationship and make it stronger and better. My sub / slave never needs to worry that I would:
· permanently mark or disfigure her, I would never make her less attractive to Me
· endanger her, for it is My charge to protect her.
· deprive her of education or culture, as this makes her more interesting to me
You get the idea…
Loyalty
Merriam-Webster says that fidelity is a synonym for loyalty. In the context of this kind of relationship I think that works. In My vanilla life I used to say that:
“Cheating is doing something behind your partner’s back that you would not do in front of them”.
It is not a bad starting point.
I know some Dom’s sell, lend out, or prostitute their subs. I’m not judging them, if that works for them, it is fine as it is “consensual nonconsensual”. If it is part of a dynamic that they both get off on, more power to them. But it is not Me and it is not what I want for My sub / slave, I would never want to share her with another man.
I would never stray. Yes I’ll flirt, and I’ll look at other women, but I would never act on it without My sub / slave being present. This is not because I would not have permission to do so, as her Dom / Master I can do whatever I like; this is a personal limitation I place on Myself.
This is not to say that another girl could not enter our dynamic, but in this instance the third party is for both her and I to enjoy. Ideally My sub / slave has brought this girl to me as a gift. My sub / slave can do so with the absolute confidence that she (My sub / slave) is still, and will always be, the most important girl in the room.
Oneness
The idea of oneness is the most difficult to reconcile in the context of a Dom sub / slave relationship: How can a Dom hold a position of power over His sub / slave if they are in fact one? But it is the relationship and the dynamic I refer to here, not the Dom or the sub / slave or some combination.
Call it halves of a whole, or something else, but it is the idea that My sub and I are one. For Me, oneness cannot occur in the absence of intensity, affection, and loyalty; although the previous three can all occur separately or in some combination. It is therefore oneness that brings the relationship into Love.
In play, you don’t need oneness (or intensity, affection, or loyalty for that matter) to put someone across a table and paddle them. But I want My relationship with My sub / slave to be for the long term. Over the course of that relationship she will learn how to please me and how to serve. she will become more and more skilled at these, and eventually be able to anticipate what to do. Similarly I’ll become more in tune with what motivates her and how to best provide for her needs.
Conclusion
Outside of mere play, a Dom sub / slave relationship only works for Me if there is trust and mutual respect. In early days My sub and I might playfully exchange the words Master or sub / slave, but only with the understanding that we’re trying them on for size and earning those titles as we grow together.
As the relationship progresses and grows with time she and I get to experience intensity and affection. I choose to be loyal to her, and she is loyal to me. I work at it, she works at it, and ideally oneness and Love are the result. From there the experience gained can evolve to ownership if complete submission is achieved. But until we passed through all those steps, she would not truly be My slave and I would not truly be her Master.
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