RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (Full Version)

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Master333 -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/18/2007 2:59:34 PM)

Hello Blaakmaan ---
Kind Sir ... I am a black man with Jamaican roots.  I am naturally dominant and I have been around for awhile and always have much to say.  Check my profile and journal ... I can get very comprehensive, academic and detailed at times.
Have a good day!
Mr.B (aka Master Barry)
California USA



tulitukka -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/26/2007 12:58:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

Think of a top as someone who is a gentleman, polite, courteous, but also strong, controlling and providing, if that helps. (At least for me!) Not some jerk wifebeater.



I also think that it is easier for a nice guy to find his dominant side than for a dominant asshole to find his nice side. So if you are nice, dominant, and (heterosexual) male, you're on top of the food chain. There's lots of submissive girls looking for just that.

I say dominant male, because I have no experience or knowledge about the situation from the other sides of the gender/sexuality gap. Might be the same, or might be different.



adoracat -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/26/2007 2:33:21 AM)

~fast reply~

Daddy is a gentleman.  he opens doors for me, holds his arm for me to lean on when we are out... and has told me "never mistake kindness for weakness".

he's a very kind dominant.  he's also absolutely capable of rendering me speechless from sensation/pain.  as always, it is HIS choice which to do at any given time.

kitten. content



lateralist1 -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/27/2007 9:20:07 AM)

It doesn't matter how sadistic it is as long as it's consensual.
However unfortunately there can be a lot of assumptions made by Doms as to what a sub is seeking. And if a Dom is not prepared to put in the time and effort to actually find that out and to be honest with himself as to if it is the same as what he is seeking then abuse can occur. I would love to make up a fake profile as a fem sub just to find out what kind of low life there are out there posing as Doms. And Dommes for that matter. Don't get me wrong. I put myself in the category of low life when I first started. The power to hurt another human being can be intoxicating. And assuming that it is consensual makes it feel ok. However there are lots of broken people out there who can not stand up for themselves and it's not their fault if we take advantage of that fact. I know because I was one of them.



MasterDaveM -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/28/2007 11:37:24 AM)

"nice" should mean decent, non malicious human being...if it means "pussy" then yes, no woman will respect that guy

you can be a decent human being without being a pussy



onlyHisgirl -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/28/2007 7:21:39 PM)

i wish i could find a nice guy to control me!  but they aren't my type or end up being too whiney for me.



MrSpectacular -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/28/2007 9:07:54 PM)

In response to the OP - It should be one of the greatest assets you have - knowing your position allows you to cut out all of the frivolous bull and focus on what you are. Being nice does not in any way denigrate you as a person. If there does come time for discipline it should not be based on an angry outburst but a desire to correct a specific behavior and in some ways be a mutually agreeable act.



Blaakmaan -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/29/2007 6:36:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master333

Hello Blaakmaan ---
Kind Sir ... I am a black man with Jamaican roots.  I am naturally dominant and I have been around for awhile and always have much to say.  Check my profile and journal ... I can get very comprehensive, academic and detailed at times.
Have a good day!
Mr.B (aka Master Barry)
California USA


Hey Master 333,

Good to "meet" you.  I'll check out your journal--definitely.  Sounds like good reading!

Blaakmaan





MercTech -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/29/2007 9:48:03 AM)

... off the top... 
Who but a nice fellow would be interested enough in finding out what you really want and need?

Stefan



vegeta -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/29/2007 9:09:19 PM)

Can a nice guy be a Dom? Well I hope we are not beast or why would you want to be with us?
Some women like abusive men. That's a mystery I can't figure out.



Kana -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (10/29/2007 9:32:55 PM)

I'm a nice guy...if you catch me at the right time. I can also be an asshat if I feel like it, like most people I have varied traits. Now I will say this, different people bring out different sides of me. I have known girls who I can just dominate the snot out of for ages in the harshest manner possible, others bring out a softer more protective side. ts nothing I can explain, its just how I react inside.two things don't change though:
1-I am almost always reasonably careful about how what I do affects her emotionally. Physically sadistic is OK in my book, but it takes real cruelty to maim someone emotionally.
2-None of what I just wrote above will keep me from being dominant in any way, shape or form.
Domination isn't about cruelty, its about power.



Naturegirl4U -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (11/3/2007 11:47:03 AM)

Nice guys in my veiw are important. How do you build trust with an asshole? I can't. I also can't built trust with a man that's never around.  I think a Dom that is sensitive and controlling is a great assest. That mix in character drives me insane in a wonderful way. This type of man knows how to reel you in and make you want to submit to him. When it comes naturally you know your on the mark. So I will vote two tumbs up for a nice guy anyday. The word dominant doesn't mean asshole. Although I will admit there are alot of jerks out there.   



batshalom -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (11/3/2007 12:30:55 PM)

~Fast Reply~

I'm not here to debate the semantics of the word "nice". I am here to explain how much Aba means to me because he is a nice man. He is nothing but nice, even when he's being not so nice. ~grinning here~



goodgirl08 -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (11/3/2007 1:27:54 PM)

When I think "nice guy Dom" I think of someone who is trying to please me, which is the opposite of what I want, so no I would not be interested in a "nice guy"...being a decent, considerate person is different from being a "nice guy," something about that term just sets off warning bells in my head.



DaddyDeerest -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (11/6/2007 8:12:43 PM)

Well, goodgirl,
You've just put your finger right on the crux of the problem for us nice guys...More than anything,We want to please our partners, and although I'm now trained with many skills to cause you many moments of pain and pleasure. But without delving deeply into your wants and needs, how am I to know what it is you crave or fear the most, Or would love that night,or would rather die before having that done again!  We as nice Dom's who are single, face many obsticles in this world of first impressions, and although my BDSM skills are not lacking, it is increasingly difficult to be confident in the arena of a fetish club, or such, where the out-going, brazen, wolf gets the goodgirl and the not-so-good-grrrrl, while Mr.nice-guy, who comes alone- quite often-leaves the same way.And it's the Mr. Wolf's Show, and the sub's strapped in for the duration, and unless she's chosen a "safe-word",and can use it at will, or the DM's are paying attention, or her friends are, she's at the mercy of Mr.Wolf's wim...which may sound sexy-cool in fantasy, but on the "cross", it's no picnic. Unless she's found a nice Dom, and he's taken the time to TALK to her about lots of stuff 
So, although it's hard to tell sometimes when we're all dressed as wolves in black leather, usually a few minutes of chit-chat will uncover a nice Dom from a pig. 
  hmmm...  Of course some of those single guys are just wearing their underwear. What's up with that, anyways? lol.



LadyLegs -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (11/6/2007 11:48:05 PM)

 
I have been told that the fact that I am so nice makes the impact of humiliation more intense and the force of discipline more fearsome.  Being nice also discourages the superficial "do me" submissives that only want a role play dominant. 



girlygurl -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (11/7/2007 3:45:27 PM)

I don't believe nice guys finish last in bdsm.  My Sir is very nice, sincere, a strong leader, a wonderful friend, and He enjoys all the naughty nasty things that I do! [:D]  Our kinks imo, don't define who we are they define how we like to play.  I do believe each submissive/slave has individual desires in a Dom/Master, and they would look to serve whom ever is best for them.  In other words, some like em' nice, some like em' mean, some like em' just right, or somewhere in between.

girly



WildHard -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (11/7/2007 6:32:13 PM)

Re the Op
I am speaking from the Dom point of view in my opinion,
It could be a definition of terms. When you are asking a person to trust you with their well being, there physical and emotional and mental needs which are not necessarily wants. It is more of using a velvet hand to caress and a iron hand to correct, I have a method of being a real person upfront and not put of a false image. A submissive is very dangerous if you do not understand it is an inner desire for them to be controlled and guided toward the release of the endorphins that bring them pain and pleasure. Since I am not masochistic I do not understand this need. I am somewhat sadistic and I have learned I have to control the beast inside, You are pleasant and open to her questions as you establish the mutual agreement for accepting her as your submissive and you are a gentleman to others as well to her when in public, Then when she tests you the first time you may become a little less nice, Remember she has asked you to be rough with her and to make her do things that make her realise you are in control, I speak of a total power exchange. So she has given you the power over her to in effect do what you want, how you want it done and when you want it done. There are some subs who are content to yes Master and do anything at anytime, you will find them about as exciting and challenging as I imagine owning a robot, Ah but the power the challenge the real conquest is when you have a woman that claims to be the perfect little subbie pet no offense intended submissives. But when the first time she is handled a bit rough will slap and bite and still beg you to be rough to her. That is when you must make clear that she has chosen this and has to face the consequences of not obeying. and That is when you become not nice. As many have stated it is the helping them to come down and showing her that she is more to you than just a thing to hurt that again the nice guy is there. I cannot stress enough that unless she has accepted a little boy playing Dom that has to beat and hurt women for his pleasure and feeling of control, The key differences is the Man who knows he is Master often treats a woman rough even though he loves and cares deeply for her remembers that she is someone to be treated as his most precious possesion in life.

I speak as my own man. Others may not hold the same idea, that does not change mine.




daddyncherry -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (11/7/2007 7:14:18 PM)

Being in a 24/7 relationship would be difficult for me if my Daddy weren't a nice man.

What's that old cliche...."A nice guy in the front room...a sadist in the dungeon" or something like that :)
(wait that was a lady and a whore....welll you get the idea :))



Michaelsangel -> RE: Can a Nice Guy be a Dom? (11/8/2007 9:14:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

A question for the submissives (and whoever else has something substantive to say on the issue):

I'm a newbie.  I consider myself, beneath it all, a nice guy (I recognize that even nice guys have their darker side!).

My question is, is being a nice guy an impediment to being a good Dominant?

When I read what submissives say they want in a Dom, I don't recall seing the word "nice" very often...

Do nice guys finish last in BDSM?



Actually a lot of nice guys have dominant personalities. My Dom for instance is one of the nicest people i know. He is caring and gentle but can be authoritarian when its called for.
Respectfully,
Michaelsangel



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