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Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:03:18 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		It seems when it comes to their work a lot of people are in the closet about this lifestyle. You don't have to be that open about it and put it in someons face. Why be ashamed of it. It is something you do outside of the workplace. Why try to live up to someone elses morals. The question is do you feel that you should stay in the closet about your lifestyle in the workplace?
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:05:36 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I don't think it is always a problem of being ashamed. It is not their concern what I do in my off time, or my bedroom/kitchen/basement heh. Why should I have to share the things I do in private? Then there are those that have to work within a morality clause or lose their job.

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:08:37 AM   
Willowmoon


Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		My ex Master worked in a place that if they found out he would have been fired. No its not just him being afraid of it they have fired people for things such as being seen going in to a fetish night club or having a poly relationship as to them it compromises moral charecter.

(in reply to camille65)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:09:25 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Well to be honest in any job Ive been in it hasnt really come up.  With individuals who become friends and learn about my lifestyle that way away from the work place then I have had no problem with it.  If it has then come to the attention of others I have dealt with it by either laughing about it or explaining frnkly its non of your business.  I dont do anything in my private life that bears any reflection of anyof the jobsI have done from being a childminder to a mental health support worker. I think I would be worried if it did.  I have had plenty of vanilla collegues who have been vanilla but practised some beliefs be it sexual or religious or whatever that ive found a bit  But its never been relevent to our work.  I find it odd that people are discriminated for it.  

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Proud mistress

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:11:43 AM   
Taboo4Two


Posts: 170
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: NH, TX
Status: offline 		It all depends on which aspects of a BDSM lifestyle you are talking about. A lot of couples have a power exchange relationship. Mom home with the kids, dad doing the 9-5. They look like your average 50's couple and no one bats an eye.

Take the same couple, same 50's outward appearance and add whips and chains in the bedroom and some people get their panties in a twist.

My answer is really just another question. Why is it anyones business? Do vanilla couples proclaim to the office staff that they love doggie style best or that their husband is the best pussy licker in town. Hell no! They'd be fired too if they went around doing that.

Its not about being in any closet its just about keeping your private life private.

Domino

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:16:37 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

It seems when it comes to their work a lot of people are in the closet about this lifestyle. You don't have to be that open about it and put it in someons face. Why be ashamed of it. It is something you do outside of the workplace. Why try to live up to someone elses morals. The question is do you feel that you should stay in the closet about your lifestyle in the workplace?

I have never been quiet about my life; my family has always known, my friends, my co-workers. If they ask questions; I answer honestly.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:20:55 AM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		Everyone in my company knows that I'm a dominant, type-A personality.  It's why I've been promoted 3x in 5 years.  They know that I'm a control freak, they know that I like to be the one in charge, and they know that even if I'm not directly in charge, I probably can pull the right strings of the right people.  My dominance is no secret from anyone.

How I use that dominance outside of work remains outside of work.  As Taboo4Two said - it's not really appropriate to talk about those things at the workplace.  Beyond that - it's not right to force your choices on other people, either.  If they don't want to know what to do with whips and chains, why does your preference for them mean they should have to, any more than their preference for not knowing should mean that you can't enjoy them yourself?

(in reply to Taboo4Two)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:27:08 AM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		I don't talk about my sexlife to co-workers, and I don't particuarly want to hear about theirs.  Same difference.


_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:37:23 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I tell my co-workers about some of the stuff i do in vanilla relationships and  thats pushing their boundries.

My work has a don't tell, don't ask policy.

(in reply to TotalState)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:41:58 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		It is inappropriate to share about your sex life at the office. Some of your coworkers may not want to know but feel afraid of speaking up about the sexual conversations you are having. If so, and they complain to HR, you will be at fault.

It is equally inappropriate to share at a meeting of the PTA on how to raise funds for the library, or at a church meeting discussing repairing the roof.

Unless you work in a sex industry, this is not the appropriate venue for these conversations.

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:46:39 AM   
TheGorenSociety


Posts: 116
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline 		Where to start,hmmm, today more and more employers are using your off duty non work related choices as a justification to terminate you. For myself,  I have lost jobs and contracts. After some pretty rough experiences both in the vanilla world and in the bdsm community, our number one rule is, our private life is private,we do not discuss how we live to anyone in detail. I  lost a dod security clearnace over our way of life. We try to blend in as much as possible.  The last few times I was outed by those I trusted most. They had no idea of how damaging it became, until much later. We as a group have had a few members lose everything over living this way of life. This new age bdsm mainstream, I think is backfiring  for those who live it everyday. It is much easier for those who do the weekend club scene to hide how they live, compared to those who live 24/7 reality based bdsm. So  my question is  should  your personna, way  of life  advance or diminish your work as a result of your beliefs and desires?

(in reply to Dari)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 5:47:10 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		No one 'should' have to be anything - and that includes being in the closet about anything.
But seriously - what the fuck has it to do with anyone at work?  That's not being in the closet, it's called no one elses business.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 6:00:27 AM   
MamaDomme


Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline 		I've been  fortunate enough with my work environment to where it really doesn't matter.  I'm not an "in your face" sort of person, but when asked a question, I refuse to hide or cover up anything.

ie:  a few months ago there was a new employee that came up to me and said "I heard you are a Dominatrix, is it true?"  I told her yes it is true and then I asked if she were wanting a session or a lesson.  She laughed and asked if I had attended some specific club functions that she had also attended.  Seems that she was just looking for a like-minded individual in a new place.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 6:07:22 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I personally don't think it is anyone else's business. A cardiac intensive care unit is not the place I think I should be discussing my lifestyle choices. After work with some coworkers having a drink I might discuss it and have.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 7:14:44 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		Who would need to share any part of their personal or intimate life with a random bunch of cow-orkers? 

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 7:24:04 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I'm with the others who've said along the lines of why should my sex life and private life be the business of my work or co-workers? I'm far from ashamed of my life and socialization choices, but as far as I'm concerned it's no one's business save those I choose to tell of it.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 7:28:09 AM   
slaveelle


Posts: 116
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		I do have to say i agree with willowmoon. My Master works for the government and on the forms He had to fill out before He became an employee stated "Do you or have you ever participated in Sado/Masochistic practices"?. So yes one does have to be careful to whom they share their private lives with. Besides for many i dont think its a topic that can be brought up in just casual conversation. I dont think its from not wanting to be proud and stand and say yes this is the lifestyle i live, but like willowmoon said, its from neccassity that they stay quiet.

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"No bond is stronger than that of the Beast"

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 7:31:27 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		Thought Oz was a little more progressive than that.

(in reply to slaveelle)
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RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 7:36:38 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think that in America at least we waste a lot of time in our places of employment talking about things that have nothing to do with our work -- private life should be private and I am wary of making friends where you work cause you or they could be fired like that a moment's notice in most places.

Therefore being kink, being poly, being anything is frankly not anyone's business.

It isn't a matter of being in the closet to simply say "I'm not comfortable talking about my private life at work" it's being responsible and focused on what really matters at work.

Telling lies about your private life when asked though is, in my opinion, being in the closet and runs a high risk of being revealed at some point because lies tend to fall apart over time.

Being vague and general is a good middle ground if you "must" discuss private things. In academia the work space tends to be mixed with private space so I usually say "my guys" or "my family" when folks ask about my private life. I don't think most people want to know more than that anyone. If they want to hang out and know my family I give them a warning: "I live in a non-traditional household" and then it falls on them if they want to learn more.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Work Problems - 10/16/2007 7:50:53 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I was threatened to be outed at my workplace. i doubt it would be that big of a deal as I have no moral clause. I did learn that I should make sure I know a Dom is mentally stable and to never be with anyone who has nothing to lose. IE. a job of their own to worry about. It is unfortunate that I have seen both Dom and sub being malicious after the end of a relationship and threatening to out someone to retaliate. Its sad that this can be part of the community.

I teach adult education with students from 18 to 60. Of course they see me as a free spirit. Some even probably suspect that I might be a little freaky. the young ones dont want to know about someone my age. They see me like a Mom. But I would never want them to know because many are uneducatedabout what BDSM is about and they would be scared. I wouldnt want that for my students.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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