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What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:19:10 AM

pompeii

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From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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What does sex have to do with BDSM?

When I'm intimate with an obedient compliant submissive, it's her M I N D that I enjoy playing with - even more than her body. What she looks like is not anywhere near as important as how erotically she thinks. Yet. Yet, she must have the things a woman must have. Big, small, brown, white, no matter. But they must exist. Why?

Why does sex matter in D/s play?

As she stands cold and naked and vulnerable before me, eyes obediently averted to the floor, baring her luscious backside, it's really the way she stands hesitatingly uncomfortable that's so very erotic, the way her taboo emotions build tentatively I N S I D E her that I'm trying to get to (and that which we both enjoy) as she obeys all my two-word commands. When I invariably grab her breasts to tweak her sensitive nipples for the inevitable minor infraction, it's the way she R E A C T S to my grope, that loving wince of painful pinpoint pleasure, that I'm aiming for and that which stirs my loins aplenty. When I shove her against the wall, arms akimbo, or dance with her, legs restrained, it's her clumsy attempt to willingly follow me, despite the restraints, that is so very sexy. Kissing her with a gag in her mouth, licking her lips, as her imploring eyes meet mine but she can't say a word, it's so very deliciously lovely ... I could go on ... and on ... (forever it seems) but I must spare you my predilictions in order to get to my question for you who are more experienced than I.

My question:
What does sex have to do with all this?
(I mean both the penetration kind and the gender variety.)

Even though the luscious emotions I've described transcend gender, and don't even require sensual penetration, for some reason, both types of sex are (intimately) involved. Huh? Why? ... What is going on here?

What does sex have to do with BDSM feelings.
Can you explain how YOU feel about this sex and bdsm thing?

I'm not confused ... just always curious how others view things - in this case, how you feel the "sex" part fits in with your mutually erotic D/s play.

< Message edited by pompeii -- 10/16/2007 9:04:30 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:27:50 AM

RRafe

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Joined: 8/29/2007
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I don't try and seperate people into bits.

it's all one.

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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 2

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:28:55 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
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From: Maui
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for me bdsm is a journy that trancends gender, body type, sex, pain, concepts of self, concepts outside of self, guilt, shame, contrition, influence...and pretty much everything else...for me it is about intimacy....in to me see...

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to pompeii)

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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:31:27 AM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I don't try and seperate people into bits.

it's all one.

(interpreted very very litterally, absolutely no figuratively)
don't ruin my fantasies....as long as they stay fantasies its all good....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 4

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:34:10 AM

RRafe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I don't try and seperate people into bits.

it's all one.

(interpreted very very litterally, absolutely no figuratively)
don't ruin my fantasies....as long as they stay fantasies its all good....

Well,when that tight asshole is ramming down on my hard cock....what's controlling that happening, the big toe?

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

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Post #: 5

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:34:17 AM

toservez

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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Sex fits to a varying degree based on the person. For some sex can be so disconnected or have such a low or non existent sex drive that it is not involved at all. For some with a normal to high sex drive that sex might be connected with a lot of things in their life including BDSM.

For me personally how cannot sex be part of it. I am not talking every single act but on a whole it plays a major part. You are talking about dealing with intense feelings and certainly my feelings tie into my sexual being. The example I like to always refer to is found on Domestic Discipline sites which to me go out of their way to separate sex and kink from spanking/behavior issues. What is the most common reaction they talk about after administering a discipline spanking? It is the woman wanting to please the man orally. The sex part fits in because for most of us sex is always present in some way and the more intense and intimate we are the more we want to express/share ourselves sexually. BDSM is very intimate by its very nature to most not all and is generally not compartmentalized.

Let me turn your question around on you. Why do you think it might not be sexual when the very example you give is a very sexual part of the body including too many men? If it was just purely a mental non sexual reaction would not inflicting pain in a non sexual area be just as good?

< Message edited by toservez -- 10/16/2007 8:35:51 AM >

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 6

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:36:24 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
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He dips His lid,

Who really cares, if it's erotic, connecting and involves sex that you both want? Stop worrying about labels, enjoy what you both want to experience. (Become a studdy horse if you so wish) get the experience of your journey then worry about what to label what's in your waggon. Too many want to labels themselves and limit exploring their experiences first.

You clearly don't identify as gay because of your experiences/learnings so why try to label yourself with (what appears to be) little experience?

Warm regards Driver

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:38:07 AM

TotalState

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Joined: 9/3/2007
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I agree with RRafe on this one.

Mind and body are not separate entities.

Besides, I really like sex.

_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 8

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:38:19 AM

ddesires

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BDSM is not all about sex...it is the serving and being able to please your dominant...although sometimes sex does happen....it isnt necessary in the realms of D/s...the vulnerablitiy you feel towards your Dominant ultimately gives you the satisfaction you desire...He owns you...mind body and soul...

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 9

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:39:27 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
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From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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Hi chellekitty,

Amazingly, it was YOUR post that got me thinking and posing this question!

You had recently described how you feel when you're in sub space with someone who wants you for your MIND. I thought about it. I agreed with you wholeheartedly. It mattered not the size of your thigh or your breast or your buns. It mattered that you were his plaything to be enjoyed for what you are.

Your post is what got me thinking about what the 'sex' part has to do with it since the body of the partner is less important - but for many of us - the gender is a critical component. I'm just asking why BDSM and sex are intertwined so.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 10

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:42:57 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
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From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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quote:

Well,when that tight asshole is ramming down on my hard cock....what's controlling that happening, the big toe?

Yes. That's my whole point. The mind is controlling D/s play with 'sex' play. That lovely asshole is gender specific for many of us. That's very interesting to me as a concept. The mind links BDSM with sex.

For many of us, why does the "gender" & hurt of that lovely asshole matter?

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 11

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:43:13 AM

chiaThePet

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Joined: 2/4/2007
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The icing on the cake.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 12

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:45:24 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
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From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ddesires
BDSM is not all about sex...it is the serving and being able to please your dominant...although sometimes sex does happen....it isnt necessary in the realms of D/s...

Ah, yes, while very true, for many of us, there is a specific gender requirement which I take for granted - but which I'm trying to get to the bottom of.

(in reply to ddesires)

Post #: 13

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:47:06 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

What does sex have to do with BDSM?

When I'm intimate with an obedient compliant submissive, it's her M I N D that I enjoy playing with - even more than her body. What she looks like is not anywhere near as important as how erotically she thinks. Yet. Yet, she must have the things a woman must have. Big, small, brown, white, no matter. But they must exist. Why?

Why does sex matter in D/s play?

Sex isnt necessary for BDSM. The thoughts might be, becasue the arousal comes from the excitement of the control or the relinquishing of that control. Endorphins do that.
However, both my boys are untouched as of yet. Angel has been mine for a year and sex still hasnt factored into our play. That might be different for Fox, but as of yet it hasnt factored for us either aside from permission to relieve the arousal.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 14

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:47:57 AM

Aileen68

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Joined: 8/2/2005
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Bdsm is extremely sexual for me. It becomes continuous all day mental foreplay that culminates in kinky sex. Having my hair pulled or my ass swatted in the middle of the day as he walks by me is sexual in my mind and in his. Bringing him his cup of coffee or glass of wine becomes sexual for me because I am serving him.

edited to add and clarify...those little acts throughout the day are all reminders from him of his control of me and how he likes to fuck me.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 10/16/2007 8:51:38 AM >

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 15

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:48:46 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

quote:

Well,when that tight asshole is ramming down on my hard cock....what's controlling that happening, the big toe?

Yes. That's my whole point. The mind is controlling D/s play with 'sex' play. That lovely asshole is gender specific for many of us. That's very interesting to me as a concept. The mind links BDSM with sex.

For many of us, why does the "gender" & hurt of that lovely asshole matter?

It's in the interactions,yes.

I'm always puzzled as to how people try to make things simple-so complex. I just do what feels good, analyzing it kills the joy.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 16

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:48:58 AM

Twicehappy2x

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Joined: 3/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

Ah, yes, while very true, for many of us, there is a specific gender requirement which I take for granted - but which I'm trying to get to the bottom of.

Perhaps you are reading too much into it. Apparently you are heterosexual guy. Relax and enjoy the T&A.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 17

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 8:58:16 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

What does sex have to do with BDSM?

When I'm intimate with an obedient compliant submissive, it's her M I N D that I enjoy playing with - even more than her body. What she looks like is not anywhere near as important as how erotically she thinks. Yet. Yet, she must have the things a woman must have. Big, small, brown, white, no matter. But they must exist. Why?

Why does sex matter in D/s play?

Sex has as much to do with it as you want it to. For some it is highly sexual, for others (like myself) it's devoid of any sexual arousal at all.

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 18

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 9:01:13 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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quote:

Sex fits to a varying degree based on the person. If it was just purely a mental non sexual reaction would not inflicting pain in a non sexual area be just as good?

Very well said. What I'm learning from you and others is that it's DIFFERENT for each of us. For me, with that high Italian sex drive, it's paramount! While for others, maybe the whole D/s thing "is" disconnected from the sex thing.

I never thought of it that way. Your simple question hit the nipple on the head. It is no fun at all to play with a non-sexual part of a woman's body (for me). Playing with her toe, for example, is boringly meaningless (for me). If she got off on it, I might do it (for her), but otherwise it would be as meaningless as her sucking on my nipples. However, if I twist, suck, tweak, clamp, slap, her nipples & breasts, THAT is erotic. Even talking about her "tits" in front of her is erotic.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.... you're on to something here ...

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 19

RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 9:04:57 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

quote:

Sex fits to a varying degree based on the person. If it was just purely a mental non sexual reaction would not inflicting pain in a non sexual area be just as good?

Very well said. What I'm learning from you and others is that it's DIFFERENT for each of us. For me, with that high Italian sex drive, it's paramount! While for others, maybe the whole D/s thing "is" disconnected from the sex thing.

I never thought of it that way. Your simple question hit the nipple on the head. It is no fun at all to play with a non-sexual part of a woman's body (for me). Playing with her toe, for example, is boringly meaningless (for me). If she got off on it, I might do it (for her), but otherwise it would be as meaningless as her sucking on my nipples. However, if I twist, suck, tweak, clamp, slap, her nipples & breasts, THAT is erotic. Even talking about her "tits" in front of her is erotic.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.... you're on to something here ...

Dude, you are obviosuly not a well versed sensualist-yet. Every nerve in the body is connected to the control unit. I like to know every inch or a woman's body, it helps me to get inside of the mind. Do NOT discount that fact that your view of pleasure will not always be that of the one you play with-keep an open mind-it pays off.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 20

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