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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 9:05:50 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

What does sex have to do with BDSM?

Does not HAVE to have anything to do with it. It's up to the people involved to define how their own relationship will evolve.

As to gender; BDSM has nothing to do with gender's either. It's all personal to the people involved.

quote:

  What does sex have to do with BDSM feelings.

first you would have to tell me what you mean by feelings.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 10:01:40 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

When I'm intimate with an obedient compliant submissive, it's her M I N D that I enjoy playing with - even more than her body. What she looks like is not anywhere near as important as how erotically she thinks. Yet. Yet, she must have the things a woman must have. Big, small, brown, white, no matter. But they must exist. Why?

Why does sex matter in D/s play?


pompeii,
Sex matters for the exact reasons you cite. I agree that before I initiate any relationship, casual or long term, the mind and emotions of the other party are far more important than physical appearance. However, once it is established that we have complimentary emotional and mental desires, the physical sensation aspect is just as important. It is important to me because once the sensations start, I do not differentiate the intimacy of a flogging to the intimacy of any sex act. They are equally intimate because they involve the mind and emotions.

It is why if someone came and wanted to know what it feels like to be flogged "like beth" - it could never happen. It is impossible for me to reach that level with anyone else. However, I can provide the sensation. There is intimacy; however it is with a small "i".

I absolutely love playing with a person's mind as much if not more so than playing with their body. However, the resulting impact on MY mind, and MY body is that I want to, desire to, and will have sex in some form or fashion.

BDSM is my 'Mental Viagra'. Someday I'm sure I'll need the drug version, but from a very young age, images, literature, and participation in D/s and BDSM acts stimulated me sexually. Yes I do get emotionally and mentally charged and satisfied as well;  however sex is the physically climax of the experience in more ways than one.

(in reply to pompeii)
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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 10:15:39 AM   
kirii


Posts: 79
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Coming only from my own experiences and preferences; sex has nothing to do with BDSM.
I do not have sexual relations of any kind with my play partners; and my sexual partners and I do not engage in BDSM activities at all.
I keep the two completely separate of one another.

(in reply to pompeii)
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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 10:19:37 AM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		That's so sad, I really feel for you.. Not being able to embrace the keen ecstasy of conjoining our practices and the rewards of pain driven pleasures must be very frustrating. I'm so grateful that Mine have integrated the two under My magnificient tutelage. wefg
Gentry

_____________________________

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Doctor of Delicious Deviance
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Duke-in-charge of Dirty Dame's
Intergalactic Hero of Great Renown

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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 10:23:34 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Tell me.. when you are playing with her do you enjoy seeing her nipples react?  When people play even without penetration, I have seen more of them pay some attention to the erotic parts.  The nipples, the cunt, or cock, balls, the ass, why not the ankles?  Why not the elbows?  If they are not thinking of sex, not getting wet or hard, then it is not sex.
I have been a bouncer in my life.  I occasionally enjoyed engaging in violence to get them out of my place.  The sadist in me enjoyed the rush of adrenalin as they exited the property.  That didn't feel like sex.  My moist parts were not the genitals. 
But if I am playing, yeah.. that is sex, even without penetration.  Why?  Because it is what makes me wet, him hard, and us lusting for each other.  Now, on the other hand if I want to indulge my maso side, I can be beaten without my naughty bits being manipulated and that for me is not sex.  It is simply what it takes to rid me of guilt for a short while.
It is all in intent.  
If you play to arouse, that is sex.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

What does sex have to do with BDSM?
it's her M I N D that I enjoy playing with - even more than her body.

Why does sex matter in D/s play?

When I invariably grab her breasts to tweak her sensitive nipples for the inevitable minor infraction, it's the way she R E A C T S to my grope,

My question:
What does sex have to do with all this?
(I mean both the penetration kind and the gender variety.)

What does sex have to do with BDSM feelings.
Can you explain how YOU feel about this sex and bdsm thing?



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to pompeii)
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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 10:26:41 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have tried to combine sex and bdsm, and it rarely works for me.  When it does work, it's because there is no power exchange dynamic, only actitivities.  Having sex with a person that I have as a sub or slave...nope.  I wanted to break that rule once, with a playmate I felt a tremendous connection to, but he was a married guy, and I don't go there.  I still think about that one!

I do not always find bdsm play arousing.  Often, yes, but that has more to do with my state of mind than with the person I am playing with.  As regards gender, I play with all varieties, however they are defined.  It's the person, not whether they are male/female/other that attracts me.   I try to remain open to new experiences.

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 10:28:48 AM   
kirii


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherorlace

That's so sad, I really feel for you.. Not being able to embrace the keen ecstasy of conjoining our practices and the rewards of pain driven pleasures must be very frustrating. I'm so grateful that Mine have integrated the two under My magnificient tutelage. wefg
Gentry

Excuse me?
I choose my own life, my own way of living my life. If I choose to not incorporate the two, I do so because I am happier that way.
Your life is yours; live it the way you choose. But do not sit on a pedestal and condemn me for choosing to live mine the way I choose.

(in reply to leatherorlace)
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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 10:31:20 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii   
What does sex have to do with BDSM?
For me, BDSM is the greatest aphrodisiac i have ever known.  It blows me away.  A feeling of powerlessness is what gets me off, sexually.  If it didn't turn me on, i wouldn't have anything to do with it.  It would bore me to tears and be a stupid waste of time.  i have no interest in being submissive or being a slave, just for the sake of serving someone.  i only submit within my intimate, sexual relationship with the Man i want to have sex with.  Sometimes, He lets me have sex and it's the best sex i have ever had.  If i just wanted to serve, for the sake of serving, i would be a waitress or something.  i serve for the sexual excitement that i get from serving the Man i belong to.
 

Men, who have power over me, turn me on.  They excite me.  i have always had a wonderful feeling of vulnerability around powerful men.  Not men who are seen as powerful by others but, men who are powerful to me.  Most of the men i have had D/s relationships with weren't powerful in their careers or in other areas of their life but, they sure could exert power over me.  And, i love that feeling. The more power He exerts over me, the more powerless i feel with Him and, the more excited i get and, the more turned-on i get and, the more eager i become to do anything He wants.  That's what sex has to do with BDSM, as far as i'm concerned.   i do enjoy being a masochist but, only within the framework of my relationship and only within a sexual context.  i don't enjoy pain outside of my D/s relationship or without a sexual component being there.  Then again, i don't "scene" and never have.  i just submit within my intimate, sexual relationships.  D/s is simply how i have always related with the men i have had relationships with, culminating in my current relationship, which is a 24/7, Total Power Exchange, committed enslavement to my Master.  It has taken nearly 2 years but, He has captured my spirit, after first capturing my body, then my mind and, my heart.  i have become internally enslaved to Him.  He has rendered me powerless to His will and i am completely at His mercy.  And, as a result, i live a very happy and fulfilled life that keeps me in a heightened state of sexual excitement.  For me, it's very sexy to be His masochist slave.  But, that's just me.
quote:

Why does sex matter in D/s play?
i've never played D/s with anyone.  It's just how i have always related to the men i have had intimate relationships with.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to pompeii)
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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 10:33:13 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

quote:

Well,when that tight asshole is ramming down on my hard cock....what's controlling that happening, the big toe?


Yes. That's my whole point. The mind is controlling D/s play with 'sex' play. That lovely asshole is gender specific for many of us. That's very interesting to me as a concept.  The mind links BDSM with sex.

For many of us, why does the "gender" & hurt of that lovely asshole matter?



Because people have a sexuality. Some want only a male asshole. Some want only a female. Some don't care - but it isn't just the body part that matters. It's the rest of the body too, how it looks and moves, what words come out of the mouth. I know very few people who will have sex with any ol' vagina, any ol' cock, any ol' asshole that just happens to be there and presenting itself.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 11:39:40 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kirii

quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherorlace

That's so sad, I really feel for you.. Not being able to embrace the keen ecstasy of conjoining our practices and the rewards of pain driven pleasures must be very frustrating. I'm so grateful that Mine have integrated the two under My magnificient tutelage. wefg
Gentry

Excuse me?
I choose my own life, my own way of living my life. If I choose to not incorporate the two, I do so because I am happier that way.
Your life is yours; live it the way you choose. But do not sit on a pedestal and condemn me for choosing to live mine the way I choose.



I have got to ditto that completely

(in reply to kirii)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 11:54:29 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I might have ditto'd it, but it is too light for my blind eyes to see.
Kyst

(in reply to Viridana)
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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 12:30:07 PM   
DivaDante


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		I t never ceases to amaze me how judgmental some people in this scene can be,I also took offense to his statement...

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 1:03:50 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

quote:

Well,when that tight asshole is ramming down on my hard cock....what's controlling that happening, the big toe?


Yes. That's my whole point. The mind is controlling D/s play with 'sex' play. That lovely asshole is gender specific for many of us. That's very interesting to me as a concept.  The mind links BDSM with sex.

For many of us, why does the "gender" & hurt of that lovely asshole matter?



Because people have a sexuality. Some want only a male asshole. Some want only a female. Some don't care - but it isn't just the body part that matters. It's the rest of the body too, how it looks and moves, what words come out of the mouth. I know very few people who will have sex with any ol' vagina, any ol' cock, any ol' asshole that just happens to be there and presenting itself.


Yes.......I doubt that I could have hot monkey sex...with Janet Reno. EWWWWWWWW

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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/16/2007 2:40:06 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

What does sex have to do with BDSM?

When I'm intimate with an obedient compliant submissive, it's her M I N D that I enjoy playing with - even more than her body. What she looks like is not anywhere near as important as how erotically she thinks. Yet. Yet, she must have the things a woman must have. Big, small, brown, white, no matter. But they must exist. Why?

Why does sex matter in D/s play?

As she stands cold and naked and vulnerable before me, eyes obediently averted to the floor, baring her luscious backside, it's really the way she stands hesitatingly uncomfortable that's so very erotic, the way her taboo emotions build tentatively I N S I D E her that I'm trying to get to (and that which we both enjoy) as she obeys all my two-word commands. When I invariably grab her breasts to tweak her sensitive nipples for the inevitable minor infraction, it's the way she R E A C T S to my grope, that loving wince of painful pinpoint pleasure, that I'm aiming for and that which stirs my loins aplenty. When I shove her against the wall, arms akimbo, or dance with her, legs restrained, it's her clumsy attempt to willingly follow me, despite the restraints, that is so very sexy. Kissing her with a gag in her mouth, licking her lips, as her imploring eyes meet mine but she can't say a word, it's so very deliciously lovely ... I could go on ... and on ... (forever it seems) but I must spare you my predilictions in order to get to my question for you who are more experienced than I.

My question:
What does sex have to do with all this?
(I mean both the penetration kind and the gender variety.)

Even though the luscious emotions I've described transcend gender, and don't even require sensual penetration, for some reason, both types of sex are (intimately) involved.  Huh? Why? ... What is going on here?

What does sex have to do with BDSM feelings.
Can you explain how YOU feel about this sex and bdsm thing?

I'm not confused ... just always curious how others view things - in this case, how you feel the "sex" part fits in with your mutually erotic D/s play.


I'm surprised no one said it, so I'll toss it in:

Things like the enforcement of control and the infliction of pain are great catalysts for emotional explosions...like sex.

When you take control or give it, making yourself more complete, what does that trigger inside you?  Does it have to be sexual from the start...no.  When you inflict pain or receive it, and the action translates to pleasure, will it get the hormones jumping?  I'd think so.   It's easy enough to see how the act turns sexual depending on how it affects you and your partner; and with that said, depending on the effect it may not be sexual at all [as stated by others].


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<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/18/2007 6:03:12 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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quote:


BDSM is my 'Mental Viagra'.


I never thought of D/s that way, but it's apropos. For me, I can be vanilla and it's fine but my imagination swirls over to BDSM even in the vanilla act.

Interestingly, and perhaps disconcertingly, my damn-good imagination all wears off the moment I climax. At that point, my erotic imagination shuts down, unconsciously, as if the 'mental viagra' wore off and I'm looking at this woman, who was so succulently bound moments ago, wondering ..... why are you all tied up like that?

At this point, it all seems silly - until the next time the mental viagra perks up. Wierd huh?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/18/2007 6:16:34 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

quote:


Sex fits to a varying degree based on the person. If it was just purely a mental non sexual reaction would not inflicting pain in a non sexual area be just as good?


Very well said. What I'm learning from you and others is that it's DIFFERENT for each of us. For me, with that high Italian sex drive, it's paramount! While for others, maybe the whole D/s thing "is" disconnected from the sex thing.

I never thought of it that way. Your simple question hit the nipple on the head. It is no fun at all to play with a non-sexual part of a woman's body (for me). Playing with her toe, for example, is boringly meaningless (for me). If she got off on it, I might do it (for her), but otherwise it would be as meaningless as her sucking on my nipples. However, if I twist, suck, tweak, clamp, slap, her nipples & breasts, THAT is erotic. Even talking about her "tits" in front of her is erotic.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.... you're on to something here ...



The amazing thing is you can teach her to "get off" on it...I didn't start out as a masochist, I enjoyed being controlled, it is very much a part of my sexuality now because it's what I learned.

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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/18/2007 8:19:04 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

What does sex have to do with BDSM?


That's got to be a rhetorical question surely?
Statement; it's a mind body continuum.....



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RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/18/2007 9:55:35 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Agrees with RRafe. The body is one big sex organ.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/18/2007 2:29:22 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

BDSM is my 'Mental Viagra'.


Seriously wonderful soundbite

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What does sex have to do with it? (literally) - 10/18/2007 3:09:49 PM   
forg0ttenclone


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		To be perfectly honest as a sub and a masochist... Sex is part to an extent.  However; Does the act of sex have to be involved at all?
My answer is No.  Do not get me wrong, BDSM is very sexual in nature.  However; i do not have to have sex to completely enjoy what has taken place between myself and my dominant.  I love the mental as well as the physical.  It's amazing. 

I've been in vanilla relationships and actually shyed away from sex because it wasnt fulfilling for me.  I've found what is, it's in the lifestyle.  My pleasure is in serving and pleasing my Dominant with no sex involved, period.  I love the mental aspect. The mental asepct affects me big time and she knows this.  Whether i am at work receiving an email from Her with simply a few words.  They mess with my head and leave me pondering and thinking for hours on end.  I love it.

But all in all, sex does NOT have to be part of the experience at all.  I'm perfectly happy as the serving masochist that i am, lol.

forg0ttenclone

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 40
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