RE: Clueless about Protectors

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everhope -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 2:00:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ I believe that I am guilty in something that I work hard not to do, act all elitist. I believe she had good intentions in contacting me and I appreciated that, but when she named dropped (something I HATE or star fucking (dropping names of leather community leaders to make yourself look good-not that the person she mentioned is a leader or not, he may be, he may not) my whole attitude changed. That is another topic for another day. Bottom line is this, while references, friends, mentors, teachers etc are important to me a conversation about that happens as you get to know each other. This person put that out there right away and based on my experience I automatically took that as "I'm supposed to take her seriously based on who here "protector" is." My philosophies are different than others when it comes to that, I take you seriously until you prove to me otherwise. I really want to thank all of you for your comments, opinions and insight in this thread, I've learned a lot. Z- Z, when i read your intial thread posting, i got the feeling that your reaction to this girl was colored by some past experience. thank you for bringing to light in this post what that exactly was. i can actually understand now why you would have the reaction that you had. name dropping is offensive to me also. there is a point tho if you are in the same community that those that you know in common may come up. i do not consider that name dropping. i had a "protector" when i first started out in all this. in fact, i had a whole D/s family of protectors. it was helpful to me at the time. as time has gone along and i have gathered more and more experience the need for a protector is no longer something i need. i think we need to make a big distinction between online and in the flesh interactions. numerous times i have been approached by men online asking me if they could protect me online. to this i say...i am quite competent at communicating on my own. a strictly online protector seems so internetish silly that feeds a fantasy ego. there have been some good responses to this thread. myself , i try and keep open-minded enough to see the validity of others experiences. always hoping we all find out bliss, everhope

dcnovice -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 2:04:39 PM)
<hijack> I keep thinking Protectors would make a good name for a brand of condoms. </hijack>

mnottertail -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 2:05:54 PM)
Try the new Clueless Protectors--------- psssssst!!!! It's like I'm not wearin' nothin'!!!!!

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 2:10:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: everhope quote: ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ I believe that I am guilty in something that I work hard not to do, act all elitist. I believe she had good intentions in contacting me and I appreciated that, but when she named dropped (something I HATE or star fucking (dropping names of leather community leaders to make yourself look good-not that the person she mentioned is a leader or not, he may be, he may not) my whole attitude changed. That is another topic for another day. Bottom line is this, while references, friends, mentors, teachers etc are important to me a conversation about that happens as you get to know each other. This person put that out there right away and based on my experience I automatically took that as "I'm supposed to take her seriously based on who here "protector" is." My philosophies are different than others when it comes to that, I take you seriously until you prove to me otherwise. I really want to thank all of you for your comments, opinions and insight in this thread, I've learned a lot. Z- Z, when i read your intial thread posting, i got the feeling that your reaction to this girl was colored by some past experience. thank you for bringing to light in this post what that exactly was. i can actually understand now why you would have the reaction that you had. name dropping is offensive to me also. there is a point tho if you are in the same community that those that you know in common may come up. i do not consider that name dropping. i had a "protector" when i first started out in all this. in fact, i had a whole D/s family of protectors. it was helpful to me at the time. as time has gone along and i have gathered more and more experience the need for a protector is no longer something i need. i think we need to make a big distinction between online and in the flesh interactions. numerous times i have been approached by men online asking me if they could protect me online. to this i say...i am quite competent at communicating on my own. a strictly online protector seems so internetish silly that feeds a fantasy ego. there have been some good responses to this thread. myself , i try and keep open-minded enough to see the validity of others experiences. always hoping we all find out bliss, everhope Good points, maybe some need some type of protector in their initial steps in BDSM and later don't. Still, wouldn't Dominants need that too? I believe that many have use the protector title in place of mentor. I suppose Dominants would prefer mentor, I know I would. I can still see me saying that during good sex, you know instead of "Whose Your Daddy" how about "Whose Your Protector" that could be kind of hot. Thanks for responding :) Z-

LaTigresse -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 2:49:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcnovice <hijack> I keep thinking Protectors would make a good name for a brand of condoms. </hijack> That was my first thought upon reading this earlier today also. Then, I remembered my shovel armed, possum killing, incident earlier this week. Protecting the big bad guard pack I live with (two GS mixes and a cat that thinks he is a dog) from that evil possum. I wanted to strut in with my blood stained shovel offering my protection services. So there ya have it, condoms and a shovel wielding, wild eyed, woman from Iowa. What more protection could a person possibly need?

dcnovice -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 2:51:09 PM)
quote: So there ya have it, condoms and a shovel wielding, wild eyed, woman from Iowa. What more protection could a person possibly need? Not a thing! I'd take you over the Secret Service anyday.

KnightofMists -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 2:54:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ So, am I clueless because I don't understand the protector label especially via online? Help me understand what a protector does in lifestyle relationships and is a protector only a dominant. Lastly as I asked this person, what does a protector protect you from? Thanks, Z- Well.. two options.... 1... a protector is like a Condom 2... a protector is like a mentor

freyjasdottir -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 3:12:34 PM)
Might sound silly but before I get into anything serious I will ask my best friend to talk to the person too. His BS meter is a bit more fined tuned than mine. Burned a few times too many and I know he has my best interests at heart.

Prinsexx -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 3:34:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ So, am I clueless because I don't understand the protector label especially via online? Dearest Clueless: From Urban Dictionary: A person who escorts and/or watches over another (the “Charge”) to ensure that the other is safe and is not “hit on” unreasonably by others. A Protector can and often will allow others to interact with the charge. A Protector-charge relationship is usually an open relationship and can involve elements of Dominance, service, training and/or scening, at the option of the parties. The inclusion of these elements is usually left to express negotiation and agreement between the parties. A Protector-charge relationship generally is not expected to last for a long term, but generally may last for one or several months. From Prinsexx: So despite being alledgedly clueless, since her protection seems to be short term, I reckon you're in with a chance mate.

Prinsexx -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 3:37:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists Well.. two options.... 1... a protector is like a Condom a protectif?? french letter.. I'm too stupid to to use a condom and too clever to need a mentor.......

Prinsexx -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 3:42:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ As we exchanged a couple of e-mails she asked me if I knew her "protector" and mentioned him by name. Ahh well in that case ask her for his address and telephone number then you can go round and ask him who he really (thinks) he is...... I suspect his full title is Protector of Unethical Tarts Who Keep Blowing My Cover

Prinsexx -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 3:43:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse So there ya have it, condoms and a shovel wielding, wild eyed, woman from Iowa. What more protection could a person possibly need? Please come for tea.

ocilla -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 4:52:47 PM)
I have met folks in our scene that are under protective collar. Basically it is what Lady Hibiscus describes. Maybe because I was raised to use calling cards and even personal letters of reomendation etc. it does not seem that odd to me. Just the safe wing of an experienced and reputable person that a newbie can tuck under a they learn the ropes so to speak.

Kalista07 -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 5:36:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Discipline I'm sure this has been said already but I'm going to say it anyway. The "protector", basically, is the guy she runs to when her mouth gets her into things her ass can't handle. It gives her a way to shirk responsibility for her words and/or actions. i've sat here since i got home tonight, considering how to respond to some of these outright offensive accusations. i'm sure i'm just being hypersensitive and all.......however, i'm offended by this statement. MrDiscipline, i think that Your narrow minded and short sided view of protector's gives everyone a bad name, a bad image, and frankly a bad rap. i've never 'used' my protector to get me out of anything..... What i have used Him for, however, is a sounding board, a reality check, a mentor, a friend, a guide... Did He simply want to abuse me? No...Fuck me? Never... hmmm...What possibly could His motives be then? Well, You'd have to ask Him, however i believe His motives were to help me, protect me, and allow me time to heal while i had some time to find myself, learn to trust myself, and forgive myself for allowing such horrible and unspeakable things to happen to me... Michael, i understand where You are coming from, really i do... .However, i guess the difference here is that i knew my judgment of this man was sound because i had watched Him for about two years on this site as well as others. i talked to Him, and frankly i talked to others about Him. While i could sit here and beat myself up for the rape and everything else and my lack of good judgment, i must also tell You that this man is a sociopath....He did what sociopaths do....He convinced me he was trustworthy and a bunch of other crap when in reality he wasn't.... The fact of the matter is that despite the fact that my Guardian is no longer officially my guardian, i continue to use Him in that capacity. Recently there was something i was struggling to figure out how to tell my new Sir (due to fear because of bad past experiences), and so i copied and pasted the email i was going to send Him.. After my Guardian approved it, i sent it, everything went well... Could just be me, but it gets a little old being judged, condemned, and criticized around here. Kali

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 5:58:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalista07 quote: ORIGINAL: Discipline I'm sure this has been said already but I'm going to say it anyway. The "protector", basically, is the guy she runs to when her mouth gets her into things her ass can't handle. It gives her a way to shirk responsibility for her words and/or actions. i've sat here since i got home tonight, considering how to respond to some of these outright offensive accusations. i'm sure i'm just being hypersensitive and all.......however, i'm offended by this statement. MrDiscipline, i think that Your narrow minded and short sided view of protector's gives everyone a bad name, a bad image, and frankly a bad rap. i've never 'used' my protector to get me out of anything..... What i have used Him for, however, is a sounding board, a reality check, a mentor, a friend, a guide... Did He simply want to abuse me? No...Fuck me? Never... hmmm...What possibly could His motives be then? Well, You'd have to ask Him, however i believe His motives were to help me, protect me, and allow me time to heal while i had some time to find myself, learn to trust myself, and forgive myself for allowing such horrible and unspeakable things to happen to me... Michael, i understand where You are coming from, really i do... .However, i guess the difference here is that i knew my judgment of this man was sound because i had watched Him for about two years on this site as well as others. i talked to Him, and frankly i talked to others about Him. While i could sit here and beat myself up for the rape and everything else and my lack of good judgment, i must also tell You that this man is a sociopath....He did what sociopaths do....He convinced me he was trustworthy and a bunch of other crap when in reality he wasn't.... The fact of the matter is that despite the fact that my Guardian is no longer officially my guardian, i continue to use Him in that capacity. Recently there was something i was struggling to figure out how to tell my new Sir (due to fear because of bad past experiences), and so i copied and pasted the email i was going to send Him.. After my Guardian approved it, i sent it, everything went well... Could just be me, but it gets a little old being judged, condemned, and criticized around here. Kali Kali, I think earlier you explained yourself pretty well and I don't think anyone is judging you. We all have various opinions and sometimes it looks offensive, but I don't believe you were being flamed at all. Best to you, Z-

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 6:52:14 PM)
[>:] So if I am a protector, I can't give her a spanking? What a frigging waste.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 7:02:26 PM)
I don't think people intend to offend anyone. I'm irreverent and I hope that no takes it personally. We all have different ideas and different paths. I don't hold with a lot of ceremony. I've been told I'm just of the barbarian type, I just take what I want. I hope I do it with love and concern. [:)] With all these ideas, we all get to enjoy each others company and get through this trip we call life. If I've offended anyone (well most of you anyway), I do apologize. With my disability (I'm tactfully challenged) it's bound to happen again.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 7:51:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalista07 The fact of the matter is that despite the fact that my Guardian is no longer officially my guardian, i continue to use Him in that capacity. Recently there was something i was struggling to figure out how to tell my new Sir (due to fear because of bad past experiences), and so i copied and pasted the email i was going to send Him.. After my Guardian approved it, i sent it, everything went well... And yet, right here you prove my point as well as the point of others. You should not have to go to a third person to email your Sir. You should've emailed him and just took resposibility what what you said. Instead quote: Could just be me, but it gets a little old being judged, condemned, and criticized around here. Kali What can I say? You don't like the digs, find another. All in all, my comment wasn't directed to you, so if your offended then thats just your problem. But your exception as well as the exception of a few others, doesn't change the way I see things. Most "protectors", like most "mentors" and "trainers" are just using a title to get into an unsuspecting womans pants in the name of nobility and most people who are using a "protector" are just shirking taking responsibility for their actions/words.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 9:14:02 PM)
quote: Michael, i understand where You are coming from, really i do... .However, i guess the difference here is that i knew my judgment of this man was sound because i had watched Him for about two years on this site as well as others. i talked to Him, and frankly i talked to others about Him. When you learn to pick partners the same way...you will have graduated.

FyreAngel -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 9:17:30 PM)
quote: LordMasterKingCockmonster ha ha ha ha ha cock monster....... ha ha ha haha

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