RE: Clueless about Protectors

RE: Clueless about Protectors (Full Version)

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Kalista07 -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 9:23:30 PM)
Michael, hmmm....Guess i've graduated then....heh.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m11.gif[/image] Now.....where's my gift? he he mrDiscipline, Once again you've missed the forest for the trees. It's amazing to me that the only thing You can focus on is the fact that in a moment of fear, anxiety, and doubt, i turned to a friend for some moral support. However, i choose to recognize the fact that i was actually capable of being honest with Him, choose to share with Him, and for the most part have been transparent with Him......... i suppose, in essence, it's all a matter of perspective... Kali

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 9:32:17 PM)
Hey, you see only what you wanted to out of my post. Why can't I do the same to yours? A win for you, a win for me and we're all happy. Why don't you want to be happy?

Kalista07 -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 9:38:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 Hey, you see only what you wanted to out of my post. Why can't I do the same to yours? A win for you, a win for me and we're all happy. Why don't you want to be happy? hmmm...i don't know...Maybe because i'm more than happy.....Maybe because for the first time in my life i'm nearly content. And this contentment wont be stolen away or given away.... Good luck to You, Kali

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/18/2007 9:59:47 PM)
As long as the people who want a "protector" are willing to forego the idea that "sub is a strong smart person who can handle their own life just fine" and is fine with knowing they can no longer be part of the pool of candidates people talk about when they say they WANT someone "strong smart and who can handle their own life just fine," I don't see a problem with it. It really just sort of tosses out the notion that subs are strong independent people and shoves them all back into the "helpless dysfunctional adult who can't handle swimming in the adult pool." I really should post this thread everytime someone wants to start a litany about how "subs are all really strong smart functional adults who should be praised."

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 1:51:24 AM)
Tis kind of a retread of the mentor threads and that has grown a beard it has been discussed so much. We could print the threads and make Saturnalia Trees out of them for the Holidays if we fold the pages correctly. Those of us who pitch the injustices of the protector system have piquant views because of exploitations we have witnessed. Bellwethers not only lead sheep to the fold; they also lead them to the slaughter house. Here is my view since I’m a graduate of the Lucy van Pelt School of Internet Psychology. Despite my skepticism we have copious, additional living, breathing (or at least typing) proof in these very forums that the followers of this practice SOMETIMES end up in situations that are not that bad. Often it is with the protector, ha, but that is another story. For me discussing protectorship is like discussing religion along the lines of a clinical fascination. You see it, you verify people really do think that way, but you simply cannot grasp the mindset that would do it. What happens is that our threads seem to always fall back on a few principles. One of the main ones is definition/labeling and the way we define something. So in the spirit of Wittgenstein, let me say that logic problems arise from different opinions on language. When we start to use labels we think our behavior must fit on that sticky thing on the grocery shelf that names the can “pinto beans.” When someone says she had a friend find her a Dom, that’s fine as long as she doesn’t think she has been “protected,mentored” and has to subscribe to a particular set of rules with her protector. If someone has a friend she talks with, ditto. When you get into protocol behavior with that protector who masquerades as an omniscient figure you are altering your common sense judgment. Keep the mindset that you are talking with a friend and not a label with expectations of your behavior and you will end up happy as a character in a 1940’s romantic movie.

KatyLied -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 2:59:35 AM)
quote: It really just sort of tosses out the notion that subs are strong independent people and shoves them all back into the "helpless dysfunctional adult who can't handle swimming in the adult pool." And it makes subs who are self-reliant and responsible left shaking their heads.

laurell3 -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 3:07:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalista07 quote: ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44 Hey, you see only what you wanted to out of my post. Why can't I do the same to yours? A win for you, a win for me and we're all happy. Why don't you want to be happy? hmmm...i don't know...Maybe because i'm more than happy.....Maybe because for the first time in my life i'm nearly content. And this contentment wont be stolen away or given away.... Good luck to You, Kali You don't need MrD or anyone else here to accept or not accept your life Kali. You were human, we all are. You made a mistake, you learned and grew from it, there's nothing better you can do with mistakes than that. Good luck to you. l

happypervert -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 5:06:17 AM)
quote: As long as the people who want a "protector" are willing to forego the idea that "sub is a strong smart person who can handle their own life just fine" and is fine with knowing they can no longer be part of the pool of candidates people talk about when they say they WANT someone "strong smart and who can handle their own life just fine," I don't see a problem with it. I've started to see the whole mentor/protector thing as part of the fairy tale role play kink some folks call "the lifestyle". You know the type -- they're also the same ones who yap about how "this lifestyle is about honor blah blah blah" as if by declaring themselves kinky somehow magically transforms them into superhumans who are no longer subject to the flaws and frailties of "the vanillas". Male doms are knights-in-shining armor, and fem subs are the damsels in distress who need their protection and guiding wisdom even if they ain't fucking. If the medeival fairy tale sounds too ridiculous, then think Gone With The Wind to bring it more up to date. My only beef with it is that they've all conned themselves into calling it a lifestyle when it is in essence just roleplaying, but I suppose it is harmless good fun for them and it's all good since they amuse me too. I'm sure there are also those who ARE stupid and need protection, and we can find their vanilla counterparts looking for the ONE in their fantasies on match.com.

SoulPiercer -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 5:51:22 AM)
At the risk of angering Ye Olde Guild of Protectorers, I always likened this practice to that of the adventurous individuals who marry deathrow inmates. They get the joy of telling the world they're married, someone wants them, (so what if that someone butchered their own family in their sleep), but they don't have to pick up his socks. Having a "protector", at least to me, means she is protected from actually participating in real life, with hurts and scrapes along the way, just like the rest of us.

chellekitty -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 5:57:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: happypervert I've started to see the whole mentor/protector thing as part of the fairy tale role play kink some folks call "the lifestyle". You know the type -- they're also the same ones who yap about how "this lifestyle is about honor blah blah blah" as if by declaring themselves kinky somehow magically transforms them into superhumans who are no longer subject to the flaws and frailties of "the vanillas". good to know your lifestyle isn't about "honor blah blah blah"....but some of us do live with honor and integrity...and fault ourselves when that fails because we are human...

LaTigresse -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 8:21:59 AM)
LIFE should be about honour and integrity, not this particular lifestyle.

chellekitty -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 8:23:18 AM)
"should" and "is" are two entirely different things....

domiguy -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 8:39:14 AM)
As a founding member of "The Protectors" a not for profit group based out of Minneapolis....Our goal as stated in our charter is "To protect those women without the brain power to protect themselves"...Nothing gives me more joy then to take a sub under my wing, gain her trust and then betray that trust to get in some fine ass-fucking and cock smoking activities. "But, Domiguy...You are supposed to be my protector." ....I stare down at her....as she kneels before me..."Look you ignorant, stupid fuck....This is really for the best....Now start sucking...You small brained, incapable of making a sound decision, good for nothing, cunt."

neph -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 8:59:18 AM)
Protectors are great. They're an early warning that this is almost certainly not a sub that I want to talk to. Having friends is great. Running things by your friends is even better. Having a friend who will act as a safe call is wonderful. Calling them a Protector and telling the world about it? Not so great. To me, it just screams of insecurity and codependence, which aren't traits I look for in a partner.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 9:02:53 AM)
keep in mind it is not your friends relationship it is yours. that is where most people get into big trouble. we do not marry our friends friends. We marry one person not a clan lol

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 2:21:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 keep in mind it is not your friends relationship it is yours. that is where most people get into big trouble. we do not marry our friends friends. We marry one person not a clan lol That sounds like a whole new thread!

MadRabbit -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/19/2007 7:57:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: happypervert quote: As long as the people who want a "protector" are willing to forego the idea that "sub is a strong smart person who can handle their own life just fine" and is fine with knowing they can no longer be part of the pool of candidates people talk about when they say they WANT someone "strong smart and who can handle their own life just fine," I don't see a problem with it. I've started to see the whole mentor/protector thing as part of the fairy tale role play kink some folks call "the lifestyle". You know the type -- they're also the same ones who yap about how "this lifestyle is about honor blah blah blah" as if by declaring themselves kinky somehow magically transforms them into superhumans who are no longer subject to the flaws and frailties of "the vanillas". Male doms are knights-in-shining armor, and fem subs are the damsels in distress who need their protection and guiding wisdom even if they ain't fucking. If the medeival fairy tale sounds too ridiculous, then think Gone With The Wind to bring it more up to date. My only beef with it is that they've all conned themselves into calling it a lifestyle when it is in essence just roleplaying, but I suppose it is harmless good fun for them and it's all good since they amuse me too. I'm sure there are also those who ARE stupid and need protection, and we can find their vanilla counterparts looking for the ONE in their fantasies on match.com. Clearly we have met some of the same people.

desires4only1 -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/20/2007 2:38:54 AM)
Hello DarkDaddyZ; Interesting question that you've asked. I'm also enjoying hearing the responses. In my mind and r/t experience my Mentor, Sir C acted as my protector at a bdsm formal dinner once. As a single submissive, I was not under the house Master's rules but his. If any wished to approach for play purposes then they would go through Sir C. I would think that anything in the way of online protection, would suggest that the one in question doesn't feel they have the experience to clearly make their own desicions and wish to have their journey monitored in a sense, by one they think has more knowledge and experience then they. Many online are just that, online and will never be anything but fantacy, IMO. puddles

susie -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/20/2007 3:48:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: desires4only1 Hello DarkDaddyZ; Interesting question that you've asked. I'm also enjoying hearing the responses. In my mind and r/t experience my Mentor, Sir C acted as my protector at a bdsm formal dinner once. As a single submissive, I was not under the house Master's rules but his. If any wished to approach for play purposes then they would go through Sir C. I would think that anything in the way of online protection, would suggest that the one in question doesn't feel they have the experience to clearly make their own desicions and wish to have their journey monitored in a sense, by one they think has more knowledge and experience then they. Many online are just that, online and will never be anything but fantacy, IMO. puddles The part of your post that I have highlighted is always the thing I have an issue with when people talk about Mentors or protectors. If someone is not experienced enough to be able to make their own choices and decisions about possible Doms / Masters then how are they experienced enough to make the choice of who to have as a protector. To my mind the whole protector thing perpetuates the myth that subs are stupid with no life experience and need someone to protect them.

purepleasure -> RE: Clueless about Protectors (10/20/2007 4:07:57 AM)
In all the times that I see a post when a submissive - new or not - is under "protection", I can't help but wonder who or what she needs protecting from. If it's from others online, they should turn the friggin' computer off, because they obviously can't handle being on a website of an ADULT nature, and deal with adult issues. If he or she needs protection from themself because they are too irresponsible to handle their lives, they still need to turn the computer off and get professional help. Otherwise, if they're here for roleplay... go, have fun, but don't include others in your lilttle cyberdrama.

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