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YesMistressIrish -> RE: Problems with liking an older mistress (10/22/2007 5:50:32 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PhoenixRed
Hello to the OP. Your profile revamp is sounding much better. You've received a lot of good advice on this forum. I wanted to tell you of some of my experiences with younger men and ask you a few questions, just to get you thinking about some things that haven't yet been addressed.
First off, I may be a little different than some here because I deal almost exclusively with bi or bi-curious men. I am contacted by many younger men who have no real-time experience, and who desire training for their first encounter with another man. It's something I specialize in. My mate and I have a number of bi male partners. They've told me lots of stories of the beginnings of their exporation of that aspect of their sexuality. I decided that I wanted to try and give newbies good first experiences so that they know what it could and should be like, not what many men seem to end up with. I believe that every bi-curious person, male or female, should be able to have a good first experience to start their exploration. That being said. Here are some of the latest experiences with submissive men (BTW all of these men were intelligent and well spoken, and I took time to get to know them before meeting):
21 yr old: Total newbie to just about everything. Had said he had fantasized for years about being owned as a bi sub. Was training for bi activity, forced feminization, etc. Very enthusiastic the first 2 weeks. Begged me to fuck him but he wasn't ready yet. As he got ready and the time came, so did all the "illnesses", etc. Bailed in the 4th week, telling me he just wasn't ready.
23 yr old: E-mailed, IM'd, talked on the phone every day for at least 3 weeks. Had some BDSM experience, was already bi. Wanted to be owned as a slave. I told him I'd take him for 2 weeks for a trial run. He was to be a camp slave for a long weekend and then serve a week as a house slave. We discussed in detail everything that was expected of him, etc., and he enthusiatically agreed to all of it. I drove to Oklahoma to pick him up. He didn't want to do any work around camp and it got even worse when I got him home. He told me "I never really said I was a good house slave, just a good sexual submissive" (which he did ok at). Returned to OK.
Another 23 yr old: Local sub, had been training online for weeks with expectation on both parts to meet real-time. Did great at all the assignments I gave him. Bi-curious with no real-time experience yet. Met a girl his own age. Said he'd feel like he was cheating on her if he came to see me. Still wants to train online ("because he can't deny his bi side") and is trying to convince his gf to embrace some of his kinks, so far with no success.
28 yr old: Local sub. Again talked for a long time about expectations, activities, etc. Bi-curious with no real time experience. Session started fine. Got to one of the things we had discussed that he thought would be "hot", and he totally flaked on me. Got angry I didn't fuck him in the first session. Now is trying to IM me, desperate not only to get fucked, but now by a man of my choosing instead of just the strap-on! lol
That's just a few of them. I've only had these problems so far with men under 30. As I try not generalize and paint individuals with the same brush as those that have disappointed me, I may yet still deal with younger men. Just seems there are 2 main issues with them: first that they have a problem dealing with the fact that the things they've been fantasizing about may not turn out in reality like the romanticized notion they had of them - they seem to lack the maturity and coping skills to deal with unexpected feelings; second, reliability and committment - none seem to take it seriously enough to work through snags and make it a priority for themselves.
K. Now that treatise is done. Can you see why some of us get jaded? Let me ask you a few questions about your submission and relationship with a potential Domme:
- How often are you going to be available to meet?
- How long do you envision staying with a D/s relationship, provided you both are compatible?
- What happens when you get a girlfriend?
Possible scenarios that might arise:
- You have a scheduled meeting with your Domme at 6 pm. You have a 3 pm class and meet a hot girl that wants to go out and have coffee or whatnot with you....do you keep your meeting with your Domme or cancel and go out with the girl? If the latter, do you tell your Domme the truth of why you didn't show?
- Suppose for the moment I am your Domme. My mate and I have been painting and moving all day. I call you at 9 pm on a Sat to have you come over and give us both massages to ease our aching muscles. Would you come with no expectations of any session activity for you?
Here's some perspective from my side of the fence. When I schedule a session with a sub, I usually have to plan on getting out of work early so that I can spend the time I want to with them. Gotta make sure I don't have any 5 pm meetings or such that can run overtime. Usually takes about an hour to set up the house and prep for the session. Given that most of my subs are bi or in training, sometimes I have little "surprises" planned for them, like one of my guys coming over to help. Sub doesn't show, I have to call off my guy and all the planning is for naught. Pisses me off royally.
I don't know you and I'm not trying to judge you. You can be the most sincere and reliable sub on Earth for all I know. I was just trying to give you an idea of what my experiences with younger subs has been, and the problems that seem to arise. I'm sure I'm not the only one on this board with these kinds of stories to tell. Take them for what you will, learn from them what you can. Good luck to you.
PhoenixRed,
Thank you so much for sharing all that you did above. My experiences with inexperienced subs have been so similar it amazed me! I had the thought: 'I wonder if we have been talking to the same subs.' weg.
I have set up many scenes with a cuck and had to cancel because one or the other was a no-show. Royally pisses me off.
I conversed for months with a slave. He came to me knowing what was expected from me. He had been an excellent phone and web slave for me. I knew what the red flags might be. When he arrived the red flags became real and I made him leave my house. I am allowing him to serve me from afar now.
It takes a lot of energy to create that magical environment for scenes and 24/7. When it comes to rt many subs get scared and give a million excuses.
We definitely need a 'bottom' category! Honesty is IT.
I just want m/f subs to be who they are whether it's bottom, sub, slave, switch, etc.
For people who are submissive in their hearts, and actions. To find their balls to be submissive, walk their talk, and show up regularly.
I have so much energy, love to have fun and be a creative, giving Domme and the have full circle interaction. I have had a lot of fun, however I have wasted many hrs trying to connect rt.
To the OP: Good luck. It's great to see your persistence. Just be who you are and get out there and connect with some dommes rt. Real life is different from cyber life and many subs get stuck in their heads and become unable to deal with the reality of submission. Too much time fantasizing online, on the phone, and one-handed typing gets a sub stuck in his own fantasies of how things 'should be'.
Many subs have spent years fantasizing about their dream Domme. She will want to mold you, train you her way.
Vanilla interests are important to have in common if you want the full D/s package. If you are willing and show up you will have a lot of fun.
Miss Irish
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