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RE: Red Flags list. - 10/26/2007 6:10:39 PM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

The first one reads:

1) Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community.

There seems to be some quibble over the wording but the intent is there. Perhaps if it had been phrased Tries to separate you from other with whom you have a close, positive relationship. An abuser wants to be the one and only influence in your life and will go to great lengths to keep you from people who may try to advise you to leave.

30) Blames you for your hurt feelings.

i have heard this over and over: "You're just being oversensitive." "You shouldn't have made me mad." "Get over it." The abuser of course never does anything wrong and if something they say or do hurts you emotionally (or physically) it is never their fault, it's yours. Don't dismiss this item off-hand.

i had to put my two cents in here because my (soon to be) exhusband fits more of these points than not... had i seen a list like this twenty years ago, i would have run from him.

g

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RE: Red Flags list. - 10/26/2007 8:08:44 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Well, like for me, I don't consider any one but my mom my dad and my dogs and my bf family. If asked why the only person I could really state why is my biological brother is an asshole and abusive. The rest? I just naturally never did think of as family, they only come around when they want something.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

There's a difference between "bad" and "no" relationships. If someone has bad relationships with every single family member, it's a good indication that either dysfunction is being perpetuated or they're unable to have a normal relationship.

Walking away from a relationship with a family member for a legitimate reason, actually is a good indicator.

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RE: Red Flags list. - 10/26/2007 8:25:32 PM

PryderiLoup

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I used to hate the way my vanilla wife, now ex, would come back from her family. They were mean backstabbing people, and she would often come home either crying or ready to tear my head off. I limited her visits to a few a year.

I have no problem with a well thought out reason based on mental health, or the health of the relationship, no matter how I feel about the tactic itself.. I think the issue here is a dom that wants to isolate the sub so that she does not have the ability to seek advice or have an outside influence to tell her she is being abused.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

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Post #: 63

RE: Red Flags list. - 10/28/2007 11:26:48 AM

MasterDaveM

Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline

Red Flag list for sub/slaves (made up on the fly, but still true)

Stock photo
Looking for never ending pain limits (If she wants you to staple her tits to the ceiling fan and turn in on high, you will never keep this whipping post content)
Claims to be "bratty" (i.e. she submits when it suits her)
Damaged personality (always "confused")
Looking for a free ride for her and/or any kids
Glamour shots.. expecially the soft lighting ones (you just know the bitch broke the lens and the soft lighting is covering up the details)
Claims to be multi generational "slave"

< Message edited by MasterDaveM -- 10/28/2007 11:27:43 AM >

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RE: Red Flags list. - 10/28/2007 11:38:18 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

I have found that most people are guilty of carrying at least one red flag. My biggest red flag has been someone with NO RED FLAGS at all. That’s sorta’ scary…

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Post #: 65

RE: Red Flags list. - 10/28/2007 2:35:47 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrDennynSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: Guilty1974

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I was told by a Dominant never to be with someone who has nothing to lose. So if he doesnt have a job. he has nothing to lose .

So you rule out not only the unemployed but also many of the chronically ill.Way to go...

Well, after threats of being outed at my job by a Dominant with an anger management problem who was living on a year long severance package. he had no jobof his own to fear losing, so yes...better safe than sorry. As far as the chronically ill, i wish them well but they can not protect me if they are always sick. Sorry if this bothers you but I guess we just dont see eye to eye on this.

A chronic illness does not mean being disabled. A chronic illness can be diabetes, high blood pressure, bronchitis, or any host of other illnesses. With any of these mentioned, a dom/me can still protect his/her sub/slave without any problems what so ever.

Someone with high blood pressure or diabetes is able bodied enough to work. If they can protect you then they can have a job. Bronchitis is yet another illness that doesnt warrant a disability status. So A Dom who isnt working because of this needs to get his lazy ass up and get a job.

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Post #: 66

RE: Red Flags list. - 10/29/2007 11:09:00 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

The nasty and derogatory way you speak about women you don't know would red flag you in my eyes. And in many other women's eyes. Men who resort to attacking women and calling them bitches simply because of a predujice of that man's isn't any one I'd associate with let alone dominate me.

Should people make the very same rude and arrogant assumptions about your picture, Shouldn't we by your standard say you're really posting a fancy photo to hide a bunch of faults? Come on what ugly faults are you hiding behind the dolled up photo.

Think about it.Your actions on this forrum paint a picture of you, for all to see, and based on this and your other very negative thread post a very negative picture, and a very bad "first impression"

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM

Red Flag list for sub/slaves (made up on the fly, but still true)

Glamour shots.. expecially the soft lighting ones (you just know the bitch broke the lens and the soft lighting is covering up the details)
Claims to be multi generational "slave"

(in reply to MasterDaveM)

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Post #: 67

RE: Red Flags list. - 10/29/2007 11:14:32 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrDennynSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: Guilty1974

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I was told by a Dominant never to be with someone who has nothing to lose. So if he doesnt have a job. he has nothing to lose .

So you rule out not only the unemployed but also many of the chronically ill.Way to go...

Well, after threats of being outed at my job by a Dominant with an anger management problem who was living on a year long severance package. he had no jobof his own to fear losing, so yes...better safe than sorry. As far as the chronically ill, i wish them well but they can not protect me if they are always sick. Sorry if this bothers you but I guess we just dont see eye to eye on this.

A chronic illness does not mean being disabled. A chronic illness can be diabetes, high blood pressure, bronchitis, or any host of other illnesses. With any of these mentioned, a dom/me can still protect his/her sub/slave without any problems what so ever.

Someone with high blood pressure or diabetes is able bodied enough to work. If they can protect you then they can have a job. Bronchitis is yet another illness that doesnt warrant a disability status. So A Dom who isnt working because of this needs to get his lazy ass up and get a job.

Protect from what? I don't understand that bit, why need protection aside from condoms? (lol)

I do get not wanting someone too lazy to work but please folks remember not every disability is visible and for some bronchitis can be disabling.

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RE: Red Flags list. - 10/29/2007 11:17:19 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

protect you from toilet slavery, of course....although no one really can do that.

Ron

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RE: Red Flags list. - 10/29/2007 11:28:58 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

Red flags? Unfortunately for me, I don't have anything basic I can point to. Every single one of those flags others have mentioned are conditional on circumstance. I'll be a generally stubborn, domineering, and demanding individual overall, and if they are doing something I don't like--for example, being pointlessly cruel, overuse of sarcasm, overeating, dittoheading, etc.--I will lay into them until they cease the offending behavior or leave. I won't ask them to, I won't make ultimatums, OR filter a girl out that I'm attracted to otherwise; but I'll get rougher and rougher with them until they do, drill sergeant style. I'M the red flag.

Actually, I do have one. If I test them on following direction, and the do it--but get increasingly frustrated with me when it's not warranted--then I'll take that as a sign that they're not actually a submissive, or not submissive to my personal style. At that I'll distance myself, because people often can't judge such things for themselves, unfortunately.

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Post #: 70

RE: Red Flags list. - 10/29/2007 6:53:46 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

[/quote]

Protect from what? I don't understand that bit, why need protection aside from condoms? (lol)

I do get not wanting someone too lazy to work but please folks remember not every disability is visible and for some bronchitis can be disabling.
[/quote]

Well I was lambasted for saying that someone should be working because if they are not they have nothing to lose. They can threaten to out you but have nothing to fear themselves. Protection? I want a strong Dom that can make me feel safe and protected not one who I have to nurse.

I was originally blasted for not wanting one who is on disability or unemployed. By the way, not living with their mother or a homeless shelter. So sue me.

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RE: Red Flags list. - 10/30/2007 11:54:10 AM

Guilty1974

Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I still dont want to date someone who is on disability or doesnt have a job. Whether nice or asshole. but true I should stay away from assholes.

But you didn't actually answer my question about the out-of-the-closet man.

quote:

Are you unemployed because of a disability? It sounds like you are. I wish you well.

Not that it's any of your business, but no. But I wish you well too, it sounds like you've been hurt much more than me.

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RE: Red Flags list. - 10/30/2007 12:08:03 PM

therealboss

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/11/2007
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all these flags are others fetish,just because it's not yours does not make it any less of or more of,each to their own

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Post #: 73