RE: Would you erase your kink?

RE: Would you erase your kink? (Full Version)

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kitttty -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 10:48:25 PM)
quote: Stop trying to make "kink" into something "special." But it is the special one. None of my other passions or hobbies or guilty pleasures affect my romantic interactions the way that kink does. My mind does not go- 'I do my scrap booking, I go to the gym, now it's kink time.' My mind goes 'Master wants me to go to the gym so I won't get off this machine. Master wants me to concentrate at work so I will stay overtime. Master wants me to..." It's not just that I think of the Master every 10 seconds- it's that I think of him in relation to most things going on in my world. This is more like a drug addiction than a dedication to a hobby. And I wonder who I'd be if I pressed the button. I wonder if I would still love the Master.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 10:53:18 PM)
See now you're talking about Ds and authority dynamics- that's not the same as kink. Even so, Ds isn't "special" in the sense that it's no more special than a vanilla woman's marriage is. It's just special TO YOU.

CutieMouse -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 10:57:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty You can be obsessed with airplaines or an avid hiker- that probably won't prevent you from being in a relationship with someone who doesn't care for these things. And if it does, you can still meet your SO during normal public interactions. Not like you have to go hunt for your secret psychological kindred spirits on the internet. BDSM can be, you know, a pain in the ass. I would be willing to bet you money that if I walk into a "vanilla" event, and there are say 10 brilliant men there, all of whom have a drive to succeed in life... and lets say I know how to pick up on the cues - within an hour I'll have a good idea of which 7 of the 10 men are at least open to some seriously twisted sex, if not flat out dominants/sadists. It's honestly not that hard to meet people - what's hard is meeting people who are fully compatable. Sites like CM simply narrow down the search.

iammachine -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 11:00:39 PM)
In short, no. I'm pretty content with who I am. :)

Gwynvyd -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 11:09:17 PM)
I would never change the things that I see as positive things about myself, or my life. ( lose those extra pounds, get in better shape.. become a better swordswoman... better at bow and arrow, and get all my projects done in a timely manner yes.) But something that is so within my personality as to whom I am attracted to, and who I am? Nope. Life is never easy... it is all in how you look at it. I could personaly never be satisfied with plain ol vannila Lick and Stick. Does nothing for my mind. My mind has to be going "Oooh now this is a tasty lil tid bit... Oh! Naughty!" and from there it all clicks. I have never had an issue finding partners.. Even the genius ones. ( my preferance as well.. among other things ) Go to lecture series, take some classes, talk on some intellectual forums. It is how I find mine. I like the science genius type.... talk to me about the String and Wave ( Grand unified ) theory, and I just melt. Gwyn

kitttty -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 11:09:21 PM)
quote: and lets say I know how to pick up on the cues - within an hour I'll have a good idea of which 7 of the 10 men are at least open to some seriously twisted sex, if not flat out dominants/sadists. How? I have no idea how to pick out such cues.

kitttty -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 11:12:28 PM)
I have mine. I just can't talk about him with any of my friends because I assume they just wouldn't get it. But if I could pick people out then perhaps I wouldn't have to feel the intense isolation of thinking about Master as Master all day and then only being able to share my sentiments with a bunch of internet tarts I don't even know... jk.

laurell3 -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 11:14:08 PM)
Actually I've found some brilliant people in the lifestyle (take a closer look around you at the people you are calling "tarts"). Knowing how to find them and who to avoid takes time and patience. You can have your cake and eat it too, although I would suggest to you that I've found some absolutely priceless, caring, loving, intelligent, wonderful lovers that probably wouldn't qualify for mensa standards, so I'm personally glad my bar is not so high. Given where I've been and what I've been through in life, I would not change any of it now, I like where I am and who I am and my kink is a very big part of that.

Gwynvyd -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 11:29:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty I have mine. I just can't talk about him with any of my friends because I assume they just wouldn't get it. But if I could pick people out then perhaps I wouldn't have to feel the intense isolation of thinking about Master as Master all day and then only being able to share my sentiments with a bunch of internet tarts I don't even know... jk. chuckles Wow.. I havent been called a tart since I was 16. Ahh the memories.. maybe if you trade down a few ducats on the scale of Kittttieness... you will not be so isolated. I refuse to have close friends who do not get me, and can not carry on my level of conversations. Again, peruse the places and venues I described and you will be pleaseantly surprised. A brainy hobby tends to do wonders. You'd be amazed at how many of those lil geeky girls in librarian glasses are actualy the same tarts you find here. Gwyn

CuriousLord -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/18/2007 11:40:11 PM)
You have a good point about this sort of unusual stance limiting who you can be involved with. For me, it's along the lines of.. Age: Can't be younger than 18 (illegal). Many can't be older than 30 (unattractive, though some do pull it off). Gender: Female. Location: My state or willing and able to relocate in short order. D/s stance: TPE slave. Sadomasochism: Neutral to somewhat masochistic. Humanistic view: Bare minimum of slight benevolence. So, a female TPE slave in Virginia with no sadism and no or mild masochism between the ages of 18 and, let's say, 28. And that's just limiting it down to the range of individuals I'd consider by demographics.. this isn't even fully considering physical appearance or simply liking the girl's personality. To older females: Every time I mention that women over 30 aren't typically attractive to me, I seem to get some mail from an older female asking if I really think women over 30 are ugly. So, allow me to address it here. No, such is not the case. It's likely just that I'm twenty one.

petdave -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 6:11:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross So can anything, if you take it far enough. Stop trying to make "kink" into something "special." Actually, i think there is a difference. i'm obsessive about cars. i restore and customize cars and motorcycles, i have pictures of cars on the walls at work, i have toy cars all over the house, i run a website and a mailing list about cars, and most of the other forums i'm on are about either cars or motorcycles. i am REALLY into them. i consider this interest to be as integral a part of "who i am" as my submissive/masochistic/fetishist nature- they both go back quite literally as far as i can remember. BUT... while i would not be able to have a relationship with somebody who was really bothered by this interest (the cost and time devoted to project cars causes a lot of marital difficulties for some guys), i don't require that my partner share my interest. It doesn't hurt my feelings if i score some rare and elusive part on eBay and share my excitement with her and get an indifferent response. If i go into a long monologue about my plans for a particular car and she gives only pleasant but essentially confused feedback, i'm okay with that. i can talk about cars without feeling as though i'm pouring my heart out. Lack of interest in my car hobby is not a rejection of me. i'm perfectly happy finding validation for that part of my personality outside our relationship. Because BDSM is usually tied into intimate relationships, it's a whole 'nother ballgame. If i work up the nerve to tell her about a long-held fantasy of submission and see that moment of "oh crap, I'd better think of a nice way to put this..." cross her face, i'm done. Rejection of my submissive tendencies- frustration that i'm not more assertive, lack of interest in discipline, feeling that bondage is "too much work"- is saying "I don't want you. You're not worth it." It's the difference between a hobby- even an obsessive one- and part of your nature as a person and a romantic partner. It's huge. Unfortunately, i don't have time to go into the social stigma aspects ATM, but i also think that differentiates kink from most (not all) hobbies. But yes, if i could be sexually "normal", i would.

chellekitty -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 6:19:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd chuckles Wow.. I havent been called a tart since I was 16. Ahh the memories.. did a google search for "define tart" and since most people define the words here as it suits them anyway...i thought i would help you with some already established definitions of "tart" sharp; acceptable if not too acidic. (but usually refering to food...) Sheila. Once meaning sweetheart, but the term can now be used derogatorily. (once good, now not so great) upstart young woman or prostitute (first half good, second half blah) my personal favorite? Pleasantly sour (never mind that it's from a coffee website glossary)

canupleaseme -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 6:35:24 AM)
Just thought I;d add my tarty two pence in lol Any of my relationships that have been vanilla with vanilla men havent worked out Any relationships Ive had with a kink side to them have been succesful. The one I am in now and previous maids (who left because of distance issues nothing bad) Kink is what makes me work right with my partner by giving it up I wouldnt be able to express myself how I wanted to. I have also find that my vanilla relationships lacked the communiction my kink relationships have had which is of course a major problem. I dont think giving up something you are into be it hiking, kink, sailing or whatever would enable you to have better relationships or to indeed find pne if thats the problem. Its all about being yourself and being honest with yourself. I get that some people feel its something they would love to erase in their lifes because for them they havent fund what they are looking for or what have you but personally if its not working out right for you then change your tactics it doesnt have to be bad being kinky.

kitttty -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 6:52:23 AM)
quote: It is how I find mine. I like the science genius type.... talk to me about the String and Wave ( Grand unified ) theory, and I just melt. I also prefer the science genius type. I just jive with it best. But mostly when I talk to such guys the impression I get is "OMG. It's a girl. OMG. It has boobs. OMG. What would cthulu do?" quote: A brainy hobby tends to do wonders. You'd be amazed at how many of those lil geeky girls in librarian glasses are actualy the same tarts you find here. Aha! So this is where I can find my submissive girl! Fortunately my standards for girls do not limit me to those with unusual intelligence. But really, how would I know a girl is submissive without talking to her about directly sexual topics? I don't want to tart up the library with bondage porn magazines to see who comes hither. It could have been worse- Could have called you strumpets or harlots even. And just think. If you were kinky 100 years ago such terms would have tittilated you like cum slut does today.

catize -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 8:24:19 AM)
quote: If you could be satisfied in vanilla relationships would you choose to be? For most of us it isn't an option and has never been an option. But what if you could press a button and become as vainlla as you wanted? If it had worked for me, I wouldn't be here. quote: I wonder myself. I enjoy the unique perspective into the mind that kink gives me but there is a problem in that it eliminates so many people from your dating pool. How does kink give anyone a unique perspective into the mind? There are intuitve people from all walks of life. We have no special insights, no better abilities to know and understand another person. quote: I am totally happy belonging to the Master but in a way I have so little choice about who else i can belong to. I'm not quite sure how you can be 'totally happy' yet bemoan the fact you don't have more options. quote: But have you ever known someone that you liked so much- loved their humor, their perspectives etc and knew it would never work romantically because they could not at all understand your sex drive. Sometimes I knew it wouldn't work out because the person was the wrong gender, or I was the wrong gender, or because we worked together(and he was too many years younger than me.) Life happens, we are who we are. There isn't a big enough eraser to wipe out what ever this is that trips my trigger. I don't want the 'me' of me to be gone. Edited to add words of wisdom from The Rolling Stones: You can't always get what you want But if you try Sometimes ya find Ya get what you need.

toservez -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 8:34:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross How come no one ever asks "Would you give up television to have a great relationship?" Kink is something I enjoy, something that's a big part of who I am and what I get out of life. Asking me to give that up would be like asking me to give up reading or internet forums :) For someone else, kink is no biggie to them, just like reading might not be. I really liked this response. I can be happy and content in my life no matter what my situation was. If I were to get into a vanilla relationship, which the last two plus years of my last relationship basically became, I was still far happier then not. The power exchange and kink that disappeared was just part of the symptoms to the real problem. I could imagine living a regular relationship but I do not think I could or try to live a vanilla stereotype relationship. I would still be submissive in nature and have an active and interesting sex life. I choose this life because it fits me best in fulfilling my needs and a lot of desires. To me this is a half full or half empty type question. This life adds to my enjoyment of my life not makes it happy. I imagine if constraints in my life were to limit my options then I could handle a somewhat vanilla life without pining that much for this.

lonlyrossInNeed -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 8:38:04 AM)
nope never would and never will aint going to happen

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 8:51:09 AM)
I just do not understand why people can not get the simple fact of things. If you are not in control of who are what you are. Then you will never find what you seek. I heard apart of who i am in the above posts. everything we do is apart of who we are IT projects who we are. If you want something bad enough yeah you can do it. Unless your just weak minded and have no self control lol. You can waste your life on stupid concepts and ideas. Love is a very powerful thing. When it is right it rocks. But it takes work. maybe what people need to learn is how to work at love. how to respect it, honor it. Dom's, Dommes need come off the pedestal a little and learn how to nurture not demand. Much like a business. You have to learn how to manage you and your life is really what D's BDSM and nilla plus everything else. But Instead of money. one is getting more self growth. SO ask your self this. If given the task if someone were to ask you. How far would you go if you loved someone and then look inward that would tell you what your made of. You have always heard this expression i would die for that person shrugs

CutieMouse -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 9:15:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty quote: and lets say I know how to pick up on the cues - within an hour I'll have a good idea of which 7 of the 10 men are at least open to some seriously twisted sex, if not flat out dominants/sadists. How? I have no idea how to pick out such cues. Hard to describe... it's an energy. How a man works a room, discusses the topic at hand, reacts to my conversation. I couldn't have figured it out in my 20s, but in my 30s I can peg them. It might also be a bit of an ageist thing... I tend to not think twice about men under 50. I also don't mess with qualifiers like official MENSA status, as most of the seriously interesting people I've known in life have turned down membership. lol I attract a certian quality of man - it just so happens that those men are consistantly very very well degreed/published in their fields, etc. quote: I just can't talk about him with any of my friends because I assume they just wouldn't get it. I honestly don't get this. My Lover is my Lover. His title/place in my life as Dominant or Master doesn't change that. Now I might not use BDSM terminology when discussing a Lover with certain friends, but in the end, if I'm in a relationship that makes me happy why wouldn't my friends be able to "get it"? quote: But if I could pick people out then perhaps I wouldn't have to feel the intense isolation of thinking about Master as Master all day and then only being able to share my sentiments with a bunch of internet tarts I don't even know... I've met them at lecture series, work, writer's message boards, CollarMe... I'd be careful about dismissing members of forums such as CM; a lot of those brilliant people you're interesting in attracting probably utilize sites such as this, simply because they're too busy to do the social club dating game. I wrote a CM profile aimed at wickedly brilliant men, and (when it was up) that is exactly the sort of man who responded... in droves. quote: I also prefer the science genius type. I just jive with it best. But mostly when I talk to such guys the impression I get is "OMG. It's a girl. OMG. It has boobs. OMG. What would cthulu do?" Again - this may be an age issue, or possibly a subject issue... I stick with humanities/languages/law types. lol quote: Fortunately my standards for girls do not limit me to those with unusual intelligence. But really, how would I know a girl is submissive without talking to her about directly sexual topics? I don't want to tart up the library with bondage porn magazines to see who comes hither. You would never in a million years catch me looking at bondage porn in the library. It's also easy as pie to know I'm submissive (if you know how to read me). [;)]

Gwynvyd -> RE: Would you erase your kink? (10/19/2007 10:04:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty quote: ORIGINAL: Gwynvyd chuckles Wow.. I havent been called a tart since I was 16. Ahh the memories.. did a google search for "define tart" and since most people define the words here as it suits them anyway...i thought i would help you with some already established definitions of "tart" sharp; acceptable if not too acidic. (but usually refering to food...) Sheila. Once meaning sweetheart, but the term can now be used derogatorily. (once good, now not so great) upstart young woman or prostitute (first half good, second half blah) my personal favorite? Pleasantly sour (never mind that it's from a coffee website glossary) hehe I like being called a young upstart woman.. it fits me well. At 16 I was called a tart by a woman who had just slapped her husband for staring at some of my better attributes. I am sure I would have been called one last night if my honeys SO had known what the word ment.. LOL But it is all good... It is true.. it was a cute little slightly derogitory remark < Mainly British > for an attactive young woman who has that X factor about her.. but then it was taken over by other females.. and now has about the same meaning as slut. I use it sparingly, only with friends.. and the words tasty or cheeky are almost always in there somewhere... Odd how we can warp words and make them negative isn't it? I like reclaiming words. Slut, Bitch, Whore, chuckles Tart... Yes I am all of that I am sure by some standards.. and I adore it. Wouldnt live my life any other way. It was Lincon who said "A wife should be a Lady in the parlor, a cook in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom." I whole heartily agree. Gwyn

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