The arguments that will not die

The arguments that will not die (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

catize -> The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 12:22:39 AM)
Submissive versus slave, punishment, limits/no limits; thread topics that get repeated over and over. Safe words, who is ‘fake’, definitions of BDSM; we are or are not better at relationships than vanilla, and off we go. Page after page opinions are repeated, clichés are espoused as if they are actual facts, “what ifs” become the basis of an argument. Many times I peruse the thread captions and can predict how long it will run, where it will bog down and deteriorate and fade out, only to be restarted a week later by a different person. No, this is not a rant, (maybe more of a ramble). I have been on other forums. One was a small group of people and we all pretty much agreed on everything; we fizzled out because there isn’t much to learn from those who already share your point of view. What I want to say here is that, despite the fact that certain ‘debates’ get very tiresome, I have learned some things. Certain topics, certain posters, push my ‘hot buttons’. Some of you have been excellent models for me in the way you are able to thoughtfully respond without deriding the person you disagree with. I am better able to avoid giving knee jerk responses. Some of you have shared snippets of your lives so vividly that I can catch a glimpse of your days and a better understanding and appreciation for the unique structure of each relationship. And I am always grateful to any of you who make me smile and laugh. Almost everyone who has posted here has, at one time or another said something that was meaningful to me. I have seldom changed my mind regarding a topic as it pertains to my own life, but many of you have used words in a way that made me catch a glimpse of your side of any given issue, gave me the ability to wrap my head around a different perspective, made me pause long enough to reflect on what it is I hold as true for myself. And at last, my point; in all the redundant and rehashed themes, there are the occasional gems to be read and savored. The surprises; someone who is usually abrasive will write an empathetic response; the jokester gives a serious opinion, someone I never agree with says something that I view the same. I find comfort in shared experiences. I (sometimes) find growth when a post takes me out of my comfort zone. All of the above is what is interesting to me, makes me want to check in daily to read and think. What is it about this place that keeps you coming back?

xoxi -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 12:23:59 AM)
Heh. I have been posting far less frequently recently. I had been wondering why I was losing interest...I think this might have something to do with it.

imtempting -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 12:30:32 AM)
You got to remember new people come to the boards every week and eventually these new people ask the same questions. Its nothing new, its always been.

chellekitty -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 12:36:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi Heh. I have been posting far less frequently recently. I had been wondering why I was losing interest...I think this might have something to do with it. i think its healthy to take a break...in everything we do...if we did the same thing, in any area of life..how tedious and boring does it become...and how long before you are dreading doing it....variety is the spice of life?

hisannabelle -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 1:14:43 AM)
greetings catize, i have taken two longish breaks from collarme...i've slowed down my posting at some times or another. i think what keeps me coming back is that it's beneficial to me to talk things out, and also to hear others' thoughts, and i hope that my thoughts can sometimes help others as well. i used to get really entrenched in some of the hotter debates...now i just try to respond where i feel i need to respond, to express my experiences, or to clarify what i have said, but i don't really use the forums to debate anything...certainly not my life or experiences anymore. i know i am happy with how i am, and i want to share things, but i just am not interested in defending myself or debating - i have little enough energy as it is, there are so many more beneficial things to put it to. mostly what keeps me coming back is just the insight that i get from reading and also how much posting my own thoughts has helped me to think and grow with regards to myself, my relationship, and my identity. most of the things i discuss here are not really things that we talk about a lot in our relationship...so having that opportunity to kind of think out the nuances of who i am and how i live in ways that i might not otherwise be able to examine is really wonderful. and even those posters who usually get on my nerves have also, at one time or another, given me something or provided me with some kind of insight in their posts, so i try not to let my opinion of anyone here be one-sided. respectfully, annabelle.

Focus50 -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 3:48:48 AM)
Technology and new inventions may add to the toys we play with but the dynamics of D/s rarely change at all. Mostly there are NO new topics, just new people discovering it all for the first time. So it's inevitable the "same" topics will perpetually repeat and I generally advise those with a problem with it to tap the 'Backspace' key and get a life that does interest them. Focus.

MamaDomme -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 4:52:19 AM)
I don't post very much at all, but never have been much of a poster. I do however, read the forums everyday and love seeing the different viewpoints on the variety of subjects.

Dnomyar -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 5:05:57 AM)
imtempting said it all. I got blasted the first time I posted on here. How was I supposed to know that you could go and read all of the back post on here. If a quetion is asked then answer it or ignore it. To outright flame someone shows that your an asshole. If you dont agree with the post then state your grievence and move on. Everyone has their own kink. respect theirs if you wish them to respect yours. I like this place because there are so many different points of view.

chellekitty -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 6:06:04 AM)
sometimes a newbie asking an old question is no problem...sometimes a newbie asking an old question is like a someone walking up to an Aggie student in December 1999 and saying "who wants to build a bonfire?" ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aggie_Bonfire ) and we just ACK! please not again, this can only end badly....

Missokyst -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 6:46:42 AM)
That kind of drives me nuts too. I don't really want to click on past link after past link to see what a poster thinks of the posed question. Tell me what you think right now, today or don't bother. As for what keeps bringing me back here, basically it is a need to connect. Lately though it is bothersome to read page after page of bdsm'rs who think that this is the only thing that works and if everyone had the checklists, contracts, ect, even nilla life would be peachy keen. I have to learn to avoid those. Kyst

chellekitty -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 6:50:27 AM)
skim-reading is an advantageous skill to learn when when posts on message boards a lot...helps you float through the stuff you don't want to read, yet not miss the stuff you do want to read...but learn to do it right....and go back and double read the stuff you do want to read or those things you are replying to...cause hasty replying to only half the message makes you look like an arse....

CreativeDominant -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 6:59:52 AM)
I seem to go in spurts...there are weeks when I answer one thread a day and weeks when 3 or 4 threads a day spark a response. I have been here a little over a year and yes, many of the same topics get brought up over and over but, as someone else noted, there are always new opinions posted or someone else gives a new insight that they have learned. Past discussions of the issue have made me revise my thoughts on occasion and now that I have processed them, I like to share what I think now. As annabelle said, sometimes the intricacies of what you are thinking get discussed with your s.o. and sometimes they do not...not for lack of interest but because when you are with your partner, other conversations, just as important but not on the same subjects, are taking place. And, as much good as the past links do in terms of giving a reference point as to past views, like Missokyst I am interested in the thoughts TODAY of those on here. Which is why many times, I just read through threads and don't post to all. Edited to add: Given that the last forum I was on before I found collarme had fizzled to politics, exchanging recipes and a core group who agreed on everything and woe-be-to-those-of-us-who thought-differently, I can only say that I am grateful for a place like collarme where a differing opinion...even an extreme opinion...can be expressed and people don't automatically dismiss the opinion holder as a nutcase.

chellekitty -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 7:26:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I seem to go in spurts... you should get that checked out by a doctor....or did you mean cum in spurts? guess where my mind is today.....

HollyBlue -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 7:46:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize ...And at last, my point; in all the redundant and rehashed themes, there are the occasional gems to be read and savored. The surprises; someone who is usually abrasive will write an empathetic response; the jokester gives a serious opinion, someone I never agree with says something that I view the same. I find comfort in shared experiences. I (sometimes) find growth when a post takes me out of my comfort zone. All of the above is what is interesting to me, makes me want to check in daily to read and think. What is it about this place that keeps you coming back? Catize, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I have been a participating member of several forum communities, and I've noticed that on all of them, there is a strong trend among experienced users to dismissively direct new thread-starters to some previous thread(s) about the same topic, saying derisively, "This has been discussed before!!!" My Master was once a member on a site where the Moderators, if they saw a new topic that had already been discussed, would automatically close the new thread! Talk about stifling the growth of a community! [image]http://bp3.blogger.com/__MAjgJUdROg/Rvpt_nhduJI/AAAAAAAAAA4/9dvRM5G0zlc/s400/eek.gif[/image] Anyway, if one is a new, or even an ongoing, member of a web forum, reading a previous discussion on something is never quite the same as having a discussion in the present. And on large sites, members are constantly coming and going, so each time an issue is discussed, there are perspectives available from people who may not have been able to share their thoughts on the issue before. Let's face it -- many of us who are here participate in forums to relate to one another, and reading an old thread can leave me feeling a bit isolated, even if it is informative. Sometimes, if something really profound or interesting has been said in a previous thread (or in my own blog...no ego here...[image]http://bp0.blogger.com/__MAjgJUdROg/Rvpur3hduVI/AAAAAAAAACY/mD2bNvd4CzQ/s400/rolleyes.gif[/image]), I'll direct a new poster to it, but you will never hear me say, "Oh, no, not another thread about this again!" Thanks again, Catize, for expressing some things I've felt for a while. Now, would you mind if I borrowed your post, changed a few words, and made it on a couple of other sites? Just kidding. [;)] [image]http://bp1.blogger.com/__MAjgJUdROg/RvpuNHhduLI/AAAAAAAAABI/e2YiaTQOh0M/s400/heart.gif[/image] Holly

CreativeDominant -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 7:49:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I seem to go in spurts... you should get that checked out by a doctor....or did you mean cum in spurts? guess where my mind is today..... Wicked, wicked kitty....[:D]

toservez -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 8:14:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HollyBlue Catize, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I have been a participating member of several forum communities, and I've noticed that on all of them, there is a strong trend among experienced users to dismissively direct new thread-starters to some previous thread(s) about the same topic, saying derisively, "This has been discussed before!!!" My Master was once a member on a site where the Moderators, if they saw a new topic that had already been discussed, would automatically close the new thread! Talk about stifling the growth of a community! [image]http://bp3.blogger.com/__MAjgJUdROg/Rvpt_nhduJI/AAAAAAAAAA4/9dvRM5G0zlc/s400/eek.gif[/image] Anyway, if one is a new, or even an ongoing, member of a web forum, reading a previous discussion on something is never quite the same as having a discussion in the present. And on large sites, members are constantly coming and going, so each time an issue is discussed, there are perspectives available from people who may not have been able to share their thoughts on the issue before. Let's face it -- many of us who are here participate in forums to relate to one another, and reading an old thread can leave me feeling a bit isolated, even if it is informative. Sometimes, if something really profound or interesting has been said in a previous thread (or in my own blog...no ego here...[image]http://bp0.blogger.com/__MAjgJUdROg/Rvpur3hduVI/AAAAAAAAACY/mD2bNvd4CzQ/s400/rolleyes.gif[/image]), I'll direct a new poster to it, but you will never hear me say, "Oh, no, not another thread about this again!" Thanks again, Catize, for expressing some things I've felt for a while. Now, would you mind if I borrowed your post, changed a few words, and made it on a couple of other sites? Just kidding. [;)] [image]http://bp1.blogger.com/__MAjgJUdROg/RvpuNHhduLI/AAAAAAAAABI/e2YiaTQOh0M/s400/heart.gif[/image] Holly I agree with this 100%. That is just so much better written with anything I could possibly come up with. I am somewhat of a message board addict and bounce back and forth based on my interests and how the board’s personalities are at the time. I have found all boards to have consistent cycles over some length of time. Most do not come to research a specific fact but in fact want to be part of a free flowing discussion that is current. Add to the reality that any subject that might spawn a message board is really only going to have so many subjects to cover so anyone that expects a lively board with constant new subjects and minimal repeats is not being realistic. The reason why I come to this board is because of the wide variety of views and that new people come in all the time to change/freshen the place up. Even though I probably have not done or changed much from reading this board that does not mean I have not learned things or I am now able to look at things in a different light that is not beneficial. Even in the topics beaten to death I will often find posts that I find interesting. A large part is not a please inform and entertain me but to be able to come to a place where people understand me and to communicate with others about how I choose to live my life.

Hergirl0824 -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 9:01:23 AM)
i am new to both this site and the lifestyle..and must admit that i was very intimidated the first time i posted a question here. While some of the answers i received were thoughtful and supportive, others were just rude and demeaning to me...i understand that in any public forum you are going to have those who "enjoy" roasting the newbies, but for some of us it becomes a point of needing and wanting the information vs. trying to hold ourselves together during an onslot of baseless comments and personal attacks. i just wish more people would remember what it felt like to be new to everything and respond accordinally.

Missokyst -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 9:05:39 AM)
LMAO.. please let me drink my coffee at least an hour before I have to spit it out! Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I seem to go in spurts... you should get that checked out by a doctor....or did you mean cum in spurts?

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 9:05:57 AM)
i am old to the lifestyle and i just like comming here to see what kinds of other peeps and thoughts are out in the world. we all think wither online or offline. SO it just helps to undestand more of were people are comming from. not always in the best way lol

SweetSarijane -> RE: The arguments that will not die (10/19/2007 11:11:00 AM)
I've been here for 2 years. I've taken breaks, posted in spurts, spent time just reading here. I keep coming back because I learn here and I've made great friends here. Sometimes I stay in threads or areas that make me laugh and other times I'm more serious minded, sometimes a bit of each. I get tired of seeing the same old topics done to death sometimes and sometimes I find something new in that topic discussion. If you take the time to look and read and don't get distracted or focused on flaming or negativity, there's a wealth of information here and some really great feedback to questions you ask. Perception affects reality for each individual.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125