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Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 8:29:55 AM

Blaakmaan

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline

Is directing/guiding your submissive's life part of being a Dominant? Do submissives want and expect you to (recognizing that every D/s relationship is unique)?

How do you direct/guide your submissive's life, if you do? Do you learn from her how she wants her life to be, and then direct/guide her in that direction? Or do you try to shape her into what you want her to be?

Or do you do something else?

Post #: 1

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 8:54:25 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i am not a computer to be fixed. i am not a car to be repaired...but yes, i do want help and support when i decide that there is something i want to change in my life...and sometimes i need help in figuring out what that is....but i am not a project to be worked on....that kind of attitude will piss me off and have me booting your ass to the curb in an instant...

chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 2

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 9:02:44 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

Does your question apply to submissives only, or to slaves as well? There is a difference in my theoretical perception of them, and thus there are two different main answers.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 3

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 9:24:54 AM

TheChauvinist

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline

The only guidance I give is showing them where the kitchen is.

But all joking aside, if my girl asks my advice, I give her my advice. If she is unable to direct her own life I may or may not step in to help her. It depends on if she is looking for help, or to push responsibility off on me.

< Message edited by TheChauvinist -- 10/19/2007 9:25:38 AM >

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 4

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 9:26:09 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i am not a computer to be fixed. i am not a car to be repaired...but yes, i do want help and support when i decide that there is something i want to change in my life...and sometimes i need help in figuring out what that is....but i am not a project to be worked on....that kind of attitude will piss me off and have me booting your ass to the curb in an instant...

chelle

agrees 100% - i'm not looking to change into someone Daddy wants me to be ...but someone I want to be.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 5

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 9:27:05 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Depends on what is agreed upon that is up to the individuals in terms of control a dominant has over another.

I am only speaking from a more severe control aspect but I kind of laugh at the suggestion of telling my Master I want this please program me to get it. I am capable of getting what I want and my main want is being their for the person I love and doing what will make his life better in long term, short term and instant pleasure moments. If I become owned by someone my top wants are their wants then follwed by mine. You cannot program compatibility and your submissive must be of the same mind in all the things you are that are important to you just like any other relationship on this planet.

You can fine tune me. You can train me to do things to your preferences and pleasures. You cannot change me. If I do not like peas you cannot train me to like peas. You can make me eat peas every day and I will do so with pleasure because my Master wishes it so and it pleases him.

You can not change my true values, needs and desires. As a human being we may find out that we have confused a want for a need or a belief we had was not really ours but just learned but all the Master can do is put us in a place where we confront these titles and cannot make us change them.

It basically comes down to compatibility not one changing the other. As a slave my natural being is there to live for your desires, wants and needs. The D stand for dominate. I want to be dominated not changed.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 6

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 9:31:01 AM

VieVivante

Posts: 29
Joined: 9/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Is directing/guiding your submissive's life part of being a Dominant?

Yes it is, if that is the arrangement you and your submissive/slave have agreed to. Some prefer more control, some less, on both sides. Personally, I am not interested in a barbie doll. I prefer a woman who is smart, in control of her life and knows what she wants out of a D/s relationship. She must be willing, eager and able to surrender according to the terms we have agreed to.

As a theoretical question, there is no right or wrong answer.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 7

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 10:19:55 AM

pseudopsychotic

Posts: 145
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

I was told I wasnt allowed to trick or treat this year....
That counts right?

_____________________________

Got a problem with me Solve it.
Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoe
Can't face me? Turn around

(in reply to VieVivante)

Post #: 8

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 10:35:45 AM

Blaakmaan

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i am not a computer to be fixed. i am not a car to be repaired...but yes, i do want help and support when i decide that there is something i want to change in my life...and sometimes i need help in figuring out what that is....but i am not a project to be worked on....that kind of attitude will piss me off and have me booting your ass to the curb in an instant...

chelle

but what do you REALLY feel???

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 9

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 10:38:32 AM

Blaakmaan

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Does your question apply to submissives only, or to slaves as well? There is a difference in my theoretical perception of them, and thus there are two different main answers.

The question was about directing a submissive, but if you have insight into the same question as applied to a slave, please give us your thoughts.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 10

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 11:14:10 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

First of all I agree with previous posters: the master has to utilize the innate abilities and preferences of the submissive or slave.

According to my hypotheses:

The slave is an extension of the master and wants and needs to obey. If the master sees an opportunity that his slave has the innate ability, education and preference to accomplish, he can command her to do so. For example she may have potential as a fashion model and he then can direct her to inquire how to become a fashion model and command her to act as required to achieve that result. The slave is controlled, as the master is fully responsible for her.

The submissive is not an extension of her master. She wants not to obey, but to work. She also may be directed by her master to accomplish a task, but she does not respond to his control, but to his desire. Control is secondary.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 11

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 12:22:08 PM

Blaakmaan

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

First of all I agree with previous posters: the master has to utilize the innate abilities and preferences of the submissive or slave.

According to my hypotheses:

The slave is an extension of the master and wants and needs to obey. If the master sees an opportunity that his slave has the innate ability, education and preference to accomplish, he can command her to do so. For example she may have potential as a fashion model and he then can direct her to inquire how to become a fashion model and command her to act as required to achieve that result. The slave is controlled, as the master is fully responsible for her.

The submissive is not an extension of her master. She wants not to obey, but to work. She also may be directed by her master to accomplish a task, but she does not respond to his control, but to his desire. Control is secondary.

Now, that's a very interesting theory! Very, very interesting!

Do others agree with the distinctions that the poster has made? A submissive is not an extension of her Dom/Master, does not want to obey but to work, and does not respond to his control but his desire? A slave is an extension of her master, and wants and needs to obey?

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 12

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 12:54:30 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

First of all I agree with previous posters: the master has to utilize the innate abilities and preferences of the submissive or slave.

According to my hypotheses:

The slave is an extension of the master and wants and needs to obey. If the master sees an opportunity that his slave has the innate ability, education and preference to accomplish, he can command her to do so. For example she may have potential as a fashion model and he then can direct her to inquire how to become a fashion model and command her to act as required to achieve that result. The slave is controlled, as the master is fully responsible for her.

The submissive is not an extension of her master. She wants not to obey, but to work. She also may be directed by her master to accomplish a task, but she does not respond to his control, but to his desire. Control is secondary.

Now, that's a very interesting theory! Very, very interesting!

Do others agree with the distinctions that the poster has made? A submissive is not an extension of her Dom/Master, does not want to obey but to work, and does not respond to his control but his desire? A slave is an extension of her master, and wants and needs to obey?

Don’t disagree in theory but not realistic when taking into account the reality of a human being 24/7/365 days a year. I am my own human being, not an extension. It is just too simplistic and unrealistic to go a slave has no identity until their owner gives them one which is what this describes. It has a base level of a slave being weak, directionless and naïve that only their owner can direct them in their life. I am a fully formed human being equal to every one else in the world in capabilities.

As a slave I want to naturally put all of his needs, desires and wants above mine but I am human and I will have needs, desires and wants besides his. It still is compatibility and the two people filling each other’s needs and hopefully many desires and wants.

To get pulled into a sub/slave definition war, slaves to me it is too simplistic to say we want to obey. That is not it. We want to please, pleasure and help the one we choose to be owned by. So they being pleased and their own pleasure is what feeds my own. To me a submissive is about doing things in the relationship that bring them direct pleasure which can also be many mundane things and not just bedroom play. Obeying as a general theme really has nothing to do with it outside of a means and byproduct.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 13

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 2:09:43 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

Is directing/guiding your submissive's life part of being a Dominant? Do submissives want and expect you to (recognizing that every D/s relationship is unique)?

How do you direct/guide your submissive's life, if you do? Do you learn from her how she wants her life to be, and then direct/guide her in that direction? Or do you try to shape her into what you want her to be?

Or do you do something else?

I can be tweaked but not changed externally. That said, I can be shown a path that allows change to happen internally. (I'm talking emotional change even when it's on an intellectual level, not physical change such as brought about by exercise which certainly can have external motivation.) I'd worry about trying to force someone to fit a mold of one's choosing rather than tweak the person they are as molds tend to break when something is forced that doesn't fit.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 14

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 2:44:47 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

Now, that's a very interesting theory! Very, very interesting!

Do others agree with the distinctions that the poster has made? A submissive is not an extension of her Dom/Master, does not want to obey but to work, and does not respond to his control but his desire? A slave is an extension of her master, and wants and needs to obey?

I'd be submissive whether I was vanilla, gorean, leather or something else. It's part of my make-up. The part of me that enjoy's service for the sake of service can be fed in many ways and one of those is simply the desire of whom I'm serving.

The part of me that wants and needs the control is the part which can only be fed by the power of a man and that's not fed by service to the masses.. only service to a Master. For me, the want and need (and willingness) to obey holds hands with needing to be fed by his power (or starve for it, or hunger for it) and is what separates me from vanilla. I don't necessarily believe that such is not felt by both submissives and slaves as I have had the need for as long as I can remember and I have had my feet in both places for a very long time.

Overall, though, for Rule having zero in the way of real time experience, it's not half bad as theory.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 15

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 2:56:25 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

...
The submissive is not an extension of her master. She wants not to obey, but to please. She also may be directed by her master to accomplish a task, but she does not respond to his control, but to his desire. Control is secondary.

I enjoyed your contribution, Rule. I liked the last paragraph particularly; ...especially after changing one single word.

I am a pleaser; for me that is what it is about (even when I Top).

b

edited to add:

I also appreciated this piece from toservez:

"I am capable of getting what I want and my main want is being their for the person I love and doing what will make his life better in long term, short term and instant pleasure moments. If I become owned by someone my top wants are their wants then follwed by mine. You cannot program compatibility and your submissive must be of the same mind in all the things you are that are important to you just like any other relationship on this planet. "

Italics are mine...

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 10/19/2007 2:59:37 PM >

_____________________________

Click here for GREAT discussion on living this real-time.

How to use Code on Collarme

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 16

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/19/2007 8:09:45 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Some want that level of control, others don't. Some want to have that level of control, others don't. However in general trying to change basic personality traits is a waste of time. Demanding an arty type become an accountant or lawyer is a set up for failure, as is doing the opposite.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 17

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/20/2007 12:21:45 AM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

Is directing/guiding your submissive's life part of being a Dominant? Do submissives want and expect you to (recognizing that every D/s relationship is unique)?

How do you direct/guide your submissive's life, if you do? Do you learn from her how she wants her life to be, and then direct/guide her in that direction? Or do you try to shape her into what you want her to be?

Or do you do something else?

In general conversation with Master, sometimes something will come up that he can help me with.

Example: several months ago, I was telling him that I had hit a wall with weight loss. He has some experience with working out, and nutrition, and gave me some suggestions.

He has done the same thing with several other things I was concerned about.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 18

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/20/2007 1:20:27 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Not in my case. He has rules that he must follow, and of course he must comply with my orders, but that's it. He works, he isn't retarded, he knows how to get through life. I have neither the time, not the inclination, to hold anyones hand every step of the way.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)

Post #: 19

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/20/2007 9:32:12 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

Is directing/guiding your submissive's life part of being a Dominant?

In some relationships. In ours? Not really.

quote:

Do submissives want and expect you to (recognizing that every D/s relationship is unique)?

Not this submissive.

quote:

Or do you do something else?

Valyraen and I shared our life goals, such as they were then, early in our relationship. At this point, it has become much less about my life or even his life. It's our life. We both guide and shape it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 20

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