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RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 2:19:31 AM   
RoughnTumble


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Make some porn for him and leave it in a conspicuous place?  :) 

I personally think no amount of porn or porn watching is abnormal, I have to agree with those who said that the porn isn't the problem, it's a symptom of whatever the real problem is.

-E

(in reply to ba5tardo)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 6:31:58 AM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think approaching it as "this is a problem" is going to fix the problem, it might just make him withdraw more. His sense of self-worth took a good beating with losing his job. The vascetomy neutered him so now he's feeling less of a man. To many this is exactly what they would think tho the higher brain made the decision to do it. Real or imagined he felt pressure from you during this time. To perform, to bring in money, to do something. He fled the situation. Even tho he has a job now those months without a job are still pretty fresh in his mind. The frustration, fear & awareness that it could happen again.

The best thing you can do is carry on, love him, be supportive, be a friend right now until he has some time to recover his equilibrium. Be open and honest with him when you need to talk (but not about his work or the sex) rather other things in your life. Men often "go to cave" and brood when something is bothering them while women "go to campfire" to talk with others.

For YOU, get a hobby or something you can do to occupy your excess time. Something you'll enjoy and that will make you happy. Your happiness will draw him out again.


_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to RoughnTumble)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 10:06:40 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gwendolyn

I really wasn't sure that I'd get the objective response I was looking for in the submissive's section, so I'm going to pose this question here.

About three or four weeks ago, I went to my Master with a concern: the constant pornographic .avi files popping up on the desktop. I was in tears, mainly because the porn started showing up around the same time that our sex life saw a drastic drop off. I told him that I felt like I was competing with the porn, and losing. That my self esteem was seriously suffering because of it. He said he had no idea that it had become such a frequent habit, and that he would make every effort to put that energy to use towards me.

Well, this afternoon I went looking through the browser history for an ebay auction I had intended to bid on, and discovered that it has begun again. But instead of downloading it, he's started watching them online everyday while I'm at work. Let me add that there was a very brief increase in intimacy between the two of us, which has since dropped off again. He tells me he loves me, and I believe him. Aside from our sex life, things are very good. But I feel myself growing resentful and angry. It's been almost three weeks since I've had any form of sexual release..

I just want to understand how much porn is normal for a man? And does it normally interfere with a r/l sex life? Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.

Gwen

I did not read all the responses so excuse me if this was already said and addressed.

My advice... watch them with him



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RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 12:30:43 PM   
MasterDaveM


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline 		how much porn is normal? i could be snarky and say "all of it"... just as its a womans right to own 400 pairs of shoes, so is it a mans right to beat his dick like it owes him money every day

on a more serious note? if that "porn" is affecting your life in a negative way, then maybe its crossed the line into addiction ... either that or hes just greedy and feels a need to see EVERY pussy on earth before he dies

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 4:31:19 PM   
slaveelle


Posts: 116
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: gwendolyn

He lost his job six months ago.


Personally i feel that the problem lies within the fact that he no longer works, Yes, depression may be a factor, but dang, why dosnt he get himself together and get another job? If he is a healthy individual then he dosnt have a reason not to be working . Apparently hes got too much time on his hands if he's wacking off everyday to porn. Solution:  Tell him suck it up, take it like a man, get off his ass and get A JOB!!!!!
Sorry if im blunt, buts that's just me and the truth hurts sometimes.

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(in reply to Aswad)
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RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 6:45:14 PM   
MrSpectacular


Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with Slaveele - give him a dose of honest truth. The porn is obviously symptomatic of greater issues. Any change in behavior is cause for concern. The porn for you is just a good indicator of that.



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Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to slaveelle)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 7:41:14 PM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		This happened to me and my heart goes out to you.  It can be pretty hard to deal with when you, a breathing, warm body is replaced by porn.  That is how you can feel when something like this happens.  You wonder about everything and as you go along, you become more insecure yourself because you feel that he doesn't think or feel about you the same way he did.  Mine didn't tell me why because he couldn't.  What answers I got much later were that it was easier to just relieve himself with no need to please me or have thought of me.  He couldn't take the pressure I guess.  It was self imposed, but pressure all the same.

I found that he isolated during problems which was distructive to both of us in the relationship and he had serious issue's with intimacy because his mother had abandoned him.  When he started feeling more love for me, he distanced himself.  He also didn't feel he could handle some things that were going on in life.

To me it sounds like he is coping with something the only way he knows how... by not coping with it and isolating.  Until he talks openly and honestly, all you can do is help yourself.  Don't take what is happening personally as I did.  I had gained some weight and was more insecure than I would normally be and I blamed myself in a way I had never done before.  Whatever happens, he needs time to work it out and if you can't give him that time, it will only pressure him more.  If you are like me, you want to fix the problem right now and don't want to lose the relationship you have had.  But sometimes you just can't fix it overnight.

If he will go for a work up on the physical or emotional that would be best, but if not, find what will help you through that won't add to the problems.

I hope you find some answers and wish you both well.

(in reply to MrSpectacular)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 8:54:29 PM   
blackbigmannc


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Porn isn't cheating. A number of things could be going on. What kind of porn is he looking at? Is it stuff you'd balk at doing? Stuff you wouldn't be into. I agree that he could be depressed or whatever but I would not look at porn as the problem.

(in reply to HottLicks)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 9:04:25 PM   
kittensmailbox


Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline 		Ok forgive me if this has already been posted, but here is an idea… Watch the porn with him, suck his cock while he is watching OR try to act out some of things that are happing in the movies…  Maybe that will help spice things up between you guys again...
 
I for one enjoy watching porn very much and do not feel threatened… they are just actors doing their job…
 
Just MHO

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~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to blackbigmannc)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 9:08:30 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I am with kitten above. From time to time there is nothing nicer than having her on her knees under the desk sucking while I watch porn and masturbate in her mouth. Yummy, erotic and also a great way to do a little objectification, nothing like treating her as a cumdumpster to help with that.

(in reply to kittensmailbox)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 9:17:19 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		WHERE CAN I BUY AMERICAN SLAVE LIKE THIS?

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox

Watch the porn with him, suck his cock while he is watching

(in reply to kittensmailbox)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 9:20:39 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		They ain't easy to find but I picked up a good one in Florida that makes a Hoover look like it is unplugged.  Not only that, she finds better porn than I do and sends it to me!

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 9:23:04 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Now why does it have to be an American slave?
Grins, whats wrong with a nice sweet Swedish girl?

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 9:38:00 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		I'm told by many people that I watch more porn than most men. I think good porn is fucking hot.. I never did understand women  who get upset because their boyfriend/husband/Dom/Master watches porn..

When I find good porn I get obsessed with it too.. It makes sex so much hotter!


_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 9:39:32 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		IS BECAUSE SWEDISH GIRLS ARE USUALLY 200 CM AND IN MY COUNTRY AVERAGE HEIGHT FOR MEN IS 125.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Now why does it have to be an American slave?
Grins, whats wrong with a nice sweet Swedish girl?

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 9:42:07 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

IS BECAUSE SWEDISH GIRLS ARE USUALLY 200 CM AND IN MY COUNTRY AVERAGE HEIGHT FOR MEN IS 125.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Now why does it have to be an American slave?
Grins, whats wrong with a nice sweet Swedish girl?



If you send me 20,000 dollar US I will transfer ownership of 1 (one) willing and trained American slave girl to you immediate upon receipt.I will also include one lottery ticket from Cameroon as a bomnus from my wealthy uncle.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 9:57:04 PM   
DaddyDomScott


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		In order to have an understanding we have to define what is normal. This person may very well have always done this and now it is just coming into the light. If this person has been viewing porn and masterbating several times a week since puberty is it not unrealistic to expect this behaviour to cease as some sort of demonstration of commitment to the personal relationship? I believe it is part of the sexuality of the person but not the sum total. I really don't see the problem. I think it could be solved very easily. I don't know many men who will turn away a good BJ if interrupted checking out some porn.

Instead of feeling threatened, why not be pro active? If you are the submissive in the relationship be glad in his pleasure and try to offer something to improve his pleasure if it is indeed your aim to please. If he is the Dominant in the relationship the "What about me?" attitude certainly will not make matters any better.

If you are the Dominant role in the relationship you can utilize this in the submissives punishment.

On a side note. I don't see how any form of "therapy" or mental conditioning aka programming can or should be utilized within the context of a D/s or any other non convential thought life. These same psycological "experts" considered same sex attraction to be a mental illness. So I would advise a bit of caution when dealing with so called mental health professionals especially concerning what is "normal" sexual practice. You may learn that the only acceptable sexual practices involve little more than missionary position with a hole in the sheet for the purposes of reproduction.Even then the male may be witholding thoughts of sexual intimacy with their mother. It's an interesting idea to entertain the concept that the insane can "cure" the sane somehowe.

Just buy a motorcycle, you never see one parked outside a therapists office!

Many have their own moral or spiritual agenda which may or may not include loyalty to certain pharmacutical corporations.They may or may not have so much loyalty concerning you and your relationship with them. Just something to keep in mind.

Anyhowe, I see it as an opportunity not a problem.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 10:03:23 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		To the OP:
If you believe it is a problem, you have to discuss it with him. My now exhusband used to turn me down on a fairly regular basis and go for the porn instead becasue he thought he was disappointing me in the bedroom. While he might not have been a great lover, he never realized that his saying no and eaving me frusterated was far worse than even bad sex. My self esteem took a nose dive for a shirt period of time becasue I didnt know he was supposedly doingthis for "my benefit".
You need to know why he is obsessing on porn.  The reasons will lead to the remedy. Sometimes you just have to wait it out, sometimes if it is becomming an addiction you might need help to break it. There is no "normal" amount. But when it becomes a problem in the relationship, seen as a normal amount or not, it has to be addressed. Understand he might not take it well, and decide from there how you want to deal with it.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to DaddyDomScott)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 10:35:18 PM   
Koala


Posts: 63
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline 		I'll take the middle ground. Porn and masturbation is part of a healthy sexuality. Nearly everyone masturbates, and people use porn to inspire fantasies that they wouldn't necessarily act out, or have the opportunity to do so. So unless you can't pry him away from the computer at all, quit worrying. He'll tire of the fantasies eventually, and things will be back to "normal." Men have mood swings too, and a fantasy world might appeal to someone feeling blue, because frankly the real world sucks sometimes.

In the meantime, try concentrating on the non-sexual parts of your relationship, and the non-sexual parts of your servitude. If anything will remind him of how much he wants you, it'll be that.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Porn and men - How much is normal? - 10/29/2007 11:45:28 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		The amount that is normal differs from person to person. As with other addictions, a sex addiction is considered such when it interferres with interpersonal relationships and/or careers. I'm not a therapist, but it sounds like an addiction to me. Perhaps you should contact a therapist and ask.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to gwendolyn)
Profile   Post #: 60
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