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Newbies and the Local Scene - 10/20/2007 7:10:22 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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I have had some hit and miss involvement with the local scene. Even though EVERYONE on these boards recommends that newbies get involved, I just couldn't bring myself to do it at first. The idea of walking into a room full of people who were all talking about and experiencing something I was so clueless about was just too unnerving. Despite the advice, it took me about a year to get up the nerve. I was lucky to meet a woman who led one of the local groups and she stuck by me for the munch and play party after and introduced me to lots of people.

Last night, after about a year break, I had another great experience. I attended a munch for a local Femdom group and ended up finding a few other newbies like me to chat with and swap stories. I then chatted with another woman who agreed to show me how to throw a flogger and the newbie male sub was more than happy to be my teaching sub. It was great and I am kicking myself for not getting out there sooner.

Oh yeah, and I learned of another group just for newbies that is ONLY training and teaching demos. Life is good!

So I'm wondering, what has your experience been as a newbie when entering groups? Have you found that there were people that would take you under their wing so to speak? For those of you in experienced groups, does your group make a special effort to make newbies feel comfortable and less nervous?

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RE: Newbies and the Local Scene - 10/20/2007 7:42:09 AM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
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.

The group I have spent the most time with, makes an effort to balance not smothering newcomers, with not ignoring them, in realization of the fact that not everyone is comfortable with being the center of attention when new.

If after being shown around and introduced, the guest/visitor doesn't pick up the conversational ball, no one hovers at their side trying to get them to chatter.
Periodically someone may ask them how they are doing, but no 'ice breaker' games, or "Hi! My Name Is..." nametags, or other social artifices.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

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RE: Newbies and the Local Scene - 10/20/2007 7:44:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Depends on the group. Some were completely just overwhelmingly welcoming and couldn't do enough to help me out. Others were more tepid- everyone says hi and smiles of course, but they don't really WELCOME you or try to make you feel comfy and get to know you.

I've always had a hard time making friends and becoming part of a "circle" of friends, and the scene can be more difficult because a lot of people compartmentalize and ONLY talk about kinky stuff when in a kinky environment- I just don't connect like that.

BUt like all things, take what works for you and leave the rest. I'd never suggest that everyone SHOULD be involved and active in their local scenes. There's a lot of groups out there which really suck and are really pathetic. But I do recommend that everyone go out to see what IS there and at least see what we are all talking about in some experience rather than in theory.

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RE: Newbies and the Local Scene - 10/20/2007 8:14:54 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
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God, my first play party....
I was so nervous I almost didn't go through the door, pay my $10, and have a seat. I think I had to excuse myself twice to go outside and nearly threw up... my stomach was so jumpy. Luckily, the group I was attending was a "gateway" group, which did a lot of outreach to new folk. So, in short order, I was welcomed and put at ease. Still, a couple of parties down the road, I still had to swallow my heart again, when I was invited to be flogged by one of the board members. Getting naked in a room of about 75 other pervs was a HUGE step for me... and it took her a long time to finally get my head out of being aware of my surroundings, and focusing on what she was doing to me. The nice comments afterward from the surrounding voyeurs helped me too. Eventually, I learned that body image really doesn't count for all that much with this crowd.

But you shouldn't feel too alone, TN. It took me several near misses before I was able to screw up enough courage to go to that first party. After a couple of years with them, I eventually joined the board of that same group, and at every party, we would watch the parking lot for "panthers." This is what we used to call the folks who would eye the door, as they paced back and forth across the street, trying to decide if they really wanted to take that step inside, and by doing so, admit to themselves their own desires. In the winter months, we would send someone out to them with a cup of hot chocolate, or coffee. More often than not, they would bolt, jump in their cars, and not be back until next month. You just can't rush this sort of thing.

You make the decision yourself, when you are ready. Not before.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Newbies and the Local Scene - 10/20/2007 8:37:23 AM

crouchingtigress

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Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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"panthers"...made me smile...that is awesome.....

my own experiance is that if i go into a group or an event where i know no one, i try to be in beginners mind....a mental state of no expectations, no preconceived ideas...and open to anything...may sound crazy but anytime i go anywhere in beginners mind....life unfurls beautifully.

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RE: Newbies and the Local Scene - 10/20/2007 9:41:38 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Wow. Times changing, and ll.

First, I met some folks, via snail mail and phone calls. We met, we talked, they decided I was okay. I went to some orientation meetings with other newbs, and got some toyroom tours, and such. Was allowed to attend private club party. Was allowed to join private club. Etc.

Did all of this BY MYSELF proving that I am 1)Bold and 2)Bonkers. No guts, no glory! :)

Now, as a person that runs clubs and such, I try to be really friendly to new folks, because DANG! I give them points if they show up and do more than join the Wankers Circle.

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RE: Newbies and the Local Scene - 10/20/2007 9:46:56 AM

bipolarber

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LOL... yeah, we'd have "panthers" and then there were the "deer." You know the deer, I'm sure. Those are the folks who have usually been drug to a party by a friend who is already in the scene, and they end up standing somewhere out of the flow of the activity, eyes wide as saucers.... "deer caught in the headlights."

Funny though, the next party you see them at, they are MUCH more relaxed.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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