Subs with disabilities (Full Version)

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Michaelsangel -> Subs with disabilities (10/20/2007 9:15:49 PM)

i am a sub...a sub with physical disabilities who is in a 24/7 D/s relationship.  My Dom adjusts our play to accomodate those things that I can't do physically, like kneeling for long periods or sitting at His feet. My question is -are there other subs who have disabilities and how does your D/s relationship work?
Michaelsangel



Hergirl0824 -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/20/2007 9:38:57 PM)

well with any luck my disabilities are short term ones due to a recent car accident...but Ma'am does adjust our play to suit my physical limitations...bending or moving my head quickly are almost impossible at this point...in Her words She doesn't want me "more broken than i already am"



BitaTruble -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/20/2007 9:49:02 PM)

~FR~

Pretty much the same way. Himself adjusts for the things which I'm not capable of doing because there just aren't a lot of other options. We manage, though. [8D]

Celeste



adoracat -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/20/2007 10:53:44 PM)

i have fibromyalgia and nerve damage, and the docs are now discussing an MS diagnosis for me.  so yes on the disabilities.  and Daddy is very understanding of the things i am unable to do, and adjusts our play accordingly.

he's careful about positioning me, on what activities we do, and on how hard he pushes me.  having a seizure mid=playtime isnt a fun thing.  [:(]

kitten, who is well loved by her Daddy



Michaelsangel -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/20/2007 11:06:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

he's careful about positioning me, on what activities we do, and on how hard he pushes me.  having a seizure mid=playtime isnt a fun thing.  [:(]

kitten, who is well loved by her Daddy


i have epilepsy and arthritis of the spine, so i know what you mean about seizures not being fun in the middle of play. my Dom always reassures me that i can use my safe words at any time during O/our play if something is uncomfortable or if i am starting to feel ill.

Michaelsangel



spanklette -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/20/2007 11:34:46 PM)

In relation to all of the other posters, my physical limitation is rather mild. I broke my ankle into little tiny pieces and it is screwed together, but still fragile. I can't strain that joint for any length of time at all. So, no tippy toes and some of the standing bondage positions are out. I also have to be careful with any hog tying type bondage. You don't realize how much you use your ankles and feet for balance even when you're not standing...well, at least I didn't. And, since my latest disaster...the stairs are out for the short term.
 
The answer to the whole thing...we're just careful and go with the flow. If something hurts in a bad way, then we just adjust and move on. We've had some other physical stuff, but nothing long-term. I think the biggest thing is learning to adjust to a "flaw" and use it to your advantage. Daddy has come up with several scenarios that He might not have thought of...some predicament bondage and such.
 
Obstacles can be overcome, and my enjoyment has increased with the amount of adjustment that I've realized that we're both capable of without completely stopping a scene. I know that I can tell Him something isn't right without having everything come to a screeching halt. I don't have to be nervous about speaking up and I can feel safe enough to let my mind slip into sub space knowing that He is looking after me.
 
As for the short term, I'm just getting mobile again and He has been a Prince about doing chores that require hauling things up and down the stairs. I need both my hands for the time being. It's just one more adjustment in a life that is full of things that need tweaking now and then.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/20/2007 11:57:02 PM)

Try being the Domme and having problems. I have arthritis in my hips and spine. I have always had to adjust play and positions for what *I* could and couldnt do.  Sometimes are harder than others, and some days as much as i want ot play... it just isnt going to happen. The boys deal, and if they cant learn to cope, then they are welcome to head out ad find a more able bodied mistress.

DV



MissMagnolia -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 12:03:37 AM)

Me too DV, although mine is also in my neck and shoulders (makes caning, etc., quite an event!!). I really feel for you.

OP, if someone cares enough, it makes no difference at all. People do what they are capable of and an understanding D or s, whichever side of the fence you're on, won't care. I'm very short and have had very tall slaves. Positions need to be changed even for the able bodied sometimes!! LOL. 



winterlight -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 12:06:26 AM)

i have arthritis in my spine and i have yet to find a Dom/me or play. What exercises do you do for the arthritis and how do you play?

tyvm



Shawn1066 -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 12:11:19 AM)

*rubs his behind*

You're able bodied enough for me... ;-)



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 12:17:16 AM)

My martial arts stretching has done wonders for my arthritis.  I stil have bad days, but they are fewer and farther between lately. I cannot say enough about good stretching and moving around. Even walks help.

Play depends on the partner. Thigns with Fox are a little rougher than with Angel. For now neither has really been that demanding of motion I couldnt manage.

DV



slavegirljoy -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 12:18:58 AM)

Well, i am a right below-knee amputee.  That is considered to be a disability but, my Master told me in one of His first emails to me that, " the amputation as i told you before is not considered a disability to me, and neither will you, that is if you do so consider it one now, " so, my answer to your question is "yes and no."   There have been times when my prosthetic limb was in need of repair and unwearable and/or my leg had bad sores and i couldn't wear my prosthesis and it took some time to get an appointment at the VA.  Those were times when i felt pretty disabled, especially when Wwe lived 3 flights up but, i could use my crutches and, i do have 2 good knees that i love to be on.  So, all in all, i would have to say that my one-leggedness hasn't been a big problem.  In fact, it has added some excitement and even humor to my life and my Master enjoys me just the way i am. slave joyOwned property of Master David_________________________________________________________
Velle est posse - To be willing is to be able



hisannabelle -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 12:50:19 AM)

greetings michaelsangel,

i have fibromyalgia, arthritis in my spine, a fractured vertebrae, disk degeneration, anemia, mild cerebral palsy, chronic migraines, and tendonitis, as well as some psychological issues (mostly anxiety and post-traumatic stress related, as well as an eating disorder). so yes to the disabilities, hehehe. the chronic pain makes day-to-day life very difficult, but we mostly deal with it together in the way you described...i don't kneel for long periods, i'm careful getting up and down like i would be any other time, we always have extra pillows and blankets on hand for support/cold (i'm always freezing), that sort of thing. sometimes he will push me past what i think i can handle, but i trust him implicitly and it's never been a problem. we just work on having really good communication as far as my pain, etc. goes, especially during play, and take things slowly. right now i am dealing with some new treatment options and extra dr's appts, so sometimes the emotions i'm having related to my health difficulties in everyday life can affect our relationship, but i try to keep a positive outlook. if you ever want to chat on the other side, my mailbox is always open.

respectfully,
annabelle.



MissMagnolia -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 12:57:22 AM)

I completely agree slave joy. A disability is only a disability if you really want it to be one.



wisteriaV -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 6:47:27 AM)

When I first came to Master to be his live in slave, I had no disabilities and was able to do just about anything Master required me to do..Last year we were told that I am going blind due to retinitus pigmentosa and I am in the advanced stages of it. I have vertigo constantly and cant drive, bend over totally  as well as other things that would make the vertigo worse. I  broke down and cried telling Master if he wanted to release me and move on I would understand . Thankfully Master said he was in this for the long haul...we have had to adjust our play as well as some of the day to day things. It doesnt mean I am less of a slave to Him, just new limits have been made to enhance how I serve him and what nots.[:)]



Cyntilating -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 10:05:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

I completely agree slave joy. A disability is only a disability if you really want it to be one.


I agree also.
 
Until 2 years ago when many things with my health changed for the positive>, lengthy standing,  suspension where my back was taking the majority of my weight,  kneeling for long periods of time, certain limb positions were very difficult for me and dangerous to attempt.                                                       I did NOT want to be treated as unable or feel like he was unfulfilled in anything he desired to do because of some of my limitations.  He would not allow me to hate my limitation and always treated me with authoritative concern and a compassionate leadinghand.  Never patronizing, compromising or coddling.
 ( that would have been emotionally distructive to my need to please him in every way and in everything he wanted)
 
we just knew what we had/have is much more than the physical position or feats either of us can or cannot accomplish.
Master has always been more interested in mental bondage vs physical bonds and so this never created a problem in his decisions on what we would or would not do or try.
   Knee pads or pillows were helpful.  Adjustments on less constrictive (but still effective)bondage of limbs was researched and utilized. I learned that one of my biggest responsibilities to him was to be totally honest about how I was feeling and doing, it was an intrigal part of my submission to him and I was not to hold any information back in the attempt to "protect or predict" what he would do with the information.  A new level of total trust for me.           
                     But the most helpful thing> was me learning to accept his reassurance that he was/is fulfilled and completely happy in what we had/have.  THAT was truly the biggest obstacle that came near to injuring the relationship. Not my limitations but the limitations I emotionally was creating when I constantly doubted if I was making him satisfyed.  When I stepped out of the way and trusted in that way too> The fact that a wheelchair existed in my life stopped being the focus for me and what I discovered was my freedom.
 
Joy
I would just like to add, to what you always so beautifully describe when talking about this subject>>
.....that reading about the relationship between you and your Master makes me feel so many positive things.  One of which is the overwhelming desire to hug you both!  smiles...
Secondly, it serves as a reminder of the strength we all have to share and to find in ourselves and in each other. 
Thank you..for your openness..
 
 
 
 



leadinghand -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 2:44:25 PM)

I would hope that most dominants would not be only looking for a perfect body and gymnist moves for their submissive, but the right heart and soul, mind and spirit to call their own. For many of the years cyntilating is talking about I was not even aware of some of her in-abilities and her pain. She worked so hard and was so strong of spirit it is was of little matter that she could not knee for a long time or play the human pretzel for my amusement. Yet when I would want her on her knees so I could tell her something important that needed special emphasis, she was always there in place. To know now what it took that kind of effort only makes her submission more precious to me. I hope all your dominants appreciate the efforts you to make to overcome the impediments you have and the fear they can cause. I applaude your spirits and commitment and espcially to the one who give my life more interest and meaning.



silkenfire -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 3:27:58 PM)

I don't usually talk about having a disability myself, but it exists. I have something rheumatological, similar to lupus, and it includes fibromyalgia. The problem is mainly my joints, making some bondage difficult. It's also what has made me talk about "good pain" versus "bad pain".

Generally, I have found that Doms will mostly be willing to deal with it when they realize that I'm being honest about it and that I don't use it as a crutch. It's an explanation as to why sometimes I've used 2 safewords-- one that represents "the scene is going too far and I'm not comfortable or what you're doing pushes my limits too much etc" and one that is something along the lines of "my body is having a flareup and I need to be loose and completely out of the scene this second but it's not your fault"

In truly casual play when bondage won't be a major part, I might not tell the partner (if it's for a one time thing. Anyone I'm in long term anything with regardless of commitment level, they need to know). Generally I have 2 outs-- I have pain meds which will make me not feel the "bad pain" and I also have alcohol which takes away the "bad pain" and makes me able to be in positions I can't otherwise hold at all. So in casual situations I might have a couple drinks-- then the Dom need not know my situation. At the same time that can be dangerous if it's not someone I know well, because I won't be in as great charge of my own faculties (and I won't do any scenes once I'm *drunk* unless in a serious LTR when the Dom is sober enough not to hurt me permanently and I can trust it.

As one Dom told me: "I want to hurt you intentionally and as I wish, not unintentionally. Therefore I want to know how your joints are doing and if something innocuous is hurting you, because I want to be fully aware of how I hurt you. Sometimes it will be intentional, but I don't want accidents."



fsub4use -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 6:18:23 PM)

We've all got something, michaelsangel.  That's why we talk about our boundaries and limitations.  It's these quirks - physical, emotional, preferential - that make us the unique individuals that we are.  Love the things that give you limitations.  They tell you that you are alive and unique.  They are a gift. 
best, fsub4use



amelliagrace -> RE: Subs with disabilities (10/21/2007 9:11:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

I completely agree slave joy. A disability is only a disability if you really want it to be one.


Indeed.  It can also be said that "Life is not optimal - live it anyway."
 
Grace



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