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Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 12:59:36 PM

latexbarbiets

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I am wondering if its appropriate to ask a Dom for a checklist of their interests? To me it gives me insight into their specific likes and dislikes. Should i ask for one?

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 1:15:47 PM

mefisto69

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would be an even better idea to sit down together and read each others' checklists. get eveything out in the open and make decisions.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 1:16:08 PM

PryderiLoup

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I always share mine when I as a potential sub to do one.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 1:25:44 PM

windchymes

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Personally I find it a huge turn-off when a Dom you first meet starts running down his checklist right after hello. For example, if I'm not shaved at the moment doesn't mean I can't be if and when we ever meet. What difference does it make when first getting to know one another?

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 1:37:28 PM

PryderiLoup

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Personally I find it a huge turn-off when a Dom you first meet starts running down his checklist right after hello. For example, if I'm not shaved at the moment doesn't mean I can't be if and when we ever meet. What difference does it make when first getting to know one another?

I would never do this right away, somewhere between this girl really interests me and let's play. I do like get it in as close to the "she interests me" phase as is appropriate, in case there are any glaring differences. Then we can talk about them and see if it is a bad fit.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 1:57:15 PM

loverly

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i thnk its so nice to be able to have a converstion in general... and as that happens to just naturally come to the things that are desired and wished for in the relationship... a learning prosess.. i mean.. what ever happened to courting someone... ?? its a lost art form.. some times it is so much like applying for a job! makes me a bit sad and turns me off. its importsnt to find out if we are compatiable but.. what is the rush? ..... and unless its all for some casual play date ( something i try not to participate in being a slave for ONE not for EveryOne and wanting to stay as true to my heart as i can ....when possiable! lol) what is the point of laying it all out right off the bat? i want to know this person.. not so much His sensual or sadistic pleasure rules and desire.. i am as into it all as the next person but its nice to be able to laugh and relax first and just see if its comfortable to just BE in the same space.... just my thoughts on it all... loverly

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 1:59:11 PM

windchymes

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Right, I don't have a problem with checklists per se, when the time is right to go over them. I'm just tired of the doms that "connect" with you, and as soon as you start a conversation, it's right down the list: Do you like this? Do you like that? How about this? How about that? This way? That way? Do you like it in a box? Do you like it with a fox?

And so on.

This is especially irritating when I'm asking, "so, where are you from?" And he answers, "New Jersey. Are you shaved?" "What do you do for a living?" "I'm an engineer. Do you like anal?" Geez! But when it's appropriate, sure, I don't have a problem talking about it all. Although, I've found that when a relationship seems to have true potential, the conversation just drifts naturally to it in good time.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 2:04:41 PM

Petronius

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I think it highly appropriate to ask. Some Doms won't answer but that doesn't mean the question was improper.

And, of course, there are always inappropriate times and ways to ask appropriate questions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Personally I find it a huge turn-off when a Dom you first meet starts running down his checklist right after hello. For example, if I'm not shaved at the moment doesn't mean I can't be if and when we ever meet. What difference does it make when first getting to know one another?

For some Doms, the idea is to see how the person responds to the question, not how they answer it. "What difference does shaving make ...." In this sense often no difference at all; the point was to hear how the submissive responded overall to 1) the shaving and 2) that type of question.

Now I don't ask shaving questions right off the bat. Nor do I drop checklists at the first meeting.

But I don't really disapprove that much of Doms who do.

Different cane strokes for different pain folks.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 2:33:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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It's appropriate to ask anything you need for you to get to know them on a level you feel necessary.

It's also fine if they refuse to answer. Then it's up to you to decide whether that is acceptable to you.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 2:46:22 PM

Lordandmaster

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It would turn me off too. I'm not a collection of BDSM interests; I'm a human being, and the sexual acts I enjoy depend very much on the person (or people) I'm doing them with.

When I'm alone I enjoy masturbating.

(in reply to latexbarbiets)

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 2:55:15 PM

norarc

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For me, it's important to have some sort of "checklist," but it's also hardly the sort of thing I share upon first meeting someone, any more than someone in a vanilla situation ought to feel the need to start listing his/her favourite sexual positions immediately after saying "hello." There's a time and a place for that kind of thing, and right after first meeting someone is probably not the time, or at least it isn't for me. Yes, it's important to get to know a few of a potential partner's sexual preferences before proceeding too far, but I find that sort of thing can usually be negotiated, unless someone runs up against a serious hard limit with the other individual involved. It's far more important to me to get a sense of a new acquaintance as an individual during a first meeting, rather than diving right into the dirty details.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 4:03:14 PM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
When I'm alone I enjoy masturbating.

yes, but what kind of porn do you watch? or what kind of fantasies are going through your mind? inquiring minds want to know....

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 4:03:25 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Right, I don't have a problem with checklists per se, when the time is right to go over them. I'm just tired of the doms that "connect" with you, and as soon as you start a conversation, it's right down the list: Do you like this? Do you like that? How about this? How about that? This way? That way? Do you like it in a box? Do you like it with a fox? And so on.

This is especially irritating when I'm asking, "so, where are you from?" And he answers, "New Jersey. Are you shaved?" "What do you do for a living?" "I'm an engineer. Do you like anal?" Geez! But when it's appropriate, sure, I don't have a problem talking about it all. Although, I've found that when a relationship seems to have true potential, the conversation just drifts naturally to it in good time.

lolol-i talked to that same one i think

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 4:12:33 PM

windchymes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

It would turn me off too. I'm not a collection of BDSM interests; I'm a human being, and the sexual acts I enjoy depend very much on the person (or people) I'm doing them with.

When I'm alone I enjoy masturbating.

Are you shaved?

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 4:22:41 PM

PrimitiveLogic

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I think Lordandmaster exemplifies my sensibilities as well. I am process oriented not task. All relationships are an evolution of revealing one's self to another. For me; a checklist takes away the intuitive exploration and puts in a feeling of obligatory checking off. Obviously there is a plan and expectation...I am anti linnear, that's all.
Perhaps calling it a wish list...or a favorite menu. That might take the 'this is who I am and want to be judged by" aspect out of it. A check list makes it an absolute; not an embrace.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 4:50:04 PM

iammachine

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If specific interests have come up in conversation, I don't consider it to be inappropriate at all to ask to see a checklist. If you can slip the request into a conversation without it seeming forced or awkward, go for it.

There's no harm in asking, though I wouldn't expect anything from it. Some people don't like check lists, and some people have different standards for "when" that kind of information exchange might be appropriate.

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 4:53:34 PM

laurell3

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I honestly don't mind if the topic of sexual interests comes up early, although the "are you shaved" in the second line is a bit much, which seems to happen alot. Honestly, someone's kink can tell me quite a bit about them and there are just some things I dont have any interest in. I would personally prefer to talk rather than reading a checklist, although they can be helpful for a frame of reference for conversation.
l

(in reply to iammachine)

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 5:28:16 PM

SoulPiercer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: loverly

i thnk its so nice to be able to have a converstion in general... and as that happens to just naturally come to the things that are desired and wished for in the relationship... a learning prosess.. i mean.. what ever happened to courting someone... ?? its a lost art form.. some times it is so much like applying for a job! makes me a bit sad and turns me off. its importsnt to find out if we are compatiable but.. what is the rush? ..... and unless its all for some casual play date

Thank you very much loverly -

There are those people who are only interested in finding playmates. Then there are those who are seeking life partners. I never had a "check list" in my "vanilla" dating days and I don't have one now.

I still want to meet for dinner, see a movie, go for a walk etc.

The only major difference between my vanilla dating days and my dating now is the fact that I no longer pretend to be morally outraged when my date asks my opinion about bondage and spanking!

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RE: Doms checklist? - 10/21/2007 8:04:45 PM

RRafe

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There are reasons that we list these in profiles. So we can see if the kink has a chance-(or we don;t like them) and concentrate on the more mundane but intimate stuff. The foundation. If you are afraid for potentials to see "what you are into".... exactly WHEN are you going to spring the little "surprises" on them?

Is something like "by the way, I like to dress up like Dolly parton and be beaten with a hot dog" the right way to be honest, three months AFTER you've been fucking each other?