RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question?

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/28/2007 10:27:37 AM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

I pass by profiles like you're talking about as well. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if the women are really interested in finding someone or they just want to tell guys off. Another one I tend to hesitate on is the ones that demand you say something personal in your email to them, as they often don't even bother writing a reply, including not even a simple "no thank you" (which would be a canned response btw). I'd think more important than the content of the initial email would be the guy's actual profile and to consider the guy was likely interested enough to email you in the first place.

Honestly, if you wrote 30+ emails to potential partners that you think might actually be compatible (and if you have seriously ever done this kind of search, it's no small feat in itself) only to have about 10 never opened, about 5 or so "no thank you"s, and the rest no response at all, how likely are you to keep writing personal emails?

quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

The easiest way to keep abusers away is to simply refuse to be abused. Period. A good way to chase even great Doms away is to fill ones profile with a long list of criteria. If you want to be approached, be approachable. The details are worked out during the getting-to-know-you phase. Don't let one jerk color your entire experience.

i agree with you eyesopened. nothing worse than a profile that reads DO this...DON'T do this...or i will delete.

staying open to others and true to ourselves is really the only way to do this. developing a 7th sense is helpful also.
oh and patience lots and lots of patience!

Very very true! Every one who writes me.. unless it is to say "hey sexy mama, can I lick your ass" or some other such silly one liner relating to a body part...
I reply to them.. even if to say I am not interested, thanks for looking at my profile.. ect. The Hey Sexy mama's do get iggied because simply I do not wish to have convos with those focused soley on my bits.

I look at folks profiles.. and if I see a nicely written one I will save them in faves to see what new journal writing they pop up with. I will also usualy write them and let them know what a great profile they have.

As for giving people info I have no problem doing that. If we are friends here and have contacted me as a friend off list they can have my email addy and blog info if they like.

I cant tell you how many folks here have my Yahoo ID.. LOL No biggie.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to Vanatru)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/28/2007 10:38:56 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Mutual exposure is not only reasonable, it’s safe. I go with the married and cheating theory posted above… LOL

Better a thousand times careful than once dead. -Proverb

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/28/2007 10:40:24 AM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I dont know, maybe i am just hungry?!?!

*chuckles*

Glad to see I was not the only one thinking that.. One day it is legs.. the next it looks like salad..

I actualy had to go make a blooming salad to get it out of my head. *chuckles*

as LA and others have said.. take your time.. use common sense.. and dont worry about "How submissive" you are, or are not being in communications. You need to learn about the person, and them learn about you. If they are too wrapped up in thier all important Domly ego to allow that to happen then run like hell. Find someone who is a good person first, that you connect with. Build that bond and realtionship.. then deal with the kink and D/s aspect. Being compatable with a Dom/me has so much more to do with it then " you like floggers, Really? I like floggers! " At least if you want a realtionship out of it and more then the occasional slap and tickle fest. You both have to have trust and respect of each other.. ( not just a one way road on either of those )

It is hard to hold back when it seems to be such a driving need.. but it will be worth it.

as with LA wait at *least* 6 months of knowing a Dom before being under concideration.

I'm a picky bitch it took me 7 years to collar one of my subs. He wasnt even under real concideration for the first 2 years or so. Just learning.

Take your time to be sure it is right.

Good luck, you'll do great!

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/28/2007 10:54:47 AM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

I think you should be thankful you did not emotionally invest more than you did. I am sorry you had pain for 8 days - but you will get over it and be a lot wiser the next time.
I just don't understand the coc without first meeting the person.

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/28/2007 12:57:25 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

I agree with all that has been said and offered; My only advice is to underscore what LuckyAlbatross said, was that BDSM relationships develop in much the same way any others do; you slowly develop intimacy and trust, you flirt, you court, and invest the time and hard work to see if this person is worth it.
One of the biggest misperceptions is that BDSM offer a magic secret path to lifetime romantic bliss.

I wish you well, and may your personal Bullshit-o-Meter continue to give faithful readings....

thank you Sir!!!

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 10/28/2007 1:05:00 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

Thank you to everyone. I am glad it happened because I met alot of good people here. It didnt take long to come out of the confusing fog. I am happy and strong again. I am a very energy sensitive person and can morph from others energy and needs. Best for me to attract positive. i have met quite a few good people here on collarme and through the local club. I have to remember who I am at all times and what I am striving for. No I will never fall for those dumb words again.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 66

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 12/10/2007 5:15:49 PM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

He is a player and not real.
You've been used, sorry.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 67

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 12/11/2007 5:11:19 AM

mercurialis

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkypuppy2

He is a player and not real.
You've been used, sorry.

You keep posting in threads that have been idle for months to state what's already been effectively said. Check the date of the last post next time.

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)

Profile

Post #: 68

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 12/11/2007 6:56:38 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

LL, you can't attack what isn't there. You owe it to yourself, to your family and friends to ensure your safety. I work on the premise that if I am inviting someone personally into my life I will make it a point of importance that contact information is shared. If a person is eager to place you under consideration without having met you, I would also be asking considerably more questions than the obvious. Consideration goes both ways, he was also under consideration by you and now no longer is, do not devalue yourself.

Take your time, LL, get to know someone gradually and meet on neutral ground (bdsm relationships are no different to vanilla ones with regard to relationship fundementals), and trust will build from there. Anyone with good intentions will show patience and understanding in alleviating any fears you may have.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
Thank you for all your sound advice. I apologized up a storm to se what it would get me. he said it was too late because I attacked his integrity. Anyone that would dismiss me so easlily is not the one for me. even if i am as insecure as stated, i think i want someone who will understand and deal with my neurosis and understand the pateince I need and have understanding. if I am going to offer my submission to someone, I want assurances that i will be safe not only physically but emotionally too.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 69

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 12/11/2007 6:59:03 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

... wanders off muttering about checking dates of posts

quote:

ORIGINAL: mercurialis
You keep posting in threads that have been idle for months to state what's already been effectively said. Check the date of the last post next time.

(in reply to mercurialis)

Profile

Post #: 70

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 12/11/2007 10:30:30 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

quote:

He was going to be coming to town in november . he said he would get me iternerary later. I asked for a rough idea of the days. he said I would have to wait.

Why isnt there a board here where the subs can list the names of the players ? like the website "girl, dont date him". Would save some of us alot of headaches if we knew which ones were here just playing games and we could have a list of the fakes ahead of time.

I know this is a little late but just seen this thread today and would like to add my 2 cents since I am seeing from a different point of view from the 2 pages of responses I did read that no one seemed to consider...I did not read further so this could be covered or touched on by someone else afterward I think it is very wrong to automanticlly assume he was married based on what was said

According to this you asking for dates when he would see you. after he said in November and said he would provide and intinary ....this was not about personal info.    to make matters worse after he said it would have to wait you got into a hissy fit with him

Who is the Dom here? you or him? Some people run businesses and cannot just make plans weeks ahead of time without shifting work of finding someone to cover for them, sometimes new contracts come in or delays in existing ones occur, I have my own business and so did my former dom and it can make firming up things difficult weeks ahead of time and why would he want to be forced into committing a time and then make himself look bad if he is forced to cancel, is only makes sense to say he will make arrangement and let you know later   So yes I think you were in the wrong for forcing him to commit to a time after he promised to provide an itinerary to you when he is able to . When my business was at it's busiest even my own family I had trouble making commitments with even a week in advance because I had a backlog of orders to fill needed to be sure I they were out on time and when I have paying customers I owe them their products on time not when convenient for me, so when you run your own business sometimes work needs to come first. It sounded like he was willing and able to make a commitment just could not do at that moment but you blew it by trying to force him into a commitment. Even my regular fulltime job does not let me make me make commitments beyond 2 weeks because of the mandatory overtime clause in the contract as I can be ordered to work Saturdays. So even as a sub I have to make clear to my dom that I cannot make commitments weeks in adanvce because regardless if it is my own business or the company I am employed by my weekend schedule can change, so in his case if his work schedule was anything like mine and a submissive said to me that this matter causes insecurity, I would say sorry goodbye too as it is not worth the headaches, my former dom did warn me that there might be times he may have to cancel even last minute as he could get emergency calls from a client with regards to equipment failure and that is part of his business repairing equipment, he can 't say to a client who is losing thousands of dollars an hour "sorry I have a date it will have to wait" it is his job to go and respond right away, so he requires a sub that will not get bent out of shape if he suddenly has to cancel or run out in the middle of play as his sub I may be disappointed at losing my time with him but never should I be upset or allow myself to feeling insecure as a result because all I would succeed at doing is making life more difficult for him

The second part quoted , absolutely ridiculous to wanting ot publicly punish him for   your own impatience as to timing of his visit it is not the same thing as failure to provide personal info and even then would be inappropriate as he may want more time to get to know you before providing this info to be sure you would be compatible first .....So does he really deserve to be outed just for not nailing down a time to visit???????

quote:

I admitted I would be insecure until I got this info so I knew he was sincere. All hell broke loose. Was it too soon to be asking for contact info? was it so wrong of me to seek verifiable proof that he was going to do what he said? Am I too insecure and too impatient?

My opinion to all 3 questions ---- YES

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 71

RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? - 12/11/2007 8:02:28 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I had been under consideration of a Master for all of 8 days. It is over because I am too insecure and impatient. he says. He was going to be coming to town in november . he said he would get me iternerary later. I asked for a rough idea of the days. he said I would have to wait. I admitted I would be insecure until I got this info so I knew he was sincere. All hell broke loose.

I noticed quite a few posts said the guy was prolly deceptive. "We" don't know. I have made plenty of personal and business trips on a couple days notice. The other side of the coin could be that she seemed so needy he is rethinking his initial decision. I know I would be. There are 3 sides to every story his, hers, and the truth.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Profile

Post #: 72