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Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:05:39 PM   
ferninja


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		               Ok, I dont own anyone here so im going to be respectful. I've sent out about 50 messages to various submissives and slaves all around the florida/georgia area. And for almost every message i get no response. I actually take time to write this stuff and i cant even get a "sorry, not interested." Which I would appreciate. Its not that Im being as asshole to them, I dont bark demands at someone I dont know. (No "get on your knees, bitch" instances) I simply say "Hi, I liked your profile. You like <blank>? We should talk more, write me back. I'd like to get to know you more." but it seems that it is all in vain.

My question is this. As submissives/slaves, do you all carefully select who to respond to? Is it a physical thing or do you look for personality? Is it the presentation and how they talk to you when they first contact you? How does the process go? because ive been looking for a while and Ive so far found no one to claim as my own. Anyone out there who can help a Dom in need?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:11:42 PM   
denouement


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		As someone who is also relatively new to the site, I can tell you from my perspective the amount of mail a gal can get is overwhelming -- and I haven't even actually filled out my profile completely.  I can only imagine what it must be like for the gals with something titillating in their profile.

That being said, I do try to send some kind of quick reply to everyone who writes.  Some have definitely fallen through the cracks though.

(in reply to ferninja)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:23:10 PM   
norarc


Posts: 72
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline 		I had some of the same concerns as you when I first came to this site, ferninja.  Of course, I was desperately new to the BDSM scene and had yet to work out exactly what I was and for whom I was searching.  I think denouement has part of the explanation -- from what I understand, the sheer number of emails the women on this site get is absolutely astounding, and apparently a lot of it tends to be spam or the type of inconsiderate junk that immediately invalidates its sender from consideration.  Even still, sorting through all that must take time.  And of course, the experience of dealing with the senders of such inconsiderate junk must sour at least a few of the women on even considering "new" Doms.  There's also a thread going on in another forum concerning young (in their 20s) Doms.  I haven't perused the whole thing, but perhaps there is some information there that may be of some use to you.

My advice, from my own experience, is to be patient and selective in your emails, and don't simply limit yourself to email, but peruse some of the chatrooms as well as well as the forums.  I've sent email that simply disappeared into cyberspace, and all the information I would get on it would be a little "Read" tag in my Sent Email menu, with no further explanation.  It happens.  But I also have a number of friends here now, and there's always the possibility that one of those friendships could lead to something more; one never knows.

Good luck.


_____________________________

Norarc
Endangering the mundane since 1977.

Madness does not always howl; sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "hey, is there room in your head for one more?"

(in reply to denouement)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:24:36 PM   
ferninja


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		aah, I figured it could be flooding. Thanks. Anyone else?

(in reply to denouement)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:31:08 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ferninja

              Ok, I dont own anyone here so im going to be respectful. I've sent out about 50 messages to various submissives and slaves all around the florida/georgia area. And for almost every message i get no response. I actually take time to write this stuff and i cant even get a "sorry, not interested." Which I would appreciate. Its not that Im being as asshole to them, I dont bark demands at someone I dont know. (No "get on your knees, bitch" instances) I simply say "Hi, I liked your profile. You like <blank>? We should talk more, write me back. I'd like to get to know you more." but it seems that it is all in vain.

My question is this. As submissives/slaves, do you all carefully select who to respond to? Is it a physical thing or do you look for personality? Is it the presentation and how they talk to you when they first contact you? How does the process go? because ive been looking for a while and Ive so far found no one to claim as my own. Anyone out there who can help a Dom in need?


First impressions are important - make sure your own profile is succinct, clean and compelling - that's the first place a submissive or slave will look IF your message is interesting.

Next, with your messages: You need to make the girl understand a bit of who you are, and what you think of her profile as a whole. Don't say somethign that isn't true, but consider how you would like to be addressed.

Read her profile carefully, get a sense for who she is, what her turns on are, what kind of submissive or slave traits she has, think about her whole person, not just a single thing. Use your understanding of her, as much as you've gleaned, to approach her in a style she'll be receptive to. Perhaps see if she's posted on the boards and if so, what her positions are on various things - this is great also for not wasting peoples time if you're absolutely not compatible or if there are major "hard limits" or beliefs/philosphy in the way of a happy interaction.

If you can show that A) you've got some sense of who she is, B) that you like and admire it, and C) that you're someone she's going to be interested in. You're on good ground.

(in reply to ferninja)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:31:57 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Get out into your local community and don't confine your search to just online. Go to munches, events, workshops etc. Participate in those activities and start getting yourself known. Take advantage of the enormous experiences of others out there who will be willing to share their trails and tribulations with you. If you're willing to learn from the mistakes of others, perhaps you won't make so many of your own as time goes by. Participate on the forums, ask questions, 'listen' to the answers, shift, pick and choose those things that resonate with you and discard what won't work into your own life.

There's someone for everyone.. sometimes several someone's, so be patient, tweak yourself, hone yourself. You want to attract a particular sort of submissive, be the kind of Master that submissive will be attracted to and when you're ready, you'll find each other.

Good luck

Celeste

edited to add:: By the way.. whether you own someone or not, you can still be respectful. You might want to rethink how you word things in the future.

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 10/21/2007 11:35:15 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ferninja)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:32:34 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ferninja

              Ok, I dont own anyone here so im going to be respectful. I've sent out about 50 messages to various submissives and slaves all around the florida/georgia area. And for almost every message i get no response. I actually take time to write this stuff and i cant even get a "sorry, not interested." Which I would appreciate. Its not that Im being as asshole to them, I dont bark demands at someone I dont know. (No "get on your knees, bitch" instances) I simply say "Hi, I liked your profile. You like <blank>? We should talk more, write me back. I'd like to get to know you more." but it seems that it is all in vain.

My question is this. As submissives/slaves, do you all carefully select who to respond to? Is it a physical thing or do you look for personality? Is it the presentation and how they talk to you when they first contact you? How does the process go? because ive been looking for a while and Ive so far found no one to claim as my own. Anyone out there who can help a Dom in need?


quote:

ORIGINAL: ferninja

              Ok, I dont own anyone here so im going to be respectful. I've sent out about 50 messages to various submissives and slaves all around the florida/georgia area. And for almost every message i get no response. I actually take time to write this stuff and i cant even get a "sorry, not interested." Which I would appreciate. Its not that Im being as asshole to them, I dont bark demands at someone I dont know. (No "get on your knees, bitch" instances) I simply say "Hi, I liked your profile. You like <blank>? We should talk more, write me back. I'd like to get to know you more." but it seems that it is all in vain.

My question is this. As submissives/slaves, do you all carefully select who to respond to? Is it a physical thing or do you look for personality? Is it the presentation and how they talk to you when they first contact you? How does the process go? because ive been looking for a while and Ive so far found no one to claim as my own. Anyone out there who can help a Dom in need?


First impressions are important - make sure your own profile is succinct, clean and compelling - that's the first place a submissive or slave will look IF your message is interesting.

Next, with your messages: You need to make the girl understand a bit of who you are, and what you think of her profile as a whole. Don't say somethign that isn't true, but consider how you would like to be addressed.

Read her profile carefully, get a sense for who she is, what her turns on are, what kind of submissive or slave traits she has, think about her whole person, not just a single thing. Use your understanding of her, as much as you've gleaned, to approach her in a style she'll be receptive to. Perhaps see if she's posted on the boards and if so, what her positions are on various things - this is great also for not wasting peoples time if you're absolutely not compatible or if there are major "hard limits" or beliefs/philosphy in the way of a happy interaction.

If you can show that A) you've got some sense of who she is, B) that you like and admire it, and C) that you're someone she's going to be interested in. You're on good ground.


(in reply to ferninja)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:35:44 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		Apologies for double post - lag fest and network glitches.

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:37:30 PM   
denouement


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		Interesting that a "master" feels compelled to put his two cents in on a question asked in a thread called "Ask a submissive/slave."

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:39:30 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Sixfootmaster is spot on.

Personalise letters, you're far more likely to get a response. If a girl feels that she is just one of many who got a standard form letter from you, she isn't going to feel that she is special in any way, or that you are interested in HER. Subs/slaves DO have preferences and have a right to have them before being collared/owned/whatever. They don't automatically fall at the feet of every D around. 

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:40:42 PM   
ferninja


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks Sixfoot, What you said was really helpful, I'll always keep what you said in mind. And Bita, My current area sort of restricts me from being able to do that. I'm in the military and I live on base, I dont usually have the opportunity to go to a place where those kind of things are available. Thanks for the advice though.

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:42:35 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Denouement, you're obviously new, so listen and learn.

These are public forums, and everyone posts in everyones threads. Everyone shares experiences and idea's with everyone else.

You may learn a little more if you have a look around the boards, before making comments like that.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:44:36 PM   
denouement


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/20/2007
Status: offline 		Magnolia, doll -- I may be new to this particular forum, but it's not my first turn around the block.  

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:47:42 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Then you should have realised that, so why bother making the comment?

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to denouement)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/21/2007 11:51:49 PM   
norarc


Posts: 72
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline 		An additional little post -- I agree totally with the suggestion to personalize your messages, ferninja, and make them your own; you are, after all, talking to individuals out there in the digital jungle, and no one likes seeing a mere form letter, or something that resembles a form letter.  So take a good look at the profile of the person you're messaging, and think about what you'd like to say to that person, individually.  And don't be afraid to show some of your own personality as well; myself, I tend to include blurbs of Latin, because I tend to be somewhat geeky.  At least a couple of my friendships on this site have started with people emailing me back asking me what the hell I just said.


_____________________________

Norarc
Endangering the mundane since 1977.

Madness does not always howl; sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "hey, is there room in your head for one more?"

(in reply to denouement)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/22/2007 12:49:32 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

"Hi, I liked your profile. You like ? We should talk more, write me back. I'd like to get to know you more." but it seems that it is all in vain.


The problem with this email, is it pretty much looks like every other email that someone might get. The more you stand out, the more of an edge you will have, the more success you will probably have in receiving replies.

I'm going to be a bit naughty, because I found a post I had made in a previous thread like this one.

Things not to do (incomplete list):
One liners
Laundry list of kinks
Form letters
Generic, impersonal statements ("I liked what you had to say" without qualifying statements commenting on what they said that you liked, for example)
Being too forward (asking for or providing personal info in the first few messages, trying to negotiate a scene or dynamic prior to her expressing an interest in such)
Focusing on kink, on activities, toys or fetishes, as opposed to her as a person
DO NOT share photos of anatomy unless requested

So anyway, by at least not doing the above, you have a pretty good start.

Good things to do:
Read her profile, completely
Make specific comments about things she's said to start conversation
Be polite (duh)
Have a well written profile of your own that shows what makes you you and therefore unique, and what makes you interesting to know.
Show your positive traits without boasting. Basically, show, you shouldn't need to tell.
Have a clear vanilla (or at least not x rated) photo including your face available

Also, I'll go ahead and pretty much echo most of what SixFootMaster had to say, since he put it quite a bit more elegantly than I can at hell-thirty in the morning.

Now is the time for all good machine girls to be sleeping dreaming....

zzz


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to ferninja)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/22/2007 1:24:12 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: denouement

Interesting that a "master" feels compelled to put his two cents in on a question asked in a thread called "Ask a submissive/slave."


It's not even remotely interesting.  The topic headings are just that, topic separation, anyone can and does post on any forum that they chose. It is however interesting you would go out of your way to criticise someone for something that has no effect on you personally.

OP, I like your profile, although maybe put more general life interests in it so they have a sense of who you are that doesn't involve bdsm.  From what I have seen here of young Doms posting it's somewhat of an uphill battle for them, be patient and always be polite.  I think you have a great attitude though.  Good luck to you.
l 

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/22/2007 1:27:24 AM >

(in reply to denouement)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/22/2007 1:34:21 AM   
phoenixinchains


Posts: 2534
Joined: 4/5/2007
From: i live here
Status: offline


well, reading the profile is important, as some of us our happily owned and don't respond for just that reason, no matter how polite the inquiry. just don't take it personally. even if you read a profile and think ;" oh, this girl sounds so right", she could be in a happy relationship and just not updated her account yet. but good luck all the same- phoenix



(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/22/2007 5:50:46 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: denouement

Interesting that a "master" feels compelled to put his two cents in on a question asked in a thread called "Ask a submissive/slave."


*one eyebrow raised delicately*

but he isnt looking for another dominant.  how else to know how to get a submissive or slave to answer a message...if not asking other submissives/slaves?

kitten

(in reply to denouement)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dom new to the site has questions - 10/22/2007 5:51:01 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		It is best to accept no response as a response of "no thanks, I'm not interested."
I do not always answer unsolicited mail.  I have found in the past, that to do so sometimes invites domly whining and begging, and I don't have time for that and I think it's silly behavior.  I'm not saying that would continue to bother sub with other emails trying to badger her, but it does happen.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ferninja)
Profile   Post #: 20
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