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RE: BOTTOMS - 10/22/2007 3:07:25 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Reread the op. She says that men lie and state they are submissive when they are only bottoms. And then she says that there ought to be a category saying bottom.

So how is it lying when they can't give a correct answer because it doesn't exist here? As a result many bottoms, who are only sexually submissive, do choose submissive because it is the closest available option.

If someone insisted I choose my favorite color and only gave me the choice of blue or green, without a neither being acceptable, and then decided I deserved punishment for lying if I picked blue(which is my second choice) because I didn't have the option of saying pink, that would be wrong.

A bottom only has no category that is correct they can pick from and thus shouldn't be accused of lying when they don't have the correct category to select.

(in reply to MistressDolly)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: BOTTOMS - 10/22/2007 3:51:49 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		What does your objection to the OP's opinion have to do with me?

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(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: BOTTOMS - 10/22/2007 3:59:34 PM   
RaynaSub


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		CM does need to add the Top and bottom categories,
good suggestion.

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: BOTTOMS - 10/22/2007 5:09:08 PM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Reread the op. She says that men lie and state they are submissive when they are only bottoms. And then she says that there ought to be a category saying bottom.

So how is it lying when they can't give a correct answer because it doesn't exist here? As a result many bottoms, who are only sexually submissive, do choose submissive because it is the closest available option.

If someone insisted I choose my favorite color and only gave me the choice of blue or green, without a neither being acceptable, and then decided I deserved punishment for lying if I picked blue(which is my second choice) because I didn't have the option of saying pink, that would be wrong.

A bottom only has no category that is correct they can pick from and thus shouldn't be accused of lying when they don't have the correct category to select.

Celeste,
Whoa! I never said anything about punishment. I am offering a suggestion so they can 'pick their favorite color', not receive any kind of punishment!
My whole point here is to give bottoms a place to call their own, because many say 'sure I'll do anything for you' when they might actually mean: 'please, make me your bottom.'
Because they don't have a category, they are forced into a box where they don't fit. I am against so much labeling. My purpose with this thread was to create a solution, so we don't have to go through many emails, iming and or phone, just to find out: Gee, they want to be a sex sub only.

Lets' focus on how I am trying to help dommes and subs alike by offering a suggestion that may actually help hundreds of people make easier choices and find who they're looking for without having to make a full declaration of submission.
 
No intention to be inflamatory on my part. Simply offering a suggestion and running it by people here on the boards.

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 10/22/2007 5:12:33 PM >

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: BOTTOMS - 10/22/2007 5:24:05 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

This is what I wrote to support here on cm:
 
Please add these categories to CM:
 
BOTTOM: As you know, so many, many men say 'submissive' when they mean BOTTOM. So, they lie to get close and hope to be topped. BOTTOM as a category has a huge base here on cm. Certainly much bigger than submissive?
TOPs: For all the bdsm fun. they will look for bottoms and not subs.
Cm is unintentionally forcing men to lie. Let's give all those bottoms and dommes a break and add the category: BOTTOM
Let's save hundreds of hrs and allow people get to rt much faster because the men get to say who and what they really are. For women also, of course, but it's mostly men who have to lie here.
We really need to have these options for profiles and their own forums!
Irish
 
What do you all think of these as an added category and forum titles?


I strongly agree.  It'd be a good thing to impliment.

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: BOTTOMS - 10/22/2007 5:28:54 PM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline 		My thanks to evreyone who replied and shared their opinion, either way.

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: BOTTOMS - 10/22/2007 5:33:27 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel
I'm gonna go with Straight, Potentially Situationally Bi, Bottoming, Female, Submissive, Paper Slave. 

Heh....


Haha!!  Here's to you, my little paper friend


(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: BOTTOMS - 10/24/2007 8:59:40 AM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel
I'm gonna go with Straight, Potentially Situationally Bi, Bottoming, Female, Submissive, Paper Slave. 

Heh....


Haha!!  Here's to you, my little paper friend



I missed that before: Paper slave?  

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 4:58:13 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I understand some of the frustration of not enough choices when one wants to describe who they are.

I questioned my submissiveness for a little while recently, but there were no other boxes to check... I would have picked "masochist" had there been a box. I did put it in my profile at one point, and then got very sadistic people emailing me who thought that I was also probably submissive (after all, I had checked submissive in my profile...even though there was no other choices)

I think there should be only one other category added... "other". "Other" could be the catch-all for masochist, bottom, top, and just curious.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 5:23:41 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Fina
quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

My vote goes for this. As a bottom I can't put myself in any other category than submissive, but I'm not submissive at all.... I'm just a bottom. 


a person isn't "just" a bottom... a person has value regardless of how they identify. 

i really agree that Top and bottom should be added as categories.  It could save a lot of confusion and add a lot more threads on "sub/slave/bottom what is the difference?"


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Viridana)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 5:44:41 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		This underscores our love and need for lables.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 5:47:56 AM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline 		Seems to me there is a real difference between Top/bottom , Dom/sub and Master/slave relationships and what they represent. It would be good from my point of view to be able to narrow searches to what we are actually seeking....

Other things that would be nice are children, what kind of relationship being sought (live-in,  casual, play only, committed relationship etc.) etc.

Of course the search engine here is already overloaded and damaged,( try searching for some one looking for a poly relationship) so maybe adding any complications would be counter productive in the long run.

Bill

_____________________________

"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving

(in reply to MistressDolly)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 6:22:09 AM   
BadJezebel


Posts: 138
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

This is what I wrote to support here on cm:
 
Please add these categories to CM:
 
BOTTOM: As you know, so many, many men say 'submissive' when they mean BOTTOM. So, they lie to get close and hope to be topped. BOTTOM as a category has a huge base here on cm. Certainly much bigger than submissive?
TOPs: For all the bdsm fun. they will look for bottoms and not subs.
Cm is unintentionally forcing men to lie. Let's give all those bottoms and dommes a break and add the category: BOTTOM
Let's save hundreds of hrs and allow people get to rt much faster because the men get to say who and what they really are. For women also, of course, but it's mostly men who have to lie here.
We really need to have these options for profiles and their own forums!
Irish
 
What do you all think of these as an added category and forum titles?
 
Irish


I'm in complete agreement.  The only problem is that I think a lot of these guys would "lie" inadvertently anyway.  --Either they might imagine themselves as submissives when they really aren't; meaning, that when they fantasize they are submissive but in real life they want all of their scenarios played out or, they don't even know the difference between "bottom" or "submissive" and "submissive" sounds SOOOO much cooler anyway.  Another thing is that there seems to be a general disapproval of bottoms vs. submissives on this site.  Who knows, maybe that would be ameliorated if they had you answer one question about what being a bottom/submissive/slave means to you.  The same should go for Top/Domme/Misstress, etc....  Now if only we could get these shmucks to actually READ the profiles in their entirety and respond specifically to them. 

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 8:10:23 AM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, I come here to read the opinions of others who are into D/s, not just occasional kinky sex. 

I suppose more categories couldn't hurt, though.  After all, most of the tops and bottoms will probably stay on the other side.


_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to BadJezebel)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 9:24:50 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		VERY well said .. Kudos !
quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Gosh there are so many labels!!! Its hard to keep track of whos what with who and when and how you can tell. I think that its a good idea for people who want to define themselves in this way but i also think that sometimes we can all be a bit too preoccupied with what box we like to think we fall into and then what box others would put you into. 

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 10:31:28 AM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		As a bottom, I also think this is an excellent idea.  However, the chance of collarme acting on it is, I think, somewhat less than the chance of a snowball in hell.

If collarme paid any attention to member's suggestions, they'd have fixed their email so that it works two years ago when I and others started bitching  about it.

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 12:06:38 PM   
neloangelo1227


Posts: 22
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe some kind of profile-based distinction between interest in S&M and D/s would solve it. Look at it this way:

Dom/Domme: Interested in dominating and topping (D/s play)
Sub: Interested in being topped, and submitting/being dominated (D/s play)
Top: Interested in topping. (S&M)
Bottom: Interested in bottoming. (S&M)
Switch: ?? Could be interested either in topping & bottoming, or dominating & submitting.

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 12:42:26 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: neloangelo1227

Maybe some kind of profile-based distinction between interest in S&M and D/s would solve it. Look at it this way:

Dom/Domme: Interested in dominating and topping (D/s play)
Sub: Interested in being topped, and submitting/being dominated (D/s play)
Top: Interested in topping. (S&M)
Bottom: Interested in bottoming. (S&M)
Switch: ?? Could be interested either in topping & bottoming, or dominating & submitting.


  You left out total world domination... 

Seriously, I think top and bottom are good categories

of course, by the above definitions I'd have to be The DommeTop..  since I like to sprinkle my D/s with a little S&M

Psy (Lady Jag)



_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to neloangelo1227)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 1:37:18 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		but then i would have to remember bdsmtbsd.............derrrrrrrrr

ed to say bdsmtbsdsw


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 11/4/2007 1:39:00 PM >

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: BOTTOMS - 11/4/2007 1:43:12 PM   
neloangelo1227


Posts: 22
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, I didn't mean to suggest that Domming and Topping were mutually exclusive--generally, it seems that most doms are also tops, and most subs are also bottoms, but that the converse isn't true: just because you're into topping doesn't necessarily mean you want to dominate anyone.

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 60
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