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RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 7:20:34 AM   
slaveelle


Posts: 116
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline 		Master and i are commited to living a 24/7 relationship. I am currently within the United States as a "tourist" on an extention visa. I have been back n forth from Australia to the USA for the past few years and staying months at a time with him. In all of this the heartache of having to leave is becoming more unbearable each time, so we are in the process of trying to persuade USA Immigration to allow me to stay,,not an easy task i must say.
 Now ive given you that rant, what one person to believes to be a total TPE relationship may not be in another's eyes, but who cares? Live the life you want too, do the things that excite you, be lost in the total extasy that this lifestyle has to offer. We arent sheep, you dont have to follow the rules of everyone else, just the rules of your own heart and mind and be happy.. do that and your a winner.
Just giving my 0.02 worth.
 
cheers
elle

_____________________________

"No bond is stronger than that of the Beast"

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 7:23:57 AM   
onmykneesb4Him


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

TPE relationships do not necessitate that the Dominant make every decision.  Only that the Dominant has the authority to make whatever decision he/she wishes to make.  And I am personally a devotee of TPE relationships.
 
John


Yes, what Rover said.

i was hesitant to post because i don't know whether my relationship fits whatever technical definition of TPE there is. But it certainly is always evolving in that direction.

Sir does have total control. Does He choose to exercise it 100% of the time? Of course not- that would be completely exhausting on His part. i personally love the control. i love all the little rules and i love that He has the final say, whether or not He asks my opinion (He usually does).

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 7:48:23 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I think you have had some great answers on here.  I am curious about TPE and worked towards it in my second D/s dynamic up to and including the final choice I made...to send her home to straighten out her life back home and to make a choice as to which road she wanted to go down.
Her idea was that I should force her to choose me, to uproot her kids and bring them here and divorce her husband.  This, in her mind, would have been a demonstration of the total power.  In my mind, it would have been taking responsibility for actions that were not mine to take...for actions that had to be her choice to make.

I've stated that I believe in the idea of one leader - two partners.  I accept hard limits and yet will push against them while not overriding them.  Soft limits are constantly pushed and overcome as the relationship and the trust grows.  The idea of teaching her to please me, as stated by LAM, is what I attempt to do while at the same time doing what I have stated I will do in terms of my responsibilities and obligations in order to please her and grow her trust in me.  And the idea of one leader - two partners goes along with Rover's stated phrase (nicely put, Rover) of  "TPE relationships do not necessitate that the Dominant make every decision.  Only that the Dominant has the authority to make whatever decision he/she wishes to make."
 

(in reply to TPE4life)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 10:26:13 AM   
Argentopal


Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline 		good afternoon,
Some here have already expressed many of my feelings.  TPE means different things to almost everyone.  Sir and i have a long history and because of that history and everything that has been good as well as the times that have been bad, we both have a deep trust in one another.  He knows i am not a brianless robot to do his bidding with no thoughts of my own.  He knows i do not fear him so much that i do his bidding because i think he will hurt me if i don't; hurt being either physical or emotional.  He knows that my trust in him is total.  He also knows that i have opinions about almost everything and i am not afraid to voice them to him.  Whether it is what color to paint a room or where to have dinner or something way more serious, he knows i will always give him my honest opinion.  At times I ahve even told him that something he wanted to do was not a good idea and told him why i felt that way.  The bottom line for us that no matter how i feel he does listen to me and then HE DECIDES.  Sometimes he thinks about what i have said and he decides perhaps i am correct and he does somethign different than he had planned to do.  Sometimes he looks at me and just says NO.  And then we do what he says, the way he wants to and there is no more discussion.  He values me and my ideas and my input.  He loves me.  But the final decision is always HIS.  It is what i agreed to 28 years ago when we married and 10 years ago on our collaring and 2 years ago on a celebratory "re-collaring".  For me the "exchange" is that he loves me and cares for me and takes care of me and in many ways "protects me".  i know i am safe with him based on nearly 3 decades of love and trust.

I do agree that the Dominant does not have to make every decision - just the ones they want to, perfectly said.
edited for typos, sure that i still missed some
be well,
opal

< Message edited by Argentopal -- 10/24/2007 10:28:17 AM >

_____________________________

He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."

... and i did.


~Surrender without Fear~
~Power without Guilt~
~Love without Doubt~

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 11:24:09 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Not that I want it anyway but even if I did, I couldn't go for it.

I'm a single parent, giving total control over me away effectively means that my offspring would have to submit to an individual they didn't pick.

They like The Man, and his like me, but that's a far cry from them adopting him as head of household. It's not a responsibility I can give up and it is unfair to do this to them against their will.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 2:42:11 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover
TPE relationships do not necessitate that the Dominant make every decision.  Only that the Dominant has the authority to make whatever decision he/she wishes to make.  And I am personally a devotee of TPE relationships.
 John


I think this is well worded and expressed.  I am in a TPE, 24/7, Master/salve relationship.. what ever you want to call or add to it.. In our relationship he has authority in ALL areas.. that is the "total" for us.. He has charged me with responsibility in many areas, because i happen to fairly good at it and he trust me.. but He has total authority in all areas.. 

It works for us..  and i do mean total areas.. money, work, family.  

But for it to work.. it has to be with someone you know, trust and have common views on basic matters..  for example: I would not have gone into a relationship with someone who i thought would tell me someday i could never seem my kids again..  he has cancelled some phone calls with them, even told me to cancel a weekend vacation once, but i know he would never tell me cut off all contact with them..

A TPE can still have limites.. it does not mean you blindly obey.. Jump off this building..  it is more the giving of total authority to the other person..  
~ann

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 3:42:59 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Is it D/s without TPE?
It wouldn't be for me.
I just can't imagine being in a relationship where I didn't have full authority.
Of course one can only have full authority when there is total trust and total honesty.

(in reply to goodpet)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 6:11:49 PM   
Argentopal


Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline 		A TPE can still have limites.. it does not mean you blindly obey.. Jump off this building..

the above statement took me back to the oh so many times in a subs group the comment and questions arise ... but what if he told you to jump off the roof ... Well he would not ever say that because he loves me and he does not break his toys ... but what if he did ... my 1st job is to take care of myself for him so I'd think he had gone insane and I'd call the doctor and check his meds ... and so on and so on.

For me the answer is different.  If we were on the bridge and he looked at me and in his serious voice told me to jump off it i would question him once and if he repeated JUMP OFF NOW ... I would.  I trust his love and care for me that he can see something i cannot and that the jump will be safer for me than what would happen if i remained on the bridge.  Yes, honestly.  If he told me to do something that was within my physical power to do, i would.  It is HIS job not to take advantage of that trust.  I have been across the bridge with him.
opal

< Message edited by Argentopal -- 10/24/2007 6:13:19 PM >

_____________________________

He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."

... and i did.


~Surrender without Fear~
~Power without Guilt~
~Love without Doubt~

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 6:14:37 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TPE4life

If you put a chain around the neck of a slave, the other end fastens itself around your own” Ralph Waldo Emerson
If a real slave was offered. Would you take it? Many won’t or cannot.  They don’t have; - The self esteem, - The self confidence, - The faith, - The believe, - The true desire, to own another person. - The patience - The ability or skills - Do not want the responsibility:
So the questions is: how many are truely seeking a TPE relationship.
No one word answeres please elaborate on why you are or are not seeking TPE



What are you defining as a real slave? In my opinion a real slave is someone who never had a choice, someone who taken against their will and put into a situation where begging release isn't an option.

And no, we wouldn't want one of those. Because they didn't have a choice we find their submission to be without any meaning.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TPE4life)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 8:32:31 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		To The Op:
I am a TPE lifestyler and have been for many years.  I know that the leash is as binding as the collar and am never as happy as when I am responsible and in charge.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 8:52:22 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

To The Op:
I am a TPE lifestyler and have been for many years.  I know that the leash is as binding as the collar and am never as happy as when I am responsible and in charge.

Ok, call me dimwitted but... what the fuck is a TPE lifestyler?


_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/24/2007 10:01:15 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

To The Op:
I am a TPE lifestyler and have been for many years.  I know that the leash is as binding as the collar and am never as happy as when I am responsible and in charge.

Ok, call me dimwitted but... what the fuck is a TPE lifestyler?


Total Power Exchange Lifestyle

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/25/2007 4:47:57 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Total Power Exchange Lifestyle

I know what TPE stands for. However, I have never heard ANYONE refer to themselves as a  'TPE LIFESTYLER'.


_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/25/2007 3:50:49 PM   
TPE4life


Posts: 21
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline 		Awsome reply TJ,

fear is not something i would want to live with either

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/25/2007 4:16:53 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		 it's like the song you belong to me, he sings about all the things the woman can do, places she can go, things she can see Just remember darlin' all the while You belong to me. I like the song cause Daddy lets me have independance and wander about, all he asks is at the end of the day I remember who I belong to. And that who I belong to shapes my thoughts and actions. IE would daddy like it, if I willingly did something I know I shouldn't. Hell no he wouldn't, so I do not do things I know daddy would frown on. He don't ask me to be that way, I am that way.

.
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMichealspeach

to me TPE does not have to mean a 24/7 micromanaged relationship...I personally thrive of the" knowledge" that Master is in control of my thoughts and actions whether I am at His feet or at my desk at work. I am nowhere near a doormat but i know where that line is and although is gets tested on occasion, very seldom is it crossed. Knowing in my heart and soul who is in charge is the most rewarding thing I can think of in terms of the mental aspect of TPE.

(in reply to SirMichealspeach)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/25/2007 6:36:08 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		You guys are all players and want to be's!  I moved to Saudi Arabia where I keep the Bush family slave farm.  We have fat blond Texas chicks that we bought from white slavers, most aren't too bright but they make good cum guzzlers.  We sometimes loan them out to the Saudi Royals and or the Bin Laudin family as they are all old friends of the family.  THAT is real slavery, the rest of that crap is just childish make believe for players and losers.

(in reply to TPE4life)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/25/2007 6:45:42 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		i am seeking a 24/7, of which my current Dom and i choose not to have one due to his age, working, etc. i'm looking for one in part because i'm ready to settle down with someone, i know that sounds naieve, not to start a family. But someone i can go out and do vanilla things with, hang out with his friends/family, and yet still be kinky in the bedroom and know that the next day i won't be asking if he's coming over or how his work is coming and make arrangements for later. Not that i'm complaining about my current situation, of which i know things do come up and i don't blame anyone for it. But basically someone that i can enjoy life with and still know who is in charge.

(in reply to TPE4life)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/26/2007 7:14:49 AM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'd take the slave but wouldn't call it TPE.  For several reasons.  First, the phrase makes no sense.  It's supposed to be "total power exchange" (although some people say it really means "totally pointless expression").  But power isn't exchanged in a so-called TPE relationship.  Power is SEIZED.  I don't exchange power with a slave.  It has never made sense to me and never will.

Second, it's too fucking light and airy-fairy.  It's all neatly packaged and ready to go.  Well, a real TPE relationship isn't light and airy-fairy and neatly packaged and ready to go.

Third, it implies that all TPE relationships are the same because they're all called the same thing.  Anyone who has ever owned another human being knows that they're not all the same thing.  They CAN'T be, because everyone is different.  Owning a human being means knowing how to own that human being, and that means knowing her better than anyone else in the world.

So I'd take that slave, teach her how to please me, and then put the collar around her heart and soul so she can never leave.


This is really fantastic.  In my perfect world, it makes the most sense.

To the OP:
I don't want a "TPE" where I have to figure out every move the other person makes... I want a "person" not a friggin robot.  I also don't want to micro manage to the point where the other person is brain dead and can't think for themselves. 
Do I want someone who will follow my direction and work in tandem with my needs?  Yes, completely. 

Psy  - aka Lady Jag


'Do I want someone who will follow my direction and work in tandem with my needs?  Yes, completely.'
 
Lady Jag said it perfectly for me. Several people have posted here in a way that makes my heart sing.
 
I don't think I'd want someone with kids or a lot of drama in their current life. I've already gone through the raising of kids and Ex-drama and I'm happy to be past that stage!
 
I look for men and women who are slaves at heart, then for compatibility in basic ways.
 
I have one slave who does not serve me in my home. He lives in another state and helps me with different projects. I am still looking for a local slave.
 
One who has opinions, skills, a good sense of humor, and a beautiful slave attitude. Someone I enjoy controlling, guiding, and laughing with. One who is devoted to me. In exchange I give my creativity, intuition, support, and whatever else I can to serve Us. I love being the boss, having the final word, being a free woman. Calling the shots, brainstorming for solutions, creating fun things everywhere in my life. Making a difference in the world in ways that are important to me. The ability to work together towards common visions.
*Ecology, Mother Ocean
*Raising awareness and expanded education re:FemDom, the beauty of D/s.
*Living a healthy, fun-filled lifestyle

This topic is such a turn-on for me.

Irish 

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 10/26/2007 7:24:49 AM >

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/27/2007 7:40:24 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I would only take it if I felt spiritually called to Master such a person. This is my calling and I do my best to stay true to it.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to TPE4life)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: TPE relationships (help me understand) - 10/27/2007 8:10:10 PM   
daddyscherry


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2007
From: Daddy's Tower, CA
Status: offline 		Ours is what you'd call a TPE relationship and some of the power was taken but most has been surrendered to my Master/Daddy.

i wanted a relationship like this, to be a slave, but couldn't and wouldn't be just anyone's slave...With my Daddy i can't imagine it being any other way although he considers it a 22/7 relationship because he doesn't micromanage me...i don't have to call and ask permission to go to the store or anything like that.

i do however take him into consideration with everything i do so in my mind that constitutes 24//7.


_____________________________

~cherry
a.k.a. charismagirrl

For today i won't say but...
For today i won't say just....
For today i will simply obey...
For always i will be your imperfect slave.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 40
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