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Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 7:35:46 PM

MiladyJade

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline

I'm very new here, as you can see by my join date and post count, and I apologize if this has been done before.

When emailing a person, it seems to me proper decorum, to speak to the person you're emailing, as a person. To say hello, to engage in conversation (based on a post, photo, or profile), and to, in that time, maintain respect.

Perhaps it's just me, but I wouldn't send an email to a submissive, saying "hello slut", as my introduction. They might enjoy that, but it might seriously offend them. Similarly, I would not send an email to a Dominant, opening with "Hello Sir/Ma'am". It seems to me that people should try their best to connect as PEOPLE, rather than in a power dynamic... at least with those that they've never been in contact with before.

I switch. I've had a great number of emails in the last two days that began with "hello girl" and "hello M'Lady", and which included both orders and requests... in the very first email.

How is this respectful? I have a name. It's Jade.

This post isn't just meant as a rant- I do hope for some thoughtful discussion on this topic- as I'm fully aware that my aversion to being so objectified in the first email could very well just be my own aversion. But, I think that the topic does warrant discussion.

How do you feel about introductory emails that make assumptions right off the bat? Do you hope for them? Is that what you're looking for? Or do they bother you? What do you prefer to be called? Do you, as a submissive, call every Dom/me "Sir" or "Ma'am" (or some variation)? Do you, as a Dom/me or Top, expect to be called thus? And submissives- do you hope to be called "slut", "pet", "my girl", or some other variation, in that very first contact?

This is a phenomenon that has reared its head in every BDSM community to which I've become attached, and it's something that I struggle with.

Please, enlighten me.

Post #: 1

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 7:47:05 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

You can hope all you want for a certain way to be addressed, but with the nature of this particular cyber beast..it is what it is....Do I get offended by less than desireable e-mails....nope..I laugh or shrug or roll my eyes and go on..sometimes I share with friends so they can have a laugh, sometimes I respond, most often than not..I do not....And in actuality, I have experienced this phenomenon less than I had ever expected, and always remember those that send such e-mails more than likely also travel from site to site spreading their foolishness, so while it may seem like a lot..more than likely it is the same individuals that you are referring to...Welcome to CM Jade..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to MiladyJade)

Post #: 2

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 7:49:23 PM

MiladyJade

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline

It's not that I'm necessarily offended... I think I'm just a bit boggled. It's something I simply do not understand..

Hence the question.

But thank you very much for your feedback, Tempting.. I do appreciate it.

:)

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 3

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 7:57:39 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You do realize this is the INTERNET right? What more enlightenment do you need?

Don't have expectations that anyone else will share your values, be happily surprised when they do.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MiladyJade)

Post #: 4

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 8:06:03 PM

bbwsubnnorcal

Posts: 104
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

So true, LA... I've been online since '97 and only get a message once maybe every four month that doesn't start off with "you should feel lucky i even consider you, you worthless b*tch"... *sigh* And when i do get a well written letter from someone really interests me, come to find out---HE'S MARRIED. *le sigh*

Welcome to cyber-land, Jade Ma'am, where crass, crudeness, and inconsideration is somehow not only expected, but is the norm.

_____________________________

"i Have Nothing Against God, It's His Fanclub i Can't Stand!!!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 8:15:39 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

But your screen name starts with Milady so it would seem obvious to someone to address you as that. Perhaps if you put it into your profile that you wanted to be called Jade without the title you would get better responses? Certainly you would easily eliminate the ones who hadn't bothered to read your profile.

(in reply to bbwsubnnorcal)

Post #: 6

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 8:17:20 PM

MiladyJade

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

But your screen name starts with Milady so it would seem obvious to someone to address you as that. Perhaps if you put it into your profile that you wanted to be called Jade without the title you would get better responses? Certainly you would easily eliminate the ones who hadn't bothered to read your profile.

A very good suggestion- and one I will implement...

but it's not just about my particular situation. It's something seen in both the online world and real time world.. it's just a curiosity I have...

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 7

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 8:18:05 PM

masterandrew1

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline

LADIES ..let me say that there is absolutly no reason to begin a conversation with any derogatory commentary it show a lack of respect for yourself and the person to whom you are speaking....always remember there are doms out here that only have a sub to boost there own ego..so they can feel big about themselfs...if your sub does not trust you she will never be your friend ..no friendship means no respect..no respect means no relationship..it all begins with trust..without that there is nothing...and with that language there can be no trust

(in reply to MiladyJade)

Post #: 8

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 8:37:41 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I seem to be missing something here. If I meet someone at a party and she introduces herself as Dr. Smith, I will take my cue from her introduction and address her as Dr. Smith even if I overheard someone else call her Yvonne. Calling someone what they tell me their name is, is being respectful.

By using the name you chose to be known as here, people think they are being respectful when they call you Milady simply because this is how your profile introduces you to them.

I wouldn't be surprised if the subs in question wouldn't view it as being disrespectful to just call you Jade and drop the title simply because you haven't yet invited them to do so.

Perhaps write the nicest one back and ask?

(in reply to MiladyJade)

Post #: 9

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 8:54:24 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

Do you, as a submissive, call every Dom/me "Sir" or "Ma'am" (or some variation)?

no i don't espeically if the person doesn't own me. titles are earned not given away freely

quote:

And submissives- do you hope to be called "slut", "pet", "my girl", or some other variation, in that very first contact?

no i don't - very disrespectful since the dom does this don't own me. only Daddy and/or SO are permitted to call me such names.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to MiladyJade)

Post #: 10

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 8:56:44 PM

twistedwillow

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Personally I wouldn't stress too much over the opening title so long as it isn't 'yo bitch, kneel n' say AHHHHH' ... and the 'letter' goes down hill from there.

I think if they call you Mistress, Ma'am, Milady or Jade, and the ensuing tone of the letter is polite with out demands or wheedling or 'do me' in it, then be happy with that.

(in reply to MiladyJade)

Post #: 11

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 9:11:03 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

i wonder if there never was a internet how people would really be in this lifestyle

(in reply to twistedwillow)

Post #: 12

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 9:15:33 PM

MsPleasure

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline

Jade, thats just the way it is. You can put your name on the profile in bold letters and underline it and half if not more won't read it. Just delete or block the rude ones and move on to the next.

(in reply to MiladyJade)

Post #: 13

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 9:22:49 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

i wonder if there never was a internet how people would really be in this lifestyle

There really were no people practicing BDSM before the internet. Anyone who tells you otherwise probably cannot believe that Al Gore invented it either. Silly silly people.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 14

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 9:26:32 PM

twistedwillow

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

i wonder if there never was a internet how people would really be in this lifestyle

There really were no people practicing BDSM before the internet. Anyone who tells you otherwise probably cannot believe that Al Gore invented it either. Silly silly people.

*Giggle*

Daddy Al, is my Master and Grand Poohbah of BDSM and one kinky mofo
*snort*

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 15

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 9:34:35 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

And he looks great in wingtips too.
Fulfills all those G-men fantasies that were once so prevelent pre men in black

(in reply to twistedwillow)

Post #: 16

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 9:54:07 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

I've written a lot on this subject. Sooner or later I'm going to write an article, I swear.

Anyway, it has been said, and you're preaching to the choir. By all means, feel free to vent all the same. :)

Welcome to collarme.

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to MiladyJade)

Post #: 17

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 11:00:07 PM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

I would start with Hello Sir/Ma'am because that is how i have been trained to me that is showing respect for them, I wouldn't call them My lady or My lord or Master but why do people have problems with Sis/Ma'am it wasnt that long ago that using those words in normal vanilla society was the normal polite thing to do and using someones name was only done if you were familar with the person.

Willow

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 18

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 11:09:47 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I expect everyone to begin with a polite beginning and ending, no matter who they are, D or s. My emails are always polite, why should I give anyone less than courtesy? If I don't have a name, I use the persons user name.

Mind you, a "ru n2 cbt" or "hi" or "dya wanna see me wank on cam" type email isn't going to make me respond courteously.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 19

RE: Respect, and how we email. - 10/22/2007 11:32:39 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

There really were no people practicing BDSM before the internet. Anyone who tells you otherwise probably cannot believe that Al Gore invented it either. Silly silly people.

not only were there no people practicing BDSM before the internet....weren't we all living in caves and hunting and gathering our meals every night before the internet?

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 20

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