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RosesHaveThorns -> RE: Respect, and how we email. (10/23/2007 4:32:53 PM)
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quote:
When emailing a person, it seems to me proper decorum, to speak to the person you're emailing, as a person. To say hello, to engage in conversation (based on a post, photo, or profile), and to, in that time, maintain respect.
I agree. Unless you are just looking for wank fodder, always enage the person behind the photo. And read the profile! All of it!
quote:
Perhaps it's just me, but I wouldn't send an email to a submissive, saying "hello slut", as my introduction. They might enjoy that, but it might seriously offend them. Similarly, I would not send an email to a Dominant, opening with "Hello Sir/Ma'am". It seems to me that people should try their best to connect as PEOPLE, rather than in a power dynamic... at least with those that they've never been in contact with before.
Now, I will readily admit that I don't go to play parties, but is this how masters USUALLY introduce themselves to subs? If some guy approached me like this, I'd probably panic and think he was violent nutcase. I don't know you, why are you commanding me to do something? Are you a predator of some sort? Or insane? A self-asorbed jerk? I'll be over here now...You stay over there.
People do have different ideas of what is acceptable, but maybe it's best to err on the side of caution and not use slut first thing. I don't like it anywhere, in bed or out of, so it might not be the universal turn on these guys think it is.
It also doesn't help to convey the idea that the person responding to the bio is interested in more then cybering.
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I switch. I've had a great number of emails in the last two days that began with "hello girl" and "hello M'Lady", and which included both orders and requests... in the very first email.
How is this respectful? I have a name. It's Jade.
Like said above, it is in your name. Just change the profile to say how you like to be addressed, and the well intentioned people will get it, making things so much easier! Also, some of the males like to be gents, and try to maintain a respectful attitude. They could just be trying to convey that in words.
Girl seems like a bad idea from the get-go, but that could just be me.
Also, I think that masters, and wannabes, need to understand that some subs are going to laugh in your face if you demand anything because you call yourself a master. I am quite sure that I am not alone in this, so if any are trying, perhaps it's best to wait on those commands, gents.
And again, demanding something right off the bat screams to me "I need wank off fodder! I wanna cyber!". Which, if I was looking for a partner online, would be a serious turnoff if I wanted something in realtime or something that was LTR. Or say, a guy that was interested in me, not just a generic female to get off from.
Before, there have been cases of overacting and dramatizing (in one case by a very resonable woman who took advice and was very polite) in order to attract subs by being VERY dominant. This could be the same thing here, so perhaps put in your profile that people must approach you as an equal first to gain your respect before you submit into your profile.
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This post isn't just meant as a rant- I do hope for some thoughtful discussion on this topic- as I'm fully aware that my aversion to being so objectified in the first email could very well just be my own aversion. But, I think that the topic does warrant discussion.
Well, I think that more advice on how to approach others in this context could always be heeded, given that enough people seem to agree(or the right sort for these gents to contact) and that it makes sense...Judging by the content of my inbox, sometimes.
quote:
How do you feel about introductory emails that make assumptions right off the bat? Do you hope for them? Is that what you're looking for? Or do they bother you? What do you prefer to be called? Do you, as a submissive, call every Dom/me "Sir" or "Ma'am" (or some variation)? Do you, as a Dom/me or Top, expect to be called thus? And submissives- do you hope to be called "slut", "pet", "my girl", or some other variation, in that very first contact?
This is a phenomenon that has reared its head in every BDSM community to which I've become attached, and it's something that I struggle with.
I perfer my name. Who the hell are these guys calling me such things and why are you calling me a conscending pet name? And no, masters do not get to be called that unless they are MY master, and that position is taken. They're not the boss of me, why should I call them such?
Edit to respond to people who posted before me:
I was not raised to use such titles. I also find them problematic, for if I don't know someone's name, calling them mister or ms. (I am so not taking a stab at deciding if someone is married or not) sounds rather...Flippant. Sir is just outdated, and until someone with a crown knights them, it's not actually right either in my book. Ma'am, as stated before, can cause issues. So I just don't use the titles in the vanilla world.
Does this make me less respectful? No. Just a different code, and if someone gets huffy about not being called mister, then I'd probably not do everything else right and they'll get mad at me anyway.
I do still offer to help and hold open doors and elevators and address others politely. However, the world is not going to end because someone uses a different way of being polite. If you cannot acknowledge that others can show a true effort to be polite in other ways then how you were raised to, then you do not deserve much respect in my book if you decide that everyone must adhere to your culture or they are a sign that everything is going to hell.
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