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Can it be duplicated? - 10/22/2007 10:46:50 PM

FormerSub

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Joined: 10/22/2007
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For reasons which are outside the scope of this posting I no longer choose to be in the lifestyle. I used to be a regular here (under a different name) and I quietly pursued my BDSM interests for many years. So getting used to vanilla is a little hard for me and I do miss certain aspects of being submissive.

My question is this - can the amzing rush of feelings and trust ever be duplicated in a vanilla relationship? As we all know BDSM can create some pretty special sensations in both mind and body. If I have to give up that delightful mix of happy brain chemicals I will and won't regret it. However if anyone has experienced similar feelings in a vanilla relationship I would like to hear about it.

Post #: 1

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/22/2007 10:49:57 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I don't live and breath the lifestyle, it is a component of my life. Some of my most loving and memorable relationships have been in nillaworld. The one I would have stayed in all my life was vanilla. Sadly, he died.

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(in reply to FormerSub)

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RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/22/2007 11:41:34 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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Try sky diving-it's similar.

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RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/22/2007 11:41:51 PM

Estring

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I think amazing rushes of feelings and trust are felt by people in strictly vanilla relationships. You will have to discover different ways to get them now.

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RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 12:30:53 AM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

I don't live and breath the lifestyle, it is a component of my life. Some of my most loving and memorable relationships have been in nillaworld. The one I would have stayed in all my life was vanilla. Sadly, he died.

I'm sorry :(

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 5

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 1:24:53 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Thank ya sugar. MWWAAHHHH!!!

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if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 6

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 1:42:39 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
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I think that over and above anything kinky, we put connection and chemistry. When you have those two things in spades, the rest may fall by the wayside.

I don't know why you have stepped away from the lifestyle, and I am going under the assumption that this has been a thoughtful process for you. I would warn that I tried this, and failed miserably...in addition to hurting everyone involved. Tread carefully, but I'm sure you've already thought about that.

Anyway, as for recreating the chemical rush...maybe ask yourself what it is that really gives you the rush? Maybe it is something that can be recreated in a vanilla fashion without the pomp and circumstance of the lifestyle. Decide what it is that you thought you needed from the lifestyle...the things that you can't live without. It isn't always about kink or sex, so it stands to reason that you will be able to connect with someone that can push those buttons for you without being involved in the lifestyle at all.

So, if you can figure out what drew you to the lifestyle, maybe you can get some sort of similar reaction in vanilla circumstances. I would avoid trying to "duplicate" those feelings, but maybe try to replace them. I wish I could offer you more...but it never did work for me. Good luck!

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(in reply to FormerSub)

Post #: 7

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 4:46:17 AM

Dnomyar

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Sure you can get that feeling in vanilla Life. It's called drugs. RRafe I have sky dived for years. The feeling is always great. Try ultralight flying it is better.

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 8

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 5:22:50 AM

Celeste43

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Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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If it's the adrenaline rush, try activities such as skydiving, long work outs that stress the body (runner's high), mountain climbing and such. Think extreme sports here.

For subspace, think of other ways to induce altered states such as meditation.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 9

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 6:56:55 AM

TheChauvinist

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Joined: 10/14/2006
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You're question is a little inane to me. It's like asking an explosive expert if the same type of general explosive effect can be had with another type of explosive. Of course it can, you just have to find the right amount.

And if you've left the BDSM "lifestyle", why ask a bunch of people still in the "lifestyle" if you can find the samething outside of it?

(in reply to FormerSub)

Post #: 10

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 7:29:31 AM

SimplyMichael

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For me, what I most love about having explored BDSM isn't the physical aspects but the mental. Learning to be first open to myself and then learning to identify and wait for a partner who is a healthy emotional match for me who is also open and honest to herself and then sharing deeply of each other with each other is what is most special about BDSM to me.

(in reply to TheChauvinist)

Post #: 11

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 8:53:37 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

For me, what I most love about having explored BDSM isn't the physical aspects but the mental. Learning to be first open to myself and then learning to identify and wait for a partner who is a healthy emotional match for me who is also open and honest to herself and then sharing deeply of each other with each other is what is most special about BDSM to me.

Exactly.

It's about the inimacy-not the facades people use to try and justify it.

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Post #: 12

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 9:14:21 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

For the most part, I get MORE satisfaction out of my 'vanilla life' at the moment than I do my lifestyle side. I'm a single parent, a best friend, a daughter, and I'm working with a few non-profits and writing again. My world doesn't revolved around M/s or this lifestyle; they are part of the whole that is my life. I would NEVER want to give up my vanilla life to be 100% emerced in this lifestyle, it's not practical. To give up my vanilla life would be devistating to me; instead I meld both sides of me into my life and balance them. For the most part, my munchkin IS my world.

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Post #: 13

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 9:25:02 AM

MickeySwitch

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Joined: 3/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe
Try sky diving-it's similar.

Yep ... that first step out the door ... is much like the first step out the door to go meet a new Dom (and sometimes equally dangerous).

Other than that, a quality vanilla/mundane relationship can't replicate a quality BdSm relationship. That's why so many who have tried to go back to mundane often return ... or cheat on the side.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 14

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 9:28:51 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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For SOMEONE ELSE, sure, but for you, no. If you're born for BDSM, it never leaves you.

You'll be back.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FormerSub

My question is this - can the amzing rush of feelings and trust ever be duplicated in a vanilla relationship?

(in reply to FormerSub)

Post #: 15

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 9:29:39 AM

mnottertail

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Imitated, never duplicated.

JingleMaster

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Post #: 16

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 9:35:51 AM

FRSguy

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Joined: 9/4/2007
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Just cause your nilla dosnt mean that you cant take some of your favorite aspects of bdsm sexuality and incorporate it into your sex like and leave the D/S aspect behind it just would not be the focus of your sexual relationship. In other words just because you get tied up spanked and get everything filled up on ocasion dosnt mean that you are into the lifestyle it just means in the nilla world that you are a really wild fuck.... nothing wrong with that.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 17

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 10:18:14 AM

submittous

Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
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My question is this - can the amzing rush of feelings and trust ever be duplicated in a vanilla relationship?

Coming from a clinical point of view (PhD in Human Sexuality and long time therapist in alternative sexuality) the short answer is..... probably not. It is rare for a drive like bdsm to go away, you can eroticise new things in life but from our experience it is very rare to get the same level of intensity that things like bdsm relationships bring.

It does depend on exactly how your bdsm manifested itself in your past and why you are choosing to not continue with it, but someone above said, "you will be back" and that is probable (although not a lock) and the odds are when it comes back it will be a stronger drive than when you suppressed it.

We don't know of much applicable reading material, John Money wrote some groundbreaking books where he described what he called "love maps" and theorized on where they come from and how they work, they might be helpful.

Good Luck

Bill and Iris

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Post #: 18

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 10:26:32 AM

sweetNsmartBBW

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline

I think it honestly depends on where the rush came from for you. If it came from the power exchange dynamic itself, more than the phsyical aspect of any given kink- I'd think it's less than likely. I have found in my life that what happens within the right D/s relationship somehow adds up to a lot more than the sum of it's individual parts. It's not something I have ever been able to come close to duplicating in my vanilla life. Not saying there are not some wonderful aspects to that as well; but they are most decidedly different from that amazing rush and the emotions that I associate with being submissive...

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There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked. Yaldah Tova

(in reply to submittous)

Post #: 19

RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 10:33:27 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheChauvinist
And if you've left the BDSM "lifestyle", why ask a bunch of people still in the "lifestyle" if you can find the samething outside of it?

Because adrenaline junkies are like that through and through. Which is why she's already gotten some concrete activities to try such as sky diving, hang gliding, flying ultralights, mountain climbing etc.

(in reply to TheChauvinist)

Post #: 20

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