RE: Why are most women subs?

RE: Why are most women subs? (Full Version)

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LadyHugs -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 9:49:48 PM)
Dear Estring, Ladies and Gentlemen, The only time I would be concerned about percentage polls and the like, would be depending on how such satistics would be used. Intent of the polls are the only thing that I would watch and or who and or what was behind the polls--e.g. US Government, harmless inquiry, political inter BDSM pollings, etc. When the 'spirit of intent' of a poll or gathering satistics is 'evil'--then it matters to me. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

Estring -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 9:53:26 PM)
Why is it that when "most" is used, people see that as "all"? The survey did not say all women were submissive. It said most. Why is that threatening in any way? If the survey said that most men in this lifestyle were submissive, would anyone be arguing against those findings? I don't know if the survey is right or wrong. But if it is right, so what?

kc692 -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 9:57:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cyberdude611 It seems that in BDSM most of the women into it are submissive. I was just curious what you all think the reason for that may be. Do you think gender roles of the vanilla world play a role here? Or is it a genuine submissive tendency? Also, another interesting aspect is that I notice that a lot of dominant women started off as a sub. If this is you, what made you make that switch? I already see pages of answers, (haven't read them yet)but will tell you im my experience most men are subs here too.......don't think its a gender thing necessarily.

LadyHugs -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:01:35 PM)
Dear RRafe, Ladies and Gentlemen, Now, I can agree to the stated post you made, "We can only see the tip of the iceburg and that is all we can go on." However, I would prefer to use a term where--it would say something more to the general affect of ..."It gives a general idea of...etc." But, for me--I am still not willing to accept polls or percentages as an absolute and leave it to a well educated guess/idea and incomplete sample as to create a possible persentage. I will agree to just being the tip of the iceburg. Because most of us know there is a mass that cannot easily be measured below the water line. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

kc692 -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:04:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster Most women in the life may be subs, but that's a far cry from saying that most women are subs. Most women are vanilla. But I've also noticed that most women in the life are subs. In fact, I'd venture to say that nearly half the women who call themselves dommes are really subs or switches. That's not to say that there aren't any dommes in the world, just that I've known quite a few who secretly yearned for their One True Master. quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: akisha Why would you assume that most women are subs? Blanket statements as such are going to result in some heavy backlash so be warned. According to the statistics compiled by Trevor Jacques, most women in the lifestyle are indeed submissives. In fact, they comprise the largest segment of the BDSM community. As some male dominants long for their One Weal Twue Mistwess too, lol!!!!!!

LadyHugs -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:14:32 PM)
Dear Estring, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am not threatened by the use of 'most' in statements that females are this or that. I merely wish to voice that some of us are not in the 'most' catagory. I merely wish to voice that some areas are heavily represented by female Dominants, who do not 'Switch' and there will be the possibilities that areas may have their own percentages of female submissives and or female Dominants. Most--is something that may be wise to tag with an association, for example... "Most women in my area of Northern Virginia are this or that." This then is not a blanket generalization and or blanket question as to 'why are most women subs.' As to the question as far if it was in a gender reverse--why are most men subs--I am sure there will be some responses but, I am sure if in a blanket general statement there may/might/could be a response as to state that other locations may not have that percentage/measure as to be 'most.' If it (survey)is right--I would like to know where that survey is focused on--what area, as it is so far--it sounds as it is a national poll and not a region one. If it is not in my area--it is not anything of concern. If it is national, it would be of interest to me. Consider it my fact finding curiousity. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

RRafe -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:19:30 PM)
I just find myself amused at the concept of male Doms outnumbering female bottoms, as if that made them more in demand. With HNG's on sites like this maybe-but not in real life.[;)]

kc692 -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:26:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHugs Dear RRafe, Ladies and Gentlemen, May I offer a thought to your premise of the one who has the poker is on top and the one who does not have one, is on the bottom-- There is a fist and forearm fake phallus that fits into a harness, that 'could' be strapped on a Dominant female and -- a male could with a lot of lube and stretching 'take' that fake phallus. So, I personally feel that this could put in question that men are always on top of the sexual heep per se and or inherited domination over women. I'm sure I can borrow it from my male friend who has 'huge' to 'small' fake phallus' and or 'pokers for pokees.' Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs And strap on wielding Dommes are what percent of the bdsm population? Five-if that? raises hand I have one I use on occasion, put me in that 5 percent please!!!!!

Jasmyn -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:30:38 PM)
quote: And strap on wielding Dommes are what percent of the bdsm population? Five-if that? Puts hand up ... six

YesMistressIrish -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:35:53 PM)
heh, I feel special. I am also in the Top 7%. [:D]

LadyHugs -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:42:47 PM)
Dear RRafe, Ladies and Gentlemen, Well, again--it depends on the areas you find groups that participate in BDSM and where they are, in relationship to the USA, area and or location. There is a situation where it is indeed a 5 to 1 ratio of Male Dominants to female submissives in West Virginia. So, five dominant men for one female submissive. Now, I will add that this part of West Virginia is not country but mostly of city transplants that have settled in West Virginia. In presenting there, I was hard pressed to find female submissives. The group's membership reflected this ratio then. That said, as months and years pass--statistics can/may/will/could change. I cannot speak for the other groups in West Virginia--just the one I was a founding member of the group with and has been reorganized by a couple I mentored. In Virginia, depending on the area and BDSM support and education groups--ratios are different. These ratios can change and at times drasticly, e.g. military base areas, times of peace and or war. So, yes--there may be other areas where submissive women out numbering the male Dominants and all kinds of satistical measurements that break it down even more. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

PhoenixRed -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:44:54 PM)
[/quote] And strap on wielding Dommes are what percent of the bdsm population? Five-if that? [/quote] Raises hand. Add another to that percentage. One of My mainstays, do it all the time!

CuriousLord -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:52:03 PM)
As it stands now, it strikes me as both impractical and difficult to make a statement on the nature of the genes alone without social conditioning. Biologically, men are less prone to senstive emotions. (Something about a reduced bridge between the hemispheres in the mind or so- it's been a while since Psych 101 now.) It seems that, largely, this would lead to a more submissive stature, even if this is purely due to a relative lack of pig-headishness. The fact men tend to be far stronger and larger only adds to it, though this will likely become less of a factor as time goes on (physical power is less important as technology increases). One thing I note, too, is that men tend to be far more analytic. One might argue that this follows from their biological propencity to be less emotional, or if this is moreso due to social conditioning. Time'll tell, right? PS- Figured I'd include the observations that I accept. These may be questioned, but, please, some basis to the questioning. -Dominants tend to be male. (Empiracle; men tend to be dominant in social situations.) -Analytics tend to be male. (Empicle; the past three colleges I've been to have had more females than males, but males vastly outnumber females in upper-end Math, Science, and Engineering courses; in about 20% of cases, this is more than 50 males to 1 female.) -Males tend to be less emotional than females. (Empiracle and scientific. A combination of personal observations for the empiracle. Scientific's from Psych and Socio classes.) This said, most die rolls (you know, rolling a die from 1 to 6) are greater than two. This is a statistic that's pretty obvious. Regardless, though, dies roll 1 and 2's very often. I see this topic as considering why the die tends to roll 3, 4, 5, or 6 more often (which, in the analogy's case, is simplier); it is not to say that the die can't roll 1 or 2, or that it's wrong for it to roll 1 or 2. (Yes, I'm well aware that pointing out statistics can upset a lot of people who feel like their nature is being challenged in their citing. This is not the intention.)

MidnightMaiden -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/23/2007 10:56:28 PM)
quote: And to MidnightMaiden... I am a single parent.. the only one to handle the money, the house, the job, the lunches, the homework...doctors, dentists, sick days, sick dogs... And I'm the one at work with the most experience. I still don't give up control at the end of the day. I can accept a shoulder to lean on, I can delegate responsibility and I will accept help when its offered. But I will not, can not let other people make decisions for me. I cannot let another person tell me what to do... it isn't in my nature and it annoys the hell out of me when people try to do it. Its important to remember in my post that I said I could explain why I was a sub, not any other woman, just my reasons, and mine alone.... that doesnt make them applicable to anyone else but me. Its also important to remember that it is my choice, my decision, made freely and with a clear mind to be a sub. I was not born into slavery, nor sold on a market, I was born into a free society, and I still make the decision to be supplicant to my Master. Some people clear their headspace and destress with drugs, others use alcohol, some choose the healthier methods of exercise or meditation, I choose submission. I read a survey once that asked women with domestic responsibilities what chore they disliked the most. It was cooking the evening meal, and not the cooking and prep itself, but having to decide each day what to put on the table for their family. Imagine then if that choice was made for me, a simple and respectful direction as to what should be served that evening. No guesswork, no wondering will they like it, the meal will be perfect and appreciated because it was what was asked for. How many women agonize each day over what to wear, to work, to the store, to an event or outing? Do they do this for their own sense of style, for appropriateness, to please or attract another? I would love walking into the bedroom and seeing my outfit laid out for me on the bed, knowing that day I was wearing the perfect outfit, and that every second my Master gazed upon me he did so with approval. Having decisions like that made for me is liberating, it free's my mind to ponder other things, to read a book, to surf the net, to do a million other things, more meaningful things, than wonder if those shoes go with that dress, or if my butt looks big in that, or is it ok to have chicken for the third time this week, I dont have to worry about any of that... and at the same time it's still my decision for I am free to walk away when ever I choose... I simply choose not to.

harmony3709 -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/24/2007 2:04:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden I want to be elevated from the mundane, to have all responsibilities removed from me for a while. I want a man who is stronger than me that can say "you're mine and thats ALL you need to think about right now". quote: ORIGINAL: dawntreader edited to add: my personal thoughts on it are that there are few strong Dominants and fewer still that can handle strong women. By the time i toss in the BDSM towel for something more rewarding, i will be like steel...and a part of me finds that a little sad~ Excellent comments and very well said! And a big AMEN. Blessed be, harmony

CreativeDominant -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/24/2007 7:28:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden quote: And to MidnightMaiden... I am a single parent.. the only one to handle the money, the house, the job, the lunches, the homework...doctors, dentists, sick days, sick dogs... And I'm the one at work with the most experience. I still don't give up control at the end of the day. I can accept a shoulder to lean on, I can delegate responsibility and I will accept help when its offered. But I will not, can not let other people make decisions for me. I cannot let another person tell me what to do... it isn't in my nature and it annoys the hell out of me when people try to do it. Its important to remember in my post that I said I could explain why I was a sub, not any other woman, just my reasons, and mine alone.... that doesnt make them applicable to anyone else but me. Its also important to remember that it is my choice, my decision, made freely and with a clear mind to be a sub. I was not born into slavery, nor sold on a market, I was born into a free society, and I still make the decision to be supplicant to my Master. Some people clear their headspace and destress with drugs, others use alcohol, some choose the healthier methods of exercise or meditation, I choose submission. I read a survey once that asked women with domestic responsibilities what chore they disliked the most. It was cooking the evening meal, and not the cooking and prep itself, but having to decide each day what to put on the table for their family. Imagine then if that choice was made for me, a simple and respectful direction as to what should be served that evening. No guesswork, no wondering will they like it, the meal will be perfect and appreciated because it was what was asked for. How many women agonize each day over what to wear, to work, to the store, to an event or outing? Do they do this for their own sense of style, for appropriateness, to please or attract another? I would love walking into the bedroom and seeing my outfit laid out for me on the bed, knowing that day I was wearing the perfect outfit, and that every second my Master gazed upon me he did so with approval. Having decisions like that made for me is liberating, it free's my mind to ponder other things, to read a book, to surf the net, to do a million other things, more meaningful things, than wonder if those shoes go with that dress, or if my butt looks big in that, or is it ok to have chicken for the third time this week, I dont have to worry about any of that... and at the same time it's still my decision for I am free to walk away when ever I choose... I simply choose not to. Nicely said, MM. Lord knows there is a big enough tent in D/s to include all the variety of roles...and the people holding those roles. There are female (and male) dominants whose view of men (and women) is disdainful and there are female (and male) dominants who love men (and women) and want to control their lives in ways that fit and work for both partners. There are male dominants who want to control their female submissive's lives and do a piss poor job of it or whose control is more of the domineering nature rather than a dominant nature. e.g....many of the dominants cited by submissives like dawntreader. There are female dominants who want to run every aspect of a male's life, control their money, be paid for it and not have to give the male submissive anything except the pleasure of their company (which has been bought and paid for). There are female submissives who want a male dominant to control their lives but who fight giving up that control or who question the dominant's every move in the areas ceded to him. Many of these female submissives call this being strong when in reality the word strong is a cover for their own undermining of the control they have stated they have given over. There are male submissives who state that they just live to serve but who in reality expect most of that service to be sexual in nature or to be dressed up as a housemaid and who undermine any real service with whining about their dominatrix never accomodating their wishes and desires. It comes down to you (the generic you) and the choices you have made. If you have agreed to submit, then submit. Be wise about who you choose to submit to. If you have agreed to dominate, then dominate. Be wise about who you choose to dominate. Live up to your agreements. But do your best not to get ALL starry-eyed. That way...at the very least, if it all comes crashing down, you will know that you walked into it eyes wide open and if you are really mature, you'll be able to look at your part in the crash and not just your partner's. And if it all works and goes on to become the most magnificent thing ever built between two humans, you'll be able to look at your own role in building it and know that it could not have been done by one.

james2Jay -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/24/2007 8:36:27 AM)
sheesh man. the woman is in control. out of control is move like it. damn it all. shes the one who decides if I can put it in or not. shit god damn. the mans hard stiff cock is always chasing her down. its her that says YES or No. can I or cant I??? my piece is the moving part but her piece is the one that gives me permission to even move it in the first place. heh penetration a dominant act? hardly. when a submissive bitch is penetrating my ass with her toung, Im the one who told her to. Im the one dominant and she aint. penetration means nothing about dominant. hell, even this submisisve bitch penetrates my ass with her finger. penetrate when I tell her to.

MsPleasure -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/24/2007 8:45:22 AM)
A take charge, confident, nurturing, stable, dom is attractive to a lot of women. I am not a sub, but a Dom/Domme situation would be interesting.

Shawn1066 -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/24/2007 9:31:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster Most women in the life may be subs, but that's a far cry from saying that most women are subs. Most women are vanilla. But I've also noticed that most women in the life are subs. In fact, I'd venture to say that nearly half the women who call themselves dommes are really subs or switches. That's not to say that there aren't any dommes in the world, just that I've known quite a few who secretly yearned for their One True Master. quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: akisha Why would you assume that most women are subs? Blanket statements as such are going to result in some heavy backlash so be warned. According to the statistics compiled by Trevor Jacques, most women in the lifestyle are indeed submissives. In fact, they comprise the largest segment of the BDSM community. As some male dominants long for their One Weal Twue Mistwess too, lol!!!!!! A lovely point from a Weal Twue Mistwess. ;-)

RRafe -> RE: Why are most women subs? (10/24/2007 9:40:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsPleasure A take charge, confident, nurturing, stable, dom is attractive to a lot of women. I am not a sub, but a Dom/Domme situation would be interesting. I have seen this work better for many poly couples who are both Tops-rather than one the Top-the other a sub. Seems to be less reactance,since there is no middle "alpha personality" to get insecure-and generally screw things up.

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