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Angel - 8/1/2005 11:20:46 AM   
MsTempestRaven


Posts: 124
Joined: 6/17/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
She was the one, who waited for me,
She waited for me at the edge of the sea,
Her skin was as white as snow,
And it shined as she waited, for me to show,
Her hair was dark as night,
And I smiled as I saw her in my sight,
She was the one from my mind,
She was the one I came to find,
She was an angel sent from above,
She was the one that I could love.
She smiled and reached out to my hand,
Her feet making no mark on the golden sand,
She seemed to flicker at first glance,
But she was real and she asked me to dance,
We danced hand in hand until the setting sun,
She taught me all about love and gratitude and fun,
My hand stroked her midnight hair,
She was for all time, my maiden fair,
We lay in the sand and stared at the stars in the sky,
But as morning approached she had to say goodbye,
I was the one that waited for her,
Cloaked in mist and wrapped in fur,
I was a werewolf born from the night,
She was an angel born from the light,
She had to go, she had to leave,
But I still, completely believe,
That she waited for me,
On the shores of the dark sea


_____________________________

And out of the darkness, the Zombie did call
True pain and suffering he brought to them all
Away ran the children to hide in their beds,
for fear that the devil would chop off their heads.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Angel - 8/13/2005 5:03:24 PM   
Bluff


Posts: 60
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline
wonderfull!
just to make a change,
on the rhyme,
just one spot?
what do you think?

I was the one that waited for her,
Cloaked in mist and wrapped in fur,

to replace with,

i was the one that waited for sure,
Cloaked in mist and wrapped in fur,

its obvious that he is waiting for her,
so the second version (correction)
may be better?

the hoof cleaved into the claw!
cleave cleave and fly!

oh i,m sorry my awful english!
the pronounciation of fur and her
i thought was different!
probably it isnt!
sure and fur do they have similar pronaunciations?
i thought so....
fur like in infer?
and her?
or fur and sure?

< Message edited by Bluff -- 8/13/2005 5:07:40 PM >


_____________________________

İn the web of the spider,
waiting for her to come.

(in reply to MsTempestRaven)
Profile   Post #: 2
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