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RE: The female shape... - 10/26/2007 4:07:02 PM

twistedkytten

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Joined: 9/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissfifi

Hi,
hello, fifi-

I was just curious as to whether any of us sub/slaves are/have dieted and exercised under instruction for a Master/Sir.
knowing Master, and what He finds most attractive, yes I decided it was something I needed His help with, even though it was something I have always worked on or been aware of, I found that I was not getting the result that I should have been on my own. As His, I want to be the very best I possibly am capable of, or at least always strive to be. He deserves the best from me, nothing less.

Do any of us subs/slaves have a negative body image? (I know I'm asking a stupid question, we all have our hang ups. But is this known to your Master/Sir and do they use it against you?)
Because of occurances as a child, and teen, yes I had a very negative self image, still do to a degree, but the hardest thing to realize, for me was that when I was heavier or as a heavier woman, I am invisible. sure someone might see me when I first walk in, but thats it.. I didn't/don't feel as though I am noticed, I like it that way, because of past experiences ...this was something that Master and I spoke of and so we work on things so that if a situation ever does arise where I am more than capable of taking care of it and protecting myself. so that makes it a little easier. No Master has never ever "used" it against me. He once made a comment about being a little piggy, as He patted my tummy then said, you will work on that won't you. yes it had a bite, but that is because it was true.. and it motivated me..
missy

Just be interested in hearing some views and opinions of others, thanks.

Fi x

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RE: The female shape... - 10/26/2007 4:22:34 PM

RosesHaveThorns

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Perhaps a reason that weight becomes such a sensitive issue is that in the Vanilla world, (And probably the BDSM one) many guys want to date a supermodel, and only a supermodel. They use manlipulation and insults to encourage the woman not to lose weight for herself, but to become thin. It's one of the first signs of an asshole in the Vanilla world, and a good time to DTMFA.

In BDSM, the dyanmic is different, so there is more leeway, but there could always be the fear that the dom will want a thinner woman or dump the sub if she's not thin enough.

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RE: The female shape... - 10/26/2007 4:50:58 PM

Hissltora

Posts: 41
Joined: 8/23/2007
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Greetings,

I was just curious as to whether any of us sub/slaves are/have dieted and exercised under instruction for a Master/Sir.

He is not aware of every nuance of my diet, but He keeps an eye on what i eat and might ask me if i think something is appropriate for my goal weight. As for exercise, the kids are pretty good at that.

Whether it was forced? or a mutual commitment? as in your Master/Sir told you to do it, or that Master/Sir knew it was something that you were thinking also, and just tried to encourage it.

It's both. He knows i want (and need) to lose weight, also desires it, and gave me my marching orders. i can always look to Him for support, but He isn't hovering over me.

Are there any subs/slaves here that refuse to change their body shape to please a Master/Sir? Is your body shape a part of you that your not willing to change, for whatever reason known to yourself.

i'd have to ask "wtf?" at the slaves that "refuse" to change something, be it mind, body, behavior. If Sir did not find my body pleasing, it falls on me to change it. i've gained a fair bit in time, and while He wasn't impressed, He didn't drop me like a hot rock. Instead, He chose to dig in, address the bad habits and behaviors leading to the weight.

Do any of us subs/slaves have a negative body image? (I know I'm asking a stupid question, we all have our hang ups. But is this known to your Master/Sir and do they use it against you?)

i've huge body issues. like a previous poster mentioned, i am two-faced when it comes to confidence in my body...self-assured vs vicious critic. i had a father who loved to tease me about my hips, an ex that was amused by my belly jiggle. i wouldn't say Sir uses my issues against me. Instead, He mentions something...perhaps my ass...and if i get defensive, He'll remind me that there is a way to change it. And He's right! *He also likes my wide hips, back and ass b/c it is a bigger canvas for the floggers and paddles*

Ultimately, we women make weight the panic-topic it's become. If we refuse to fall for the hype, it won't work. My therapist liked to say "No one can make you feel or do something." And boy was she right.

If a guy is going to leave you due to your weight, perhaps it's time to let him. But it wouldn't be fair to get with someone, gain quite a bit of weight, and get mad that he wants you to go back.

Also, i don't find that using reduction of affection and companionship as punishment is all that cruel...if done safely and properly. when i misbehave egregiously, a night of not being allowed to serve or attend to Sir greatly improves my behavior and outlook. Believe me, He isn't real happy during it either.

These might not be the popular views, but they are mine. And i've never been one to worry about my popularity.

Be well all.

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Post #: 83

RE: The female shape... - 10/26/2007 5:55:32 PM

grlneedstolearn

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i personally won't change my body shape just because my Dom asks of it. Yea i will change but it's on my own terms not anyone elses. Besides my Dom likes the way i look, though i'm not a skinny or overly overweight person, he likes me for who i am. Not what i should be. i'm still working on defining and toning my body shape and eventually i will be at where i'm most happy :).

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RE: The female shape... - 10/26/2007 6:11:40 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
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Isn't it funny how there are multitudes of threads about females and weight, and yet so few about males and weight?

The female shape is what it is. Most of us have the requisite parts in approximately the same places. The only real difference is the size of the parts. Why does it matter so much? Of course, obesity is a health risk, but so is being underweight. Most people see "females and weight" and automatically think of fat. What about those women who are severely underweight? Not much mention made of them.

Anyway, the point I wanted to make was that if you feel great, good for you, regardless of your size. But also remember that your partners wishes ARE important. If he/she met you when you were slim, they may not feel as turned on by you if you have stacked on a heap of weight, and vice versa. We can all say it doesn't matter, they should love us whatever, etc., but sexual attraction towards ones partner IS important and I don't think I'm being shallow. I'm not advocating losing/gaining weight to keep someone/get someone, but do keep in mind that our partners, however much they love us, might not find our body attractive if it changes too much in size.

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RE: The female shape... - 10/26/2007 11:11:54 PM

YourhandMyAss

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It just confirms what I've always thought, there's a downside to being either one, to fat, or to skinny. And body issues are not exclusuive to 1 or the other

quote:

ORIGINAL: MRandme

Can you stand a statement from the other end? i've lost 15 to 20 pounds since this spring and i wasn't heavy to begin with. Trust me that those of us who are thin (too thin, in my case) have body issues too.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 10/26/2007 11:22:11 PM >

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RE: The female shape... - 10/27/2007 9:32:28 AM

lusciouslips19

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t the hardest thing to realize, for me was that when I was heavier or as a heavier woman, I am invisible. sure someone might see me when I first walk in, but thats it.. I didn't/don't feel as though I am noticed, I like it that way, because of past experiences ...this was something that Master and I spoke of and so we work on things so that if a situation ever does arise where I am more than capable of taking care of it and protecting myself. so that makes it a little easier.[/quote]

Boy thats the truth! When I was heavier. I was invisible but didnt even realize it! when I lost weight and started getting lots of attention, thats when i realized how invisible I had been. When I got hords of mail even at 45, I realized how invisible I was. When people at stores walked up and asked me if I would like some help, I realized how invisible I had been. When they opened up registers for me at the gas station, or store or people smiled and said hi while I walked down the street, I realized I was way more visible. Yes, Its based on my attractiveness, my clothes, my heels and my new pesona. Its also my confidence.

Everyone deserves confidence regardless. It is your god given right.

If you want to see before and after, this is me on a low carb board. My handle there is Karenzen. scroll down and see the former me and know you can do it too.

http://www.snowfortress.com/tmf/tmf.html

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 10/27/2007 9:33:17 AM >

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RE: The female shape... - 10/27/2007 10:47:36 AM

batshalom

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Awwwwwwww, lips. You rrrloook mahhhhvelous!

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RE: The female shape... - 10/27/2007 11:05:16 AM

lusciouslips19

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Thanks boo boo. I love you too!

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RE: The female shape... - 10/27/2007 11:14:45 AM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

t the hardest thing to realize, for me was that when I was heavier or as a heavier woman, I am invisible. sure someone might see me when I first walk in, but thats it.. I didn't/don't feel as though I am noticed, I like it that way, because of past experiences ...this was something that Master and I spoke of and so we work on things so that if a situation ever does arise where I am more than capable of taking care of it and protecting myself. so that makes it a little easier.

Boy thats the truth! When I was heavier. I was invisible but didnt even realize it! when I lost weight and started getting lots of attention, thats when i realized how invisible I had been. When I got hords of mail even at 45, I realized how invisible I was. When people at stores walked up and asked me if I would like some help, I realized how invisible I had been. When they opened up registers for me at the gas station, or store or people smiled and said hi while I walked down the street, I realized I was way more visible. Yes, Its based on my attractiveness, my clothes, my heels and my new pesona. Its also my confidence.

Everyone deserves confidence regardless. It is your god given right.

If you want to see before and after, this is me on a low carb board. My handle there is Karenzen. scroll down and see the former me and know you can do it too.

http://www.snowfortress.com/tmf/tmf.html

OMG! I couldn't agree with you more. I was totally invisible in my 30's- I was heavy and always had kids about. The attention I get now sometimes makes me sooo uncomfortable (Master loves it- He has me dress very provocatively and watches the reaction. He loves my squirm factor.) At work, there was one dean at my school who took a whole year to see me as a person- every time I had to speak to him, he glazed over with this stupid smile on his face.

The other side of this is that if you are shy, every one thinks you are a bitch. All the new teachers told me that this year. They said I was totally intimidating until I spoke to them- then they saw that I'm just a science geek, very down to earth and why I'm head of the department.

< Message edited by hejira92 -- 10/27/2007 11:15:33 AM >

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RE: The female shape... - 10/27/2007 11:28:05 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

The other side of this is that if you are shy, every one thinks you are a bitch. All the new teachers told me that this year. They said I was totally intimidating until I spoke to them- then they saw that I'm just a science geek, very down to earth and why I'm head of the department.

I am a science geek too!!!! I teach Massage therapy at a medical vocational school. So I teach technique but Anatomy and Physiology too! Science is soo facinating. I get all eciting when I lecture and teach it. I am such a nerd!

So fun to find how much I really have in common with my sub sisters!

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RE: The female shape... - 10/28/2007 11:34:13 AM

MasterDaveM

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i personally like a small woman... however.... i can tell you here and now, i know tons of guys who prefer a big girl

find someone who accepts you as is. its not that hard

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RE: The female shape... - 10/28/2007 6:59:33 PM

HopeLost

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well i dont know if this is so much losing weight but i have been told to stop lifting. i have to admit it kinda hurt.

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RE: The female shape... - 10/29/2007 4:55:06 AM

eyesopened

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It isn't the topic of this thread but i find it amazing how many male Dominants are quite overweight and yet it is the female submissives who tend to feel badly about their weight or get outright slammed for it.

Back to topic... i was once in a conversation (a short one) with a Dom whose only questions were about my appearance. He wanted a leggy girl with brown or auburn hair, tall and lean. my photos have always been on my profile so i just laughed at these 'requirements" He explained that i could dye my hair and lose weight. i countered with my inability to grow any taller!

Master wants us to exercise together. Master is very wise.

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RE: The female shape... - 10/29/2007 12:14:41 PM

downkitty

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My Master holds me within a certain weight range, no less than 130 lbs and no more than 140 lbs. I think i was about 135 lbs when we met, but possibly a little more, i'm not real sure. I don't have a problem with this at all. Its natural to me. He's the boss. I just weigh regularly and keep it at 135 lbs. That way, i'm not pushing the envelope on either side.

Respectfully,

Amy

< Message edited by downkitty -- 10/29/2007 12:16:19 PM >

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RE: The female shape... - 10/29/2007 1:05:11 PM

MasterDaveM

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quote:

It isn't the topic of this thread but i find it amazing how many male Dominants are quite overweight and yet it is the female submissives who tend to feel badly about their weight or get outright slammed for it.

like it or not, there are a few things that need to be said that may or may not be popular (but that doesnt make them untrue)...

firstly... women care about their looks (and by de facto their weight) because it matters to men on some level... not saying that high or low weight is better or worse... i am saying that men are visual... we know what we like and we seek it

women are not as visual (though they can be at times)... however, a mans financial stability matters... he doesnt have to be "rich" but he better be "bonafied with prospects of a stable future"..

so men inherantly try to get good careers because money matters... (rock stars aint getting that much pussy based on their looks)... and women try to look good because it matters (playboy made how much money last year vs "chunky monkey magazine"?)

this may not be popular.. but it is a cold hard fact. in the world of romance and dating... when a woman meets a guy and tells her friends about it... what are the top questions ?>

1)where did you meet him
2)whats he do for a living
3)how big is it

when men ask other men about a new chick?
1)is she hot
2)did you hit it yet
3)she got a hot friend?

think i am kidding? pay attention to the questions and the order they are asked

dont get me wrong there are tons of guys that like big girls and there are plenty of women who dont care if they live in a shack... but keep it real.

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RE: The female shape... - 10/29/2007 1:26:54 PM

MasterDaveM

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quote:

If dom wants me to exercise to have the 30 year body he will have to look elsewhere

at the end of the day, this is exactly the attitude anyone should take.. you are who you are... if they dont like it, they can walk ... if you dont like it, then you can change... but change for YOU, not somene else

at the end of the day... be true to yourself and seek acceptance from someone who wants you "as is"... there are 300 million people in this country (USA)... there is someone for everyone... finding them is just a daunting task at best... but they DO exist.

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RE: The female shape... - 10/29/2007 1:32:02 PM

RosesHaveThorns

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Actually, women are very likely to want a guy who is good looking.

Many women here feel that they are lovely and pretty at their BBW weight, even if certain men do not. Looks are NOT the only factor for losing weight. Many of those seeking to lose weight want to for health reasons alone.

Secondly, not every man or woman is going to act like a bad sitcom steroetype or be vain gold diggers.

I just blame double standards, as it's common in the vanilla world that men who are not thin want women who are extremely thin and only those women. Name me some chunky male stars, and then do the same for women. Look at a magazine, and count how many men are not at their physical peak, versus all of the women are toothpicks with watermelons attached.

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RE: The female shape... - 10/29/2007 1:47:14 PM

MasterDaveM

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objectively... be truthfull with yourself now...
when you are overweight, you(you being anyone) tend to demand to "be seen" as beautiful no matter what... but when you lose the weight you are the first one to go buy the sexiest slinkiest thing you can fit in and flaunt it

i have been heavy and i have been thin... at my age i care less and less... but even i admit "when i look good" i know it and flaunt it. so its not just about "accepting the big and the beautiful... any time i am fat its no ones problem but mine... its my issue for being lazy and not hitting the gym.

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RE: The female shape... - 10/29/2007 2:33:43 PM

RosesHaveThorns

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I've seen many a straining corset that proves that women who are not sticks are just as willing to flaunt it. And many guys who are looking at said straining corset.

Yeah, sure many guys perfer skinny chicks. But many women know damn well that they look good with curves, and enough to say that women ONLY lose weight for looks to be ridiculous.

< Message edited by RosesHaveThorns -- 10/29/2007 2:36:00 PM >

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