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RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 2:14:37 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

I just wanted to add that I too have noticed an extraordinarily mature attitude in your posts and profile. You most certainly do not come across as a hormonal teenager looking for a kinky quickie.

That said, you also recognise that most people around your age ARE immature and hormonal teenagers looking for a kinky quickie. You are in a strange position in that you are too mature for some, but chronologically too young for others. Time will rectify this of course but, for now, you are a bit of a misfit.

I can fully understand how frustrating it must be when you take the time to write a thoughtful email to someone and get no response, or a rude one. I answer all emails, politely or not, depending on the content. However, like you, I don't usually contact subs. It's a personal preference.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 41

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 5:38:16 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari
They assume any young Dom is clueless, desperate, and will message anyone and everyone who they think might be hot.

Actually... I don't assume that Dom or Sub regardless of age is clueless... desperate etc etc.

But I also don't assume that they are experienced and all-knowing either.

Everyone is a blank slate until I have had an opportunity to observed, listen and/or interact with the person so that I may make an informed judgement.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MasterShibari)

Post #: 42

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 5:42:54 AM

littlehumbledone

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari

I agree with the people who have stated that a well written and articulate e-mail is a good start, and I also think having a detailed and expressive profile is key.

But, I still think there is a tendancy for these messages to get lost in the torrent and deleted, or skipped over.

M. Shibari

I couldn't agree more, sadly the ratio between the well written and articulate and the one line 'What R U wearing' is vast.. For me personally the ratio was about 90 to 1, and I quite possibly missed a few that were genuine as message fatigue set in.

_____________________________

...
I don't need anyone to blow out another woman's candle to make mine burn brighter.

(in reply to MasterShibari)

Post #: 43

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 6:05:49 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

That said, you also recognise that most people around your age ARE immature and hormonal teenagers looking for a kinky quickie. You are in a strange position in that you are too mature for some, but chronologically too young for others. Time will rectify this of course but, for now, you are a bit of a misfit.

the other thing that helps this postion, being in it myself, it getting out from behind the keyboard...maybe thats why i am such an advocate for it...even at the events where a photo ID is required, usually only one or two people see it...so all but 1 or 2 people at the event have no idea how chronologically old (or young) i am unless i choose to tell them...so all they have to go by is my words and actions...and i can either prove or disprove myself from there...its an amazing ego booster to be accepted into a community all on your own merrit, rather than having the grace to have been born 10 or 15 years earlier than i was...and yes, i stumbled along the way, but don't we all? And he is 21 and won't have to wait a year like i did...so...he is lucky...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 44

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 10:04:09 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

To the op. Why do you feel the need for a detailed profile. Could you not just make the opening paragraph interesting enough so someone would want to know more about you. You ever look a the who is viewing you list on here. The reason that you are not emailing the subs first is that you are afraid of rejection.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 45

RE: Lost in the flood of young Dom's. - 10/25/2007 10:13:56 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

you know i hear all this talk about maturity and all this and then there is Britney spears and Paris Hilton and the rest of the mental cases .. Maturity well I will wait till you have been around the block a few times.. having the knowledge is one thing applying it is another

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 46

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 10:23:44 AM

MasterShibari

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

To the op. Why do you feel the need for a detailed profile. Could you not just make the opening paragraph interesting enough so someone would want to know more about you. You ever look a the who is viewing you list on here. The reason that you are not emailing the subs first is that you are afraid of rejection.

Hmmm, interesting, you believe I am afraid of rejection? If you read my profile, you will see that I was never particularly keen on the idea of using collarme to meet potential partners in the first place. My presence on this site is about me studying the psychological aspects of BDSM and finding interesting people to talk to, an endeavor in which I have been quite successful.

As for finding play partners, and making deeper connections with people, I need only look to my local community. I did not meet my current submissive online, nor the play partner before her. I pride myself on my ability to read others, but that ability only works in person, not over IM. So, I am much better able to judge a potential mate’s character in person, and therefore much more likely to find what I am looking for in the real world, not the digital.

I recommend you read my profile, as I have done yours. I believe that you will find very little of it to be “gushy,” and that in general it is a statement of facts. The paragraph about “knowing yourself” could be considered a little on the “gushy BS” side, if one is cynically minded enough about my personal beliefs, but no more so then talking about choosing a path you wish to follow and then taking your hand.

To be perfectly honest, one of my strengths is that I am a good writer, why downplay that?

M. Shibari

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 47

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 11:38:37 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Reality check time. If you are that good of a writer then you would not be getting flamed on here. You have spent a lot of time on here trying to explain what you have posted. I have said from the start that my profile sucks. I am not a writer. The problem with posting on here is that you know what your trying to say but others interpet differently.

(in reply to MasterShibari)

Post #: 48

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 12:02:46 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

MasterShibari, I agree with MissMagnolia that you are somewhat of a misfit for now, unfortunately. She put it very well. I can tell that you are very introspective, though that comes off as arrogance to some when you express it, but that is not a bad thing to many submissives who enjoy a bit of an arrogant streak, as long as there is the metal to back it up and the humility to accept a situation for what it is when necessary, and most important, the ability to laugh at one's self. These things all come out as you get to know someone, in person, or even through Cmail.

I want to point out that given the deluge of male attention that submissive women get, I for one simply didn't have time to consider contacting dominants myself. It took almost all my free time to sort through all the emails I was recieving (before I posted that I was in a relationship). I did look at every email, and 9 out of 10 were one-liners, like 'take off your clothes and IM me here ______ '. I would try to reply to every emailer who had obviously actually read my profile and found something of sincere interest to comment on. Most often I still wasn't interested because of distance, physical, or other incompatibilities, but I'd reply sincerely to anything thoughful. So I for one say it is not a bad strategy to write to girls given that you are obviously thoughful and articulate, you certainly will stand out, and that you could be hurting yourself even more than you think by not doing so. And even speaking as someone with a penchant for older men, when it comes down to it, it is case-by-case when someone stands out of their age group in terms of maturity and a captivating personality.

~ J

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to MasterShibari)

Post #: 49

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 1:32:37 PM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

Quit assuming all subs are the same.

Quit assuming all doms are wrong except you.

Crawl down off your mountaintop, get the pompous fuck tone under control, and try to understand that everyone's different- not every sub is being bombarded with form emails, not every other dom is feverishly copy and pasting emails to anything that appears to have a pulse. The world's a more interesting place than that- there's a lot of gray out there.

Or, alternatively, wrap yourself in the warm embrace of your own ego and continue to preach. Either way.

I'm not sure he can help it... its just who he is...

And though he is amazingly wise in the ways of BDSM considering his 21 years of life... he has the typical lack of maturity when it comes to some life skills..

Whats up with all the age complaints lately? This is the 3rd post I've replied to on this topic in the past few minutes...

Are the younger guys JUST NOW figuring out that sometimes it pays to be a little older?

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 50

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 1:43:34 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

I am addressing the op.

Part of the art to controlling reactions-is to control your expression. One does not put in things that will lead to misinterpretation-or give people with thier own agendas things to sieze upon.

And the more wordy you get-the higher the chance that will happen.

Writing is an art form- and part of that art is knowing what NOT to write. Don't craft a thesis-where a sentence will do.

If you really want to be effective-this is part of what you need to practice. Your ability to communicate clearly, and with precision *IS* in great part-your ability to control. Submissives know this-which is why they are put off by people who cannot do this properly.

My origional objection to your message was not your age. It was that you came across as whining. You cannot control the little boys out there with the stiffies and lack of intelligence.

Get past that. Instead, I would advise you to hone your skills at proper manipulation techniques-here. Get inside of the minds of the readers *here*-watch for the reactions you will get. THAT is what mastery is about. How well you influence-and in what direction.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 51

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 2:18:00 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

After an email exchange with the OP, I believe I understand the question he meant to ask. You'd think I'd be more sensitive about people coming off as more arrogant than they really are, or as pompous when they're not, considering I've been accused of the same thing.

Either way, there are, of course, relevant points worthy of discussing in the original post. In that spirit, from what I've found the best way to stand out in the piles of emails most (still won't concede all, since I've recently spoken to three submissive women that receive less than five emails a week here) receive remains being more than someone banging out one line orders with one hand.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 52

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 9:14:04 PM

MasterShibari

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

Revision of an e-mailed reply to another forum surfer

This is defiantly one of my most poorly worded posts. When I started it, I was merely trying to determine how other intelligent Doms (who are actually here looking for potential partners) establish themselves above the flood, how they make themselves appear unique.

However, when I finished composing it, it was a small research paper. Far to long for a forum post, so I condensed it down considerably. Unfortunately, this editing served more to obscure my point them emphasize it.

Honestly, it makes it look like I’m beating my chest saying “look how much better than everyone I am.” Which was never my intent.

Thank you all for your helpful suggestions, and I wish you well on your journey, wherever it leads you.
M. Shibari

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 53

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 9:16:30 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari

Revision of an e-mailed reply to another forum surfer

This is defiantly one of my most poorly worded posts. When I started it, I was merely trying to determine how other intelligent Doms (who are actually here looking for potential partners) establish themselves above the flood, how they make themselves appear unique.

However, when I finished composing it, it was a small research paper. Far to long for a forum post, so I condensed it down considerably. Unfortunately, this editing served more to obscure my point them emphasize it.

Honestly, it makes it look like I’m beating my chest saying “look how much better than everyone I am.” Which was never my intent.

Thank you all for your helpful suggestions, and I wish you well on your journey, wherever it leads you.
M. Shibari

My respect level for you just rose substantially-well done.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to MasterShibari)

Post #: 54

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 9:25:15 PM

MasterShibari

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

I'm not sure he can help it... its just who he is...

And though he is amazingly wise in the ways of BDSM considering his 21 years of life... he has the typical lack of maturity when it comes to some life skills..

Whats up with all the age complaints lately? This is the 3rd post I've replied to on this topic in the past few minutes...

Are the younger guys JUST NOW figuring out that sometimes it pays to be a little older?

It feels disingenuous for you to post criticisms of me without explaining our shared history, or the real reason you dislike me currently.

Moreover, it feels…. petty, to bring such personal matters into a public forum. I doubt you would like me to drag the details of our history into this public venue, and you do not see me surfing your many forum posts, looking for weaknesses to pounce upon.

In the original writing for this post, I have expressed myself poorly, something that I have gone to great length to clarify through out the post. The person you are quoting, not two posts down, states that:

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

After an email exchange with the OP, I believe I understand the question he meant to ask. You'd think I'd be more sensitive about people coming off as more arrogant than they really are, or as pompous when they're not, considering I've been accused of the same thing.

Either way, there are, of course, relevant points worthy of discussing in the original post. In that spirit, from what I've found the best way to stand out in the piles of emails most (still won't concede all, since I've recently spoken to three submissive women that receive less than five emails a week here) receive remains being more than someone banging out one line orders with one hand.

Merely by taking the time, you could have seen that this is not an attempt at arrogance, but an honest miscommunication due to poor editing on my part. But again, I doubt this is about my post.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 55

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 9:30:59 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

We all make mistakes.

Maturity comes from admitting then, and learning not to repeat them.

Rather than making excuses.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to MasterShibari)

Post #: 56

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 9:35:11 PM

MasterShibari

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

Hmmm, I thought I was addmitting to a mistake? -is confused-

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 57

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 9:56:30 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari

Hmmm, I thought I was addmitting to a mistake? -is confused-

Yes, but always be wary of trying to validate a mistake. It allows them to come back and bite you.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to MasterShibari)

Post #: 58

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 10:07:32 PM

MasterShibari

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

Ah.... no. It was just me expressing my question poorly. It was a mistake, plain and simple. Not too mention it is a charged topic, and rather more aggresive than my usual posts.

M. Shibari

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 59

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 10:29:53 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree that younger men seem to be at a disadvantage, but that may be changing. According to a recent survey, over 30% of women are in relationships with men who are younger than they are. A few years ago, that number was much lower.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 10/25/2007 10:31:30 PM >

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to MasterShibari)

Post #: 60

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