Lost in the flood of young doms. (Full Version)

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MasterShibari -> Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 1:30:22 PM)

The age question, again.

As a young Dom, there is a lot of adversity to overcome on this site.  Most subs automatically assume that any young Dom is only here because they are looking for sex, that they see BDSM as a great way to get it, and get it while being in total control.  They assume any young Dom is clueless, desperate, and will message anyone and everyone who they think might be hot.

Sadly, to a large extend, they’re right.  Ask any female sub here, especially any female sub who is between 18-30.  A never-ending stream of young Doms barrages them, constantly sending e-mails.  Doms with generic profiles, a paragraph long, that state that “they are looking for a slave to please them whenever they want, but they are not looking for any sort of 24/7 arrangement.”  These poor girls don’t even have to have a picture up, or any information whatsoever besides their age, height, and weight, before the deluge begins.  If they have a picture, it only gets worse.

Its sad, I know, and from what I’ve been told (and from my own experiences with the so called “gay male maids for straight men’ –laughs-) male subs are worse, much worse.  These guys, sub and Dom, have fantasies they want to play out, and are desperate to play them out on the first unsuspecting female who agree to do so.

So, as a young Dom, how do you avoid getting lost in the flood?  My solution, is a relatively simple one.  I don’t message subs, period.  Okay, that’s not entirely true, I am interested primarily in the psychological aspect of BDSM.  If I find an interesting case, such as this girl who is a fundamentalist Evangelical Christian trying to come to grips with her submissive nature, I will message them to talk about it, but its never about looking for a partner or play mate.

Back to the point, I don’t message subs, at all.  I just flat out refuse to be part of the deluge.  If they message me, I will take the time to read their profile and respond.  If their profile is interesting, I will give a detailed response, if not, a line or two suffice.  But the important thing is that I just don’t initiate contact.  I understand that this policy is probably cutting my off from the more shy and nervous population, but that is a price I gladly pay to avoid being lost in the flood.

And honestly, it works.  I’ve met some pretty interesting people here and I’m quite happy with my choice.

Just an observation.  Any comments, suggestions, criticisms? 



SmokingGun82 -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 2:23:39 PM)

Quit assuming all subs are the same.

Quit assuming all doms are wrong except you.

Crawl down off your mountaintop, get the pompous fuck tone under control, and try to understand that everyone's different- not every sub is being bombarded with form emails, not every other dom is feverishly copy and pasting emails to anything that appears to have a pulse. The world's a more interesting place than that- there's a lot of gray out there.

Or, alternatively, wrap yourself in the warm embrace of your own ego and continue to preach. Either way.



bipolarber -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 2:28:42 PM)

The problem is one of limited information. Online sucks for presenting yourself, frankly. You are reduced to a simple set of stats, and a few lines of description on a profile. (Which is the first thing a potential contact looks at, aside from your inital email.)

You're much better off presenting yourself in person, at a BDSM munch or play party. There, the potential partner has the chance to evaluate your manner, your voice, to talk to you and get some sense of who you are, and what you are all about.

Now, to qualify that somewhat, I should say that I found my Domme on CM, and we talked back and forth for about a year before we finally met RT. But then, I'm not as young as you, so I guess I don't have the baggage of being young and spry anymore. LOL



Babybass -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 2:31:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

Quit assuming all subs are the same.

Quit assuming all doms are wrong except you.

Crawl down off your mountaintop, get the pompous fuck tone under control, and try to understand that everyone's different- not every sub is being bombarded with form emails, not every other dom is feverishly copy and pasting emails to anything that appears to have a pulse. The world's a more interesting place than that- there's a lot of gray out there.

Or, alternatively, wrap yourself in the warm embrace of your own ego and continue to preach. Either way.



I doubt i could word my response any better than SmokingGun82 has here, so i will just copy and paste and add....what he said!!!!



colouredin -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 2:42:33 PM)

Personally i dont really message many Doms so if we all did that maybe it would solve the problem and no one would talk to anyone any more :)

There have been a lot of age discussions recently, and i do agree with your point about profiles not ebing enough, thats why i love the forums and blogs, its a very good way to get a perception of people and what they are all about. For example you come across as a little pompous and rather than this being a post to ask a question is one that attempts to show a superiority.

Some people are here for sex, and thats fine, others are here for a relationship and thats fine some are here for friends and thats fine. There are no rules about who can and cant join and why should there be its up to them. I think we need to get off this whole issue of what attracts who to who and why, for the most part its not the silly stuff like whether they fall into a prescribed age group or if they are 6Ft2 or if they like roses. Its about who they are, how they talk and whether you click. You cant choose that.



toservez -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 2:46:37 PM)

quote:

Back to the point, I don’t message subs, at all.  I just flat out refuse to be part of the deluge.  If they message me, I will take the time to read their profile and respond.  If their profile is interesting, I will give a detailed response, if not, a line or two suffice.  But the important thing is that I just don’t initiate contact. 


So you use this message as a free advertisement on your greatness and all others who you have no idea about you tear down instead to build yourself up so submissives will then contact you?

I am not saying nothing you wrote is not good or without merit. But it just comes off in the wrong light and makes inaccurate grand gross generalizations based on you wanting them to actually be true then them actually being true and backed up with those legendary anecdotal pieces of “I have spoken to” and “ask anyone” that anyone can provide to make it look like it is a fact.

Avoid gross generalizations and putting words in everyone else’s mouth.




writergirl -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 2:48:46 PM)

Wow... what judgmental responses. Apparently the glass house market is doing much better than the regular real estate market.

Shibari, I agree that young people -- dom and sub -- have a difficult time in the lifestyle. And I think many of your observations are true about women getting deluged by mails from men. But you shouldn't assume that it's strictly an age issue. Women on sites like this get deluged from *all* manner of men. Top, bottom, dom, sub. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of logic to it. Statistically, there are more trolls than "real" lifestyle people on CM (and every site like it, I'm guessing).

Whether your tactic in dealing with the issue is successful is only something you can determine. I don't necessarily recommend not ever e-mailing anyone. What's the point of being here, then? I do recommend sending polite e-mails to those you find interesting. If they respond, wonderful and if they don't, then just move on. You never know who you're missing by not sending out that e-mail.

Wellwishes,
wg



goodpet -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 2:54:04 PM)

Just wondering..
you put in your profile:
"I feel that as lifestylists, we are born Dominant, or born submissive (and sometimes we’re born a little of both).  However, just being born that way doesn’t give you the right to call yourself a Master or a slave."
 
Why do you call yourself "MasterShibari"  at 21 years old do you have that much experience and talent in shibari to have earned the title?
 
Perhaps after a few years attending some groups, meetings, trainings, events, munches you will drop the attitude and become the dominant you are dreaming you are now.   you seem like a nice guy, young and full of himself.. that's OK... stick around and read, talk, LISTEN, ask questions, LISTEN, watch, LISTEN, and grow... this is an interesting and exciting lifestyle.. enjoy the ride..



Maya2001 -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 3:10:42 PM)

It is not just dependent on your age, all across the board the number of doms far outnumber the number of subs, and I can tell you there are plently of older ones as well whose main focus is sex from the messages I get.   

Personal, observations that I have made is that it more common for male subs to seek out message dom/mes

but female subs tend to generally sit back and let the dom/mes contact them --- so maybe worthwhile sending out messages even  if it means a larger number of rejections.

Females subs tend to have a lower bottom  age limit then they do upper,  for example they may consider someone 5 years younger and 15 older than themselves,   so you may have far more luck  with those under 25  then those that are 30,  sad fact is women are more influenced by body image and have  fears of rejection being replaced by a younger model as they get older therefore feel safer by choosing someone older than themselves. 

Last piece of advise be patient you have a lot of years ahead of you, don't try to rush life  if you do chances are you will make mistakes that you will regret later.   It is easier now for you to get yourself established in a career and have solid future without any serious obligations to get in the way, my son did it backwards end up in 2 relationships with a child from each before got a good job at 25 , but the financial woes and job instabilities eroded both relations  the second just ended  now at 27 with all the stresses from repaying all the debts that incurred earlier, so now he is left paying 2 support payments and financially left in a mess and has ties to 2 past women and commitments to 2 children which as a result which will affect any  future relationships.  . 



MasterShibari -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 3:54:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

Quit assuming all subs are the same.

Quit assuming all doms are wrong except you.

Or, alternatively, wrap yourself in the warm embrace of your own ego and continue to preach. Either way.



First off, I do like your imagery and metaphor, its very cutting.

But, you seem to have misunderstood my intention.  This was never a universal statement, as you seem to believe.  In fact, after reviewing your profile, I can safely say that you are exactly the type of Dom I was NOT referring to with this observation.

Now, I don’t know if it’s your habit to send messages to every sub your age that same the same thing, but I seriously doubt it.  Your profile is articulate and detailed, suggesting that you’re a mature and reasonable person, not a horny idiot.

I do stand by my argument that every female sub here has been barraged with e-mail, but I never once stated that every young Dom here is wrong.  To do so would be so mind-boggling arrogant that if I truly believed it, I doubt I could live with my own ego.

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

So you use this message as a free advertisement on your greatness and all others who you have no idea about you tear down instead to build yourself up so submissives will then contact you?



Oooh, good point, I never even considered that that was the message this was putting off.  That wasn’t the intention, but if it appears that way then maybe I should delete the post.  I especially like your idea about forum posts being a good way to judge someone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: writergirl

Whether your tactic in dealing with the issue is successful is only something you can determine. I don't necessarily recommend not ever e-mailing anyone. What's the point of being here, then? I do recommend sending polite e-mails to those you find interesting. If they respond, wonderful and if they don't, then just move on. You never know who you're missing by not sending out that e-mail.

Wellwishes,
wg



I agree, except I’m not particularly here looking for anyone.  If everyone adopted my strategy then no one would talk to anyone.  I’m mostly here to post the occasional psychological question on the forums and see what people’s responses are.  This has been my first real post that is an attack, and the response has been interesting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodpet


Why do you call yourself "MasterShibari"  at 21 years old do you have that much experience and talent in shibari to have earned the title?

I agree, I took the name because it was the closest to what I really wanted, which was sadly already taken.  I doubt I could fully master Shibari if I spent the next 30 years working on it.



grlneedstolearn -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 4:17:32 PM)

i can agree with you on your post, but also there are some older Doms/Domme looking for younger females/males, of which i have come across and interacted with a couple.



MasterShibari -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 4:19:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

i can agree with you on your post, but also there are some older Doms/Domme looking for younger females/males, of which i have come across and interacted with a couple.


Hmmm?  You mean some older Dom/mes you have come accross who are the same way?



MissMagnolia -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 4:31:54 PM)

Automatic assumptions are made because, sadly, a large majority of very young males, whether D or s, ARE looking for kinky sex and think that a BDSM site might be a good place to find it.



MasterShibari -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 4:38:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Automatic assumptions are made because, sadly, a large majority of very young males, whether D or s, ARE looking for kinky sex and think that a BDSM site might be a good place to find it.


Which is exactly the point I was attempting to make.  However, I did a poor job articulating that I do not for a second believe this is a universal, merely a commonality.



chellekitty -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 4:39:02 PM)

quote:

I agree that young people -- dom and sub -- have a difficult time in the lifestyle


i disagree...i have absolutely no problems in the lifestyle...i have problems online because my age is boldy emblazoned upon my profile...but in the lifestyle at large...no one knows my age becaue i don't act "my age"....or rather...like the numb nutz the OP was referring to....



Esinem -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 4:46:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Automatic assumptions are made because, sadly, a large majority of very young males, whether D or s, ARE looking for kinky sex and think that a BDSM site might be a good place to find it.


You say that like there's something wrong with wanting kinky sex!  I've passed the half century and still find it immensely appealing.

OK. Are you ready?

What do we want?
KINKY SEX!!
When do we want it?
NOW!!



MasterShibari -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 4:51:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinem

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Automatic assumptions are made because, sadly, a large majority of very young males, whether D or s, ARE looking for kinky sex and think that a BDSM site might be a good place to find it.


You say that like there's something wrong with wanting kinky sex!  I've passed the half century and still find it immensely appealing.

OK. Are you ready?

What do we want?
KINKY SEX!!
When do we want it?
NOW!!



Hahaha, I agree.  But what is wrong is the method through which they hope to gain it.  They think that jsut by clicking the button that says "Dom" that it gives them the right to order anyone who clicked "sub" to suck them off, and they don't understand that for most people it takes a hell of a lot more than that,



Lordandmaster -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 5:48:04 PM)

Shrug.  I've noticed the opposite.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

It is not just dependent on your age, all across the board the number of doms far outnumber the number of subs



CuriousLord -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 6:06:06 PM)

I suppose the odd thing about this post is.. why did you mention it?  What did your statement of self have to contribute?  It just feels like.. well, do you like Futuroma?  There's an episode where an arrogant and highly decorated, yet rather incompotent, fellow, Zap, offers to help recover cattle for rancers in an old-West-like setting.  He introduces himself with, "I am the man with no name; Zap Branigan, at your service!"

Point being, it's just odd you claimed to take the "I have more sense and dignity than to seek out anything I can get" stance, then to announce it in something of a contradictory announcement akin to Zap's greeting.

Anyhow, I guess that, as a newbie, you're trying to define yourself.  I won't pretend to look down on that.  Good luck.



MasterShibari -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 6:57:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

I suppose the odd thing about this post is.. why did you mention it?  What did your statement of self have to contribute?  It just feels like.. well, do you like Futuroma?  There's an episode where an arrogant and highly decorated, yet rather incompotent, fellow, Zap, offers to help recover cattle for rancers in an old-West-like setting.  He introduces himself with, "I am the man with no name; Zap Branigan, at your service!"

Point being, it's just odd you claimed to take the "I have more sense and dignity than to seek out anything I can get" stance, then to announce it in something of a contradictory announcement akin to Zap's greeting.

Anyhow, I guess that, as a newbie, you're trying to define yourself.  I won't pretend to look down on that.  Good luck.


Zap refrence.... ouch.

Honestly, the question I was trying to ask was.... "how do other Doms avoid getting lost in the flood."  By this I mean, with so many Doms just looking for easy sex, how do you distinguish yourself from them?  The  one which I subtly suggested in my responses is to have a detailed profile which states a lot more about yourself than just what your looking for.

The one I not so subtly put forth in my main arguement was that I simply don't message subs.  But again, this has been discussed at length.  I'm not looking to meet a potential partner, I am merely looking for interesting conversation on the psychological aspects of BDSM, so messaging people is not required.

Hope this clarifies



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