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questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 5:48:20 PM

kindawild

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/19/2007
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Hello:
When getting to know someone who is Dominate, what would be some questions to ask them besides their experience?

Thanks!

~ktw~

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 5:51:59 PM

RosesHaveThorns

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Joined: 10/14/2007
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1) Referrals.
2) Anything you'd ask on a Vanilla date, if you want more then play. What do you want, anyway? The questions will change vastly.

(in reply to kindawild)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 5:55:17 PM

kindawild

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HUM?.. good questions. and I am learning. and not looking for just a "play date". but something long term.
*eeks*.. ya ask sexual questions on a vanilla date?.. *j/k*.. it has been a long time since I have been on a date.

~ktw~

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 6:09:20 PM

MidnightMaiden

Posts: 142
Joined: 10/22/2007
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I asked my Master specific questions on how he behaved as a Dom.

What do you do if a sub says no?
What forms of punishment have you used in the past?
If corporal punishment is used will you strike with an open hand or a closed fist, or will you use a paddle or similar?
Will you want me to participate in waterplay/scat?
Are you interested in my opinion?
How will you treat me when we are not in scene/playing?
What are you looking for in a sub?
Are you patient?
What should I call you?
What will you call me?
Do you see my service as a gift, will you cherish that gift?
Will you protect me from harm?

There were many other questions, those were just a few I can remember off the top of my head.

(in reply to kindawild)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 6:10:29 PM

ownedgirlie

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When I was first getting to know my Master, I asked him all those questions that were important for me to know about, if he was going to be managing my life. I wanted to know his life philosophies, his spiritual philosophies, his political philosophies, how important family is to him, his career ethics, etc. I wanted to know which areas of my submission were most important to him - would he want me to think as he did, spiritually and politically? Did he punish, and how? How did he teach? What are his views on submission and what he wants from a submissive? How far into my world did he want to reach?

None of these questions were sexual in nature. This is a man I was considering giving my life to, and my life encompasses a lot more than what he wants in the bedroom (or any other room for that matter).

Not to say we did not talk about sex. There were many things I had not experienced, sexually or within BDSM, and I had fantasies as well as concerns/fears about certain things. In time we laid all that out, too. Other questions asked - would he allow limits? Why or why not - what was his thinking behind his answer? Did he allow a safe word? Again, why or why not and how did he reach such a conclusion? Did he want to change certain aspects of me? How did he plan to do so, and what areas, and at what rate?

Did he own others? Would he be owning others? Would I be involved in that? Why or why not? What were his thoughts on contacting him? Would my communication to him be limited in any way, and how? Would I have input into how I was directed? Could I freely express my thoughts and concerns? How did he feel about such questions? If I was confused, could I ask for clarification?

The list goes on, but that's a start. All these questions were asked over a course of many conversations. I did not keep a list that I asked and checked off as I went along. I wanted to know as much about him as I could, and he about me. Our conversations would lead to more questions, etc., but these were the things that were important to me, prior to giving myself over and committing to someone.

The odd thing is, I felt his power over me right away. But it was months before I asked him to own me, and even more months after that before a collar was discussed. Remember not to rush things...all that you need to know comes out in due time. And listen to your inner voice about someone - it usually leads you down the path of knowing what you need to know.

I wish you the best!

(in reply to kindawild)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 6:20:27 PM

breatheasone

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Make sure you have the same relationship goals and that your schedules match up...

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 6:20:33 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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And I think asking for referrals is pointless.

What's important to you? What's important to them? Ask everything about everything.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 6:33:15 PM

MstrDennynSlave

Posts: 181
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My Master and I went over every conceivable question I could come up with. I answered all his questions about myself. As LA stated, asking for referrals is pointless. Master, however, gave me the name of his former sub that he released, due to her having to move to another state to take care of her father. I've talked with her quite a few times. Everything I've found, on my own, about my Master has been borne out by her in our conversations. If your dom readily gives you the name/email of a former sub, by all means contact her/him.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 6:42:53 PM

LaMspeach

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Ask them if you will be shared or made to do something you dont want to do because god forbid you if you give blind obedience.

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(in reply to kindawild)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 7:15:33 PM

julietsierra

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rofl... we were having a conversation at work the other day and someone asked "Which is the greater superhero - Batman or Spiderman?

Interestingly, every single person with strong personalities or those women who appreciate men with strong personalities chose Batman. Those who did not or were not, chose Spiderman. (Yes, this was a group of vanilla people)

So, on a whim, I asked some of my male friends - both submissives and dominants. Those were were dominants, to a person said Batman. Those who were submissive said Spiderman.

So, I asked my female friends who were submissives and dominants. Those who were dominants, to a person, said Spiderman. Those who were submissives, said they preferred Batman.

So, then I asked why. The male submissives said that they understood Spiderman - he was more connected to others - not so distant. The male dominants just laughed and said "who else would I choose?" The female submissives said Batman was hot and besides he was very authoritative. The female dominants said Spiderman, because he was hot and besides it'd be neat to have someone with their own spider web stuff coming out of their wrists. When I asked why they didn't choose Batman, they scoffed and said he was just full of himself.

So...my totally and completely unscientifically conducted research leads me to, as a joke, make the Batman/Spiderman question one of the top things I'll ask someone if I ever have the need to be searching again.

LOL

(Bet you thought I'd be answering this question seriously)

juliet

(in reply to LaMspeach)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 7:23:20 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kindawild

Hello:
When getting to know someone who is Dominate, what would be some questions to ask them besides their experience?

Thanks!

~ktw~

Hmmm
do you have a steady job?
do you have kids?
are you married?
are you in a committed relationship?
have you ever been to prison?

Now that the stupidity is out of the way

why not just go with the flow and get to know the person a bit. Their likes, dislikes, hobbies, things like that. I have found that it works wonders in the 'relationship building' arena.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 10:51:17 PM

secretagentgirl

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I ask how they perceive the role of the Sub's sexual pleasure. Do they want to directly provide the Sub with pleasure in some ways or believe that a sub derives her pleasure by pleasing the Dom.
What can I say... it's important to me to have an orgasm.

(in reply to IrishMist)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 11:23:23 PM

chickpea

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

rofl... we were having a conversation at work the other day and someone asked "Which is the greater superhero - Batman or Spiderman?

Interestingly, every single person with strong personalities or those women who appreciate men with strong personalities chose Batman. Those who did not or were not, chose Spiderman. (Yes, this was a group of vanilla people)

So, on a whim, I asked some of my male friends - both submissives and dominants. Those were were dominants, to a person said Batman. Those who were submissive said Spiderman.

So, I asked my female friends who were submissives and dominants. Those who were dominants, to a person, said Spiderman. Those who were submissives, said they preferred Batman.

So, then I asked why. The male submissives said that they understood Spiderman - he was more connected to others - not so distant. The male dominants just laughed and said "who else would I choose?" The female submissives said Batman was hot and besides he was very authoritative. The female dominants said Spiderman, because he was hot and besides it'd be neat to have someone with their own spider web stuff coming out of their wrists. When I asked why they didn't choose Batman, they scoffed and said he was just full of himself.

So...my totally and completely unscientifically conducted research leads me to, as a joke, make the Batman/Spiderman question one of the top things I'll ask someone if I ever have the need to be searching again.

LOL

(Bet you thought I'd be answering this question seriously)

juliet

That's so cool. I love those "disguised questions"! I personally think they reveal a lot more than the straight questions. The straight ones, anyone can give the "right answer" to and something that will put us in the best light. But the disguised ones and open-ended questions, you really get to the type of person they are, not what is good vs. bad or right vs. wrong. Just all about a person's unique qualities and our unique preferences.

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/24/2007 11:38:36 PM

astarri

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I personally think speaking at length and getting to know who they are as a person, and showing them who you are, is the best way to get a lot of answers... like do my opinions matter? well that you can tell my conversing and if your opinions matter that is a strong indicator that your opinions will matter. In regular conversation you will also bring up many questions without even realizing. Ask the questions that matter to you.

Edited because after 149 posts i still do not remember to address the OP as opposed to the person above ..sorry chickpea

< Message edited by astarri -- 10/24/2007 11:39:36 PM >

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/25/2007 12:01:03 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

Ask them if you will be shared or made to do something you dont want to do because god forbid you if you give blind obedience.

LOL heck no, wouldn't want to be called a doormat now, would you?

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/25/2007 3:33:39 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

Ask them if you will be shared or made to do something you dont want to do because god forbid you if you give blind obedience.

LOL heck no, wouldn't want to be called a doormat now, would you?

I couldn't agree more....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
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(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/25/2007 3:46:18 AM

bandit25

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I know you guys are kidding and screw the "doing something you don't want to do stuff", but not everyone believes in blind obedience. I, for example, do not. But I also think the things you are talking about come about after knowing and being with your dom/Master for a long time. What I am trying to say is that, although there may be some exceptions, most people don't follow someone they've just met blindly, do they?

(in reply to breatheasone)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/25/2007 4:22:19 AM

yuyu777

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Joined: 6/2/2007
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to watch their behavior for me is rather important...
questions about his ex-subs can be rude(depends on how open he is), :) but its usually a quick way to know his specific desires and attitude rather than some general questions.

(in reply to kindawild)

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/25/2007 4:41:38 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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quote:

we were having a conversation at work the other day and someone asked "Which is the greater superhero - Batman or Spiderman?

I just asked my um who his favorite superhero is (I prefer open ended questions) and he immediately responded that it was either batman or spiderman (weird, huh?). He hates superman. He didn't want to choose, but after I pressed him, he said spiderman. According to him, batman doesn't have any real powers. He just has gadgets.

(Sorry for the hijack)

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 10/25/2007 4:42:39 AM >

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RE: questions to ask a perspective Dom/Master - 10/25/2007 4:55:25 AM

wisteriaV

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One question Master and I always ask anyone that we are talking to about joining the family is for their full name, date of birth and drivers liscense number so we can run it with the state police to see if they have any sort of record outside of parking tickets. The state police can find out alot about a person just by their drivers liscence..and if you explain to them why you want to know if they are any worse than traffic tickets without going into details, I know for a fact NY State Police will do so for free. We did this one the last girl we spoke to...and knowing she had a felony and refused to give us any reason as to why it happened, we dropepd her hard and fast.
The players and wanna bes and what have you will blow you off and think your nuts and need psychiatric help. Those of us that are seriously living the lifechoice will say something like sure I can give it to you or something along those lines. Good Luck!

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If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

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