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Communication is  wonderful thing, and important in every relationship. We all agree that it is more important in D/s than in most walks of life.

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  First, if you want your submissive to communicate with you, she has to feel safe. That means you have to check your emotional reactions at the door. If something makes you hurt, sad, afraid, or angry, that is ok, and in many cases, it is okay to say so. But you cannot react emotionally. You cannot judge what she says, or accuse.

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  I would love to hear from submissives how they cope with letting their dominants know when they need to talk about something. I have found that sometimes I don’t hear when someone needs to talk seriously, and try to set it up so that she can.

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ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

"People talk about how difficult it is to communicate.  I wish that people who can't communicate would just shut up." -- Tom Lehrer

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

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Communication is  wonderful thing, and important in every relationship. We all agree that it is more important in D/s than in most walks of life.

Sorry, but no; I do not agree with this. Communication is important ALWAYS, in every aspect of life.

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  First, if you want your submissive to communicate with you, she has to feel safe. That means you have to check your emotional reactions at the door. If something makes you hurt, sad, afraid, or angry, that is ok, and in many cases, it is okay to say so. But you cannot react emotionally. You cannot judge what she says, or accuse.

The bolded area. How is that going to make he/she feel safe? Personally, I would withdraw from someone who 'checked' their emotions at the door.

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  I would love to hear from submissives how they cope with letting their dominants know when they need to talk about something. I have found that sometimes I don’t hear when someone needs to talk seriously, and try to set it up so that she can.

I used to just be upfront and say 'Master, I have a problem"
Simple, to the point, and it got his attention right away.

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Why do people go out of their way to make things more difficult than they really are?
[:o]

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* Being selfish....One's perspective will most likely be very different than another's. (due to life experience, personality and other issues)...failing to see another's point of view won't get you anywhere.

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Never said it wasn't ALWAYS important... Just more important when someone's wellbeing is on the line. As someone who has worked as a soldier, firefighter, EMT, I can attest that yes, some times are more important than others

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  Okay, we have a reading probem here... This is twice. I did not say that you needed to check your EMOTIONS at the door, but your emotional REACTIONS. To be more clear, you cannot react in a way that is dictated primarily by emotions. ( I also bolded and highlighted the parts that should have given you a hint, here)

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

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Never said it wasn't ALWAYS important... Just more important when someone's wellbeing is on the line. As someone who has worked as a soldier, firefighter, EMT, I can attest that yes, some times are more important than others

No, you said , and I quote
“ We all agree that it is more important in D/s than in most walks of life”
And I disagreed.
Communication is always important; it does not matter more in a D/s relationship.
Being a soldier, firefighter, or EMT has very little to do with being in a D/s relationship; I fail to see why you would even bring that up.

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Okay, we have a reading probem here... This is twice. I did not say that you needed to check your EMOTIONS at the door, but your emotional REACTIONS. To be more clear, you cannot react in a way that is dictated primarily by emotions. ( I also bolded and highlighted the parts that should have given you a hint, here)

Emotions; emotional reactions… one and the same when it comes right down to it. Most people in life react to emotions of some kind; they are what drive us to do the things that we do. In a relationship, for someone to become a cold, calculating, unemotional robot; with the idea that it will somehow make them more able to concentrate on communication… the idea is ludicrous and dangerous.
I think you are confusing natural emotions with images of raging anger; to the point that a person is unable to think clearly. Two different things totally.

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Relationships of any kind are hard; D/s and M/s are no easier or harder than any other kind. It totally boggles my mind when someone tries to insist that these kind of relationships need more or take more to make them work.

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ORIGINAL: PryderiLoup
Look, D/s relationships take more effort to make work than other kinds. I insist. If you have the skills to make this type of relationship work without any more effort, I applaud you. That is not the case with everyone, certainly not me. I have had to examine my motives, my behaviors, and my interpersonal skills to become better at being a dominant. I believe (and yes, it is my belief, and a generalization) that most of us have had to do that to be what we want to be.

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So you would tell me to my face at a Ds event that all the people there in Ds relationships are working harder than I am at my vanilla relationship?

Would you like to tell my sister when her husband dies that at least she didn't have to work as hard as a sub/dom relationshp?

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ORIGINAL:PryderiLoup

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ORIGINAL: PryderiLoup

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ORIGINAL: IrishMist

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Never said it wasn't ALWAYS important... Just more important when someone's wellbeing is on the line. As someone who has worked as a soldier, firefighter, EMT, I can attest that yes, some times are more important than others

No, you said , and I quote
“ We all agree that it is more important in D/s than in most walks of life”
And I disagreed.
Communication is always important; it does not matter more in a D/s relationship.
Being a soldier, firefighter, or EMT has very little to do with being in a D/s relationship; I fail to see why you would even bring that up.

Okay, it seems that you do not want to listen... Perhaps we are having our own communication problem? [;)] I AGREE THAT COMMUNICATION IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT. Does that help?

And I bring up the life experiences because they demonstrate times when the importance of communication is at a premium. It is more important to communicate when you have a sick child than when you are discussing a TV show.

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Okay, we have a reading probem here... This is twice. I did not say that you needed to check your EMOTIONS at the door, but your emotional REACTIONS. To be more clear, you cannot react in a way that is dictated primarily by emotions. ( I also bolded and highlighted the parts that should have given you a hint, here)

Emotions; emotional reactions… one and the same when it comes right down to it. Most people in life react to emotions of some kind; they are what drive us to do the things that we do. In a relationship, for someone to become a cold, calculating, unemotional robot; with the idea that it will somehow make them more able to concentrate on communication… the idea is ludicrous and dangerous.
I think you are confusing natural emotions with images of raging anger; to the point that a person is unable to think clearly. Two different things totally.

Nope, I am not confusing these things at all. I am saying, again, that you must RESPOND IN A MANNER THAT IS NOT PRIMARILY DICTATED BY EMOTIONS.

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Relationships of any kind are hard; D/s and M/s are no easier or harder than any other kind. It totally boggles my mind when someone tries to insist that these kind of relationships need more or take more to make them work.

Look, D/s relationships take more effort to make work than other kinds. I insist. If you have the skills to make this type of relationship work without any more effort, I applaud you. That is not the case with everyone, certainly not me. I have had to examine my motives, my behaviors, and my interpersonal skills to become better at being a dominant. I believe (and yes, it is my belief, and a generalization) that most of us have had to do that to be what we want to be.
Many of the people I referenced in my OP were responding to new or young people. The point of this post was to help those people look at and consider one aspect of growth.
If my OP is of no value to you, fine. I have a feeling that it is of little value to a lot of the more experienced posters here. But it boggles MY mind that you feel the need to pick apart the OP. I do not understand that. But, this is a public forum, so you have the right to post what you will.

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I think IrishMist did indeed listen to you. You clearly said "we all agree that it is more important in D/s than in most walks of life" She disagreed as do I. A D/s relationship is no more special or difficult than any other kind of relationship (same sex partner, vanilla,etc). They all take communication and work to make them successful. If you think a D/s relationship is harder work than any other I suggest you go and talk to some people in relationships not in D/s. They will also tell you how hard it is to make a relationship work. How important the communication is.

Examining behaviour and interpersonal skills happens in all relationships. It is part of how 2 people become a couple.

Suggesting that D/s relationships are so much "better" or "more difficult" than any other type of relationships is one the things I find most annoying. I am sure my parents who are about to make it to 50 years of marriage, having gone through some amazingly hard times, would be insulted if their relationship had been easier.

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Nope, I am not confusing these things at all. I am saying, again, that you must RESPOND IN A MANNER THAT IS NOT PRIMARILY DICTATED BY EMOTIONS.

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  Look, D/s relationships take more effort to make work than other kinds

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  I have had to examine my motives, my behaviors, and my interpersonal skills to become better at being a dominant. I believe (and yes, it is my belief, and a generalization) that most of us have had to do that to be what we want to be.

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  Many of the people I referenced in my OP were responding to new or young people. The point of this post was to help those people look at and consider one aspect of growth.

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  But it boggles MY mind that you feel the need to pick apart the OP

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I have often told my submissive how to alert me when she needs to communicate seriously… It might be a phrase, or a word. Something that works for her and me.