RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it"

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it"

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/25/2007 11:26:58 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I've given second chances and third chances and probably more. The interesting thing about that is, as time goes on, my tollerance for bullshit lessens.

Depending upon who you ask, I don't believe I have an overinflated ego. I know I am human and make mistakes like everyone else. I understand that is a human condition. I accept that there will be times I become disappointed in a girl and I remind them that there will probably be times she is disappointed in me. Such is life.

The stuff that bothers me are things that are obvious, lies being numero uno. Lack of follow through with no acceptable reason being right up there also. I always explain, their family and work take priority. I am not here to create problems with family members or with their career. BUT, I also expect the courtesy of comunicating the facts. "Hey, I'm sorry I cannot **xyz** tonight, I got called into work"............this I can accept. What I cannot accept is that **xyz** gets blown off because something else came up and they didn't bother to let me know.

A promise broken...........very big thing. I guaranfuckingtee you if I promise I will do something, I will A.) be 100% certain I can do it and B.) if the earth exploded and it became impossible, I would be letting you know that I was going to let you down and apologize profusely. Promises are not something I take lightly. If you tell me you will do something, you had damned well, better do it.

Now, if someone screwed up based upon a fear or outside interference........things of that nature......I would probably give then the opportunity to correct the situation. AFTER a serious discussion about why it happened in the first place.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 21

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/25/2007 11:48:38 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

For us, this is about person/relationship and then Mistress/slave. We have had a couple of trials, and we resolved our problem just like a normal relationship.
You have to go with your heart. That is what I did, and I don't regret it one bit.

Regards,

MissSCD

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 22

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/25/2007 12:11:39 PM

CollegeConundrum

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia
Me personally, looking at your attitude and profile, I guess plenty of people have packed and left you far behind.

I'm with you MamaDomme. An honest mistake is one thing, but a blatant flouting of the rules or lying, no second chances.

It's a good thing I'm not interested in then, isn't it?

It's attitudes like yours, that make putting a lot of effort into a profile really difficult for me because you're just going to draw your own assumptions.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 23

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/25/2007 4:25:25 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: urtoy

My thoughts....admittedly personal and from the submissive side.....that each of us needs to know where the "deal breaker" line is drawn for ourself. For me, there is no tolerance for lying (especially a lie which leaves the other person's fidelity suspect). As to other infractions, I'd tend to be realistic, especially about the limitations of online relationships. If someone doesn't make an appointment for chat, especially if that person is on a business trip at the time, I would assume that real life circumstances intervened until I had reason to believe otherwise. Life tends to be messy and it isn't always possible to time things with any precision. If a would-be Dom has a problem with my responding to a friend in trouble or the needs of my offspring, he'd best look elsewhere as real life concerns always trump cyber-relationships.

I condensed things a little because I had to get to work, but there was more to the story. The first time I knew he was leaving town, but he was NOT supposed to be leaving for two more days. Also, he agreed that we would chat the next night. If there was a problem he could have told me then. Also, he DID log into chat later and I left him a message that I had missed him and to log in the next night, or IM or email me if he couldn't. He logged in and said he was sorry he missed me and he'd be on the next night. He wasn't there. Then I got an email from his two weeks later saying "so sorry, I was travelling".

Also, when it came to being out of town this time, I repeatedly asked him if he would be able to email and communicate with me while he was out of town. He said yes. He told me that when he got back to the hotel room he didn't usually have much to do on a business trip. He was having internet problems with his work computer but assured me he would have his personal computer also. When I didn't get an email I sent him a text message and then called a few days later. Also, I had him fill out a calendar with his schedule that I could access so there would be no problems with expecting things from him that would interfere with his job or other plans. When he finally emailed back he said he had ANOTHER trip that he had never mentioned and was not on his schedule. How was I supposed to know? I can't unless he communicates, which he was not doing.

No, I am very fair and always give people a second chance and most of the time more, but this was just too blatant and disrespectful. I couldn't ignore it. If I simply told him "oh that's ok" how would he ever respect my authority?

(in reply to urtoy)

Post #: 24

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/25/2007 5:27:25 PM

MamaDomme

Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

Wow-- that story sounds eerily familiar. Hhhmmm........

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 25

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/25/2007 6:27:06 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

That is one funny ass picture you got there. Does someone have a gun pointed on you?

(Sorry for thread digression.)

--------

quote:

MsCfromMelbourne: No 6 - sleazy. Look, the sad truth is that plenty of promiscuous and shallow sex addicts troll pretending to be subs. The saddest part is that they really believe their own BS and can be pretty convincing as "subs". Dating someone who cannot stop sleazing after other women is just awful and eventually would demolish any Domme's self esteem. Having wasted 2 years of my life in the 90s on a handsome, kinky sleaze, nowdays I dump a sub as soon as I see his "sex appeal" and "infectious charm" thinly disguises a sleazy nature

Shhhhhhhhhh..... keep this kind of talk up and you'll blow my cover!!

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 10/25/2007 6:32:12 PM >

(in reply to CollegeConundrum)

Post #: 26

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/25/2007 6:40:45 PM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

Akasha

I think it depends on what the "blow" is and at which level does it hurt. Your example is clear and I don't think a second chance would make you feel good about anything. So your choice was right. However, in my experience, I have had real good conversations and then suddenly they say something almost strange or dangerous- at least to me. Something that makes me go, 'this person is not safe.' They say always follow your guts and therefore I move quickly. I am also turned off by subs who DO NOT understand the word no. No matter how much you say it- they believe by begging that I will just say oh ok. But it turns me off more.

It is probably different for everyone.

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 27

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/25/2007 9:36:18 PM

abytchgoddess4u

Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

For me...it depends on the situation. In the early 'getting to know you' stages...I don't give any leeway. You fuck up once, you're gone. The way I figure it, if a potential can't be bothered to show a high level of interest, then I won't be bothered with putting any effort his way...he's obviously just not that into me.

I will not give a chance to anyone who does not answer my profile as requested. If he can't do something that simple there's no way in hell he'd live up to my expectations IRL.

If it's someone I'm more involved with, I have a three strikes rule...excepting dealbreakers. Any addictions issues, lying, or cheating...they're gone. If it's a miscommunication or differing expectations, that can be dealt with...and I'm very tolerant about life's demands, b/c I have a lot of those as well.

I came to the realisation that I'm worth 100% effort through being treated like crap one time too many...and I'm very clear about my attitude towards the above from the outset. I should try and remember details of my most horrific stories...

_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 28

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/25/2007 11:16:34 PM

Action

Posts: 260
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Cali
Status: offline

Lying: Instant boot out the door for me.

I think my biggest one lately is the fact I've recently restorted to one time tributes to even get on talking terms with me now becuase of how many time wasters there was. A slave contacts me, promises me him on a silver platter so I tell him my rules, he decides to play a big boy and says he'll buy me the most expensive glass art pipe I've had my eye on for a while. Not knowing Im friends with the owner of the site. So he claims he buaght it, I let it go on for a few days just to give him every reasonable doubt it just hadn't gone through yet. I confront him, he swears its a mistake, pleads he'll try and buy it again. My friend confirms he never even sent in an order let alone buaght it.

Gone. I don't like time wasters or Lies. This is exactly why I don't even talk to slaves who are applying for my positions without having my package on my doorstep. As cruel as it is its how I've choosen to do things here now. I never ask for anything beyond the initial tribute and even give them a price range of 3 dollar candies, 20 dollar clothing, or 100 dollar selfish gormet treats.

_____________________________

The only ones for me are the mad ones....who burn burn burn like fabulous roman candles. -Jack Kerouac

(in reply to abytchgoddess4u)

Post #: 29

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/26/2007 5:46:06 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLynx

Wanted to say this about forgiveness: (this is a general comment and not directed to anybody.)

When I forgive someone for what they did wrong, I am not doing it for their sake, but for my own. I do not want hating, or even disliking someone to weigh upon me like a lead weight. I forgive,(not forget.) and move on. much more better things to be spending my precious time on.

Sings in an off key voice,"I pick myself up,dust my self off,and start all over again"

LadyLynx,

I'm putting my dance shoes on and humming the same song.

Ginger, doing the same things as Fred, backwards and in high hells.

Irish

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 30

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/26/2007 6:56:33 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Well I am dealing with a fem sub, but I don't think gender is particularly crucial here ... and I am currently giving her a second chance. Without giving away too much personal info, the situation is this:

On her first visit (after a couple of months of intensive talking and learning), the 3 of U/us got on really well, Master agreed with Me that she was a good potential sub for Me (she's Mine not His) and worth pursuing a relationship with. Then she had a major health issue arise, and needed major surgery that has a long recuperation process. she has been staying here through that process which has been very difficult for her as she is used to giving, not receiving. The first 3 weeks were difficult, moreso than I expected, she kept trying to do more than she should, didn't learn her lesson on anything, she was distant, kept pushing Me away emotionally, and eventually her behaviour deteriorated to being downright bratty. It culminated in some harsh words on both sides and her deciding she didn't want to pursue this and to be "just friends". Though deeply saddened, I accepted that, W/we talked about it, then spent the afternoon, feet up, playing Scrabble! I held true to My commitment that I would care for her as a sub OR as a friend. That shook her a bit, and that night, she felt deeply the loss of the opportunity she had thrown away. Next day she asked for a private chat ... and then confided in Me a deeply personal issue that occurred entirely before she met Me but which she had previously omitted to mention in her life history. So note, she hadn't LIED ... she simply hadn't told "the truth, the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth!". The telling made a whole host of jigsaw pieces fall into place ... I could see exactly what had happened and her attempts to distance Me was so that she wouldn't blurt this out without consciously deciding to reveal it. she didn't feel she deserved a second chance ... but I offered it, though making very clear what My motivations were, what My requirements were, what I expected to see happening ... and that she shouldn't expect a third!

I am amazed at the transformation ...she is obviously an all-or-nothing type of person so her guilt over withholding that information from Me had totally rendered her incapable of submission ... now that's out in the open and she knows this hasn't affected My view of her ... she is a different woman! she has another week here now, then has to return "home" for a follow-up hospital appointment and to connect a bit with grown family and friends. W/we are already planning her next visit in December, and trying to work out what kind of a joint future W/we might want. When she asked Master and Myself tonight at dinner whether We were looking forward to her going and Us having the house to Ourselves, We looked at each other and then at her and said "No!" We will miss her! And so will the furkids ... they've just loved having someone who's kept them company on the sofa a lot!

I guess you'll all have to stay tuned over the next few months to see if this is a second chance that does work out ... but right now, it's looking good! However, otherwise I am with the majority opinion ... a blatant lie ... forget it! Especially if they are dumb enough to persist with the lie when caught out! If I won't tolerate a smart liar why on earth would I tolerate a dumb one LOL!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)

Post #: 31

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/26/2007 10:55:20 AM

justLady

Posts: 26
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

While I've met submissives 'on-line' before, I came to the conclusion, like many, that the best way to meet people was via the local community. I became increasingly wary of forming intimate correspondences with submissives who grew 'cold feet' as the time of meeting approached.

About 18 months ago, a submissive contacted me via Collar Me and we exchanged intimate letters for a time.

I felt he was truly unique and looked forward to meeting him.

For one reason or another, he bottled out of our meeting - nerves, he was a first timer, bless - and I sighed to myself and said right, that's that.

For no particular reason, a few months later, I called him up. I still don't understand it to this day as quite honestly, it's so not my style to follow something I think has gone. I have no idea why I hadn't deleted his number as I usually would have.

He apologised, asked for a second chance and we've been in a loving relationship for the last 10 months.

I'm so delighted I gave him another opportunity to prove himself, it's worked beautifully.

But if he'd lied about something important - no way, no day. I know it's difficult to always tell the complete truth but I really can't stand liars. It shakes my trust from the get go.

_____________________________

“Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.”

Faith Whittlesey

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 32

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/26/2007 11:19:06 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

That is one funny ass picture you got there. Does someone have a gun pointed on you?

(Sorry for thread digression.)

--------

lol I think the pic is funny too ...

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 33

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/26/2007 11:38:43 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

A sub sometime ago yo-yo'ed chronically ... one minute he'd be begging to be with me... I'd give him the opportunity ... and he'd not show, and bolt from the universe... only to pop up a few months later ... begging again ... until I finally had had enough of giving him the time of day and banished him from my life ... saying as much to him. A few years passed and out of the blue he materialised ...I remained wary when he promised he'd changed ... but gave him a chance to prove it ... and he did ...

I think for him, initially he was just overwhelmed by what he wanted, what he yearned for...too scared to take that step ... fearing if he did, he'd never be able to step back ... (if that makes sense) ...

Am pleased to report, last time I caught up with him, he was happily ensconsced in a d/s relationship ... no more yo-yo'ing

Other than him, there has only been one other submissive who has really blown it with me ... we saw each other casually ..with him initially seeing me in a professional setting that progressed to casual play partners ... I really enjoyed him. He travelled a lot with his sports so our meetings were irregular by often enough.

During one absence, I moved towns, about an hour or more drive away and because of the location change he visited another pro dom for a session... this in itself was not his downfall ... he was not owned by me...he was free to do as he pleased.

A short time later I received an email from him calling me 'Flower' ...and I had to think ... hang on .. .he has never known me as 'Flower' ... the email went on with him telling me I wasn't a 'true' dominant ...

Turn's out, during his session, I was quite the topic of conversation ... given I had some years prior bottomed at a play party in a scene with this dom's slave... and 'Flower' was the name I had used when I was switching.

So I figured ... how's this for dominant ... don't ever darken my door again ...

That was nearly five years ago ...it only took him three years to get the hint ... and stopped calling.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to Jasmyn)

Post #: 34

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/26/2007 2:25:23 PM

ricar00

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline

It seems that this thread is not only about 2nd chances but as much about lying and trust between domme and submissive. In the case that Akasha presents, it seems that the guy flatly lied repeatedly and he did nothing to change her mind about that. And in that case, i would have no sympathy with him. I wonder if he really knew what it meant to submit to her or was he playing her and didn't really care anyway.
i think trust is something that takes time and i believe that sometimes a little flexibility might be needed rather than immediately dismissing someone. If it is such as in Akasha's case then i understand her reaction and feel she was absolutely justified in never talking to him again.
A few days ago i lied to my Goddess how i was feeling about myself. i was really depressed, so bad that my normal mode would be just to hide away and disappear from everyone til i came out of it. i didn't really want to tell her how i was feeling, didn't want to burden her with my really terrible state of being, so i minimized and said i was alright. She caught on almost immediately and after her insisting that i tell her the truth i told her everything that was bothering me. i felt i was trying to protect her, to prevent her from my depression, but i still didn't tell her the real truth until she made me tell her.
I realized from that interaction that i have to totally trust her with my feelings, despite what my history of dealing with feelings and trust were. My old ways were wrong with her but it took that conversation to realize that i still didn't totally trust her with myself.
She didn't dismiss me, but she is punishing me in a way i won't like, so i won't forget my lie and mistrust of her. i would be devastated if she just dumped me because of my own issues that i am still dealing with. We have been together only 2.5 months now so i think there is still room to learn and grow. i won't lie again, even when i think i am doing something in her best interest. But i thank her for the fact that she is giving me chances to learn by my flaws.
ricar00, richie

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 35

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/27/2007 4:47:42 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

I think it depends on the circumstances.

I'm reconsidering someone who didn't quite fit my bill a few years ago. He was a complete novice when we first had met, and he was awfully young and naieve. We now seem to have great conversation, much in common, and he sought out experiences to learn exactly what it is that he wants/doesn't want in his kink and relationships. The several years of growing, career, travel and home ownership seem to have helped as well. He shows now that he's responsible, consistent and authentic, three things I consider vital to any relationship.

I've also reconsidered a gentleman who had personal issues (well, I should say continues to struggle with PI.) He wasn't being an asshole to be an asshole; it happened as result of the circumstances that were non-DS related. While I have little faith that things will work out the way I'd ideally like them to, I feel it's my obligation as a friend (we've known one another for 4 years) and as a trainer to at least show him that there's a domina in the world who recognizes that he is a human and has made mistakes, and give him the chance to reconcile them.

Now, OTOH, there have been some major infractions of code -- lying, substance abuse, unethical behavior, being a felon, and soforth -- that has caused a number of other gentlemen to be flung towards and through the door, never to be looked at or spoken to again. An Act of Congress couldn't change those firm decisions. There are just certain lines that are not crossed with me.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 36

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/27/2007 4:51:53 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
No 3 - totally incompatible kinks. Why would a sub that hates pain pursue a sadist? Because any Mistress is better than no Mistress? Its just silly and the BDSM stinks (coz no-one is having a good time)

This is a classic. I have no idea why anyone would be satisfied with settling on something that they're not into -- whether they are dominant OR submissive. I'm always critically suspect when a guy sniffs around me that has absolutely zero compatibility with me. My first question: "Why?"

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 37

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/27/2007 2:32:39 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

im a sub rather new to the life style and am proudly owned by LadyPact.
i agree that some mistakes can be forgiven. it up to the dom to set the standards, M'Lady stated first off honesty allways and i am glad of it i hate lying and it sucks, its one of the things id be booted for on the spot. manny are habitiual liers and cant be retrained but there are some who can tell the truth and are rewarded with great lives and true compassion. second chances are for the dom to decide on. i dont want to beg for second chances so i strive to make M'Lady as happy as i can, W/we discuss openly any subject and all my responses are frank and truthfull as are Hers. i speak with respect and am rewarded with a kis and her intoxicating smile. she knows what i like and suprises me with it. bottom line if it was set as a defining part of the relationship then theres no question, my M'Lady set it as a firm line not to be crossed ever.
words speak volumes but actions are defining of the person.

(in reply to LadyLynx)

Post #: 38

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/27/2007 10:04:13 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Well, color me Stunned and Amazed. The potential that got himself knocked off my list with is rudeness actually called me to apologize! Granted, it was a week later, and I don't think he knew exactly what he had done wrong, but he still gets a nod for doing the right thing.

My other dud potential emailed me to see if we were getting together this week. That thud? Was my head hitting the desk.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 39

RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it" - 10/28/2007 11:22:46 AM

MsWorthy

Posts: 31
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Femdoms, have you ever had a budding relationship with a submissive and things seemed to be clicking, then he did something to totally "blow it" in your opinion and ruin everything? What did he do and why was it a big deal to you? Would you ever give him a second chance? Are there stumbling blocks other submissives could avoid and learn from the mistakes?

I don't have deal-breakers set in place until I am sure we are compatible and we both have the same goal in mind. Once I am certain we are on the same page, we discuss deal-breakers and any other "rules" I may have.

This discussion delves deeply into personal definitions concerning what each of us mean by cheating, loyalty, playing/flirting, lying, etc. This is the time to bring up any concerns or reservations about either party's (submissives have deal-breakers too) ability to "follow the rules."

If, after this discussion, the rules are broken I figure that person has no interest in being serious and is not suited for the relationship I am looking for.

Before the deal-breakers have been discussed and set in place a submissive can certainly "ruin it" and cause me to lose interest. These are some actions that would cause me to lose interest.

Being rude or disrespectful to me or others.

Being a flagrant pita even if you think you are being cute.

Talking about sex inappropriately - saying how wet you are, or how hard you are, or even
stating that you haven't talked about sex (in an effort to get a pat on the back, or steer the conversation toward sex) when there is no sex talk going on.

Interrupting a conversation - in order to insert yourself into it, or to talk to someone else because you think what I'm saying is casual chit-chat and isn't really important.

Flirting with every domme you see in an effort to have a back-up in case we don't work out.

A submissive who does things like this can still have a second chance - if s/he comes to understand why I dislike it, and has no problem modifying her/his behavior. But, in most cases I go by my gut - if I lose interest in you I'm probably not going to get it back again.

quote:

Many years ago when I was single there was a guy I met here or on another site, I can't remember, and we were at the stage that we were talking on the phone several times a week and had exchanged pictures, things were looking good, and it was close to setting up a time to meet (I was going to fly out of state to meet him). I had made it clear to him that I would find it highly inappropriate at that stage that he engage any other femdoms in online play or submission because I was serious about things, and he swore he would never think to do such a thing. I found out a week later not only was he doing it, he was with a friend of mine in a little tight knit femdom community we had online. I couldn't believe it, but it was true. He was doing the entire "online live domination play" with her on IM daily. When I called him on it he flat out lied to me, not know that I knew her myself. I told him that ballsout lying on matters of this kind would mean goodbye forever and he continued to lie. I sent him the logs and he called back with a different story, begging me to forgive him for lying, that the other girl "meant nothing" and it was just a harmless thing (different than what he told her). I never talked to him again.

This would definitely be a deal-breaker for me. Not only did he lie, repeatedly, he cheated (after you made it clear what cheating meant to you). I would have done what you did and severed all contact. This decision would have been easy for me.

quote:

The lesson here? If you are going to fuck up, own up to it and don't lie. The lies will bite you in the ass. I knew right then he could never be trusted, and he was thinking only of himself, and playing both of us.

Akasha

I agree. If you don't take responsibility for your wrong-doing, I lose all respect for you. Admitting what he did would not have changed my mind about ending the relationship, but it would have left me with some respect for him.

Would I give someone a second chance on a deal-breaker - no, I wouldn't give a second chance. Why call it a deal-breaker if you are going to give more than one chance?

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Second Chances? Submissives who "blow it"

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.090