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Where do I fit? - 10/25/2007 8:58:33 PM   
j0urney


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		I am not sure where I fit or what I say I seek in the lifestyle.  I know I am strongly connected mentally when I think of D/s.  I think of a Master a Dom like a daddy....
wanting to please him, obey him, follow his rules and desire his discipline.  I want to be all I can for this man.  I do not seek to be bad to be beaten.  I seek to be good and yet I love him to be in control...firm and consistant.  Often I have come across profiles that are just here to find sexual playmates....Do they even understand the development of the bond and connection?  I attended a munch along time ago..and all they talked was how to hurt their sub...not how to develop the mental connection.  What part of D/s do I fit in?

With respect....
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/25/2007 9:57:00 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: j0urney

I am not sure where I fit or what I say I seek in the lifestyle.  I know I am strongly connected mentally when I think of D/s.  I think of a Master a Dom like a daddy....
wanting to please him, obey him, follow his rules and desire his discipline.  I want to be all I can for this man.  I do not seek to be bad to be beaten.  I seek to be good and yet I love him to be in control...firm and consistant.  Often I have come across profiles that are just here to find sexual playmates....Do they even understand the development of the bond and connection?  I attended a munch along time ago..and all they talked was how to hurt their sub...not how to develop the mental connection.  What part of D/s do I fit in?

With respect....


i don't know the remedy for our problem...but i am right there with you.  i'm seeking the same thing...and it's very hard to find others who are looking for a real "connection" versus a playmate (hence my ad)...i truly believe many here are "swingers" rather than D/s.  And i'm all about "whatever floats your boat"...i'd just rather they float it elsewhere if they truly don't want both the mental and physical aspects...because that is what i understand D/s to be (and i realize we are all different and view it in many other ways).

(in reply to j0urney)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/25/2007 9:57:46 PM   
RosesHaveThorns


Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Very few people agree on what labels mean, others don't like them at all. So other then saying that generally, you're at the bottom, I'm at a loss as what to say, given the very ambigous meanings attached to these words.

And about those profiles...While there are many interesting men on this site, there are also a lot of guys here to get their rocks off. I'm betting some even messaged you already. My best advice is to poke around on threads, maybe even lurk a bit. Consider looking up someone who has intriguing comments and ask them if they are willing to share their thoughts on BDSM with you. Now, no two answers will be alike, but perhaps it will be something to think about.

I think I can safely say that you are not a masochist, however.

(in reply to j0urney)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/25/2007 10:22:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Ds is boring to talk about, and not as flashy and status connected.

Don't worry about it- go to the same munch in six months and see how many of the same people you see sitting at the table, and how many are still in the same relationships.

Also don't believe that just because a relationship is play based means that it is empty or pointless- there's a difference between parading beatings around to get attention and just enjoying a nice casual play relationship with someone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/25/2007 11:09:59 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		You have a private message, j0urney. 

_____________________________

How-so oft fresh injurious deed
Doth turn Janus' petulant gaze
'pon the rocks and storm rift sea
And littered wood of broken days
disregard for toil shown
no ground broken, no seed sewn.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/26/2007 1:11:46 AM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RosesHaveThorns

Although I am very new to this lifestyle, and I am learning everday, I also know that I have been Dominant for a very long time.  I happen to be married to a Dominant Female, and We are working on having a poly household.  We always play together.  I agree with Roses, in that there are way to many "status" Dom/mes in this lifestyle, and others who use it for an excuse to beat girls/boys with no repercussions to them.  I have a very good connection with My submissive girl, and though I am still learning, I know how fragile this bond can be. 

I must state that O/our relationship is non sexual, as is My Wifes with Her boy, for it is the exchange of power that We enjoy the most.  So My advice, although not coming from years of experience, is to follow Roses advice..... hang out and read what O/others post here.... take all that they say with a grain of salt.... take what you need and leave the rest.  The fly by night Dominants will pass.... the true Ones will always be here... and will always help when They can.

OK  that is enough from this no time in lifestyle One.  I hope you do find what you need.

MP


And about those profiles...While there are many interesting men on this site, there are also a lot of guys here to get their rocks off. I'm betting some even messaged you already. My best advice is to poke around on threads, maybe even lurk a bit. Consider looking up someone who has intriguing comments and ask them if they are willing to share their thoughts on BDSM with you. Now, no two answers will be alike, but perhaps it will be something to think about.

I think I can safely say that you are not a masochist, however.



_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to RosesHaveThorns)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/26/2007 5:03:44 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		Master and I met here on collar me a little over three years ago. We both were looking to find someone with honesty, intelligence, a good sense of humor ect. It took me well over four years to find Master and for him it was well over four years. For us sex and play ( BDSM)  are the icing on the cake of this life choice. So when looking for a potential girl to join and complete the family based on the same basic things  when we were looking,  we  also are finding many want just the play without the comitment of a serious relationship. So yes it is very flustrating and annoying.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/26/2007 5:31:06 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		It seems like you're new to D/s, eh j0urney? I don't know if that is true, just seems like it maybe since you don't know where you "fit". Just like in a vanilla relationship, you fit when you find compatibility. And, just like with everything new, some of the dynamic will come as a surprise to you, will demystify and deromanticize it for you ... but ah! The romantic notion is sweet, yes? Good luck in finding your someone. And I hope you find bliss when it's not just a romantic notion any more.

(in reply to wisteriaV)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/26/2007 5:44:32 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Journey,  they talk about "how to hurt their sub" because technique and mechanics are truly one of the few things you can learn from someone else, the rest is up to the relationship and the two people in it.

As you enter the lifestyle be very wary of Doms that seek to "teach you" what it is you want, you have the right to want/need to have your needs fulfilled regardless of your role.

It's not clear from your post, but I get the impression you are not at all into pain and that's fine, however, keep in mind that you may find a large majority are into it in varying degrees and this doesn't make the Dom/me bad or even hurtful, when it is consentual.

Decide what it is you are seeking and be open to try new things, you will find your ideas may change quite a bit.  Finally, be patient, this is not usually a short process, but a "journey" (pun intended, sorry couldn't resist).

good luck to you,
l 

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/26/2007 6:28:50 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		It really is no different here than on vanilla dating sites, you have some just looking for sex and others wanting serious relationships, there are some that enjoy the public play  as well which does not include sex.
you need to spend lots of time talking to find out if the other's  views of D/s dynamics are the same as yours , there is quite a variation.

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/26/2007 6:44:23 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		My Master and I met on here...and fell in love...I didnt mean to do that...I was the one looking for a "playmate"... but my heart didnt have a "safe word"....LOL

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to j0urney)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/26/2007 6:45:14 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		not to hijack, but how's he doing by the way?
l

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/26/2007 9:44:21 AM   
VieVivante


Posts: 29
Joined: 9/22/2007
Status: offline 		Don't worry about trying to figure out where you fit in. Seems to me you have a fairly good idea of what you want from a D/s relationship. Seek a Dom who enjoys the mental stimulation and emotional bonding as much (or more!) than you do. They DO exist.

(in reply to j0urney)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/26/2007 2:00:17 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: j0urney

I am not sure where I fit or what I say I seek in the lifestyle.  I know I am strongly connected mentally when I think of D/s.  I think of a Master a Dom like a daddy....
wanting to please him, obey him, follow his rules and desire his discipline.  I want to be all I can for this man.  I do not seek to be bad to be beaten.  I seek to be good and yet I love him to be in control...firm and consistant.  Often I have come across profiles that are just here to find sexual playmates....Do they even understand the development of the bond and connection?  I attended a munch along time ago..and all they talked was how to hurt their sub...not how to develop the mental connection.  What part of D/s do I fit in?

With respect....

Such an excellent maiden post....  :-)
 
In a vanilla context, I'd interpret that as you prioritising love, romance and a relationship etc ahead of kink and base sexual gratification.  I can totally relate and we do have that within the D/s lifestyle, too!  It's just that we're not in the majority so it's harder to find compatability.
 
Be prepared to discover too many "doms" are married and looking for something on the side, which isn't necessarily to do with D/s at all (beyond you doing as you're told).  And yes, at most munches, too many wanna talk about physical kink rather than the mental dynamics of D & s interaction. 
 
You'll need patience to find a committed, mutually rewarding relationship within D/s - just as you would in the vanilla world.  Bear in mind the lifestyle is a tiny minority of a predominantly vanilla world; there are far fewer to choose from in finding that compatability.  Good luck in your search and absolutely trust your own instincts about the army of "doms" who inevitably contact all females with a profile... 
 
Focus.

(in reply to j0urney)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/28/2007 2:25:58 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		i definately wonder the same thing. since I love the full throttle play and marks left behind. The sting of the slap. I have wondered. Am I a bottm, a sub, SAM, pain slut? Am I fully submissive? only sexually submissive???? i have been told i am a good submissive. i still have a hard time believing that. i have also been told I have a strong submissive streak..... ok. Its been said enough I am starting to believe.In light of my reactions to manipulations, i am beginning to be certain about this fact. Do I want to clean your floors or be treated like a dog? No! its hard to know where to turn or where a person fits in in any lifestyle.

My friend Batshalom said it best. Find compatibility and it wont matter. Thats just what I am aiming to do.






" I'd rather have a Bottle in Front of me than a Frontal Lobotomy"

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 10/28/2007 2:28:49 PM >

(in reply to j0urney)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/28/2007 2:33:18 PM   
MasterDaveM


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline
quote:

What part of D/s do I fit in?



i feel that all too often in this lifestyle, people get hung up on labels.. where do you fit? you fit exactly where you fit. you define what is right and wrong for YOU. do not try to fit into a neat little box. if you need a definition, then it sounds like you are a sub... but only you can define what or who you are

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/28/2007 3:02:05 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Yes! I am a sub. Part of the sub club. Dam proud of it as I have met other strong sista's in this club and we stand together.

Can I get a witness, say helleluyah? Amen! Who else want s to testify? Sing helleluyah with me?


< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 10/28/2007 3:03:09 PM >

(in reply to MasterDaveM)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/28/2007 6:56:20 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Ugh no, I can't stand when people call me "sister" or presume some sort of connection just because we both happen to have a similar relationship orientation.  Trust me, people in the scene don't stand together any more than anywhere else.  And the ones who stand close are more likely to have the knife in the ir hands for your back.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/29/2007 7:02:30 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		So sorry you feel that way. I have felt alot of support from fellow subs online and have made some friends. So I guess I am not talking about you as you dont like it and view my post with suspician. No, I dont stand with a knife behind my back. I am a nice and genuine person. You dont have to believe it but its true.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Where do I fit? - 10/29/2007 8:12:36 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		journey,

you have it right! Just be patient and He will find you.

CP

(in reply to j0urney)
Profile   Post #: 20
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