quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: useme323

This girlas been an owned collared, slave for almost 1 yr, my Master finds it unecessary to talkon weekends, sometimes, this girl needs constint reinforcement, we live seperately but close by, both are in family relationships. What does this girl do to overcome weekend depression?   Thank you for reading tis  SlavegirlMaryanne

If he becomes incapacitated by illness or injury and can't reinforce you every day--for a whole week or two, let's say--what will you do? Fall apart? Run away and find someone else to fill your emotional holes?

One choice you could make would be to recognize that you don't need reinforcement every day but rather that you desire reinforcement every day because the lack of it is difficult or uncomfortable.

Do you feel that a submissive should never be asked to do anything difficult or uncomfortable for her dominant?

Whose desires do you feel should be considered first, his or yours?

Once you've answered these questions to your own satisfaction you can fit those answers in with the other factors which which make relationships so complex and rich, and choose a course of action for yourself.

Maybe you'll throw this guy under the bus because he isn't willing to submit to your emotional demands. If that's what you feel like doing it would probably be a gift to him as well as you. Maybe then you could go and find a guy who'll dom you according to your specifications, subjugating his own desires to yours. Whatever works for you and your partner is okay with me.

One other possible course of action would be to offer up your weekend discomfort as an aspect of your devotion to him.

In doing this for a while you might become the sort of mature, grounded person who can be comfortable in her own skin for 72 hours without daily inflicting her neediness on someone she wants to serve.

It would probably be hard and take some time. Some people would rather abandon a relationship than spend some time and effort on it when things get a little tough. See some of the posts above. Suit yourself.

I think growing beyond the personal limitations you posted about would be pretty impressive if you pulled it off, something for you to be justly proud of which could help you in all aspects of your life.

Your partner may be the simple, opportunistic bastard some of the posters above assume he is. I don't know. He might also be someone who recognizes this area of emotional immaturity in you and rather than throw you under the bus because of it is sticking with you and providing you with an opportunity, in a D and S context, to fulfill your potential.

The next time you see him you might tell him that there is something you'd like to say which you feel is important, that it is hard for you on the weekends, and it hurts, but since it is what he has asked of you, you are working through it as best you can as one more offering of submission to him. You could tell him that every time it seems to be too hard or to hurt too much, you think of him, and his desires, and your desire to please and serve him, and then you strive to obey him with no destructive thoughts or bitterness.

(If it turns out that you can do it, for him, then the fact is that you can do it, period. You will have found, under his guidance, a lovely and powerful capacity in yourself that you didn't know you had.)

I'd be curious to know what sort of response you evoked if you did tell him these things. If he is the kind of guy who can't appreciate the kind of devotion you'd be displaying then mabe he belongs under the bus. Again, I don't know. Either way I wish you both luck.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: useme323

This girlas been an owned collared, slave for almost 1 yr, my Master finds it unecessary to talkon weekends, sometimes, this girl needs constint reinforcement, we live seperately but close by, both are in family relationships. What does this girl do to overcome weekend depression?   Thank you for reading tis  SlavegirlMaryanne

If he becomes incapacitated by illness or injury and can't reinforce you every day--for a whole week or two, let's say--what will you do? Fall apart? Run away and find someone else to fill your emotional holes?

One choice you could make would be to recognize that you don't need reinforcement every day but rather that you desire reinforcement every day because the lack of it is difficult or uncomfortable.

Do you feel that a submissive should never be asked to do anything difficult or uncomfortable for her dominant?

Whose desires do you feel should be considered first, his or yours?

Once you've answered these questions to your own satisfaction you can fit those answers in with the other factors which which make relationships so complex and rich, and choose a course of action for yourself.

Maybe you'll throw this guy under the bus because he isn't willing to submit to your emotional demands. If that's what you feel like doing it would probably be a gift to him as well as you. Maybe then you could go and find a guy who'll dom you according to your specifications, subjugating his own desires to yours. Whatever works for you and your partner is okay with me.

One other possible course of action would be to offer up your weekend discomfort as an aspect of your devotion to him.

In doing this for a while you might become the sort of mature, grounded person who can be comfortable in her own skin for 72 hours without daily inflicting her neediness on someone she wants to serve.

It would probably be hard and take some time. Some people would rather abandon a relationship than spend some time and effort on it when things get a little tough. See some of the posts above. Suit yourself.

I think growing beyond the personal limitations you posted about would be pretty impressive if you pulled it off, something for you to be justly proud of which could help you in all aspects of your life.

Your partner may be the simple, opportunistic bastard some of the posters above assume he is. I don't know. He might also be someone who recognizes this area of emotional immaturity in you and rather than throw you under the bus because of it is sticking with you and providing you with an opportunity, in a D and S context, to fulfill your potential.

The next time you see him you might tell him that there is something you'd like to say which you feel is important, that it is hard for you on the weekends, and it hurts, but since it is what he has asked of you, you are working through it as best you can as one more offering of submission to him. You could tell him that every time it seems to be too hard or to hurt too much, you think of him, and his desires, and your desire to please and serve him, and then you strive to obey him with no destructive thoughts or bitterness.

(If it turns out that you can do it, for him, then the fact is that you can do it, period. You will have found, under his guidance, a lovely and powerful capacity in yourself that you didn't know you had.)

I'd be curious to know what sort of response you evoked if you did tell him these things. If he is the kind of guy who can't appreciate the kind of devotion you'd be displaying then mabe he belongs under the bus. Again, I don't know. Either way I wish you both luck.

Whoa, you really know how to drag out the shooting of the messenger!  Serves the OP right for using such terms as "needs constint reinforcement" instead of just saying she's lonely, ay? 
 
Seriously, they've had a relationship for a year and the guy is not available on weekends - and you don't see an obvious, even cliche'd red flag here?  At least, not while you can always blame the submissive first....? 
 
Hmm, you know this couple?
 
Focus. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Why of COURSE you're correct Focus! It's ALWAYS better to coddle the submissive. If all else fails, then of course, you can go to plan B (generally it's actually plan A worked in conjunction with coddling the submissive) and blame the dominant for being all sorts of heinous things - least of all, of having other things he needs to do other than babysit a grown woman who seems to be unable to manage - with a "family situation" of her own for a few hours a week.

A lot of these suggestions were lovely - find a hobby, stay busy, sing loudly, be active in filling those hours. Watched pots and boiling come to mind.

But understand that some people do speak frankly about what they think - I know I know...it SO goes against the grain, but it's also a reality of her life - a hard reality - that she does have 72 hours in which to LIVE instead of moping around the house.

Just think! Instead of sitting with nothing to do (well, lots to do but no iniative to do them), she could be playing with children (if she has them), conversing with family members, baking, shopping, discovering a cure to the common cold for goodness sake (ok, so that's a bit silly, but nonetheless)... the point is, there are so many things she could be doing. And like it or not, along the way, she just very well COULD be reaching a point of healthful anticipation wherein weekends are no longer opportunities for sadness and depression, but instead are opportunities for growth and new things to talk about with her Master once the weekend is over.

Like it or not, it's a half-empty or half-full situation and it IS her choice in how she views this time and which approach she takes.

But I'm betting that acting in a mature and emotionally healthy manner would be real nice - for her, her family and her Master.

And that's just really not a bad thing.

It's just not blaming the dominant.

And is the other way "blaming" the submissive? In your world, I'd have to say it is. But as much as it's presumes personal responsibility, her happiness is ALWAYS under her control. It is not the responsibility of her dominant/Master. So, who else would there be to  "blame?"

Personally, I'm trying to figure out why Noah's response is so horrible when you're the one who was so kind as to tell her to "suck it up" and that she was merely a "distraction from his mundane week."

A red flag? If they are both informed of each other's situations and those situations are a reality of their relationship, then what red flag is there? I mean seriously. I have a family situation here. I have 2 people I am still responsible for in my home. When they are home on weekends, I'm not available as fully as I might otherwise be. Married I am not. When they were younger, I wasn't available at all when they were home.

My Master has a "family situation." His business is his business and not the fodder for comment here, but I'm aware of his family situations and he's aware of mine and that's all that matters. There are times he's not as available as he might be during other times. Big Deal. I went through what she's talking about as well, so I understand, but honestly Noah had it exactly right. A red flag - my ass...

As Bette Midler would say "get up off your assets and get busy!!!"

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Why of COURSE you're correct Focus! It's ALWAYS better to coddle the submissive. If all else fails, then of course, you can go to plan B (generally it's actually plan A worked in conjunction with coddling the submissive) and blame the dominant for being all sorts of heinous things - least of all, of having other things he needs to do other than babysit a grown woman who seems to be unable to manage - with a "family situation" of her own for a few hours a week.

A lot of these suggestions were lovely - find a hobby, stay busy, sing loudly, be active in filling those hours. Watched pots and boiling come to mind.

But understand that some people do speak frankly about what they think - I know I know...it SO goes against the grain, but it's also a reality of her life - a hard reality - that she does have 72 hours in which to LIVE instead of moping around the house.

Just think! Instead of sitting with nothing to do (well, lots to do but no iniative to do them), she could be playing with children (if she has them), conversing with family members, baking, shopping, discovering a cure to the common cold for goodness sake (ok, so that's a bit silly, but nonetheless)... the point is, there are so many things she could be doing. And like it or not, along the way, she just very well COULD be reaching a point of healthful anticipation wherein weekends are no longer opportunities for sadness and depression, but instead are opportunities for growth and new things to talk about with her Master once the weekend is over.

Like it or not, it's a half-empty or half-full situation and it IS her choice in how she views this time and which approach she takes.

But I'm betting that acting in a mature and emotionally healthy manner would be real nice - for her, her family and her Master.

And that's just really not a bad thing.

It's just not blaming the dominant.

And is the other way "blaming" the submissive? In your world, I'd have to say it is. But as much as it's presumes personal responsibility, her happiness is ALWAYS under her control. It is not the responsibility of her dominant/Master. So, who else would there be to  "blame?"

Personally, I'm trying to figure out why Noah's response is so horrible when you're the one who was so kind as to tell her to "suck it up" and that she was merely a "distraction from his mundane week."

A red flag? If they are both informed of each other's situations and those situations are a reality of their relationship, then what red flag is there? I mean seriously. I have a family situation here. I have 2 people I am still responsible for in my home. When they are home on weekends, I'm not available as fully as I might otherwise be. Married I am not. When they were younger, I wasn't available at all when they were home.

My Master has a "family situation." His business is his business and not the fodder for comment here, but I'm aware of his family situations and he's aware of mine and that's all that matters. There are times he's not as available as he might be during other times. Big Deal. I went through what she's talking about as well, so I understand, but honestly Noah had it exactly right. A red flag - my ass...

As Bette Midler would say "get up off your assets and get busy!!!"

Lol, what am I, your favourite "project" or something? 
 
You seem otherwise intelligent (though not terribly smart with it) but your familiar condescending tones suggest something else - insecurity; a defense mechanism perhaps?
 
Juliet, you can quote me all you want (including so ably changing the context) and it won't change the obvious that your issues are not with what I say but the fact it's me saying them! 
 
Creepy....
 
Focus. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
but your familiar condescending tones suggest something else - insecurity; a defense mechanism perhaps?

Focus.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheChauvinist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
but your familiar condescending tones suggest something else - insecurity; a defense mechanism perhaps?

Focus.

Actually, it seems to me her condescending "tone" comes from dealing with something or someone that is predictable and beneath her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

What I saw was a chance to share some ideas about personal responsibility and initiative on the submissive's side, and to share an account of one way a submissive may choose to orient herself toward hardships in a relationship. This is a way which--for some people I do know--has proven to be powerful and to some eyes beautiful.

I wonder how many here have some experience with that kind of approach or find it appealing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

rofl focus.

I could care less about you. I simply find it interesting that each and every time someone says something that holds a submissive responsible for her own state of mind, you rush in like the wind to play the "blame the dominant" game and generally offer such "helpful" advise, all the while, insulting the very person you like to presume you're "helping." And when that doesn't seem to work and someone else posts a more cognizant response, you really do like to insult them.

So, I thought I'd just use your own techniques here to point out that personal responsibility is not the sole domain of the dominants.

Oh, and focus...I AM allowed to post to the threads I find interesting - just as you are. If you feel you're being followed or something, I'd suggest that you get a life. Believe me when I say that beyond the time it takes to type this, you are less of a thought to me than .. well... (trying to come up with something small enough is difficult without being insulting).

Interesting that you find yourself thinking that you are though. I mean honestly, are you just trying to tell me in that round about way you have that.. you love me?

Sweet.

One day we could maybe team up as "Sweet & Creepy"....

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheChauvinist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
but your familiar condescending tones suggest something else - insecurity; a defense mechanism perhaps?

Focus.

Actually, it seems to me her condescending "tone" comes from dealing with something or someone that is predictable and beneath her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

In reply to the questions Focus raised:

I'm unfamiliar with the original poster and her partner as far as I know.

I didn't see: " an obvious, even cliche'd red flag here" Seriously.

As others have noticed and pointed out, many varying scenarios might be the case here given the smidgen of information offered in the original post. In such an instance we as readers can jump to the first conclusion that comes to mind or we can explore possibilities. Me? I like adventure.

What I saw was a chance to share some ideas about personal responsibility and initiative on the submissive's side, and to share an account of one way a submissive may choose to orient herself toward hardships in a relationship. This is a way which--for some people I do know--has proven to be powerful and to some eyes beautiful.

I wonder how many here have some experience with that kind of approach or find it appealing.


As for "blaming the submissive."

I suggested that someone challenge herself to transcend a tendency which is leaving her discontented and possibly threatening her relationship in the bargain. I made my comments in a qualified way, acknowledged my ignorance of key facts, and went on to wish all parties well.

I'm thinking that the original poster would have been able to withstand an onslaught of that magnitude even without your swashbuckling.

Let's say her old man's a total shit. When that truth comes out is she better off a timorous thing who believes she can't manage a weekend alone? Or is she better off having discovered that she has valuable if previously untapped resources?

Your previous advice to her had been to find a new guy or "suck it up."

I gave an account of one possible way to go about sucking it up which rather than being a simple stifling of emotions could be meaningful in d/s terms and maybe even personally enriching to her in itself.

How about if we view my post as having built upon yours, and proceed without further questioning of one another's motives?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah
How about if we view my post as having built upon yours, and proceed without further questioning of one another's motives?

If it's all the same to you, I prefer to view your post(s) as you present them - an opportunity to hop up on a soapbox and exercise your considerable vocabulary and fertile imagination to grandstand with speculative assumptions and judgements.  Not unlike a classic "Frasier" tirade, and you do it all from what I agree is "the smidgen of information offered in the original post"....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

I mean honestly, are you just trying to tell me in that round about way you have that.. you love me?

Sweet.

One day we could maybe team up as "Sweet & Creepy"....

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

uh...well I could be wrong...but not talking on weekends usually = married, I'd find one that's not if it's causing you situational depression.
l

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Jules,

do you think this is an inopportune time to try snag a blowjob from you then?

DarthDaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

What I saw was a chance to share some ideas about personal responsibility and initiative on the submissive's side, and to share an account of one way a submissive may choose to orient herself toward hardships in a relationship. This is a way which--for some people I do know--has proven to be powerful and to some eyes beautiful.

I wonder how many here have some experience with that kind of approach or find it appealing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

Personally, I find personal responsibility and initiative to be a necessary component of any submissive/slave with whom I have a personal relationship.  Lack of which is also an impediment to friendships for me, as behavior and the resulting whining eventually wear thin on my friendship as well.
 
I've had a completely irresponsible and passive girl, having mistaken those qualities for "complete submission".  Turned out they were just indicative of someone incapable of doing anything on her own, and incompetency isn't a compatible component in my relationships.  It really sucked for me until I woke up.
 
There are others who enjoy and prefer irresponsibility and utter passivity in their submissive/slave.  If that's their preference, I would not complain a bit (and would wonder about those who complain when people express differing preferences).
 
John