AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SweetDommes I do appologise for lumping "tokens of affection" with "tribute" but many people do lump them together and I was trying to make a point - what some people consider to be 'tribute' in D/s would be considered 'tokens of affection' in a vanilla relationship (and this line of thought kind of goes along with Fastlane's thread about Dommes and if we can do vanilla things with our boys - as if we have to turn the Dominance off to cuddle *rolls eyes*). As I said before, there are things that we do/have done that would be considered "tribute" by some, but for us, it's just signs of affection from our boy(s). When we give them an assignment, we expect something to come of it, but we don't consider that to be tribute either, mostly because a submissive should be able to follow directions - anything that he buys to complete the assignment is his, we just want the completed assignment (which is normally a story or pictures). Imtempting - if you are only running across Dommes who insist on expensive tribute, then you need to change your search criteria, I think. Most that I know of will request one large thing as a sign that you are serious and not as likely to vanish after they put time and effort into you, and then it switches to the kind of thing that happens in 'vanilla' relationships - flower, candy, cards, tokens of affection. If a femdom demands it, it's a tribute. If a sub does it on his own initiative, it's a token of affection. A femdom (just like a vanilla woman) might get frustrated with a sub who is courting her if he shows zero initiative or forethought regarding a gesture of kindness or a thank you gesture. She may hint at it, but not give him a criteria to follow. The guidelines follow the same that vanilla courting does. Some guys bring flowers on the first date -- it's sweet (to some women). Some go overkill and bring something inappropriate. Some guys bring a bottle of wine if they are a guest to someone's dinner party. Some people send thank you cards, some don't. You can overdo it, or you can underdo it. It just depends on your nature. But if you look at it as "what is the appropriate gesture I need to do go get <insert desired act - sex, domination, a blow job>, you're coming at it from the wrong direction anyway. Akasha
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