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TiNeedsHouseboy -> Q (8/3/2005 7:02:03 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: imtempting
Yes good reply but I would like to hear from some dominants that expects a tribute to asnwer my question.
Which is...
Would a gift of no $ value be considered a tribute by these Dominants requesting a tribute?
I thought Akasha's post cleared up the confusion. Guess not. So, I'll take a stab at it:
The only dominant women I know of who expect/demand/request TRIBUTES are pro-Dommes. It's a reference to the source of their income and (I'm sure I'll get my head bit off by someone for this) was -- as far as I can tell -- a financial concept that evolved to let them differentiate their services from prostitutes. In other words, it allows them to stand on the "legal" side of the fence.
The pro-Dommes I know of also have "supplementary suggested gift lists" for clients. In other words, beyond the tribute, they have wish lists of everything from appliances to toys to gift cards to lingerie to fetishwear to dungeon equipment. In some cases, these gift rosters appear incredibly exploitive. In other cases, it seems like combat pay for what they have to tolerate from clients with very special needs.
I know guys who have served as pro-Dommes' collared personals. The financial aspects of the relationship never truly dissipated. For example, suppose the pro-Domme wants to go to an out-of-town BDSM convention. There's an expectation that the personal will pay her airfare, hotel, convention registration, meals, etc. The personal is also expected to be "generous" -- surprise presents or spontaneous cash gifts. (Example: handing over an envelope with enough hundreds to cover her rent for that month.)
I have a friend who was collared to a pro-Domme, with whom he had a tri-level relationship. He was her personal, which meant he served her (non-sexually). When he wanted to go into "do-me" sub mode, he had to pay for sessions, but got a discounted client rate. In addition, they were vanilla friends, and would socialize together. One of the factors (though there were far more) that led him to turn in his collar was that financial matters always hung overhead like the sword of Damocles. He felt there are ways to be generous -- and her pro-Domme friends allegedly agreed -- without constantly thinking about money. As but one example: He "reflexively" offered to come over and tidy up her apartment while she napped because it was his pleasure to do that for her.
In another arrangement I know of, all of the pro-Dommes' personals are expected to provide service in her businesses (dungeon plus vanilla), in addition to sexual service to the pro-Domme. This includes participation during select clients' dungeon sessions and attending party needs. (Throw rotten eggs and disagree all you want, but yes, sex is required and expected with clients of her choice... which makes me wanna have a Primal Scream, but that's a whole other enchillada.) Regarding her non-dungeon business involvements, in the case of the person I know of who’s collared to her, since he's a physician, he donates two days to working with clients at a vanilla social service agency owned by the pro-Domme. For all intents and purposes, he was ordered to do so. Apparently, being a personal to this pro-Domme has medical insurance and "retirement" plans, too.
Let's transition from the universe of pro-Dommes to dominant women without a kinky occupational affiliation. We're talking about women like me -- who simply seek a subby hubby or boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. I have never heard of any non-pro-Dommes who expect tributes. (The following is excluded from this discussion: Someone with a money slave or blackmailing fantasy. That's a whole other ball of wax.... and for the record: Whenever a guy tells me he wants to hand me money to prevent me from telling his friends and family about his dark side, I always give the same reply: "Quit bothering me or I'll tell your mother what you're doing!" They never know how to react to that and get off my case quickly.) The expectation of being given "stuff" isn't a whole lot different from a vanilla relationship.
The sub gives tokens of affection because he feels like it. It doesn't have to be something that's purchased. It could be the way he hugs his Domme and rubs her back after she's had a horrific day at work -- not because she asks for it, but because he can see she needs TLC and it's his joy to help her feel better. It could be going out of his way to find a really special meal to make, which he "secretly" tests out until he's got it just right. Or, it could be something truly meaningful, purchased as a surprise. For example:
Flash back to the summer of 1980. I was in a passionate relationship with a guy who was my houseboy. We went to see THE BLUES BROTHERS movie. We loved it. It had such a fabulous music track and what a silly plot! A couple of days later, when I next saw him, he showed up with the movie soundtrack. He said that because I enjoyed the music so much, he wanted me to be able to have it to play whenever the mood struck me. Though it's on vinyl, I still have it. (Yes, I still have my record player, though I need to replace a part that's shot. MP3s decreased my repair incentive. LOL.) That album means the world to me because it came from his heart.
Does that clear up your confusion?
~ Ti ~
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