RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (Full Version)

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cloudboy -> RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (10/29/2007 3:08:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

cloudboy, i get the impression you and i share a lot of opinions on the F/m dynamic, gained through experience, and i gotta ask... Do you really think anyone would pose as a malesub on line if they weren't? As opposed to something a bit more glamorous, like, say, a guy nearing the end of his prison sentence for sexual assault, or a necrophiliac, or something? Kinda seems like you're grasping at straws for the purpose of busting Akasha's chops, here.



Yes, I think guys online pose in all sorts of ways to get sexual excitement or off color kinky experiences. After getting their fix, its back to their regular lives. This is quite a distinct animal from "real" malesub looking for an actual relationship.

Making judgments about malesubs based upon online experiences is an unreliable reference point. Until you are F2F on on the telephone, its all bets are off. Next, that point wasn't even directly addressed to Aakasha, it was addressed to TNstepsout who had raised the particular issue herself.

The funny thing is that the malesub posing as "I'm supersubmissive, I'll do anything for you" might actually be corresponding with another guy posing as femdom. Online, where the reality is --- is in the imagination.



undergroundsea -> RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (10/29/2007 8:04:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout
So do you have any ideas guys, why these prosepctive subs seem to fluctuate so greatly in their interest and urgency? This have very recently happened to me with FOUR different prospective subs.


I do not know enough about the situations you experienced to know what happened. Here are some possibilities:

1) As you suggest.
2) BDSM is still finding its place amongst one's social priorities and general life priorities, and sometimes takes a back seat to these other priorities.
3) A guy in question is unsure about his interest level and compatibility--there is interest and compatibility but perhaps not at the level one would ideally want if it was not for the limited pool of potential partners.
4) A guy is getting cold feet about taking the fantasy to reality.
5) A guy is a flake.
6) A guy is exploring different options and one option seemed to be going somewhere, causing him to back off from others.
7) A guy is in circumstances (relationship, esteem issues) where he is not seeking a relationship as much as an ego boost.

I will add that over time I have sometimes encountered similar behavior in my contact with dommes online and offline. Whatever the reason, I continue my search. If the person seems to waffle, I adjust my expectations and investment accordingly.

Cheers,

Sea



Politesub53 -> RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (10/30/2007 2:34:32 AM)

Hi Sea...... Number four would apply to many newcomers to the scene. A guy has to admit to himself he is submissive before declaring it to a Domina. I know i had lots of inner turmoil doing just that, I am sure i wasn`t the only one. I suspect that works both ways as well, since both sexes are crossing a traditional divide.



plaything -> RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (10/30/2007 6:16:20 AM)

AAkasha, if you will permit my humble perspective.

quote:

Is it really all about the hard cock, and the sense of urgency?


Indeed - i believe for many of us our submissive side is intertwined with the softer side of ourselves we only know how to express when arousal supresses our self-preservation/reproduction/fight-or-flight instincts. i think that is why "forced" femme is so frequently requested, it is infact a cry for help, for the Lady to believe "this is right and proper for you" when we are too weak to (at the very least, that is my perspective).

i've agonized over making contacts here because i see so many Lady's drowning in time wasters and i already dislike my masculinity enough without adding the sin of letting my crotch-brain waste good Ladies' time.

It's a catch 22 for me, i know i'm not the fish that can escape, but i want to be damn sure i'm going to bite the hook. That comes across as being demanding and picky when i try to describe the Lady to whom i hope i might be suitable, which properly ends my candidacy.

A good pro-domme might be the ticket for popping my cherry. Unfortunately, my particular interests are usually tacked on at the end in a sort of "sure, if you want to pay for it, I guess I can do that" and paying a Woman to do something She would rather not purely because i am willing to pay isn't something i could do. i have found the occasional pro-Domme interested in the same things but always a continent or more away. (my interest is nurturing/spiritual feminization; a kinked version of the christian living a good live "against the desires of the flesh" flesh, to serve a Mistress "against the nature of my gender").

So i find myself trapped, knowing that arousal will make taking the first step easier but that it carries the risk of reversal. i used to think i was a particularly weird freak because i actually really dislike ejaculating in large precisely because it slaps me right into penitent sinner mode - it ought to make a wonderful gift for a Lady who enjoys my a feminine submissive spirit bundled up with a male to tease/humiliate but makes the prospect of chastity almost an internal civil war that has kept me from locking it away until it is too late for my times of doubt to be a controlling factor.

While i'm emboldened by the notion that other boys have described similar sentiment, i can of course only speak for myself.

respectfully,

oliver



petdave -> RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (10/30/2007 7:22:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
Making judgments about malesubs based upon online experiences is an unreliable reference point. Until you are F2F on on the telephone, its all bets are off. Next, that point wasn't even directly addressed to Aakasha, it was addressed to TNstepsout who had raised the particular issue herself.



Sorry, i never think to look at the little "in response to"... just assumed as much from the other posts on the page. Sitting corrected.

quote:


The funny thing is that the malesub posing as "I'm supersubmissive, I'll do anything for you" might actually be corresponding with another guy posing as femdom. Online, where the reality is --- is in the imagination.


See, if i'm going to go to all the trouble of making up stories, i figure i might as well use a Lesbian sub persona, so that i and the guy pretending to be a Domme are at least on an equal footing [:D]



MystressDream -> RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (10/30/2007 2:03:55 PM)

Well... I have read and enjoyed these forums for quite some time... but, have never entered a comment.  I guess this topic just hit too close to home since I have experienced it so often.  My profile indicates my frustration with the game players, and I am beginning to think that expressing my feelings about the "cut and run" tactics has just given fuel for a good time to some of the men out there.  I can't say I understand the tactics, and in all my years, I haven't found a way to avoid them. 

The "You are perfect", "I want to be your slave", "You are my dream come true" types usually cut and run.  But, after days of discouragement, then deciding to actually talk to them seriously about possibilities, telling them to slow down and think about what they are offering, and what could be the choice they are making, they still cut and run at something as trivial as "What is your cell phone number so we can talk".  I have had this experienced with men who claim to have real time experience as well as ones who are honest about not having any.  It has also happened with men who don't come on like gangbusters in the beginning.... starting out communicating more on just a "friends" level.  I warn them repeatedly that reality can overwhelmn fantasy very quickly, and ask them to promise to tell me if they are getting scared, having second thoughts, or have decided it just won't work for them.  They readily make that promise, professing how rude someone would be for EVER doing that......... Then..... when a phone call or meeting is requested.... POOF.  They cut off all communication... won't answer emails.... etc.  Some go so far as to delete all profiles and disappear.  No doubt to create a new one and zero in on another online fantasy fulfiller.  Others keep their profiles, let me see them online, but refuse to respond to an IM or email.  Believe me, if one is sent and ignored, I often times follow it up with a "At least show the common courtesy of a response"... when that is ignored, as usual, it is the last communication they will get from me.

I guess I just don't understand the "why"........ and probably never will.



jmig033 -> RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (10/30/2007 3:45:33 PM)

Wow- what a thread.  Sometimes when I read these I get the impression that fun is the enemy.  Why would someone attack a married woman looking to have some fun?  I’m not sure what your motives are or what you get out of it, but I for one am glad Akasha posted this thread.

Getting back to the original thread….

As someone who has never been in this position I would say I am very surprised to hear that.  You would think any submissive who is lucky enough to peek the interest of a desired dominant would be overjoyed at any encounter.

Then again that may be the hard cock talking.

Certainly there is little if any separation of intentions online vs those in the real world.  Submissive or not, a person who likes the excitement of a one night stand would probably feed off the same emotions in their online relationships.

I’d be willing to bet that you would get a much better response from other couples than from an individual.



bootw0rshipJT -> RE: The reality of many searching submissives: the cock issue (10/30/2007 4:05:58 PM)

Ok fair enough - maybe you've just had some bad luck with recent subs....?

It's not all about the cock issue to me anyway......



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