quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49

Greetings,

I had to read Your response a few times to digest everything. I can understand pretty much where You were going with Your criticism regarding my profile. I have been taught that one always capatalizes the first letter of any reference to the prospective Domme. I do it as a show of respect. I am not some troll, I don't spend much time on the computer and I don't do chatrooms or any kind of IM. I only ask or respond to a question on any forum if the subject is of interest to me. I am only a subscriber to this forum, Max Fisch "The Lobby", and club RSX.com.

Life is too short to spend too much time on the computer. As far as my availibility status, I pretty much said I am unavailable in my profile. If the prospective Domme wants to know if I am married or not or attached, then I will tell them so. I don't think it has to be public knoledge. I don't cheat, period. My partner fully knows what I am doing and who I am doing it with. It is unfortunate that She does not share my passion for bdsm, although She tried in the past. We have an understanding and again, I don't feel it is anyones business that is not interested in me. As a matter of fact, I would encourage any Domme who may be interested in me to meet my partner for Herself.

I feel that the part in my profile which states "I do not play games" would have given You the hint. There are probably misspellings and bad punctuation in this response, but I am not that "anal" enough to look for them. One thing I have learned over the years is that many of Us in "our community" are a bit excessive compulsive. I am quite happy with my present profile and I am pleased that You found parts of it had merit.

Respectfully,

bob

quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49


Greetings,

I guess I am old school. My last long term mistress demanded it. Point well taken, I will correct.

Bob

quote:

ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy

Glad to see you sat down, reconsidered and opted for a path to self-help.

Ambushed, eh? From my side of the fence, you openly solicited feedback, hoping to garner consensual validation for your approach. When you found yourself infused in perceptions that were 180 degrees different from yours, you entered defeatist mode. It's an interesting -- and common -- psychodynamic. I hope you'll give it some thought for the sake of your personal growth.

The punctuation "thang"

Your revised profile shows significant improvement. Still, I must note that you evidentally manifest an allergy around commas. LOL. Gotta watch those apostrophes, too. For example, look at the header of this thread: "everyones." Your spell checker also missed a spacing typo, among other dilemmas. That’s why your eyeballs are required to proofread, too!

It's all tied in with the bigger picture of attention to detail. You always want a prospective Domme to have the impression that you manifest the ability to serve her needs. Otherwise, why would she want to bother with you in a D/s alliance?

Content Comments

Your "new and improved" profile expanded from what was a narcissistic initiative, to a proposed alliance-based rapport. (I hear the old Virginia Slims jingles, singing: "You've come a long way baby!") Please realize the ramifications of this type of expansion:

If it suits the Domme to hang out at her favorite coffeehouse with you, shooting the breeze over a cup of Joe, rather than beating your butt, then off to her favorite coffeehouse you go.... and you'll be genuinely joyful that she wants to share her spare time with you, simply because you're you and worthy of her time. Would you feel cheated if your time was spent in such a manner, or would you feel privileged that you're worthy of being permitted to act as her non-kinky social companion?

That's not to rule out that if you're very good, and please her with your service, it's within the realm of possibilities that while -- on the surface -- you're simply a vanilla companion, all manner of kinky activities are in progress -- yet out of immediate view. (Amazing what one can do with transparent nylon thread, for example.) The point is: you can't bank on constant kinky indulgences. When you expand beyond scening to rapport turf, then plain, old, traditional companionship factors into the laundry list of endless possibilities.

Writing style

I'll be the first to admit that opinions vary all over the place regarding what I'm about to say. So, I'll limit myself to primary considerations. It involves your decision to use what I label "faux Internet chat room protocol" style. Examples in your profile: "Her," "You." I was glad to see you did not use "i" and notions of that ilk.

Problem 1: Many people believe that anyone who uses "faux" format in a profile is a cyber troller, who can't hack real-time. From this perspective, it's viewed as a billboard to get far away from that person. Is that the result you're hoping to cultivate? It does not appear so, or you wouldn't be going to all this effort to create an enticing profile.

Problem 2: What dynamics are precipitated by the style you've chosen? I find upper case/lower case format to be extremely abrasive, pretentious, and presumptuous when used in a profile or on a bulletin board. Why? It tells me that someone is imposing submission in the face of every person who reads his profile. (Ditto for dominants who post that way.) Just because someone reads your profile, you do not have the right to assume anyone agreed to accept your submission. IMO if someone truly values the D/s dynamic, he does not water it down by spreading it all over the place.

Formatting factors into first impression dynamics. So, you might want to muse over whether you want to stick with your style choice. My take on it: Even if I endorsed chat room style, I'd advise someone to stick with "traditional" formatting when creating a profile. It still lets you be extremely respectful. For those who perceive this as an error, it allows you to err on the side of conservatism, while demonstrating attention to detail. What's critical is what comes from your heart, brain and gut.

If a prospective Domme wants to be addressed as Madame-Grand-High-Goddess-Puff-n-Stuff, where you use words like "W/we," she'll say so. That's why when you send an e-mail introduction, it's critical to read her profile thoroughly for tips on her preferences. (That's right! Simply writing a profile is insufficient. You need to write to Dommes whose profiles interest you.) I'm amazed by how many guys think they know everything by virtue of my residence, age range, and header or lead sentence.

On the flip side of the coin: If someone demands that you engage in honorifics and imposes protocol while on an introductory basis, ask yourself if this is a sincere individual. Is this someone who's seeking an ongoing alliance, or is (s)he merely a player who will dismiss you at the first signs of tedium, or the first time a bump in the road occurs during your shared D/s journey?

Impression overview

Let's put the writing style issue to the side.

The following is not a "solicitation." I'm stating this simply to let you place your revised profile in perspective:

Your new and improved profile is sufficiently "meaty" that it might catch my interest for the temp/ongoing position that I have available. (If temp and ongoing seem contradictory, one should never make assumptions about tenure. For example, I once took a temp job that lasted 21 years!) Though that position will not accommodate the level of involvement mandated for my houseboy search, it will still require significant submissive training/service.

Let's suppose I wanted to ask you about your interest in my temp opening. My primary area that I would need to discuss would be your transient reference to your romance area being a done deal. Anyone who's partnered or married must get his partner's permission to serve me.

From my perspective, I would be irresponsible unless part of my Domme-ishness focuses on training the sub to be a better partner to his significant other. To that end, I wouldn't only want permission from the partner; I would want to confer regularly with the partner.

If you're hoping to sneak behind your partner's back, then you're swimming through the murky, shark-infested waters of infidelity and cheating. That's the fastest way to wreck the driving force underlying D/s.

BTW, don't for one second try to rationalize that you're not "cheating" simply because you don't have intercourse with a Domme. You're handing over control of the secret/dark/taboo side of your libido. It doesn't get more intimate than that!


























blah blah blah

Questions?

~ Ti ~

quote:

original HiTop
wow... "No, Mom. I think you about covered it."
Looks you gave him the once over, if not the 'job.

quote:

Your criticism regarding my profile. I have been taught that one always capatalizes the first letter of any reference to the prospective Domme. I do it as a show of respect. I am not some troll, I don't spend much time on the computer and I don't do chatrooms or any kind of IM. I only ask or respond to a question on any forum if the subject is of interest to me. I am only a subscriber to this forum, Max Fisch "The Lobby", and club RSX.com.

Life is too short to spend too much time on the computer. As far as my availibility status, I pretty much said I am unavailable in my pr

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
She demanded you do it with her. Did she demand you use those honorifics to all women?
Besides, you aren't her slave anymore, right? You don't need to follow her rules, especially if they reduce your chances of connecting with a new partner.

quote:

ORIGINAL subimale49
I feel that the part in my profile which states "I do not play games" would have given You the hint.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy

quote:

original HiTop
wow... "No, Mom. I think you about covered it."
Looks you gave him the once over, if not the 'job.

?????

I'm 99.999% certain you were not part of the original thread being referenced. Did you go back and check to see why the current thread was started? Do you remotely grasp the critical issue for which help is being solicited from the Dommes on this board?

Come back when you have something constructive to add that's pertinent to the thread.

~ Ti ~

quote:

you openly solicited feedback, hoping to garner consensual validation for your approach. When you found yourself infused in perceptions that were 180 degrees different from yours, you entered defeatist mode. It's an interesting -- and common -- psychodynamic. I hope you'll give it some thought for the sake of your personal growth.

quote:


The punctuation "thang"


Your revised profile shows significant improvement. Still, I must note that you evidentally manifest an allergy around commas. LOL. Gotta watch those apostrophes, too. For example, look at the header of this thread: "everyones." Your spell checker also missed a spacing typo, among other dilemmas. That’s why your eyeballs are required to proofread, too!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Niran
Thank you, Ti!!! I just started reading a profile and I couldn't finish it. The reason? The writer kept referring to herself as "this slave" and "this girl". It drives me insane. As you said "there are no 'its'" in Nirania either, lol.
I know some people are going to be doing the "who are you to dictate" etc. I'm not dictating, I am saying it drives me insane. That's all.

quote:

Here's my take on it: I don't begrudge people the right to use such practices.

quote:

If I do accept someone's submission, then I get to determine the rules, whys and wherefores. I always allow input, but I get to make the final decision.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HiTop
You could have covered all of those topics w/o the hystrionics of a polysylabbic writing style.